"Where's Sawamura?" Miyuki asks.
"He requested leave for a fishing trip," Coach replies.
"He can fish?!" Questions the teammates who knew Sawamura best...or so they thought.
"Lucky..." Furuya mutters, a bit jealous.
"Sawamura will be back in a few hours, so go practice as usual."
"HAI!"
During a break, Miyuki wanted to borrow notes from Kuramochi, so he went to Room 5.
He did find Kuramochi's notes...but also found Sawamura's notebook.
It was titled: "SAWAMURA'S LOG X".
Curious, Miyuki turns to the door, making sure he's alone before opening Sawamura's notebook.
'It couldn't hurt to read a few entries, right? I wanna know!' Miyuki reasons to himself as he opens to a random page and starts reading.
Sawamura's LOG Entry # XX
What happened during that fateful day, that fateful game.
I CAN'T GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD!
The pressure to win, to get that last out, to get that perfect pitch. Plus...the team putting SO MUCH pressure on me, even if unintentionally, and the stress of this being the third years last summer.
Of course, I forgot to pace myself. Of course, I got crushed under the pressure. Of course, I BROKE then!
I still blame myself to this day for the loss of the third years, our senpai. For ending their summer. I don't think I could ever forgive myself or forget it. EVER.
Miyuki's hand trembles, "That's..." he gulps before turning the page to continue.
Log XX
Why...isn't anyone talking to me? They're avoiding me like the plague. It's not like the yips are contagious or something?!
Why are they ignoring me? Aren't we friends? Or...don't they want to be friends anymore?
It's lonely being by myself... but I should be used to it.
Log XX
I hear them saying mean things again. That I should just quit. That I'm done for. Asking why I'm even still in the first string.
SAY THAT TO MY FACE, YOU COWARDS!
Ugh! I hate this. I hate them for not understanding. For not being supportive. For just LEAVING ME ALONE like this!
Life isn't fair...
If I didn't end up at Seido, if I didn't choose to follow that damn MIYUKI KAZUYA, I'd probably be teaching myself baseball right now.
HECK, I'D RATHER TEACH MYSELF BASEBALL THAN RUN ALL THE TIME!
THIS SUCKS!
Miyuki knows he should stop...but he can't. He has to know what Sawamura's thinking. He has to! To even have a chance at helping him.
Log XX
Takashima-san tried to encourage me.
IT'S NOT ENOUGH. I doubt it'll ever be by itself.
Log XX
You know what...? I've always thought that all the fancy equipment and having a coach in general... that's all a PRIVILEGE most people take for granted, and not a necessity.
One I used to not have, anyway.
And another thing... No matter how I deny it, how wide I smile, or how much I laugh to try and cover it up... I'm still probably the MOST INSECURE PERSON on this team!
And yet not a SINGLE one of them notices... Maybe it's better that way.
I'm not even joking either. Why do you think I try so hard, even to the point of overworking myself?!
Everyone on the team is better than me, so I have to catch up somehow. NO, I NEED TO! Especially to a certain tanuki...
OH, GOD! I HOPE THAT STUPID, STUBBORN FOUR-EYES DOESN'T READ THIS! HE'LL NEVER LET ME LIVE IT DOWN IF HE FINDS OUT THAT I PRACTICALLY CAME TO TOKYO FOR HIM!
... CRAP!
Log XX
To me, baseball is... FRIENDSHIP and ACCEPTANCE. Always has been.
But right now... it's not.
Is baseball even fun anymore?
Log XX
I've ALWAYS been the one chasing, haven't I?
I'm tired...
Is NO ONE going to chase after me too? Or is that too much to hope for?
Log XX
Argh... I feel like fishing. Maybe I can ask to leave for a few hours. I need some tranquility. Time to think by myself while near the water, and just...reflect.
Maybe getting away from baseball for a few hours is just what I need.
Miyuki tightens his grip on the notebook, slightly crumpling the pages.
Sighing shakily, he slumps onto the floor, letting the book fall as well.
"Crap..." Miyuki mutters, a hand to his forehead as he processes everything he just read. Including the implications of Sawamura being self-taught, and his reason for being here, at Seido is his fault. That unintentional pressure from the team caused all this.
Sawamura's insecurity though... with his values towards baseball, that just takes the cake.
Putting Sawamura's notebook back where he'd found it, Miyuki takes a deep breath, calming himself before taking off for his own room.
He has a lot to think about if he wants to help Sawamura through this. He'd rather not get caught today though.