Out of Time

AvalonReeseFanFics

A/N: Hello my wonderful readers! Well now we know that Addison isn't dead, but we're still not done with season 1 yet. This chapter is the end of season 1, then I have a few chapters in between the start of season 1 and season 2 (I think about 5 of them). Since y'all didn't vote I'm going to go with the order of chapters that I have, so we'll be starting off the in between chapters in Addison's time and will switch back and forth between her in the future and Arthur in the past from then on in. Get ready for a lot of angst, cause it's gonna be coming at you for the next season! But I will be trying to get you guys through it fast and I will try to still have that humour from the show! So as you already know, if you'd like a shoutout, please review, fav or follow, and I'll see you next week!

Shoutouts: Arianna Le Fay, Guest (NC), heyitsleelee, SeniorMoo, Rebelllx, Micad, LunaEvanna Longbottom, AndriannaWarrior7, abooksrbest, and LordParaghost.

Chapter 41: Out of Bitterness

Merlin and Gaius had returned, having freshly defeated Nimueh, not to a silent hero's welcome, but to a city-wide mourning. The two of them had been shocked, completely shocked to find almost everyone in the city completely despondent, the guards on the highest of alerts and neither of them knew what could be wrong.

Arthur hadn't died had he? Because Merlin saw him before he left and the man had been on his way to healing up no problem.

Gwen had found them first. Her face tear stained, her general demeanour, frazzled.

"Where have you been?"

Merlin and Gaius had exchanged glances. "Well my mother was ill, remember? We went to find her a cure," he had told her. It wasn't a full lie, it was what he had done essentially. "What has happened?"

"It's Addison," she had said. "She was executed this morning."

For a second, both of them had just stood there, silently taking that in. Gwen started crying but it was as if she hadn't realized that she had started. The tears silently streamed down her face as she stared at the two of them, waiting for them to catch up with where everyone else in the city was.

"But… for what reason? What reason did he give?"

"Witchcraft, but… I think... I think the real reason had something to do with Arthur," she had told them.

Gaius had seemingly recovered faster, pulling Gwen into a much needed hug, but Merlin… Merlin just couldn't wrap his head around this. He just… he just couldn't. Addison couldn't be dead. He had just seen her. She had been in Arthur's room, cuddled up to his side. She had just kissed Merlin's cheek, just yesterday, thanking him for finding a cure, wishing him luck on his next quest as he had left last night.

She couldn't be dead. But Gwen wouldn't lie about that.

"But Arthur…"

Yes Arthur. Arthur would have never let this happen. There was no way that he would. Or could.

"He tried to stop it but he was locked in his room. He got out but… he wasn't in time…" Gwen told him. "He cause a riot. He's locked in the dungeon."

Now that got his attention. "I should go to him."

And he should. If Addison really was dead, Arthur would be an absolute wreck. He'd need Merlin. Need some sort of comfort.

"Morgana and I… we managed to save the body. Uther was going to torch it, or throw it away, but we… we stole it. I've prepared it… for the funeral… but… we need your help. Could you help us?"

It was a lot to ask, for no doubt the king was looking for that body, to get rid of it before it caused any more problems, but Merlin could. He could help. And so could Gaius, and the both did so without a second thought.

With Gwen and Morgana they gathered the people, told them of the plan for Addison's twilight funeral. How they would all light the way, if they were willing. Not a single villager turned them down.

Gaius saw to the tending of her body, wrapping it up in shrouds of fabric, donated by the tailors of the city, and packing it with sweet smelling herbs. He did so lovingly and tenderly as if she could feel the soft gesture in the after world.

By the time they had the body moving from Gwen's cottage down to the lake, the villagers had lined the streets and the forest path. All single file. Each with a single candle lit for Addison, to help light the way.

And Addison had returned to them. Briefly, otherworldly, in her own way to sing them one last song. To see Arthur one last time.

Not a dry eye in the house. Merlin cried more than most because he felt as if he had failed her. That maybe, if he had been here, he could have saved her from this. It was the second time he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He couldn't save Arthur from the Questing Beast's bite and now Addison had been executed while he was gone.

And the Questing Beast really was an omen, for after the funeral, the guards were ready to take them to see Uther. All of them, brought forward to speak to him. But Merlin knew, there would be no speaking of peace. If Uther dragged the grieving, bitter Arthur to him now, there would be no peace from his son, only war.

And Merlin was ashamed to admit that he just let it happen. That he, sort of, hoped that Arthur would kill Uther for what he did to Addison. To the love of Arthur's life. But then he had to wonder… was this the right way to achieve Arthur's destiny?

The guards had come to collect Arthur, meeting the procession at the gates with news that they were to all be taken to the great hall to speak with his father. No doubt punishment for the funeral, for the pyre, for leaving the dungeons.

Arthur wasn't sure what kind of state he was in. He couldn't cry anymore, the tears just wouldn't or couldn't come. He wasn't numb, in fact he was feeling all too much, all at once. Shock, guilt, regret, sadness, anger, utter and complete anguish. Waves of emotions were drowning him but on the outside he presented a calm façade.

No on purpose though. Perhaps it was just because he was so desperately overwhelmed.

Not even he knew what going to happen, or how he would react once faced with the man who had ripped the love of his life away from him. He supposed it would depend on what his father had to say.

He was brought into the throne room. Morgana, Gwen, Gaius and Merlin were all brought to the side, but Arthur, with the guards holding his arms at his sides, marched him right up to his father.

Uther looked entirely unaffected.

For a while they were all silent before Uther said: "That was quite the display…"

Arthur didn't know if he meant the funeral or the riot, but he was going to go with the riot.

"You slaughtered Addison and expected it to be taken civilly?"

The anger was taking over again, he was starting to tremble with it.

"I've already told you. I did what I had to. One day you'll see I did what was best for you… for our kingdom…"

It was like a brief flash. Uther told him once more that Addison had died for the good of the kingdom, for his own good and he just lost it.

It was mostly a blur, but he knew it started with shoulder checking the guard to his left, knocking the other one flat with a right hook and then he was advancing on his father.

Arthur didn't even need steel to beat the guards, though he picked up a sword to approach him. Uther wondered if his guards had actually tried to stop him. He doubted it. The guards all loved Addison. He wouldn't have been surprised if they just let Arthur catch them unawares.

She had grown on each and every one of this subjects. Had touched their lives and brightened them in some way. And he had extinguished that light.

Uther found that he didn't have it in him to draw his own sword on his precious son, not when he could see the pain in his eyes, knowing that he had caused it.

He tried to reason with him again. "I did what I had to… to protect you…"

But Arthur wasn't having it. He had him pinned to his throne. His son's had on his chest holding him there, the sword pointed directly to his throat. No one moved to help him, not his guards, not his friend, or his ward. No one.

"You think this was best?" he raged.

"You don't understand…"

"She was harmless!" Arthur shouted. "She was just a girl. A lost girl."

"And you loved her!"

"And what of it?! What harm did loving her cause?" Her death. It had caused her death and he saw it in Arthur's eyes. "I did love her. I loved her more than anything…"

"She never could have been queen!"

"She would have made a wonderful queen! She would have been kind, and merciful and powerful! She would have made a wonderful match…"

"She didn't belong here!"

"She belonged with me!"

The tears were streaming down his son's face. Uther wanted to cry too but he could only stare at him, unsure of what to do next, too afraid to speak.

The waves were tormenting Arthur now. Anger had ebbed away into sadness. And now that the sadness was ebbing from him, he was being filled with a cold anger.

"You eradicated an entire people because you lost mother," Arthur said dangerously. "What do you say? Shall I follow in your self-righteous bloody footsteps?"

Should he? Why not, Uther had done the same. Had it been his father who killed Ygraine instead of magic, then by all means his father might have perished instead. Uther couldn't even open his mouth to argue. The sword in Arthur's hand pressed a little closer to his throat, he was certain that it was now drawing blood.

"I should kill you, run you through. Sever your head like you did to her."

Uther managed to croak out his son's name. Hoping his regret could be heard in his voice but Arthur seemed lost to him, lost to the pain Uther had dealt him.

Gaius said something like: "Don't do this" but he didn't sound convincing. The guards had not gotten up, choosing to lie on the ground as if Arthur had dealt them death blows.

It was Merlin who finally said: "Would Addison want this?"

Arthur didn't take his eyes off of Uther to say: "Pretty sure, yeah."

From where she was standing, hanky pressed to her lips, Morgana nodded.

"Yes, she was always going on about avenging her if she were to be murdered."

Even Gaius said: "Yes, that sounds like her."

"Okay… but… what will the people think?"

"Everyone loved Addison," Arthur growled. Which was true. He then turned to Merlin. "Why do you want him to live? Why are you not angry for what he did?"

"Of course I'm angry. And you are completely right in thinking he deserves this. But killing him doesn't bring Addison back. Killing him isn't going to make you happy. Killing him makes you just like him. And you're better than that."

For a moment Arthur paused. The pressure behind the sword lessened.

"Addison thought you were better than that."

At that Gwen nodded. "You are suffering, Arthur. And though he deserves it, I think she would rather have you live for her, then kill for her."

That seemed to get him. Arthur slowly let go of his father, he backed away.

Gwen and Merlin were right. Addison had just re-crossed the veil of death to tell him to go on, to be a good king. And what would she have wanted? Definitely not for him to be a king, bloodied and brutish like his father. She would have wanted him to break the cycle.

He tossed that sword to the side, it clattered to the stone in the silence. "Make no mistake, my sparing you in no way means you're forgiven."

He turned his back on his father, kept his eyes away from his friends as he said: "Come Merlin, you have much to pack for me."

Uther straightened, a hand going to his throat to check for blood. He was lightly bleeding. But at the mention of packing he was suddenly panicked.

"Pack… where are you going?" he called after him.

Arthur stepped over the fallen guards and Merlin stepped to his side. "I don't know… but I'm leaving as soon as I can."

Uther took this in, let it sink into his brain what was happening. "When will you be back?"

He asked almost hesitantly, afraid of what the answer would be. Arthur paused, partway through the door.

"I don't know. Maybe I'll come back after you die. Maybe I won't come back at all. Doesn't really matter, does it? I do have any reason to return here now."

Arthur left after that, then so did Morgana and Gwen shortly after. The only person who stayed was Gaius to tend to the cut on his neck. But even he couldn't stomach the disappointment in his friend's eyes.

It would serve him right to lose his only heir after this. And he wouldn't have anyone to blame but himself.

Merlin had first been told to pack up Arthur's belongings. Then he was told to ready his horse, which he had. Then Merlin had packed his own belongings up, before heading back to Arthur's chambers.

Except Arthur wasn't there anymore.

Arthur had gone to Addison's quarters. The rooms still smelled of her, still held her presence, and the waves of sadness and guilt were crashing through him again. Soon this room would be emptied, no doubt by his father, and he would lose her scent, lose all he had left of her.

So he searched for something of hers. Something he could take with him, a keepsake to hold onto. And in his search he found a little bag with all the gifts she had planned to finish making for Yuletide.

She had once again stolen one of his tunics. It looked like she had started to embroider a golden dragon across his chest.

Now she'd never finish it.

"Are you alright?" Merlin asked once he got into the room.

Arthur dropped the tunic to the bed and renewed his search for a suitable token to remember his Addison by.

"No," was all he could manage to say. He turned his back on Merlin, realizing that there was nothing in here that he could take. Save the books, but they were too heavy to bring with him. Addison hadn't coveted or revered material things. There was nothing here that she would have gifted him as a token of remembrance.

Merlin was quiet a moment, no doubt unsure of what to say to him. And that was fair, how was one to comfort the prince? What comfort could one even offer to a broken heart?

"Uh… so the horses are being readied as we speak. I wasn't sure if you'd need hot or cold so I packed all the essentials, and I only have a few things left to finish and I'll be ready…"

Arthur turned again realizing that Merlin meant to come with him. "You're not coming, Merlin."

Merlin paused. This seemed to surprise him. "I'm… I'm not?"

"No Gaius needs you…"

"So do you!" He took a step closer to Arthur who found he couldn't look him in the eye. "You shouldn't suffer through this alone. Please let me come with you!"

Arthur crossed to Merlin and put a hand to his shoulder. He tried to smile but he could tell by Merlin's face that the motion hadn't quite come out right.

"I… this wound… it's inside of me. The pain of losing her, of failing her… this isn't a burden I could or should put on anyone else. This is my injury to nurse and I think… for right now… just until I know how to live with this… I need to be on my own."

Merlin opened his mouth to argue and Arthur shook his head.

"I need to learn how to live without her. I need to do this on my own. I can't have the reminders of her… and you… you'll remind me of her."

Merlin's shoulders slumped and Arthur moved to hug the younger boy. "Thank you. Thank you for being her friend, thank you for wanting to come with me. Just… thank you."

Merlin nodded to him and eventually he allowed Arthur to leave.

Arthur hugged each of his friend's good-bye. First Morgana, then Gwen, and even Gaius. Each were thanked for helping Addison, for their parts in her beautiful funeral. Then he rode out of the castle without looking back once.

From his place on the parapets, Uther watched his son ride out of Camelot, knowing that there was a high chance that he'd never see Arthur again.

When Merlin thought it was safe, he returned to Addison's quarters with Gwen in tow. She picked up the bag that had held all of the gifts Addison was making. Each had a tag with a name and the occasion it was for, with thoughts of finishing them for her friend. So they could all get at least one more thing from Addison.

Merlin however was looking for her song pod and her lightning stone. He wasn't certain why, but he was sure that Addison would want it kept safe, and he wanted to do that for her.

It took some searching but he eventually found them both under her mattress. Then he carefully hid them in his boots so he could get them safely back to his quarters.

He hid them in his room, under the floorboard with his book on magic. He almost felt like he was saving them for Addison's return, but she couldn't really rise from the dead… right?