Out of Time

AvalonReeseFanFics

A/N: Happy Thursday my wonderful readers are you guys ready to see read this one? It's the final good bye. This one's a long one, but we have some interesting things happening in this one, I promise. Then we have one last filler chapter and we go into Season 2. Isn't that exciting? I know I'm excited. As always, don't forget to leave a review, or drop a fav or a follow to get into the shoutouts and I'll see you guys next week!

Shoutouts: Guest, converse-junkie livesinasong13 and LizRT34.

Chapter 45: Out of Responsibility

Arthur had swum towards that glowing gold until his lung burned and the black crested around the edge of his vision. And then he broke free of the water, head above the surface gasping for air.

He breathed heavily for a moment before he took a good long look around. He was still treading in the middle of the lake, but he seemed to be somewhere else. Because none of this looked like the lake he was used to.

The twilight sky was reflected in the water around him, little lights glowed both on the water's surface and in the sky. The air was filled with a sticky sweet honey smell and the trees went on as far as his eye could see.

Where was he? Dead? Was this the afterlife?

Was it bad that he was excited to be dead because there was a distinct possibility that he'd see Addison again?

"Arthur."

No.

It was her voice. Because Arthur would know her voice anywhere, but he was clearly in heaven. Because his heart thought of Addison and she was brought to him.

He turned towards the trees behind him and there she was, just at the edge of the fronds poking out of the water. She wasn't in a white dress, but instead an outfit similar to the one he had found her in all those years ago.

Already he was moving through the water as quickly as he could to get to her, though she stayed statue still on the shore line.

By the time he had gotten the water to his thighs she had started to move again. Starting with a fluttering of her eyes like his appearance had startled her and she was getting over the shock. And then those beautiful lips were moving.

"How are you here?" she asked him. "You're supposed to be in Camelot, you're supposed to be… alive…"

So he was dead. Yeah he didn't care. He just wanted Addison.

She had more to say, she seemed desperate to get him back into the water before the deadness stuck. He didn't care. He just wanted her and he would stay with her. Forever, dead or not. He wasn't leaving her ever again.

He got to her, his hands darting out for her. She was real, he could feel it, the warmth of her skin under his wet palm. Yeah no, he was never leaving here, never letting her go.

His fingers closed around her arm and then he had her against his chest. Her hands splayed across him, her eyes, watering stayed focused on his.

He said nothing to her, not even her name because his throat had closed around the great welling relief to have her back in his arms again. His mouth covered hers, hungrily devouring every inch of her, needing her taste on his lips more than he needed to breathe.

He thought he'd never get this again, that he'd never feel the cool of her body against his heat, that he'd never get to taste her again. To have it back after mourning it for so long fanned the flames of desire past the breaking point.

He never did get to treat her to that soft slow coupling that he had always wanted to treat her to. Just like all the other times those flames burned through him, quickening his fingers and my lord was it easy to strip her from her modern clothes than it was to get her out of her corseted dresses. Though there was nothing quite as a sexy as pushing that skirt up past her thighs to get to that sweet sticky center.

He stripped himself of his shirt simply to get it on the ground before he got her down there. He threw her shirt down as well for good measure before he got them both down in the tall grass by the water.

The frantic need clawing in his chest to feel every inch of her spurred him forward, got him inside her in record time. His mouth, hot and heady stayed by hers, plying insistent kisses and devouring their moans. He had missed more than this, it wasn't just the sex he had wanted. He had wanted her, her sounds, her voice, her fingers in his back. He had also wanted to hold her hand, to marry her, to tell her all his secrets and fears, and to hear hers. He had wanted to hold her secrets to his chest and guard them for her. He had wanted to protect her from her fears.

He wanted the future that was stolen from them

So, he hurried about making love to her that time, figuring that he had all the time in the world with her after this. Because Arthur wasn't going back to the reality without the woman who held his heart.

He'd rather die.

This couldn't be happening.

It was obviously happening. But her mind could barely comprehend what was going on and her selfish traitorous heart wouldn't stop singing it's happiness long enough for her to wrap her mind about what she was going to have to do.

Because Arthur was not supposed to be there. He was supposed to be in Camelot. Alive.

And also, what the hell was with the beard? He knew she hated his beard, why had he grown it?

But at that moment, she was covered. Covered in his kisses, in the claiming marks that fell from his mouth, with his body because once they had finished the poor boy had collapsed upon her and refused to let go. She was bare. He was bare. She should have cared but she didn't.

She didn't think she'd feel him ever again.

Obviously Ygraine said that he'd rise again, that this whole immortality test would eventually lead to her seeing him again but she also figured that was a very, very long way off.

But there he was, in the flesh, above her, holding her. His breath exhaling against her neck, her neck still sore from all the suckling marks he left along her sweet spots and collarbones. Her fingers had trailed a pattern up and down his back for what had to have been hours but in Avalon who knew how long it really was.

She knew he was coming around the second his grip around her tightened and his nose got closer to her.

"Arthur," she said softly. He moaned, so she knew he heard her. "Arthur," she said again. That time his grip tightened and his head shook. No, he was saying, no he wasn't going to wake up. Yeah well she needed him to.

"Arthur, wake up. We need to talk."

"No we don't," he said against her shoulder. "All we need to do kiss. Kiss and keep kissing and making love and this… all we need is this…"

He was asking her not to ruin the moment. She didn't want to ruin the moment. But he really needed to tell her how he got there.

"Why are you here, Arthur? You're not… you haven't died have you?"

"Don't know, don't care," he said, but Addison couldn't take that as an answer.

"Arthur!" she snapped and finally he pulled his head out from her neck.

"Addison. Why does it matter? I'm here. I'm here with you when I never thought I'd ever see you again…"

"How long ago did I die?"

She cut off whatever else he was saying because she knew if given the option to take him back to her world she knew she would. She cut him off because he was going to say everything she felt in her heart and she had to let this man go to fulfil his destiny.

Stupid destiny.

But Arthur didn't answer. He just stared at her.

So she asked again.

"How long ago did I die, Arthur?"

"Uh… about a month… why?"

Because it was too soon. She might have gotten away with it if it were years, if he had done all he needed to do, but he wasn't even close.

"Then it's not time, you have to go back."

Arthur physically reeled away from her when she said that. Like the words were physical blows to him. The scowl on his face told her all she needed to know about what he thought about that.

"Go… go back?" he echoed, finally standing. He went for his pants, which was great because otherwise that was one tempting and distracting view.

"Are you insane? I just got you back, I'm not leaving here. I'm not leaving you."

Oh how her heart hurt. She didn't want him to leave either, but she couldn't be selfish. That wasn't true, she could be selfish, she just shouldn't.

"Arthur…"

"No!" he thundered his pants properly pulled up. That chest was still bare though so the distracting view was still in full effect. "No! I have no reason to return there…"

"Well you're father…"

"My father murdered you!"

Right yeah. Okay she didn't think that one through.

"Morgana…"

"Will be fine."

"Merlin?"

"Is probably happy I'm gone."

"Your people."

Arthur went quiet at that one, yeah, she got him there. She forced herself to look up to him, into those beautiful blue eyes of his.

"Your people and your kingdom need you."

Arthur shook his head. "No. No. don't make me go back there. Not without you."

"Arthur… I want nothing more than to be with you, but right now, right now that is not going to happen."

Arthur shook his head again, tears were welling up in his eyes. God he was more broke up about this than she thought.

She quickly went about picking up her own shirt and pants and putting them back on, handing him his shirt so he could do the same. It was regrettable and he sure as hell didn't look like he wanted to get dressed again, but he put on his shirt as well.

Once she was dressed she put a hand to his arm to make him look at her.

"You need to go back Arthur. I know it's going to be hard, but you're needed."

"I don't… I don't know how…"

"It's easy. Swim back to the surface. Walk into Camelot…"

"I don't know how to live without you."

Addison was honestly shocked by that. Yes she knew Arthur loved her, but to be this broken up over it… it didn't make sense to her. She knew he'd mourn after all… but… she didn't think he'd crumble.

"Nonsense… Arthur… you are strong… you're…"

"I love you."

Addison came to a stumbling halt.

"I love you too," she found herself saying back.

Arthur turned those wounded eyes back to her. "You're dead because I loved you. Did he tell you that? That that was why he was executing you?"

Addison nodded.

"Why didn't you run? Why didn't you use your magic and run?"

"I tried, I couldn't. And your father had me chained to the wall… I could pick my way out of it… I… I know it was bad… Arthur…"

"Our future was stolen from us," he growled. "My father took it away and I couldn't bear to stay in those walls with the echoes of you knowing I was the reason you were gone."

"No, Arthur… it wasn't you're fault…"

"I promised to protect you and I failed you."

"No, Arthur… no…"

He was crying now. Crying in earnest. She went to him. Wrapped him up in her arms, let him sob against her as she tried to keep her own tears from shedding.

"It hurts so much to live without you Addie," he sobbed against her. "I've missed you so much."

"I can tell," she whispered. "The beard alone tells me how bad you've taken this. But it's okay. Truly. I didn't really die, not really. I actually woke up in my world. I'm back home. And that was another thing you promised, to get me back home. So… you know… you followed through on one of your promises."

"Really?" he asked pulling his head out of her chest. He then looked around. "Is that where I am? Your time?"

Addison shook her head. "I think we're in a space between living and dead right now."

Arthur looked around again before turning to her and saying: "I pulled you here, didn't I?"

No but she nodded her head because she needed him to leave and she figured he would if he thought her in danger again.

He slumped against her, clearly realizing what she meant him to. That if he had brought her there and stayed with her then she'd die in her time and he wouldn't want that.

"I want you to listen to me Arthur," she said to him. She was staring at the water, willing it to create a current, one that would take him straight back to Camelot. "This is not your fault. I don't blame you. And I still love you. I do. More than anything in the whole world, but… you deserve to be happy. I want you to be happy, but you have to stop mourning me and try to live."

Arthur sighed heavily. "I'm trying Addie… I am but…"

"No. No buts. You are Arthur Penndragon and you will survive this!" she cried and he half smiled. "Can you do that for me? Can you live for me Arthur?"

He turned those tear filled wounded blue eyes to her and whispered: "I can try."

"No I need to hear you promise."

"Fine. I promise I'll try."

"Good, and can you promise me something else?"

"I mean... maybe…"

"Promise me you'll go home." Arthur's nose crinkled and she carefully pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Promise me you'll go home and shave off that horrendous beard."

He turned again and this time he kissed her. Solidly for a good long while. God she was going to miss this, it was stupid, that she was sending him back when she was going to miss him so much. She was going to have a long talk with Merlin about this and how necessary it was, because if she could get him back there she was going to keep him if it wasn't as necessary as she thought.

"I love you," he whispered again. "I will never love anyone ever again the way I loved you."

"Not true," she whispered against his lips. "And that's okay Arthur. I don't want you to think that you have to be alone and unhappy to make some memory of me happy. I want you to be happy, even if that's with someone else. I want you to live. It's not going to happen all at once, but you have to try. Promise me you will."

"I already have, Addie."

"Swear it to me then."

"I do. I swear. I will try, but…"

"Then forgive me Arthur," she whispered kissing him one more time, cutting off his question of: Forgive you for what?

She got that one last kiss form him, felt him hold her tightly one last time and then she shoved him, right back into the water. Right into that current she asked Avalon to create, half hoping that this time, when she sent him back to Camelot he didn't come back and half hoping that he would to soothe her breaking heart.

Merlin found Addison by the lake. Crouched down in the reads, knees to her chest, sobbing.

He said nothing to her as he sat himself down beside her, bringing his own legs up loosely so he could rest his arms on his knees. And then he waited. Waited for her sobs to subside, waited for her to get off of her feet and sit down beside him.

And when she was finally quiet looking out at the peaceful lake that had come through where the sunset was setting the water on fire, he turned to her and said: "So Arthur showed up."

Addison turned to him. "How do you know that?"

Merlin knew a lot of things that he shouldn't know. But he had heard it all from a very reliable source. Addison just wasn't ready to hear any of that right now. One day she would be, but not yet.

"That doesn't matter. Did you send him home?"

"I think so."

"Well if he went back into the water he went home."

Addison sighed. "Then yeah, I sent him home."

Merlin put a hand to her shoulder. "You did the right thing."

"Did I?" she asked him. "Because last I checked I'm still heartbroken and miserable, and he didn't look like he was doing too hot either. Maybe it would have been better for both of us if we had stayed together."

Merlin blinked his eyes. He had seen Arthur's suffering first hand and he knew that that was true, but that wasn't what she had sent him back for.

"We both know that the precedent he creates set England up to be the great nation it is. If you had kept him none of that would happen," he reminded her. "You did the right thing for many people, Addie, you just didn't do the right thing for yourself. And I think that makes you very brave."

"Makes me an idiot, but I get what you're saying. I know why I really sent him back," she whispered to him. And then for a great long while the two of them were very quiet. Her tears has ceased and the sun was dipping further behind the horizon creating an almost purple glow.

The Sidhe were coming out now, the little blue lights dancing along the water's edge. Normally the Sidhe didn't care, but tonight they gave them the distance the two needed.

"Hey… so… what's going on with you and Freya? Is she your girlfriend? Your real one?"

Merlin turned to her a sort of wince on her face and Addison nodded. "I figured. She doesn't like me, I could tell. Now I know why."

That wasn't the whole reason why, but again, Addison didn't know about that yet, so he couldn't explain it. Instead he just nodded.

"She understands the cover story," he told her. "She just doesn't like it."

"Can't she come with you? I mean… I can tell Bella that we've broken up…"

Merlin shook his head. "Freya died… a very long time ago. Avalon granted her immortality, she can't leave here," he told her and Addison nodded. "And we both know if we tell Isabella that we've broken up, she will make damn certain I never go near you again and we both know that won't work."

Addison sighed again. He was right. He knew he was right and now, so did Addison.

He clapped a hand to her shoulder and said: "It'll be okay, Addison. I know it's a big adjustment, but you're going to see Arthur again, and until then I'll be here with you. Okay?"

She nodded, though clearly she didn't feel better and that was alright too. She had to mourn as well, Merlin couldn't just expect her to get better because he wanted her to. But he knew she would eventually. He just had to be patient.

"Well, we should be getting back soon. Cause if we're late I one hundred percent believe Bella will hunt us down. And I don't want her to show up here and to yell at us, do you? Cause I don't think the Sidhe would ever let us live it down."

Addison nodded and he stood up. "I'm going to go back… say good-bye to Freya and uh… I'll see you there, okay?"

Addison nodded again and then she was left alone again by the water's edge, but she didn't feel like crying anymore. Okay that was a lie, she did feel like crying , she just didn't have it in her to cry anymore.

She was a great big fraud.

Telling Arthur that she wanted him to be happy, that he was strong and he could live without her, but she couldn't do it herself. She was miserable and she just wanted him to hold her again. She was pathetic.

But Merlin was right. They couldn't be late coming back from this place or Bella would hunt them down. She got herself up and took one step and then stubbed her toe on something in the ground. She didn't think it was a stone because she felt it move when her foot hit it. She looked down and saw a glimmer of something gold peaking out of the dirt at her.

She knew a lot of things washed up on the shores of Avalon. Tributes and items that were sunken on the bottom of the lake would sometimes make their way through the gate. The Sidhe liked to show her the things that came through and she would tell them what they were, it was a game they liked to play. The one closest to the true purpose of the item would get to keep it, like a trophy.

So she dug it up.

It was a pocket watch. It looked old, made of scratched gold. The front had this beautiful filigree of a combined crest. A lion on one side and a unicorn on the other, both staring at one another from across the lid. She popped it open to find hand scratched, A + A = 3 and welded into it was a lock of hair, two actually, blonde and brunette. Their hair. The watch face was made of mother of pearl and had roman numerals around the face.

And it was still ticking, as if she hadn't just pulled it out of the mud.

It was clearly meant to be hers. It was clearly meant for her to find. It wouldn't be part of the game she played with the Sidhe, and if they asked she'd say she played the game for herself, she knew it's true purpose, so she got to keep this trophy.

So she put it into her pocket, enjoying that it felt warm even through the pants pocket, because it reminded her of Arthur.

The second she got back to the hotel she turned on her phone and had a flood of messages from Isabella all saying the same thing.

I know you're off the grid but I'm just texting you to tell you that I'm alive and I miss you and I can't wait for you to come home. So feel free to do the same if you get a chance.

So Addison did. She texted Isabella to tell her that she was alive, she had survived the weekend and she had missed her friend too. Then she told her that they'd be back the next day.

Isabella had a photoshoot but she full expected them to meet her at the pub when she was done so they could talk all about their weekend apart.

Addison and Merlin had spent the rest of the night and most of the following morning as they drove back to their borough of London coming up with stories to tell her that were both believable and hard to disprove.

Then they went to the pub to meet Isabella as requested and took turns telling stories. And even though they could tell she wasn't fully buying their story they learned quickly why that was.

"This is bullshit. I can't believe you two didn't take a single picture. I mean like… if you didn't Instagram it did it really happen?"

Yes it would have happened, even if it wasn't on Instagram, though the reason it hadn't was because they weren't were they were supposed to be.

"Next time we go we'll bring you with us, and you can take all the pictures you want," Addison told her and that seemingly made Isabella happy.

"Fine but he can't be in them, his ears won't fit."

Merlin scowled into his beer but said nothing. Isabella shot him a playful smile and then reached out and tapped him, it was the first time she had voluntarily touched him in a kind way.

"I'm just teasing you," she said. "And teasing you means I like you, so stop sulking."

Her teasing was a lot like the mean-girl routine she had been pulling all along, but Merlin was willing to go along with it, because it meant that it would make things easier for them. It meant that Isabella was finally going to stop resisting this connection and Addison and Merlin could begin their quest.

Their own version of the Quest for the Holy Grail.