Part 4
Voldemort paced his bedroom floor again. There wasn't much time to get to sleep and enjoy it. Nor was there any time to play Kick the Death Eater. What to do, what to do…
His stomach rumbled at that moment, like it was waiting for him to question what to do next. In an instant he was out the door and down the flight of stairs. He was passing the living room when he noticed Wormtail and Random Death Eater Number Four lying atop the table, spread out across various board games. He also noticed the twin version of his My Little Pony Walkie-Talkie conveniently located under the sofa.
He sneered as he walked into the room, withdrawing his wand. With a few quick waves, he left the room, leaving behind two grown men wearing wedding gowns, clown noses, and sombreros. Voldemort gave a silent laugh as he made his original way back to the kitchen.
As he entered the dimly-lit room, he bumped his head on a random pillar, sticking out from the ceiling. "Ow!" he shouted, at the same time lighting his wand. He opened the fridge, rubbing his head all the while, and took out some ice cream. Next he levitated a bowl from the cabinet, and scooped the ice cream into it.
When he was heading out with his triple-vanilla-chocolate-strawberry-pistachio-mint-orange-blueberry-grape-cotton candy ice cream with blackberry-bubble gum-marshmallow sprinkles and licorice-carrot syrup, he once again bumped his head on the same random beam. Shortly after, the wooden beam ceased to exist due to Voldemort's explosive reconstruction.
The Dark Lord began to walk back to his room, snack in hand. He got about three steps before the light in the kitchen came on. Voldemort popped his head around the corner and saw someone very large ransacking his fridge. "Hey!" Voldemort called, mouth full of ice cream. The figure didn't look up.
Voldemort tried the only method of compromise he knew. He walked over to the person and shouted "Avada Kedavra!" The curse merely reflected off the figure, rebounding on the wall. Only then did the person look up.
"Wha' are yeh doin'?" he asked. Voldemort scanned this being who managed to escape his curse. He had a long, tangled black beard. He must have been at least eight feet tall, for he had to bend down slightly in the small kitchen. He wore a moleskin overcoat, with a wreath of… something on top of his head. Voldemort disproved.
"Have we met before?" The Dark Lord asked. He seemed familiar…
"'Fraid not," the man said. "I'm the Ghos' of Christmas Presen'!" The sprit boomed. Voldemort's lips twitched. "An' yeh don' mind me askin', but wha' time is it?"
Voldemort sneered and crossed his arms. "How should I know? As you can see, I have no clocks in this house, those are for muggle filth." The spirit narrowed his eyes at him.
He cleared his throat before turning around and pointing at a small clock on the wall above the cabinets. "An' wha' is that?" he asked, pointing with a smug grin.
Voldemort glanced at the clock, then the spirit, then the clock again. He quickly whipped out his wand and demolished the clock, along with half the wall. "What clock?" he asked quickly, "I don't see any clock."
"We'll min' that later," the Ghost of Christmas Present said, "We've got more importan' things to worry abou'!" And with that he seized Voldemort by the collar and practically carried him up to his bedroom. The pair crashed threw the window, onto the ground below, and rolled down the hill into the forest. The Dark Lord dropped his ice cream on the way.
Voldemort struggled and kicked, and was finally let go once they were deep inside. "What was that about?" he raged. He did not like to be carried like a child.
"Oh, tha', I jus' had to get you away," the Ghost of Christmas Present answered calmly. Voldemort sneered again. He thought about trying to kill him again, but seeing as how last time it didn't work, he might as well try to torture him. He bent down, making it look like he was examining his bunny slippers for dirt when he was really reaching for his wand. Just as he gripped the end of it, he was shot in the back, falling to the ground in a stunned pose.
Voldemort woke up, startled by the fresh air. Many hours had passed, for the sun was now rising in the sky. He reached for his wand in anger, but found that it was not there. Sitting a few feet away from him was the spirit, eating a Whopper from Burger King. "Mornin'" he said.
"'Mornin''," Voldemort mocked in a baby tone. "I have half a mind to strangle you with my bare hands. But your death will be quick and painless if you tell me where my wand is."
The Ghost of Christmas Present doubted that Voldemort could get his hands around his throat, so merely said, "Not until I do my par'." He took another bite of his sandwich. The Dark Lord disliked this spirit even more than the last.
"Fine," he said. He knew that he was defeated. He would just have to wait for the spirit to show him the "error of his ways." He sat down and played with his pink slippers, waiting for the Ghost of Christmas Present to finish his snack.
A few moments later, the phantom stood up and wiped his hands on his coat. "Follow me," he boomed, walking past Voldemort at an alarming speed. The evil wizard struggled to match his pace. They cleared the forest in a matter of minutes and made their way onto a dirt path leading to Little Hangleton.
Once they arrived in town, the spirit handed him a cloak. "Here," he said, "Put this on." Voldemort examined the clothing and discovered it was an invisibility cloak.
"Can't you just make me invisible, like the last spirit did?" Voldemort asked him.
"Do you also wan' me to give yeh a crown and robe and declar' yeh king of the earth?" The Ghost of Christmas Present replied sarcastically. Fine, Voldemort thought, and put on the cloak.
They reached the first house. Inside, two children were unwrapping presents under a small tree, while their parents kissed. Voldemort stuck out his tongue in disgust. The next few houses were much like the first, although some had more children, others less. But every single house had a kissing couple. Voldemort stuck his tongue out at every one of them. One house had a lonely young man. Voldemort laughed at him.
When they reached the end of the town, a small doll met them. She had long, blonde hair and a model-like body. Across her plastic back was written the word "Barbie." The spirit picked it up and extended it to Voldemort.
"I'm not touching that," The Dark Lord replied. The Ghost of Christmas Present smiled and smacked the doll into Voldemort's head. The split second the figure made contact, it whisked them both away. They landed in front of a large manor, with Voldemort's teeth clenched in anger.
Only when he noticed the spirit walk up to the window of the house, did his temper subside. He soon joined him at the window. Inside, Lucius Malfoy and his wife, Narcissa Malfoy, were seated at their large, oak table.
"That fool!" Voldemort whispered between his clenched teeth. "I told him that he couldn't take Christmas Day off. He shall be whipped with the chains because of this." It was then that Voldemort noticed a small chicken between them, and three scruffy kids, one older male and two younger females, seated across from the Malfoy couple.
A cough came from the corner of the room as Draco Malfoy appeared, accompanied by a wooden crutch and a woolen hat. With another cough he limped over to the table and sat down. The rest of the family looked somber.
Voldemort turned away before saying, "I did not know that Lucius' family had it so hard. Come, let us go." The spirit rolled his large eyes before approaching Voldemort. The Ghost of Christmas Present withdrew the Barbie doll again.
Voldemort did not waste a beat. He snatched the doll and stomped it into the ground. He laughed as it's head rolled away. "Darn it," the spirit commented, "Tha's the third one this week."
"What now, spirit?" The Dark Lord howled. "What are you going to do now that your girlfriend's been shot by General Evil Bunny?" He mimicked doing an air guitar solo.
The Ghost of Christmas Present withdrew another doll, this time a male with brown hair and blue eyes. "Meet Ken," he said, and smacked Voldemort in the head again. They were once more whisked away back to Little Hangleton. This time, they appeared in the Riddle's gardens.
Back at Malfoy Manor, Lucius was scolding his son. "Draco!" he said. "Stop playing Imitate the Worthless Weasleys and eat your chicken." Just then the doors at the end of the room swung open and six house-elves carrying a bird the size of a watermelon entered.
"Father," Draco began to ask, "Who are they?" He was indicating the three children seated at the table across from them. They were wearing rags and smelled like ash.
Narcissa was the one who answered him. "They are the meal-time entertainment," she said, waving her wand. The three kids turned into pigs, squealing at each other and dancing around the room. The Malfoy family bellowed with laughter.
"Now," Lucius said through a mouthful of chicken, "Who should we declare the founder of the feast?"
Draco replied, "How about the Dark Lord?" He ripped at his fresh chicken and potatoes.
"Ah, yes," Narcissa said, swinging her wine glass, "To the Dark Lord!" She raised her glass and her family followed.
Lucius roared, "May his bed be infested with cockroaches!"
Draco added, "May he trip on thoseridiculous furry pink bunny slippers he wears!"
Narcissa contributed, "May he forget to wash his hands after going to the bathroom and thereby giving him an infectious diseases than is only spread by others who do the same thing!" Their roars of laugher could be heard for miles.
The Malfoy family was not having it very hard.
Back at the Riddle house, Voldemort and the Ghost of Christmas Present were seated on one of the stone benches. "I think it's time I lef'," the spirit said.
"Good," The Dark Lord replied. "I hope you die tomorrow. May I have my wand back?" The spirit sighed and gave him his wand. He could see that he had not changed a thing. Day had now turned to night.
The Ghost of Christmas Past stood up, took back his invisibility cloak, and walked off into the fog. Voldemort could not resist sticking his tongue out at him.