Out of Time

AvalonReeseFanFics

A/N: Sorry this is late, my wonderful readers! I got hit with writer's block something awful! But, what we have here, is the end of the episode. We get to see what's going on with Arthur and Gwen (which is temporary by the way, for those of you who are worrying) and how Addison's going to react. I hope you enjoy the chapter, and I'll see you guys next week!

Shoutouts: Guest Reviewer (x2), nesrine59, loki-of-earth-12, reptoholic, The Dragon's Siren, ChaCha07, fanfictionfreak221, and deansgirl1

Chapter 52: Out of Dignity

Odin was a king of a near-by country, one Arthur had visited when he was off grieving Addison. His son had recognized him and challenged him to a duel, Arthur had no quarrel with him and had asked him to withdraw. He hadn't wanted to fight him, he hadn't wanted to fight at all, but the idiot wouldn't withdraw.

Arthur had fought him, and killed him.

He had been angry at the time, furious for losing Addison, but seeing the look in that boy's eyes, seeing the fear reflected there, it had shook him. He returned to Camelot after that even though he was still furious with his father and didn't actually want to go back to the castle.

He just knew he couldn't rove any longer, for fear of taking his grief out on people who didn't deserve it again.

Arthur knew that if Odin's father was looking to kill him he rightly deserved it.

Merlin had assumed that that would mean he would pull out of the tournament. But why would he? This assassin didn't know he was still in Camelot. He didn't know that Arthur was participating in the tournament in disguise.

He'd be fine. Everything would be fine.

He could see on Merlin's face that he thought that was stupid, even Guinevere didn't look convinced. Then again, since Addison died, he always got those looks when he told people he was fine.

But they didn't say anything to him, they didn't argue, and eventually Merlin left.

Whatever moment between him and Guinevere was gone, so they decided to go to bed. This time, Arthur made sure that Guinevere got her bed back while he took the corner of potatoes.

He made Merlin bring him a mattress from the castle though, so it wasn't that bad.

Once he was comfortable, he went about his nightly routine. Every night he would whisper a goodnight to the pocket watch. While staying with Guinevere, though, he would call a goodnight to her, and then say goodnight to the pocket watch.

He whispered to the pocket watch when he could, it made him feel like he was still talking to Addison. Which, in a way he was.

He hadn't been doing it much since staying with Guinevere because he didn't know how to tell her what was happening.

But he had been sure to tell the watch, that she couldn't appear to him just yet. It wasn't safe.

Yes he trusted Guinevere with this swap, but he wasn't sure he could trust her with the ghost of his Addison.

But that night, after whispering goodnight to Guinevere and then obsessing over his conflicting and confusing sudden feelings for her, Addison appeared to him. He had been wondering what to do, what was happening, and wishing that she was there to help him through this, to banish these feelings away. Because he knew for sure they wouldn't be happening if she were still alive and with him. And then she was there.

Her spectral form just hovered at the edge of his bedding by his feet. "No," he whispered. "Just… just wait…"

He got up quickly, snatched the pocket watch up and then quickly scampered out the back door, which was coincidentally by where he was sleeping.

It was actually rather drafty back there and it sort of made him feel bad that Guinevere had been sleeping there. But at that moment he was panicking, because he didn't want her to see Addison. He just didn't know how he'd explain that her ghost was coming out of the watch.

He got them outside, made sure no one was looking and then turned back to her.

"Addison… what… what are you doing here?"

The spectral version of her looked him up and down. It was hit or miss if she'd answer him. Sometimes she acted as if she knew he was there, other times it was clear whatever was coming through couldn't see him.

Tonight was one of the times where it looked like she could clearly see him. He knew she couldn't but he dared to dream.

"I know what you're doing," Addison said to him. "And you're being silly."

Ah there it was. He knew she'd say something like that. If she were still with him she would have said it long before now though.

"I don't want special treatment."

"You're a prince, that's the only type of treatment you get," she said. "And poor Merlin, you don't want him to say what you want to hear? Then don't get mad at him when he doesn't do just that."

"I do not get mad at him…"

"You have a temper, Arthur. You know you do."

"You were never afraid to tell me what I needed to hear."

"Well of course not, but I was living on death row. Seems silly to filter what you're saying when you're certain every day might be your last."

Arthur shot her a small sad smile.

"I think we both know the real reason you wanted to see me tonight though," Addison said, her own smile getting softer and sadder. He hadn't thought he had called her to him, but maybe he had. "It's starting, isn't it? Your feelings for Gwen?"

They were.

They were but how did she know that? It's that damn book of hers. It was sort of right after all.

But it made no sense. His heart still belonged to Addison, he knew it did, it still felt horribly broken from the loss of her. How could he possibly start feeling something for anyone else that wasn't her?

Even someone as amazing as Guinevere.

"It's okay, you know. Falling for her doesn't mean you love me any less… or at all," she said, though the look on her face didn't not match that sentiment. "It's okay to move on, Arthur."

But it wasn't. It didn't feel right.

"I don't want to move on."

"But you must," she said, her eyes finally finding his for once. Though by the look of them she couldn't really see him. But it was the tears streaming down her face that hurt his heart in that oh so familiar way. "It's not fair of me to hold on to you when I'm not there to be by your side."

Arthur found himself reaching out to her. If she were real, if she were there, he'd've brushed those tears away. He'd kiss her lips cheeks, each one, and then her lips and soothe her irrational fears.

Instead, his fingertips went right through her.

"Don't cry… please…"

"I'm allowed to be sad, Arthur. The fact of the matter is, I miss you. I wish I was there, I wish it was me you were meant to be with, but I'm not. Because for you… I'm dead. And there's no coming back from that, no matter how much I love you."

Arthur's heart fractured a little more.

She still loved him. She still loved him and she was somewhere in her time, missing him, wanting him. And he was back in Camelot trying to move on.

How dare he.

What was he thinking?

"Don't you worry Addison, I… I won't… I don't feel anything for her. I promise. It's you I love, it's only you."

The ghost of Addison was suddenly glaring at him. A sort of red haze came over the image of her that he had never seen before. But he knew that look.

She was mad at him.

"You're a liar."

And then she disappeared. A single solitary pop and she was gone.

Arthur looked down to the watch in his hand and for the first time even the clock face wasn't giving off a silvery glow.

Had… had he broken it? Had she severed the connection between them?

Why did that make him feel like his heart was shattering all over again?

"I wasn't lying," he whispered to the night air, but the fact of the matter was he wasn't sure.

Something had started within him, and as much as he wanted to deny it, he wasn't sure he could.

God, what was he going to do?

One more match. Then Guinevere would get him out of his house.

That morning, she had gifted him a piece of her scarf for luck.

"It won't be the same as Addison's of course…" she had started and then the words died on her lips. Much like his insult the night before.

But he took the offered token because this was the first joust he was facing without Addison and her luck. He was doing well, but that was because he had skill, he didn't have his heart in it so much this time and that was because she wasn't there to boost him.

Still he took what Guinevere had to offer, not only to be polite but because, it felt nice to receive a token again, even if it wasn't the kind of token he was used to. But when he took it, their fingers brushed against one another and something in him ignited. This need, this sudden overwhelming desire to just… to just close the very small distance between them and kiss her.

But he wasn't going to do that.

He wasn't, because Addison held his heart.

But then Guinevere looked up at him, those honey brown eyes sparkling as she took him in. They were filled with emotion, one that he didn't know or recognize other then he was certain he had seen it Addison's eyes every time she looked at him.

And he just lost it.

Without realizing what he was doing he had just swooped in and kissed her.

To his utter shame his heart fluttered. The betrayal. The absolute audacity of his heart to react to this, when it had been killing him with the guilt and missing of Addison.

As quickly as it started, Arthur stopped it. He stepped away from her thanked her briefly and then told her to go.

The second he was out of that hut the guilt hit him, he had no idea why he had done that. Just that… he had… and now… now his heart hurt.

It hurt because it was torn, torn between Addison, who wasn't there with him anymore, and Guinevere, who was but was entirely unsuitable for him as a wife.

Why was he thinking this? Why was there where his head had gone? He loved Addison, that wasn't a lie, he hadn't forgotten that, so why was his heart calling out for Guinevere now?

Was Addison's book right? Was that really how things were supposed to go? Had none of it fallen into place because Addison was here and taking up that spot? Was it all going to fall into place now that she was gone? It seemed to be what was happening… whether he wanted it to or not.

He had never been so excited to joust, he was hoping that it would shake the restlessness of his confusion out of him. He got himself up on the horse, ready to joust, ready to win, but his mind stayed on Addison and this utter betrayal he found himself stuck in.

She would be so livid he had done this. Not moving on, because she was always clear she had wanted him to do that, no, she'd be mad that he lied. He had literally just promised her that he wouldn't, that his heart still belonged to her. And what does he do?

He kissed Guinevere. Addison would have been livid… and honestly, he couldn't believe that he had done it. What the hell was wrong with him?

The flag dropped and Arthur spurred himself forward, but his mind wasn't entirely on what he was doing. So it wasn't entirely surprising when he got hit.

But this hit. It was bad. So clearly Guinevere's luck wasn't as potent as Addison's was. He had gone back to the tent he was using to prepare, where the fake Sir William of Deria would wait while Arthur jousted. There he established that he had basically been stabbed by something, probably debris, though Merlin didn't seem to think so.

He hadn't been there long when Guinevere came in. She practically threw herself over him, helping him to press bindings into his armour to quell the bleeding. And his stupid heart hit him again. That stupid flutter, why was it still there?

Both Merlin and Guinevere tried to talk him out of going back out there, but he refused to give up. He had never walked away from a joust before, any fight before actually, and he wasn't going to start now. So he marched right back out there, got on that horse and made Merlin hand him his lance.

This was stupid, he knew it was stupid. He shouldn't have been jousting, he could barely lift his lance but he refused to back down. His eyes were getting heavy, but through the roar of the crowd he heard something else. He heard a call of his name.

Through heavy hazy eyes he looked up and saw Addison, his wonderful, perfect Addison, standing just at the end of the pitch. She was standing there, in those black skin tight slacks and a blue shirt bearing way too much cleavage. But she was there, and she was calling him.

It was no longer a fight to stay up right, to keep his eyes open. He was focused, determined. He hit the knight coming at him head on, so hard he flipped right off of that horse and onto the ground below.

All Arthur cared about was Addison.

Where was Addison?

But when he got to where she had been standing she was gone. The spectral version of her was just… gone. Again.

His hand went for where the pocket watch usually sat on his chest, but it's warmth wasn't there and Arthur couldn't remember where the hell he had put it.

He didn't even have time to look. He had to return to the tent to get treated.

Originally he planned on unveiling himself, once he one the tournament of course, but now, now he didn't want to.

He didn't want to prove it to everyone, he didn't need to prove it to everyone that he didn't need their special treatment. He had really only needed to prove it to himself, and he had, because he had one after all.

So Arthur sent the fake Sir William of Deria out to accept his praise and the winnings, and Arthur stayed in his tent. He searched high and low but he couldn't find the pocket watch anywhere.

So now, not only had he lost Addison in real life he had lost the last link to her that he had.

And once again his heart had started to ache.

He couldn't take much more of this.

After the joust where Arthur had been practically gravely injured, Guinevere had returned to her house. Arthur was officially moved out of her small space. He was on his way to meet the men he had sent onward without him. They'd be looping back by now, and as part of his cover he was going to return home with them, seeing as he was supposed to be with them the whole time.

She wasn't sure how he was going to swing explaining coming home injured, but he had left with Merlin, so she was sure between the two of them they'd figure it out.

It wasn't her place to worry about him anyway.

She was just a serving girl, Arthur was a prince. A prince who was in love with someone else. And just because Addison was dead didn't mean that Arthur loved her any less.

Yes, her and Arthur had had a bit of a moment, but that didn't change who had his heart. It just made things more confusing between them.

She returned to her home expecting to be glad to have it to herself again, except now, now she was used to having someone with her. Who would have thought she'd miss having Arthur around. She certainly didn't considering how obnoxious and rude he had been while he was there.

She went to the area she had been sleeping in, that he had taken last night and found the bedding to most of his bed there. Great, she would have to somehow manage to get it back to his room. Or maybe she'd make Merlin do it once he came back.

But while she was folding up the sheets something clattered out of them. Immediately she stopped folding. It sounded metallic, the thing that fell, so it didn't take long for her to find it.

It was some sort of medallion. It was all gold with laurel leaves around the edge, and what seemed to be a lion and a unicorn etched into the front. Strange. It was clearly Arthur's as it had been in his bedding. She figured she'd just give it to him the next time he saw him.

Luckily that ended up being the next morning. He returned from the joust, heavily injured. His arm was in a sling, his side still leaking blood through his chainmail. Still his father made him stand in court and tell him what had happened.

His clever lie was that an assassin had attacked him on the way back, he had gotten injured but the assassin was dead. It worked, Uther believed him, and then waved him off to get treated by Gaius.

They all left the throne room at the same time, but Arthur stayed back to talk to her. Even though she knew better, Guinevere sort of hoped that he was going to tell her something romantic, maybe admit to having some feelings for her.

What she got instead was: "What happened while I was staying with you, I'm afraid my father wouldn't understand,"

She was half expecting it, but still it hurt her heart to hear it. But he was right, of course. She was a servant, and that was all she was ever going to be.

A servant and a prince. It would never happen.

But then Arthur asked if he had left something behind and she found herself at a crossroads. She should have offered the medallion up then and there but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Guinevere, like so many other people, had malicious thoughts, but she so very rarely acted on them.

She prided herself in being the nice one.

But with Arthur standing there, having just dashed her heart after kissing her the day before, she didn't want to give him the medallion back. Arthur, who got everything he wanted, deserved to loose out on something for once.

So she decided to keep the medallion for herself. A memento, she told herself, of the time he had spent with her, as it would never happen again.

Though she knew the guilt would eat her alive and she'd probably end up giving it back to him in a few days, at that moment she was angry, and wounded.

So she told him she hadn't noticed anything but would keep a look out.

He thanked her and then that was them splitting ways.

She said absolutely nothing about the medallion that she had on her at that moment, because she expected to give it back to him. At the time she felt vindicated in her keeping of it but then, for a whole day, that medallion burned a hole in her pocket. Metaphorically of course.

Though it did feel warm, the heaviness in her pocket reminded her that she had kept something of Arthur's for no reason other than she was angry, when she had no right to be.

Arthur's hands were tied.

And he loved someone else.

She knew all of that going in.

When she returned home that evening she was glad to take the medallion out of her pocket. She threw it to her table, knowing that tomorrow, the second she got a chance, she was going to give it back to him. Clear her conscious once and for all.

She turned away ready to forget about it for the rest of the night. She knew she wouldn't. She knew she'd have nightmares about that stupid medallion, taunting her in her dreams about how horrid a person she was to have kept it when Arthur was looking for it.

She had literally just turned around when she suddenly heard a strange sound. One she hadn't heard before.

It was a loud click followed by a lighter tick, tick, tick of meal against metal. She frozen, turned back around and then found herself peering over the table and down to the medallion she had thrown to the table.

She hadn't broken it, had she?

The medallion had opened, revealing a strange decorative plate beneath. It was a shining mother of pearl face, with golden wands moving across the circle to different numbers. It started off fast but then the ticking got faster and faster and the glow on the medallion grew brighter and brighter.

It seemed to be building up to something. Guinevere started to lean away, she waited, waited as it built up to… a pop.

Just a single pop and then the glow mellowed out. Nothing else seemed to have happened. Guinevere leant back in, peering at the glowing white face of the medallion, but it didn't look any different.

"Hello Guinevere."

Guinevere yelped, flying away form the table as she saw who it was who was sitting there before her.

It was Addison.

This ghostly version of her, made of a silver mist. But the ghost was her, smiling up at her. She looked just as Guinevere remembered her.

The ghost of Addison rested her chin on her hands and she looked at Guinevere in an appraising manner.

"So… you're starting to fall for Arthur…"

Oh… this was not good. This was not good at all.