Ranma ½
Chapter 3
Tsukimaonichuan:Spring of Drowned Moon Cat
Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.
I would like to first personally thank all of those reviewing my stories. I enjoy reading your comments, and try to correct the grammatical errors I miss with my final read-through as well as my spell checkers. The suggestions you all make will help make this story better for everyone to enjoy, as well as allow my to fix some plot holes I may unintentionally leave.
If you like, please review, as well as let me know of any spelling errors. I will then re-upload this chapter when I do my next upload.
If you like, check out my other stories.
I also plan to start sending these out to have someone else proofread them before I post them. Volunteers are welcome.
Now, on with the show.
Ranma knew he was in trouble. There was no doubt about it.
No, he wasn't worried about the shots that Minako's parents were insisting he get, in case the father was transferred back to Japan.
No, he wasn't worried about the fact that Minako's mother was wanting him to start wearing a flea collar and chase down the mice for the neighbors.
No, he wasn't even worried about Mrs. Appledorn's cat, Felicia, which was now in heat, and whose owner was hoping for such cute kittens.
No. He was worried about the fact that his charge was missing. Not missing as in the need for posters and available space on milk cartons. She was missing as in hiding and likely to try and have her way with him...again.
Today they had cancelled her school because of a busted water line.
So he was all alone...in a big house...with his charge...for the next several hours.
Hell yeah, he'd admit he was scared.
He listened at the door to their room, trying to find out if she was hiding outside it.
No sound.
Gently, he opened the door.
He looked right. Nothing.
He looked left. Nothing.
Maybe she went shopping?
His question was answered when he felt hot water being poured on him from above, triggering his change from cat into nude man.
Gulping, he slowly raised his head and saw Minako holding herself up along the ceiling with one arm and two legs, her free arm holding the now empty kettle, and as underdressed as he was.
"BANZAI!"
He never knew what hit him.
Pluto looked at the two moon cats before her. If not for Ranma, she would simply set Luna—the more responsible one—to find the princess, and send Artemis to train Sailor Venus, so as to distract the Dark Kingdom from the true princess.
With Ranma, that was no longer necessary.
"Luna, I will send you to find and train the Inners in Japan. If possible, locate the princess."
"Understood," said the black female cat.
She thought for a moment, and decided she had best place Artemis somewhere where he would not be harmful. Truth be told, she would rather have that Ranma moon cat training all of the Senshi. Sailor Venus had just about eliminated the Dark Kingdom presence in Great Britain, and was now taking a major bite out of local crime.
Sighing, she realized she was stuck with what she had. "Artemis, you will head to Juuban. I have already found Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune. You will train them."
Artemis growled. "Why do I get stuck with those two boy-hungry bimbos?"
Pluto blinked. Oh, he doesn't know.
"Every damn time they visited the palace, it was "Doesn't that one have a cute butt?" and "This guy has so much stamina!" and "He was the best I ever had!""
"Artemis." Pluto tried to get his attention.
"I swear, they were such airheads. All they ever did was giggle and flirt with the palace guards!"
"Artemis," she said a little more forcefully.
"I swear, one time I caught Uranus in the royal chambers giving a guard a—"
"ARTEMIS!"
The white moon cat stopped. "What?"
"They aren't like that in this life."
The cat refused to believe his luck. "So what, they're nuns?"
"No...lesbians."
The two cats stared at Sailor Pluto like she had just told them that Queen Serenity was really a guy in drag. "Excuse us?"
"In this life, they are soul bonded to each other."
"I see," said Artemis. Lesbians?
"So, I will send you to them, since you won't have to worry about them spending all their time chasing after boys. You will need to hurry there, though. They are set to take a musical tour in a few hours, and I would prefer if you woke them up first."
"I guess I can accept that, since I don't have to deal with those airheads again." Lesbians!
"Now, off you go. You each have my number to get a hold of me in case something goes wrong."
"Yes, and the location of our contact at the Crown Arcade." Luna was ready to go.
"Understood." LESBIANS! SAILOR SUITED LESBIANS! THANK YOU, SERENITY!
As they teleported away, Pluto couldn't help but think things were going to go bad.
As Ranma lay on the bed, finally clothed after his Minako attack, he sneezed.
This sneeze disturbed the air.
This disturbed air eventually lead to a temperature fluctuation.
This fluctuation eventually caused a jet to alter course a fraction of a degree.
This change created a new wind, which altered the jet stream slightly.
This in turn, created a new storm over Japan.
This storm created some damage, which forced a seventeen year old Kasumi Tendo to take a detour...
...and see a strange white cat with a crescent moon on its forehead.
Artemis was strolling down the street, enjoying the sun on his back. It felt good for him to be walking around enjoying the sunlight on his back.
SAILOR SUITED LESBIANS!
Well, he was currently lucky his day dreams didn't get him run over.
He was on a mission. He had to reach the home of the two Outers within a few hours. Apparently, they were going on some sort of tour for a few weeks, and he would need to get there soon, or he would be left behind.
If he hadn't been busy daydreaming about what an "innocent little kitty" might be allowed to see, he would have asked Pluto to teleport him directly there.
So, instead, he was walking to their home.
"Oh my, what a cute kitty."
Well, he was walking to their home.
Now, he was in the arms of a teenage girl, who was seemingly able to find all the right areas to pet him to turn him into jelly.
"And look at this; you look exactly like Uncle Saotome said his son turned into. Well then, I better get you home, Ranma."
Artemis freaked. This woman was walking away from his heaven, from the two lovely looking Sailor Suited Warriors who had found love with each other.
He wanted to strike out at this girl. He needed to get back to those warriors.
Strictly for the purposes of his assignment, of course.
But as much as he tried, he just couldn't bring himself to injure or upset this girl that was now holding him.
So he took one last look towards his heaven. My...my precious...
Artemis looked up from his bowl. He had been depressed when he had first arrived, but found it harder to be mad at the Tendo girl who had "captured" him.
But the bowl of tuna and milk did help, somewhat.
But as he finished his first meal in 10,000 years, what he raised his eyes to didn't exactly make him feel better about the situation.
Staring intently at him was a fourteen year old girl with long blue hair, a fifteen year old girl with a brown pageboy haircut, and the seventeen year old Kasumi who picked him up. Beside them was a man with a mustache and dirty brown gi, with a man who wore a handkerchief on his head and a dirty white gi who had obviously not missed many meals.
Oh yes, this is bad. Okay. Just act like a normal cat, and maybe they will either realize you are not this...Ranma...and let you go.
Then, I can contact Pluto and she can teleport me to the Outers, and maybe fill me in as to why these people think a moon cat is their pet.
"Saotome, are you certain he is...safe?"
"Of course, Tendo, old friend. My boy's not some weak little girl!"
"You want to be pounded again, Uncle Saotome?"
"N-n-n-n-no, dear."
"So, shouldn't we see if we can change him back?"
Change me back? Boy? Why would his child be a moon cat? This guy looks more like he would fit in with the Dark Kingdom than the Moon Kingdom.
And then, he felt scalding hot water poured on him.
"SON OF A BITCH! WHICH OF YOU FUCKERS DID THAT?"
So much for the cover of a simply cat.
He had talked.
Well, revenge may as well be satisfied.
Turning to the fat one still holding the kettle, his moon symbol began glowing. "Okay fat ass, you pay!"
What followed was a short battle as Genma found out that the moon cat didn't need physical size when it has magic that can fling you around like a rag doll.
The sisters would have helped their...Uncle...but they were enjoying the sight of a cat defeating the supreme martial artist.
"Saotome, I'll save you!"
Soon, they were enjoying the sight of their father undergoing similar treatment.
"Oh my, Ranma seems to be most upset with them?"
"Now that's an understatement."
"Those aren't moves from our school?"
"Akane, he's a cat! You honestly expect him to start breaking bricks?"
"NABIKI!"
"Oh dear, I wish he wasn't burying them in the yard like that."
The three sisters turned to see Artemis send another mound of dirt onto the two fathers, burying them completely up to their heads.
After scratching their faces for final revenge, since they were buried in the tightly and magically packed dirt too much to move, he returned inside, taking several calming breaths. It had been a while since he had acted like that.
Sadly for those two, he enjoyed it, so his body made certain to remember how to do that for their next...lesson.
As he padded back inside, he levitated his bowl up to the oldest girl. "Um, please, Ma'am, may I have some more?"
"Oh, of course, Ranma."
"Um...my name is Artemis."
"Oh, my mistake. Mr. Saotome told us you were named Ranma."
He suppressed the need to twitch, not wanting to insult the great food maker. "Well, I am Artemis. No clue who this "Ranma" is."
"Okay then."
Akane was not the smartest person in the world. One only needed to look at her grades, her workout routine, and the fact that most of the outfits she bought ended up in Nabiki's closet to know this.
So, she went on a simple thought process.
This cat was not Ranma...the estranged and missing fiancé of the Tendo Sisters.
This was good, as she didn't want to be married to someone who changed into a cat, least of all, a male cat.
Boys were perverts and called beautiful and vibrant women "tomboys".
But this cat was a magical cat.
As a rule magical cats and other magical animals didn't reveal themselves to anyone other than their chosen magical girls, according to what she read from Nabiki's manga when she could find them.
After all, it wasn't her fault the authors made the stories that didn't meet her expectations and she was forced to destroy the horrible little comic.
So, finally, she added two and two, and got a messed up four. Magical cat plus that he revealed himself to them equaled... "WE'RE MAGIC GIRLS!"
And people thought only Minako could make leaps of logic that grand.
Kasumi had just set Artemis's bowl in front of him when Akane made the proclamation, now drawing the attention of her sisters and the startled moon cat. "Um, are you certain you should be proclaiming that, Akane? After all, what if the enemies hear you? Or the tabloids?"
Artemis was paled, well, as pale as a white furred moon cat could get. Pluto's gonna kill me!
Nabiki came out of her musings of how to use a magical cat for profit at Akane's words, finally figuring out the weird thought process her sister had come up with, before slapping her hand over Akane's mouth.
She didn't want to be a magical girl! They spent their time saving the world, and didn't get paid for the suffering and nearly daily battles of death they had to face. Their boyfriends always ended up dead when love bloomed, or were really the enemies in disguise.
Kasumi was only thinking of getting the nice talking cat a pillow to sleep on in her room. He was such a nice cat. He even wiped his paws from burying their fathers before coming inside.
Such a respectable magic cat.
Minako sat in the car as her parents were driving them back from the vet's.
Ranma was on her lap, moaning. The only thing keeping him from speaking out about his discomfort about those shots had been the small bandage on his forehead covering his moon symbol.
They had found out about that little effect when Minako placed a bow there to make him look cute for her friends.
As she petted her ailing cat/advisor/boy-toy, she still glared at her father from the back seat. "I can't believe you tried to get him fixed!"
Her father gulped and slid down slightly, as his wife was the one driving. "I just thought—"
"WHAT! You thought I wanted my Ranma without his pellets?"
"That's bullets, dear."
"Thanks, Mom. You think I wanted you to take the bullets out of Ranma's soccer field?"
Her mother remained quiet, wondering how her child was so bad at saying phrases like that.
Her father looked back to apologize for his mistake...
...only to see what looked like the white cat trying to flip him off.
He turned back around, believing that when he got home, he would take some more medication, as he was starting to see things again.
Ranma, however, was wondering what he could get away with for revenge against the man who had tried to get him fixed.
It was safe to say that the good man's credit rating was about to take a nose dive as his credit cards were going to be used for a shopping spree.
After all, Ranma always wanted a motorcycle.
As the two fathers had already dug themselves out, and went off to "contemplate their loss" at a local tavern, to the supposed son of one of them, the girl were left alone with said cat.
He stared nervously at the three daughters, while one kept smiling at him, occasionally mumbling about delivering "righteous vengeance to perverts everywhere."
So, he tried to look brave and unmovable. After all, had he not buried to full sized men in the backyard?
Well, he tried to look brave and unmovable.
Akane was soon before him, looking expectantly and demandingly into his eyes. "Well, make me a magic girl, NOW!"
"EEP!" The moon cat found out that, yes, the ceiling could support his weight.
"Oh dear, Akane, that wasn't very nice."
"Hey, he's supposed to make me a magic girl, and he better damn well do it if he knows what's good for him!"
Nabiki nibbled on her crackers again. "Well, doesn't he need to do some sort of test to make certain you are a magic girl?"
Artemis was back on the ground. "Yes, there is a test. I have to perform a flip. If it doesn't generate a henshin rod for you, then you aren't a magic girl." As Akane looked about ready to interrupt, he continued. "There is no second chance, I ain't broke, and I leave if you aren't, understood!"
"But I'm a magic girl!"
"That is for me, the great talking cat, to decide, not you, girlie!"
Artemis positioned himself for the henshin pin summoning jump after he awoke from the mallet Akane had used on him. As he leapt, he concentrated on landing. "Now see, no—"
He was stopped as he heard three distinct sounds of something hitting the table.
No, my luck isn't that bad!
He opened his eyes, turning around slowly, as his worst fears were realized.
Akane was holding a henshin pen, with the symbol of Titania, a moon of Uranus.
Kasumi was holding a henshin pen with the symbol of Triton, a moon of Neptune.
Nabiki was holding a henshin pen with the symbol of Charon, the lone moon of Pluto.
Sighing about his now being trapped, he decided to do what all great people have done. "I need a bottle of liquor and the phone, please."
He decided to make them Pluto's problem.
Ranma, because of you, I've seen hell!
Meanwhile, on the coast of Australia, a black piglet sneezed.
Omake by Lord Raa:
"But I'm a magic girl!"
"That is for me, the great talking cat, to decide, not you, girlie!"
Artemis positioned himself for the henshin pin summoning jump after he awoke from the mallet Akane had used on him. As he leapt, he concentrated on landing. "Now see, no—"
He was stopped as he heard three distinct sounds of something hitting the table.
No, my luck isn't that bad!
He opened his eyes, turning around slowly. He blinked as he took in the sight of the items that had fallen onto the table.
"Oh my," Kasumi exclaimed, "is that a riding crop?"
"It is, Kasumi," Nabiki confirmed. She reached out to pick it up and received an electric shock for her trouble. "Son of bitch-bastard-fuck hole!"
"Nabiki!" the oldest girl admonished, waving the riding crop in her right hand. "You shouldn't use such language!"
"Wait, how come you can touch it?" Nabiki asked. Again, she reached out for the stick. "AARGH!"
Kasumi, still holding the crop wasn't affected by the shock.
"Most odd," Artemis mused. "What about the other items?"
Akane looked at the fire engine red multi-pronged device with a look of panic on her face. She poked it with an outstretched finger. "Ow! It shocked me!"
Nabiki poked it out of morbid curiosity. "Hmm, that didn't shock me."
The middle Tendo girl picked up the scary looking plastic appliance and examined it. "Eight speed settings?"
"What's this?" Akane asked picking up a ball-gag.
"Oh my," Kasumi said with a blush.
"You know what these are?" Nabiki turned to her sister.
"Yes," the long haired brunette nodded, her cheeks still colored.
Artemis's face fell. "Serenity save us! I didn't think that that sort of thing still went on."
"What is it, Artemis-chan?" Kasumi asked, thankful that she wouldn't have to explain why she knew what a ball-gag was.
"You're not the normal kind of Magical Girl ™!" the cat said in a panicked tone. He just knew that they weren't going to like what he had to say and began to plot an escape route.
"Spill, Kitty!" Nabiki loomed over the talking feline.
"It's not my fault! I didn't think that they still had that sort of thing!" Artemis cowered. "You're concubines, magically bound to someone of great importance. That's the only way I can think that this happened."
"Bound to whom?" Kasumi asked with blush.
"I don't know," Artemis admitted. "I can't think of anybody manly enough to warrant three sisters as concubines."
At the Aino house, Minako felt the need to glare at her sneezing cat. Not because he was disturbing her, but for some other, intangible reason.
"Ranma…" the blonde growled.
"What?" the cat asked.
"Why do I have the urge to punish you for being a playboy?"
Ranma's answer was cut off by the Appledorn's cat meowing outside.
Omake by Shadowbakasama:
So, instead, he was walking to their home.
"Susannette! Oh, Susannette, you're so kawaii!"
Artemis turned to the voice and saw a terrifying sight, a cute brown-haired girl wearing rollerblades and a disturbing amount of pink.
Poor Artemis was stunned into immobility by the pink as the hyper teenaged girl scooped him up.
"Now your going to come home with little Azusa because your so cute Susannette."
"Roowww!" Artemis cried in despair as the girl took off at ludicrous speed on her rollerblades, flying over stairs and out running all the traffic before turning into the driveway of a mansion. The white tomcat also found out that the girl had a serious grip since he couldn't break free without using his claws, and he didn't want to tear up the poor little girl.
"Now widdle Azusa will take Susannette to the kitchen and feed him some nice tuna and milk." She said as they went into the house. "Can't have a hungry kitty."
Well Artemis figured that he could have a meal before he tried to escape; besides from the look of the house this girl's family was rich.
"Oh Robespierre, could you make Susannette a nice snack?" Azusa asks the butler as she walks in.
"Not a problem Miss Azusa."
"Okay, just bring it back to my room. I'm going to show Susannette to widdle Charlotte, they'll look so cute together." She squealed in excitement, sounding so cute that it should make your teeth rot.
Azusa cuddled the poor moon cat hard as she went to her room. Inside the room where shelves piled high with all sorts of sickening cute stuff, but she goes past all that and he sees something horrible, a cage made of twisted wrought iron bars that had been painted pink and gold.
"Oww, how is widdle Charlotte." She coos the little black pot-bellied pig in the disgusting cage. "Look Charlotte, I've brought you a friend to play with. This is Susannette, isn't she so cute!"
"Bwee! Buki snirt boo bwee!" The pig squeals in reply kicking the bars with his front trotters.
Seeing the girl opening a door on the top of the cage Artemis starts to struggle again while growling and yowling out in protest. But it was to no avail, he was dropped into the cage, and she quickly latched the door closed.
"Now Susannette play nice with Charlotte. I'll be back after dinner." Azusa says as she leaves the room.
Since he was alone with the pig Artemis decides he can rant a bit. "Damn, I was almost there. I was almost hooked up as the advisor to two hot lesbian chicks and I get grabbed by a ditz. When Luna hears about this I never hear the end of it."
The pig Charlotte stares at him in shock.
"Oh, I guess you never saw a talking cat before huh?"
The black little piggy shakes it's head.
Seeing a response from the pig Artemis decides to try something else.
"Is the hatch the only way out of this cage?"
"Buki." The pig says nodding it's head.
"Can you give me a lift up there?"
"Bweee!" The pig squeals before pushing the water dish over and standing on it's high legs on the rim of the bowl. Then the pig motions to Artemis to climb up.
"Thanks Charlotte." Artemis says before jumping onto the pig and latching his claws into the roof of the cage. By swinging back and forth Artemis is able to kick the door open with his rear legs. "Ha! I got it!"
After the cat and pig both jump out of the cage Artemis looks around for a way out of the room or a phone. Seeing that both windows are closed and no phone in sight he figures why not ask the pig, I mean it's worked so far, right?
"Do you know if she's got a phone in here?"
"Buki." Charlotte replies and goes to Azusa's purse and drags a cellphone out.
"Cool! Now what was Sailor Pluto's number?"
#Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep#
#Ring# #Ring# #Ring#
"Come on Pluto. Pick up already."
#Ring# #Ring# "This is Sailor Pluto, and I'm not here right now."
"Damn, got her machine."
"And if this is Artemis, you should have checked to make sure the girl wasn't watching you through the door."
Artemis turns around to see Azusa peeking through the window in the door.
"Damn!"
Azusa opens the door part way and comes in closing it behind her.
"Wow, widdle Azusa is so happy! She has a magical talking cat. Azusa must be meant to be a magical girl!"
"Um, actually you grabbed me when I was going to meet a couple of uh magical girls, so I don't think you're a magical girl, sorry."
Azusa gives him the sad puppy dog eyes look and starts to cry. "Are you sure? #sniffle# can't you do something to check and make sure?"
"Oh, all right. Stop crying and I'll give it a try, but if it doesn't work you've got to let me go. I've still got to catch up with those other two girls you know."
And so Artemis does his flip and drops a Henshin Pen.
"Yes, I am a magical Girl!" Azusa squeals jumping up and down and doing a happy dance after grabbing the pen.
"Hey! Show me the pen; I want to see which one you've got."
Azusa proudly displays her pen to him.
"Hmm. It looks like its for one of Neptune's moons, but I don't know which one."
"Oh. How do we find out?"
"Well, um, just hold up the pen and call out whatever comes to mind, I guess."
"Okays, here goes." Azusa says holding the pen up and then calling out "Thalassa Rock Power! Make Up!"
Suddenly Azusa becomes naked and the skin and hair glow brightly as she spins and dances around as multi-colored threads wrap her up and change into a sailor fuku with white leotard, baby blue skirt and collar, pink ribbons and ice skates.
Sailor Thalassa! Oh, now I remember she was Sailor Neptune's cousin and the hung out with the two airheads all the time. She wouldn't stay out of the way in fights so they gave her a Henshin Pen and linked her powers to the 2nd smallest moon of Neptune. Darn rock is only 50 miles across. Artemis thinks putting his paws over his eyes.
#Thump#
Both Artemis and Sailor Thalassa look to see Charlotte the pig lying on the floor with a massive nosebleed.