Part 6
The head of Harry Potter popped out from underneath the cloak. Then another head popped out, this one with red hair and freckles. "Ron," Harry moaned, rubbing his head. "I told you to keep yourself stable."
"Well it's kind of hard when you've got some psycho old guy pulling on your legs," the red haired boy, Ron, answered. Voldemort looked between the two young wizards, then the cloak that covered them, then his father's old gravestone, then his bunny slippers.
Then they caught sight of the evil wizard. His eyes were wide and questioning, and his teeth were clenched. "Um," Harry started to say. He pulled the head of the cloak back over himself before adding, "Boo!" It did not seem to fool the Dark Lord.
The two boys just starred at Voldemort, waiting for him to speak. They wondered what angry, foul, evil words he would say to them…
"Flabberghastienyougust mutteck langostopoperbobbybunbunny garandolsake twoerdop!" Voldemort exclaimed loudly. He was very confused.
"Well that was horribly descriptive," Ron muttered to himself. Voldemort was startled back to reality and pointed his wand at both of them. "You," he said, gesturing his wand at Harry, "Explain yourself. Why is my enemy here?"
Harry shrugged and tried "I dunno." Voldemort zapped his wand at the spot at Harry's feet. Ron laughed. Then Voldemort zapped his wand at Ron's feet. Both boys whimpered with fright.
"We're here, because," Harry began, "Um, because… Ron?" He turned towards his best friend.
Ron looked alarmed. "Because… We're telemarketers!" he said with a smile, hoping it would fool the Dark Lord.
"So, let me get this straight," Voldemort said. "The one person destined to rise up and destroy me, the only person who is capable of this act, who must do this to save the whole world, has now gone into telemarketing?" The teenagers nodded enthusiastically.
"So what's the cloak for?" Voldemort asked.
Ron was the one who began to answer this time. "Uh, right. The cloak. Yes, um, that cloak. Uh, that cloak is for… Er, no, no, the cloak is for… Yes! The cloak is for, no wait, hang on, it's on the tip of my tongue." Voldemort arched his eyebrows at him. Ron began to sweat, "Uh, Harry?"
"The cloak," Harry cut in. "Ah yes, the cloak is to… hide. Ourselves… from angry customers?" Harry finished lamely.
"Hah!" Voldemort cried out, "Thought you could trick me could you? Telemarketers have no angry customers! Well I'm not as stupid as I look!" He quickly waved his wand back and forth between the two teenagers.
"Anything else you want to add before I kill you?" he asked with a maniacal smile.
Ron sat up straighter, "Um, I want to add that… Um… No, yes! No, no, no, yes! Maybe, um… Harry?"
Harry had been busy munching on the Hershey bar he had just found in his pocket. "Sorry, what?" he asked, licking chocolate off of his lips.
"Do you," Voldemort asked, irritated, "Have anything else to add before I kill you?"
Harry shrugged and said, "I dunno." Voldemort was enraged. How dare these two teenagers mock him!
"Um, Harry?" Ron asked uncertainly, eyeing Voldemort's wand that was now emitting embers, "Anything else you want to add to your comment?"
Harry continued to munch on his chocolate bar. "Nope," he stated. Voldemort's wand now gave off sparks and wisps of smoke as it's owner's eyes grew red with anger.
"Nothing at all?" Ron asked quickly, trying to avoid the sparks of lighting.
"Nope," Harry said, taking a bite of chocolate. "Notta. Zilch. Zip."
Ron was now crawling away and hiding himself behind a tombstone. "You can still say something before he, you know, kills us!" he yelled back.
Harry licked the melted chocolate off his lips. "No, I really don't have anything to add!" he yelled back at Ron over his shoulder. He was sitting three feet away from Voldemort, still under the cloak.
Voldemort raised his wand and shouted, "Then die! Die, the Boy Who Lived! Die, the Chosen One! Die, Harry Potter!" He fired off the killing curse, straight at Harry.
"Good-Day, Uncle" the strange man from before shouted as he popped himself out from behind a large tombstone and perched his head in front of the killing curse. The curse swept the young man's hat off his head and onto the ground as it erupted in green flames.
Everyone in the graveyard stared at the smoldering ash on the frozen ground, now emitting a faint smoke. Voldemort looked back at the man he had seen before. He was walking on crutches, and his left hand was bandaged up. "I see your little fall from before has injured you," Voldemort said blandly.
"Not at all, Uncle!" the youth shouted, even though he was three feet away. "In fact, my fiancé says it makes me look hotter!" Voldemort's mouth twitched.
"Speaking of my fiancé," he continued, "She says she'll come to your house later and won't leave until you agree to help pay for out wedding!" His grin was more annoying than ever.
"Tell you fiancé," Voldemort replied, "That if she comes to my house there will be a funeral instead of a wedding. And that goes for the rest of your family as well."
The youth let out a loud laugh. "Ah, Uncle," he said as he whipped a tear from his eye. "You are such the kidder. Isn't he a kidder?" He pointed to Voldemort as he addressed Harry and Ron. Both of the teenagers looked at each other with wide eyes as a response.
Voldemort gestured towards the man and addressed Harry and Ron, "So, what does he have to do with your plan?"
"Nothing," Harry answered. It was better than an 'I dunno' at least. Voldemort knew that he wasn't lying. So, some random psycho just decided to declare himself Voldemort's nephew. Well, as pleasing as it was to have someone worship you, it was also annoying.
"Here," Voldemort said sharply, throwing the man a bent knut. "Go pay for your wedding." The man looked at the wizard coin with interest.
"Why, this must be worth over 1000 pounds!" he said at last. The man ran off yelling with excitement. Voldemort rolled his eyes, now knowing the man was gone for good. It wasn't even a real knut, just a bottle cap sprayed with bronze paint. Voldemort had hopped he could prank Wormtail with it, but he had used it for a better cause.
"Now," Voldemort said, thinking logically. "If you two tell me what you have been doing this whole time, I will assure you that your death will be quick and painless."
"Nah," Ron said before Harry could answer. He was still hiding behind the gravestone. Voldemort was raising his wand again when Ron added, "We'll tell you only if you don't kill us.
"Um, actually," The Dark Lord said, "Killing people doesn't work that way. The victim, or in this case victims, do what you say, and then you kill them. The killer doesn't do what the victim says, because then we wouldn't be evil. See where I'm going with this?"
"Not really," both boys said in unison. Harry was cooking up a plan as Voldemort continued to drone on about the basics and principles of being a murderer.
"You see boys," Voldemort explained, "When you've grown old and evil, you'll understand. Let's say that I wanted to kill Amy –"
"Who's Amy?" Ron cut in. He poked his head out from the gravestone a little more.
Voldemort shrugged a little. "Oh, I don't know. An auror, a teacher, a tax collector, whatever you want. The point is, Amy has annoyed me. So I tell Amy she should do the chicken dance and then her death will be quick and painless. If Amy refuses, then her death will be long and painful."
"That's stupid," Harry said, now getting into the conversation. "What kind of dark wizard would want their victim to do the chicken dance?"
"It's an example," Voldemort answered, his voice raising.
"Can Amy be a potions master? I don't like them too much," Ron called from his gravestone.
"Sure, whatever," Voldemort growled. "The point is –"
"Are you saying we should do the chicken dance if we don't want to die," Harry asked, cutting Voldemort off.
"No," the Dark Lord roared. "You both are missing the point!"
"Can Amy be a potions master who gives out detentions?" came Ron's voice.
"Will you both be quiet and let me finish –" Voldemort started to say again.
"Hey, Voldemort," Harry said, "I'll make a deal with you." Voldemort had half a mind to blow the young wizard's head off right then and there. But he controlled himself, so merely said, "What?"
"We'll explain our plan, and in return you won't kill us," Harry stated, "And we'll even let you relive the Christmas you missed today."
Voldemort thought about this and finally answered "Fine."
"Okay," Harry began to explain, "The truth is that the entire day has been one big prank. You see, we were really bored during the winter break so we thought we might have a little fun with your Christmas. So we got the old gang together and came up with a plan to make you even more miserable than before!" He said the last part with a grin. Voldemort stared at him.
"Well we thought it was funny when we came up with it!" Harry yelled over the explosions as the headstones around him were exploding. Voldemort was firing off curses like a machine gun. He didn't care who or what he hit, he just wanted to unleash his anger and frustration.
Harry and Ron soon found themselves hiding behind the same headstone. "I don't think he liked our joke," Ron said, cramming himself behind the stone as much as he could.
"Doesn't look that way, does it?" Harry agreed. Seconds later their gravestone was blown to dust as they scurried out behind it. They both collided against a random rock that was jutting out from no where.
"You two are dead meat!" Voldemort roared, raising his wand to fire the final blow. Before he fired it though, Dumbledore's ghost appeared in front of Harry and Ron. Voldemort looked surprised, but kept his wand raised over his head.
Shortly after Dumbledore appeared, both the Ghost of Christmas Past and the Ghost of Christmas Future appeared. The small arrangement of wizards surrounded Voldemort in a semi-circle, with Harry and Ron still sitting against the rock. Voldemort finally lowered his wand.
"So you all were in on this, were you?" Voldemort asked with a sneer.
Dumbledore was the one who answered him. "Yes Tom, we were." And with that he swept his wand and everyone their resumed their normal appearances. Lord Voldemort was now surrounded by Hagrid, the half-giant who had appeared as the Ghost of Christmas Present, Hermione Granger, who had once been the Ghost of Christmas Past, a very elegant looking Dumbledore, and of course, Harry and Ron.
Voldemort pointed his wand at Hermione first. "Explain her," as he jutted the magic stick at her.
Dumbledore answered "This is Hermione Granger, one of Harry Potter's best friends. She willingly took up the role as the Ghost of Christmas Past, or maybe I should say, was persuaded my Mister Weasley, who threatened to burn one of her books." Hermione threw Ron a glare at this remark, who grinned in response.
"She was certainly very cocky with me," Voldemort said as Hermione crossed her arms. "And," he added, "She did not die even though I shot the killing curse at her. Explain that!"
"On your first comment," Dumbledore replied, "Miss Granger is in Gryffindor, known for it's bravery. And on your second comment, Miss Granger is very adept at apparition."
Voldemort snorted. "Right, like some teenager can apparate so fast, that she can jump back to her original position in a split-second."
Harry gave the answer, "She's Hermione," and that was all the explanation that was needed.
"And him?" Voldemort asked, gesturing at Hagrid.
"Hagrid was eager to help out," Dumbledore continued, "And I must say, he did enjoy hitting you with a Barbie Doll."
Voldemort's mouth twitched. "And how did no one seem but I?"
Dumbledore glanced at Hagrid and replied, "The wreath he was wearing. It made his whole body invisible, thanks to Mister and Mister Weasleys' Headless Hats. You could see him because it contained hairs from your bunny slippers. In a complex magic formula I could explain it, but it is quite chilly out here."
"Well, that leaves you, Dumbledore," Voldemort said. He could not believe how easily fooled he had been.
"Ah yes, I was wondering when we would get to that. You see, I was not really dead. Merely covered in flour."
Voldemort narrowed his eyes. "That's it?"
"That's it," repeated the Professor.
Voldemort took a long time to think this out. "What about the Malfoy family, and the Death Eater Party?"
"Tom, I assure you that a little questioning when you get back will give you the answers you are looking for."
Voldemort sneered before saying, "The boys said that I could relive Christmas Day." Dumbledore nodded as he tossed a time-turner to the Dark Lord. And with that, the group of wizards was gone, leaving Voldemort standing in the middle of the graveyard with the time-turner.
He looked around and shrugged before flipping it a ton of times. Time turned back as he drifted back to Christmas Morning.