17
N.B. Please be warned that the opening paragraph of Part 6 is rated M for lovemaking. The remaining parts are all rated T.
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Starting Over Part 6
Her awakening was like no other as the pleasurable sensation of arousal touched her breasts, each nipple hardening from something she was yet only dimly aware.
She stretched like a feline and came fully awake to the feel of Jack's tongue tantalizing her. She purred with delight feeling the aching need grow deeper and stronger. Reaching out to pull him closer, she felt his resistance and moaned her displeasure.
"We didn't have much choice our first time, Carter. Now we can take it a little more slowly," he whispered and began to shower her body with such tender kisses that her need for him, far from coming under control, soared high with abandonment and her soul cried out in love as Jack brought her to a haunting climax of conjoined bodies worshipping each other in reverent love.
Later, a tremor crossed her body and protectively Jack drew her closer within the folds of his arms.
"Cold?"
She shook her head, unable to speak for the moment as a wave of anguish passed through her. His words, spoken only a moment ago, so filled with a hope for the future, cut her to the quick.
'We've got all the time in the world.'
But their world, as this, was mere hours and minutes long, though he did not know it and she would not, could not deny him or herself their moment, this moment. Too long she had lived with denial, and knew she would do so again, but these hours were hers for the taking and she had no intention of losing them.
"Sleep now," he advised softly, placing his lips against her neck, nuzzling her affectionately. "You'll need your energy for what I've got planned for you tomorrow."
Her heart ached at his words as once more she felt tears brim over and trail silently down her cheeks. Brushing them surreptitiously away in the darkness she drew even closer to her lover's side breathing in the scent of him and laying it down to memory for those long, lonely winter nights of her future.
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Long before the sun's early morning rays had cast their faint glow over the horizon, Sam crept from her lover's bed, wrapping herself in one of Jack's sweatshirts he had thrown carelessly over the end of the bed. Staring down at his sleeping form so peaceful in repose, she could not help but reach out, brushing the hair from his forehead with her fingers, resting her hand against his cheek. For long moments she stayed there unable to break the connection yet knowing the inevitability of it.
With a painful sigh which almost became a sob she turned away, leaving his room, not daring to look back.
As she moved to the foot of the stairs she was aware of Teal'c descending, but no colour came to her pale features for she had no shame at being seen coming from Jack's room, and she looked squarely into the Jaffa's sympathetic brown eyes.
"I will prepare you breakfast, Dr. Carter."
She smiled wanly.
"Thanks, Teal'c, but I don't think I could manage anything."
"You will not leave without coffee at least," And seeing the pain in her eyes he reached out compassionately. "Go and shower and I will prepare your beverage."
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Teal'c shaded his eyes against the low sun, watching Sam's vehicle until it disappeared from his sight. Her words, spoken in anguish, repeated in his mind as he gave a slight shake of his head.
'Look after him, Teal'c. Don't let him do anything stupid."
How perplexing were these Tauri he thought to himself, turning back to the cabin and waiting quietly for the sparks to fly, for he knew with great assurance that when they did it would not be pleasant.
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(Four weeks later)
"How does it feel to be back on active duty, Jack?" Daniel was grinning as he punched in the keys to descend in the elevator yet he was watching his friend carefully.
"'Bout time, don't you think?" the older man threw back, fully aware of the scrutiny of the archaeologist.
Exiting the elevator they walked to General Hammond's office, moving purposely down the narrow, underground corridors of Cheyenne Mountain.
"Any idea who the replacement's going to be?"
Jack scowled. "Nope, but the general seems to think we'll have no problems with his choice."
Daniel's eyebrows almost touched his hairline as he spluttered, "We?" incredulously.
Jack's scowl deepened further.
"I don't recall having problems with any of those put forward as replacements."
"Yeah, well…….whatever, Daniel."
Jack's speech, short and clipped, indicated his irritability and Daniel was well aware his friend was not looking forward to the next few minutes of being introduced to the new member of SG-1. This was make or break – no more choices. General Hammond had been explicit on that.
As Daniel followed the colonel into the office he just hoped that--.
"What the --?"
He had practically careened into the back of Jack who, for some unfathomable reason, had come to a grinding halt.
Grabbing his glasses, which were perched precariously on the tip of his nose, Daniel blinked stepping round the colonel, throwing him an annoyed glance until he realized Jack was riveted to the spot, his face devoid of any colour as his eyes blazed past the general to whoever was sitting at ease but so far blocked from Daniel's view.
"Jack?" Daniel was beginning to worry until he heard the voice and at once his body, of its own volition, was moving forward, past Jack, past the general.
Thank goodness he wasn't in the military to worry about all that nonsense of protocol. Eyes shining with unmitigated joy, he swept the now risen member of SG-1 into his arms, crushing her to him.
General Hammond, who had watched the scenario with a smile playing on his lips, gave a polite cough and the two parted reluctantly, both aware of Jack's flat, cold eyes on them.
"Well, Colonel, I did say you'd find the replacement came with the highest qualifications and would fit in perfectly...Don't you agree?"
Jack never took his eyes off the person in question as he inclined his head directing a look which, he was pleased to see, was having the desired effect.
"What can I say, General?"
Sensing something in the air, Hammond frowned, a slight furrow to his brow showed he was aware of something he couldn't quite pin down, though the reception from Daniel had been everything he'd expected and more.
And suddenly Teal'c was in the room and the usual enigmatic expression was suffused with a warm glow of pleasure. Approaching the newcomer, he grasped the outstretched hands, shaking them between both of his.
"Words cannot express my feelings, Major Carter."
"Nor mine," intoned Jack, the dryness of his speech making the colour rise even deeper in Sam's cheeks.
"You were sadly missed, Major Carter," Teal'c expressed solemnly and inclining his head he gave Jack a meaningful look which the leader of SG-1 promptly ignored by turning to the general.
"Your 'surprise' certainly stopped me in my tracks, sir."
Daniel's eyes were dancing like fairy lights, his excitement refusing to be contained.
"I knew you couldn't stay away, Sam."
Jack glared hard. "Really? And so why did you grouch so much every time I turned down one of those 'brilliant' replacements the general kept sending us?"
Refusing to be intimidated by Jack's ill humour, Daniel merely grinned, pushing his glasses back up his nose.
"I knew they were just temporary, Jack. I knew Sam would be back eventually."
"Right," Jack snapped without conviction
"Right," echoed Daniel in a much lighter mood.
"How are you, Colonel?"
The silence went on for an eternity as far as Sam was concerned as she waited for an answer to her question.
"Peachy, Major, just peachy." His tone was flat and devoid of any warmth and Sam had to make a concerted effort not to shiver.
Turning to the general, Jack chose to ignore her for the remainder of the time he had to remain in the room. He was grateful for the opportunity to escape as Daniel started to put forward a plan for a 'welcome home' party and deliberately chose to ignore Daniel's question as to whether the date and time would suit him as he hurriedly exited the room at a brisk march, following in General Hammond's footsteps.
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The following two missions were an exercise in getting back into SG-1 swing mode and all went well, other than the fact that Jack kept every contact with his 2IC to the bare minimum and just within the norms of the regulations; he allowed no opportunity for them to be alone together.
Daniel had scowled moodily at Jack when he realized what was happening and saw the tight pinched look which Sam seemed to wear since comprehending what her CO's attitude was going to be, but SG-1's leader paid no attention.
Reappearing through the wormhole after their latest mission off-world, General Hammond surveyed his premier team with a critical eye whilst offering his usual welcome home.
It did not pass his notice that Jack seemed to appear well behind the remainder of the team, nor how Daniel hovered protectively close to the major who, if he was not mistaken, appeared to be losing weight.
All was not well with his premier team, of this he was sure, but as it was not affecting the outcome of their work, he was hesitant to broach the subject at this moment in time.
He was no fool and understood the tension which existed between the colonel and the major and, at times like this, he just wished he could sweep the damned regulations aside and tell them to get on with their lives. That, however, he was not at liberty to do though, if circumstances were to arise, he would not, he believed, be averse to turning a blind eye. He needed to tread carefully on this.
Following the debriefing, General Hammond requested Jack remain behind and, once the others had left, Hammond turned eagle-blue eyes on his 2IC who continued to play with his pen seemingly oblivious to the scrutiny he was under.
"I noticed Major Carter looking a little under the weather. Is everything okay, Jack?"
The colonel's hands stilled for a second then just as suddenly resumed their frenetic movements.
"As well as can be expected, General."
Hammond was not about to let that cryptic comment pass.
"Meaning?"
Jack's eyebrows rose dramatically as he continued in that dry voice Hammond had grown so accustomed to, "Meaning, there are a few creases need ironing out and we're in the process of doing that."
Jack's eyes shot up to clash with the leader of the SGC.
"I expect my flagship team to be operating to the best of its ability, but that also means..." And here Hammond paused for effect, "that SG-1 is cohesive, the members are a team. Can you assure me you're a team, Jack?"
Feeling his temper rising, the grey-haired colonel pushed himself to his feet.
"When I ever get the feeling SG-1 isn't a team, I'll be the first to let you know, General."
Jack's eyes burned with an anger which he made no attempt to hide.
"Permission to be excused, Sir."
"Denied, Colonel. Now sit down. I haven't finished." Although the general's voice was evenly tempered, Jack knew when he'd been given an order.
Moodily he retook his seat, glaring down at the table.
"Dr. Jackson's welcoming party for Major Carter."
Hammond saw Jack's mouth tighten at the same time as his dark-brown eyes rolled upwards.
Well used to his 2IC's ways he sat back quietly, observing the colonel calmly. "As a member, a leading member of the team, I can expect you to be there, isn't that--?"
'As a matter of fact, sir, I already have a prior engagement which is pretty---."
"Cancel it." There was no mistaking the general's tone now.
"Sir?" he protested, sitting up straighter, "I was under the impression that down time was my own time..., sir." His tone was borderline respectable and they both knew it.
"Sorry, Colonel." Hammond chose to ignore Jack's tone. "This time you're on duty. I've been called to Washington unexpectedly; therefore you're going to have to stand in for me."
"But sir, Daniel's party's an informal occasion. It's nothing to do with---."
"It's got everything to do with supporting your colleagues, Jack. I didn't think I'd need to remind you of that," he admonished coolly.
Hammond sound disappointed, which made Jack all the grimmer.
"Very well, sir," he muttered sullenly, resigned to his fate. "Is that all?"
'That's all, Colonel."
Watching him leave, his back stiff with resentment, General Hammond shook his head wondering what his 2IC would do when he found out the trip to D.C. was an out and out lie. The hint of a smile touched his lips. Being a general did have some benefits.
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It was becoming noticeable and the more he stalled the worse it was going to get.
He'd parked his truck in what he'd considered a respectable enough distance from Daniel's but as the time progressed and more and more people arrived, his own parking spot became part of the throng of vehicles coming to the party and people, SGC people, began to notice he was still sitting in his truck.
He ignored them for as long as he dare, but realized he was drawing attention to himself – better to get in, show himself and get out. The obligatory show.
He could manage that – nothing to it.
When Daniel answered the doorbell, his eyebrows rose high in obvious surprise. No – make that shock.
"Jack?"
"Daniel?"
"I kind of got the impression you wouldn't be making an appearance."
"Not the only one…Appears the general had other ideas."
Jack stepped past the archaeologist, his eyes scanning the large open plan room, its walls covered in artefacts Daniel had collected from around the world prior to his joining the SGC. His gaze zoomed in to its quarry and for a second his breath caught in his throat as his eyes hungrily devoured the one he sought.
She was stunning and he could barely bring himself to move forward as her eyes met his, an indefinable shadow extinguishing the bright light that had been there a moment before.
'Follow protocol, damnit,' he ordered himself. 'Just keep going, move forward, say hello and smile. That's not too hard.'
Her eyes, which had held his with silent intensity suddenly flickered and were drawn elsewhere.
'Crap! Crap! Crap!'
Jack felt the blood leach from his face as his eyes alighted on Jacob Carter who was watching his daughter with deep concern.
She was dressed in jeans and a simple blue silk blouse which seemed to reflect the colour of her eyes.
Slowly, Jack became aware he too was under scrutiny and struggled not to squirm as the older Carter's gaze pierced him.
He was before her now and her eyes had returned to his though they looked uncomfortable and kept skipping away and returning as if unable to bear too long a contact.
"Carter."
There! He'd spoken, he'd done his bit, the ball was now in her court.
"I'm glad you could make it, sir."
'Liar!' His eyes flashed and, as if in total understanding, her own widened in alarm.
"I guess I'll go circulate for a while," he muttered and turned straight into the invisible clutches of Sam's father.
"Jack…What have you been up to?"
He winced. He couldn't help it. Had Carter told her father? For a horrifying moment Jack was certain he could feel hands at his throat squeezing the life out of him.
'Get a grip for God's sake. Acting like an adolescent facing an overstressed father out to protect his daughter's virginity.'
"This and that."
Jack's eyes were guarded, too guarded thought Jacob instantly on alert.
'You must relax,' intoned Selmac deep within.
'How the hell do I do that when he's the reason Sam's so unhappy?'
'You do not know that.'
'The hell I do!'
Moving from his inner silent discourse, Jacob perused Jack's features.
"So, happy to have SG-1 back to its original contingent, Jack?"
A pause, slight but definitely noticeable.
"Why wouldn't I be?"
Jack had grabbed a beer and was busy removing the screw top so that he didn't have to look into Jacob/Selmac's face and endure their scrutiny. He took a deep swig of his drink and looked out over the throng who all appeared to be having a wonderful time.
There was Carter laughing at something Sgt. Siler had said, her head turned to one side, her blue eyes sparkling in obvious amusement.
"You tell me, Jack," and now there was a definite hardening of Jacob's tone.
Slowly Jack turned to face the older man, his eyes darkening. "Whatever it is you want to say, Jacob, just spit it out!"
'Stay calm, Jacob,' advised Selmac calmly.
'Easier said than done when I want to drag the son of a bitch out on the stoop by the scruff of his neck and beat the shit out of him!'
Slowly, Jacob's eyes glowed as Selmac came to the fore.
"You must excuse Jacob, O'Neill, he is simply being the protective father."
"Yea, well if I'm not mistaken, the last time I checked, Carter could look after herself."
Jacob, unable to remain in the background and unwilling to have Selmac oil the ground for him, pushed himself forward.
"Not where you're concerned, and if I find out that you've--."
"Dad?"
Only his daughter had the ability to stop him in his tracks and the urgent question combined with wide, blue eyes in a worried face had him snapping the angry tirade off in full flow.
"What's going on here?" she demanded. Her voice, though soft, had an iron determination behind it as she surveyed the two protagonists.
'You should have listened to me,' stated Selmac smugly.
'Shut up!'
"I was just having a friendly conversation with Jack."
Sam looked downright dubious.
"It didn't look 'friendly' from where I was standing."
She eyed them both critically suddenly enjoying the power she held as they stood before her like two errant schoolboys caught for a misdemeanour and brought before the headmistress for punishment.
She stepped closer to Jacob and glared.
"Whatever it is you're doing, Dad, don't!"
Jacob had the grace to drop his head and Jack couldn't help but feel pleased with himself.
"And as for you..."
His smugness evaporated as his eyes fixed on a spot just past her shoulder.
The urge to give him a good shaking was irresistible and Sam's fingers twitched in anticipation, but almost as quickly as the anger had erupted it was replaced with weary resignation.
"Why do I bother?" she muttered more to herself than for Jack, and she pushed past him a little more aggressively than was called for.
Jacob glared hard and followed on her heels.
'Well, that went well,' Jack thought cuttingly, downing the last of the beer as he watched some couples dancing to what the colonel though was loud, aggressive sounding music which made him grimace.
He could still see Carter giving Jacob what looked like a dressing down to go down in history.
'Okay by me, Carter – give it all you've got.'
But as if sensing his silent encouragement her head snapped round and her lips tightened ominously as her eyes pierced him.
Just at that moment the music changed and words Jack had never heard before beat an insistent path to his weary brain causing his heart to beat painfully as his own dark eyes bored into hers.
Still feels like our first night together
Feels like the first kiss
It's getting better baby
No one can better this
I'm still holding on – you're still the one
The first time our eyes met
It's the same feeling I get
Only feels much stronger
Want to love you longer
You still turn the fire on ….
So if you're feeling lonely – don't
You're the only one I'd ever want
I only want to make it good
So if I love you a little more than I should…
She couldn't look away even if she'd wanted, held by some invisible force that kept her locked by his captive gaze whilst the words of a husky voiced singer pierced the armour that Jack had caused to be erected.
Dimly aware someone was talking to him, Jack waved a hand in acknowledgement whilst eliminating the space which separated him from Carter.
Please forgive me – I know not what I do
Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you
Don't deny me this pain I'm going through
Please forgive me if I need you like I do
Please believe me every word I say is true
Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you.
He stood before her, oblivious of Jacob's presence, acutely aware of Sam's body before him. His eyes spoke silent words and without hesitation she stepped into his arms and began to move to the sensual rhythm of the music.
Feels like the first touch
Still feels like our best times are together
We're still getting closer
I'm still holding on – you're still No. 1
I remember the smell of your skin
I remember everything
I remember all your moves – I remember you
I remember the nights, you know I still do
So if you're feeling lonely, don't
You're the only one I'd ever want
I only want to make it good
So if I love you a little more than I should…
Her arms went around his shoulders as his own went to her waist, pulling her in close, a tug and closer still, their bodies melded together as if they were one.
Her face had managed to achieve an impassivity Jack longed to attain though her beating heart gave her away.
"Nice music, Sir," she whispered flippantly.
He winced. She knew how to kick a man when he was down. Mind you, she'd been taught by the best he acknowledged.
He tightened his hold just a little more, the urgency of his touch warning her to tread very carefully.
She fell silent listening again to the words of the song, unable to completely disguise the sigh which escaped her lips, and by the time the music ended she was unashamedly caught up in the passion of the moment.
As the last notes died away his lips moved softly against her pale cheek.
"Welcome back, Carter."
And before she could blink or formulate some coherent thought out of her chaotic mind he'd gone, the scent of his skin still tantalizingly close to her, reminding her of a night not so long ago…
As she moved to Janet's side, she screwed her eyes tightly shut, well aware of the look her medical friend was giving her.
"I thought you said he was barely speaking to you," admonished the petite doctor, her eyes wide in wonder. "Well, with that body language, who needs words?"
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He scowled deeply, swearing under his breath at the intrusive sound, glancing irritably at his watch as he moved away from his telescope. He peered over the edge of the railings wondering if Daniel had come to give him some earache. He really was going to have to get Teal'c to give him some lessons on containing inner turmoil and keeping it there. If he'd come to give Jack more grief about Sam he would really send him away with a flea in his---Whoa!
In the light cast by his security lamps he caught the unmistakable blonde hair and the blue of a silk top.
The doorbell went again, more insistently.
Crap. He wasn't in the mood to face her right now – the beer bottles lined up on the floor were testimony to how quick his brain would be in dealing with Major Samantha Carter. Or not!
Running a hand through his tousled hair, he grimaced as if in pain. This whole evening seemed to be progressing from bad to worse and there was no way it could get any better.
More bell ringing.
When was she going to get tired of that?
"Colonel! Colonel, I know you're in, so please open up because I'm just staying here until --."
"Pipe down, Carter! You'll wake the whole damned neighbourhood, for crying out loud!"
Stepping back, she looked up to see the silhouette of her CO against the night sky.
"Sir, we need to talk." She was speaking in her loudest whisper.
"Not in the mood, Major. Go away."
"Negative, Sir."
'Fine, just damn fine.' "So freeze your ass on my doorstep," he hissed, "your choice."
"Not prepared to do that either, Colonel."
Uh oh. He didn't like the sound of this. If Daniel had dared--!
"I've got a key. I'm coming in."
"Negative on that, Carter…..I said neg--."
He heard the door being unlocked and promised himself he would personally do Daniel some serious injury for giving Carter his house key.
It took her a few minutes to make it to the ladder and then he heard her climbing.
He'd turned his back. Leaning against the rail, arms crossed in front of him and didn't move when he sensed her behind him.
"Whatever it is you want to say – say it and go. And don't forget to leave my key," he growled coldly.
He heard her snort.
"No surprises with you, sir. Cut to the quick and to hell with the rest."
"L.T.S., Carter."
"Sir?"
"Life's too short."
His face was impassive, giving nothing away as he turned to face his 2IC who was watching him with a quiet intensity.
"Party go okay?"
"A couple of hiccups – other than that – great."
Jack blinked – he'd never been described as a hiccup before – he didn't expect Jacob had either.
"So?" He suddenly noticed the sweatshirt she'd thrown over her shoulders and scowled more than ever.
"I wondered where that had got to," he accused softly, but Sam made no move to take it off and as memories of that particular night returned afresh, Jack felt his face burn and was grateful for the darkness.
"We've got to get past this, Colonel." Sam's words cut through the silence which had fallen.
"Excuse me?" His tone was deliberately scathing.
"This animosity – it's affecting the team. Our relationship--."
"Relationship?" Jack cut in icily. "And what relationship would you be alluding to, Carter?"
It was Sam's turn to feel a deep blush wash over her face and throat and her large eyes narrowed in consternation.
"With respect, Sir, I believe personal feelings may have entered into the equation."
Pinning her with flattened, black eyes, he spat viciously, "Don't flatter yourself. I screwed you, end of story."
She didn't move for what seemed to Jack an eternity, and in the end he couldn't face the reproach he saw in her eyes. Turning his back on her, he took up a position at the telescope.
"You'll see yourself out."
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She knew she was gripping the steering wheel too tightly, but it gave her a grim satisfaction to think it was her CO's neck she had a death grip on.
'No, too easy – he deserves something slow and --.'
She shook her head appalled at the way her mind was working. 'Concentrate on driving, damnit!' Reaching over, she switched on the radio for some welcome diversion to her gory thoughts and it was only when she was pulling into her driveway that the plaintive and haunting lyrics of a woman's clear voice rang out mesmerizing her with the words which Sam believed, had been written just for her. She had listened to this song so often when she'd believed Jack had been lost to her for good after he'd been allowed to 'retire' to Edora. As she sat in the vehicle outside her home she knew she should just switch the music off – it was only a song for God's sake. What on earth was wrong with her? Switching off the engine, she could feel the tears silently slipping down her cheeks, yet still she couldn't stop the music and leaning her head against the steering wheel she gave in to all the concealed misery she had kept so securely bottled up these last months.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me.
You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me.
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me.
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along.
As the words echoed round the interior of her car, she opened herself to their meaning and allowed her grief an outpouring long denied.
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N.B Songs by Bryan Adams and Evanescence.
Go to Part 7