Ranma ½

Chapter 5

Tsukimaonichuan:Spring of Drowned Moon Cat

Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.

I would like to first personally thank all of those reviewing my stories. I enjoy reading your comments, and try to correct the grammatical errors I miss with my final read-through as well as my spell checkers. The suggestions you all make will help make this story better for everyone to enjoy, as well as allow my to fix some plot holes I may unintentionally leave.

If you like, please review, as well as let me know of any spelling errors. I will then re-upload this chapter when I do my next upload.

If you like, check out my other stories.

I also plan to start sending these out to have someone else proofread them before I post them. Volunteers are welcome.

Now, on with the show.

Once again...

Inner Senshi are age fourteen.

Akane is fourteen.

Nabiki is fifteen.

Kasumi is seventeen.

Setsuna would kill me for simply ever guessing her age.

Ranma and Ryoga are sixteen when this started, now eighteen.

The scouts were confused.

Well, the Inner scouts were confused, as well as the Outer Moon scouts. Sailor Moon was currently on the ground, withering in agony.

"Now your leader knows the fate of all those that challenge the Knights Who Say Ni!" said the head knight, as Sailor Moon appeared to once again receive a harsh blow.

Yes, the Dark Kingdom had done the unthinkable, releasing the Knights Who Say Ni onto the world once again.

Sailor Titania, also known as Akane Tendo, could only stare. "She does realize how stupid this is, right? I mean, that word isn't really a magic attack."

A man watching from the sides was about to point out how stupid this battle was, as well as how there was no possible reason for the Sailor Senshi to possibly believe their outfits offered any sort of protection, when an unknown knight rode up to him and stabbed him dead, before riding off.

"FRANK!"

As with Jusenkyo, the Kami do not like their plot holes being pointed out.

The other Senshi could only stare as well, Mercury was on her computer. "I don't understand why she is acting that way. There is no magic, no attacks... So why does she look like she's being hurt when they say Ni?"

Sailor Moon crumpled up as if she had just been hit in the chest.

"Don't say Ni, Mercury!" screamed Jupiter.

"I think Moon's lost her mind," said Charon, wondering why the Inners were so stupid. Must be the fact they're fourteen.

"Oh, but Ni is such a weird word," said Triton.

"But there is no power in that word," said Mercury. "Maybe she only thinks she is being attacked when someone says Ni?"

"Ni-Ni-Ni-Ni-Ni-Ni-Ni-Ni," prattled Titania. "Let's just kill the bakas and be done with it."

"AH!" screamed the Knights Who Say Ni.

"What?" asked Mars. "What was it that made them act like that?"

"AH!" screamed the Knights Who Say Ni.

"Whatever it is, it appears to make them react the same way Moon does when they say Ni."

"AH!" screamed the Knights Who Say Ni and Sailor Moon.

"You will never get out Life Force!" screamed Sailor Jupiter.

"But we do not want your life force," said the head knight.

The Senshi blinked. "Well then, what the hell do you want!"

"We want...a shrubbery."

The Senshi just stared and blinked...except for Moon.

She was wearily reaching a hand up. "Medic!"

Titania turned to the others. "I say we kill them now."

Soon, the Knights Who Say Ni were no more, after the attacks of a violent Sailor Titania and Jupiter, while Mars berated Sailor Moon for being injured by words. "Baka Meatball Head, only you could get physically hurt by a word."

"WAH! Mars is so mean!"

Oddly, no one thought this was strange.

But considering what happened to the tourist, Frank, when he questioned it, they were happy to let it go on.

After all, you didn't need to see a foreign tourist named Frank get killed a fifth time to understand what could happen.

Strangely, two of those had been females.

Not that the author is questioning a possible plot hole. Nope.

The unknown knight sighed. He put away the forged ID that gave the author the name "Frank" and walked away.

Ranma padded around the woods on the outskirts of Minato Ward. Minako was getting registered to attend Junior High, followed by uniform shopping.

"Man, I just know she'll want to model those for me," he said, knowing he would suffer when he got back.

He stopped by a clearing, a huge cave before him. Looking closer, he saw a sign. "Welcome to the Cave of Caerbannog. Beware the vicious monster." He stared, wondering why the sign was in English, when he noticed movement.

A small white bunny hopped from the cave.

Now Ranma has only a few primary motivations.

Despite what Minako thinks, him having his way with her in naughty moments is not one of them.

But one is the need to feed.

So, one cute bunny plus one hungry moon cat/martial artist equals rabbit stew.

Unfortunately, the rabbit was thinking the same thing, but thinking of cat cutlets.

Thus, the two fierce combatants launched at each other.

Ranma was limping back home. The rabbit had been fierce, a worthy adversary, but no match for a Master of Anything Goes.

As Ranma got closer to his new home, he noticed several girls who wore outfits similar to Sailor V's being chased by a horrendous Black Beast.

Before he could go and try to find some hot water, the great beast fell over dead for no apparent reason and turned to dust.

Shaking his head, he returned to heading home or finding some hot water. It wasn't like he hadn't seen weirder, and after having a belly full of rabbit, he really needed to wash this blood off himself.

Minako lay on her bed, looking over at the mantel that held her latest purchase. "Who knew they had something as corny as a Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch at a school uniform store? Man, what junk can I buy next?"

Her words were cut off as Ranma walked into her room as human, flexing his arm, and appearing freshly washed. "Ranma, what happened?"

He just smiled. "Oh, I had to face a rabbit today. Damn bugger took a bite out of me. I just need to stay in this form for about another twenty minutes for it to heal."

She let out a breath that her boy toy/advisor/boyfriend/sensei/stud muffin was safe and still perfectly hunky.

But, her smile soon turned mischievous. "Well, then you can help me figure out whether or not to keep the clothes I just bought today."

Ranma paled, starting to wish that the rabbit had killed him.

Ami continued her story. "After I arrived, all I could find were some gnawed-on rabbit bones and what looked like the aftermath of a vicious battle." She looked away. "I wonder what that weird power was: youma...or something else."

Akane sighed. Her leader was currently sleeping, mumbling about her precious Mamo-chan, or Tuxedo Kamen, and adding several food items that the others would not dare to speculate on if they were to be used for eating, or naughty fun.

Akane hated that tux-clad pervert. All he ever did was throw the occasional rose, spout some crap about keeping hope, and disappear. He was nothing more than a cheerleader and a pervert.

Not like Omega Knight. Now he was a true man. He helped Sailor V all the time, fought beside her, and protected people. He got into the battle, fighting alongside his love. Why can't I find a boy like that? He's so...dreamy!

The all turned forward, except for their fearless leader who was currently drooling over her math book, as the teacher entered. "Call, we have a new student today."

"Hello, I am Minako Aino."

Ranma lay lazily on the tree branch outside the school; his charge/student/torturer/girlfriend was inside introducing herself to the class.

He was tired and just wanted to sleep. He had been up for hours in his human form; Minako trying on dozens of outfits, asking his opinion, which style best suited her, etc...

He felt like his soul had been sucked from his body, his mind reduced to jelly.

Of course, if she had really wanted his opinion, she would have done that without occasionally forgetting to button shirts all the way, wearing undergarments, etc...

Luckily, Lynn's outfits when she attempted to restrain him had built up his tolerance to sexily dressed females.

Unluckily, Minako wouldn't stop until he shot blood out his nose from her appearance.

She's worse than Lynn ever was. Well, Lynn did occasionally wear less, but I really don't think the outfits were complete. Otherwise they would have hid her naughty parts.

Then Minako kept tossing and turning all night, making it damn near impossible for him to sleep, as she held onto him while doing it.

If not for the Bakusai Tenketsu training, he was certain she would have broken a few ribs.

"Artemis, what are you doing here?"

Ranma turned his head a little, seeing a black cat on the branch before him, a crescent moon on her forehead.

Now, despite what most people would have thought, Ranma did find education while in England. He realized either the cat before him was born a moon cat, or hit in Jusenkyo. "Name's Ranma, not Artemis. You born a moon cat, or did you fall into Jusenkyo?"

Luna blinked. This was another one like her? "I was born one, I think. You mean there are moon cats out their who weren't born as such?"

Ranma sighed, his chances for a nap dropping. "Yeah, I fell into a spring at a cursed valley in western China called Jusenkyo, Spring of Drowned Moon Cat. Hot water'll change me back to human."

Luna blinked. That reeked of chaos magic. Perhaps it had been an area where Beryl experimented before the Great Fall. "So then, what are you doing here?"

"I'm making certain my charge is okay." Ranma sat up. "Tell me, are all magic girls chosen by these Powers That Be always so damn hormonal. I swear, I can barely keep that girl clothed anymore. Every time we are alone in the house, she goes running for hot water to try and have me pound her bongos, toot her gong, and bust her apple...whatever that means."

Luna blinked. Powers That Be? Busting her apple? Pound her bongos? Toot her gong? "Um, we are supposed to be guiding the reborn warriors of a dead kingdom to fight the evil the former Queen Serenity sealed away with her last bit of life."

"Oh," said Ranma, lazily. Just must be my luck then I get the only one who's hot to trot. "So, how many are you guiding?"

"I am guiding four, Artemis guides three."

Ranma blinked. There was another male...and he was teaching three? His mind instantly thought up an image of three Minako's demanding his attention, and shuddered. It was almost as bad as when he had caught Minako's dad and mom having sex.

The horror...

It still left its scars.

"And who is your charge, Ranma?" Luna was enjoying talking to a civilized moon cat. Plus, as cats went, he was easy on the eyes.

"One, and she is a handful. I taught her martial arts when we figured out that hot water changed me back, but after we eliminated the Dark Syndicate last year, she's been more focused on having her way with me." He lowered himself back onto the tree. "Sorry, but I need to catch some sleep. Can we talk after school?"

She nodded in agreement, promising to return after school, and heading over to wait for her charges to come out for lunch. She had a lot to tell them.

He was out cold to the world when she realized he hadn't told her who his charge was.

"I don't know, Luna," said Nabiki. "Are you certain we can trust him?"

Akane snapped her fingers. "That's where I remember that from." She turned to her sister. "Remember Uncle Saotome saying his son was lost at Jusenkyo. Maybe that's this Ranma."

The other girls looked at them. "You mean you've heard of Jusenkyo?"

Nabiki nodded. "I researched it as soon as the fat lard moved into our old home. It is this cursed training grounds with hundreds of pools. If you fall into one, you get a cursed form based on whatever drowned in that pool last. We always assumed Ranma fell into Maonichuan: Spring of Drowned Cat. Uncle didn't tell us until later that Ranma had a mark on his head, but we always assumed it was a birthmark."

Their thoughts were stopped as the new student came outside and walked over to the tree Luna had pointed to with Ranma in it. The new girl then astounded them by jumping into the tree, which was followed by a scared looking white moon cat dropping out of it and taking off.

"Get back here, Ranma!" screamed Minako. "I know you've got my lunch!"

The group watched as Minako proceeded to chase the cat around, as both performed martial arts feats that astounded the onlookers, before Minako tackled the cat. As they wondered what she would do next, she slapped her forehead. "Idiot, I still have it." She reached up her sleeve, pulling out a large bag of food, before beginning to devour it, setting a large portion off to the side that was soon finished by her cat.

Everyone had a sweatdrop at this except for Usagi, who was currently wondering how to bum...I mean, ask for some food from her soon-to-be new friend.

Makoto was wondering if perhaps it was her old sempai who had been cursed. Even as a cat, he was obviously a great martial artist.

Ami was looking at her computer, wondering how the two had done that.

Luna was drooling over nailing the active moon cat. Yes, in her opinion, he was already a much better catch than what's-his-name. "Well, I guess we know who his charge is."

Akane wanted him to teach her. If he had made that girl so good, she wondered if perhaps she had gotten a defective moon cat.

Come to think of it, maybe Luna was defective as well. She just said what they needed to do, with no prep time.

Nabiki wanted to figure out what was going on. If that Ranma was really Uncle Saotome's son, then he was engaged to one of them.

Ranma just shuddered after finishing his meal. Somehow, he knew he was in trouble, he just didn't know how?

His thoughts were interrupted by the impact of a coconut. He just couldn't tell at this distance if the swallow that had been carrying it was European or African.

Omake #1 by Innortal:

NARRATOR: The Tale of Sir Tuxedo Kamen
(boom crash)
(angels singing)
(pound pound pound)
TUXEDO KAMEN: Open the door! Open the door!
(pound pound pound)
In the name of King Arthur, open the door!
(squeak thump)
(squeak boom)
ALL: Hello!
BERYL: Welcome gentle Sir knight, welcome to the Castle Anthrax.
TUXEDO KAMEN: The Castle Anthrax?
BERYL: Yes... oh, it's not a very good name is it? Oh! but we are
nice and we shall attend to your every, every need!
TUXEDO KAMEN: You are the keepers of the Holy Ginzuishou?
BERYL: The what?
TUXEDO KAMEN: The Ginzuishou -- it is here?
BERYL: Oh, but you are tired, and you must rest awhile. Unazuki!
Naru!
UNAZUKI and NARU: Yes, oh Beryl!
BERYL: Prepare a bed for our guest.
UNAZUKI and NARU: Oh thank you thank you thank you--
BERYL: Away away varlatesses! The beds here are warm and soft
- -- and very, very big.
TUXEDO KAMEN: Well, look, I-I-uh--
BERYL: What is your name, handsome knight?
TUXEDO KAMEN: Sir Tuxedo Kamen... the Chaste.
BERYL: Mine is Beryl... just Beryl. Oh, but come!
TUXEDO KAMEN: Look, please! In Serenity's name, show me the Ginzuishou!
BERYL: Oh, you have suffered much! You are delirious!
TUXEDO KAMEN: L-look, I have seen it! It is here, in the--
BERYL: Sir Tuxedo Kamen! You would not be so ungallant as to refuse
our hospitality.
TUXEDO KAMEN: Well, I-I-uh--
BERYL: Oh, I am afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet
compared to yours. We are but eight score young blondes and
brunettes, all between sixteen and nineteen and a half, cut off in
this castle with no one to protect us! Oh, it is a lonely life --
bathing, dressing, undressing, making exciting underwear... We
are just not used to handsome knights. Nay, nay, come, come, you
may lie here. Oh, but you are wounded!
TUXEDO KAMEN: No, no -- i-it's nothing!
BERYL: Oh, but you must see the doctors immediately! No, no,
please, lie down.
(clap clap)
CHISATO MIZUNO: Ah. What seems to be the trouble?
TUXEDO KAMEN: They're doctors!
BERYL: Uh, they've had a basic medical training, yes.
TUXEDO KAMEN: B-but--
BERYL: Oh, come come, you must try to rest! Doctor Chisato Mizuno,
Doctor Washu, practice your art.
CHISATO MIZUNO: Try to relax.
TUXEDO KAMEN: Are you sure that's necessary?
CHISATO MIZUNO: We must examine you.
TUXEDO KAMEN: There's nothing wrong with that!
CHISATO MIZUNO: Please -- we are doctors.
TUXEDO KAMEN: Get off the bed! I am sworn to chastity!
CHISATO MIZUNO: Back to your bed!
TUXEDO KAMEN: Torment me no longer! I have seen the Ginzuishou!
CHISATO MIZUNO: There's no Ginzuishou here.
TUXEDO KAMEN: I have seen it, I have seen it. I have seen--
GIRLS: Hello.
TUXEDO KAMEN: Oh--
VARIOUS GIRLS: Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.
Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.
Hello.
TUXEDO KAMEN: Beryl!
RANKO: No, I am Beryl's identical twin sister, Ranko.
TUXEDO KAMEN: Oh, well, excuse me, I--
RANKO: Where are you going?
TUXEDO KAMEN: I seek the Ginzuishou! I have seen it, here in this castle!
RANKO: No! Oh, no! Bad, bad Beryl!
TUXEDO KAMEN: What is it?
RANKO: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty Beryl! She has been setting
alight to our beacon, which, I just remembered, is Ginzuishou-shaped.
It's not the first time we've had this problem.
TUXEDO KAMEN: It's not the real Ginzuishou?
RANKO: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, evil Beryl! Oh, she is a naughty
person, and she must pay the penalty -- and here in Castle
Anthrax, we have but one punishment for setting alight the
Ginzuishou-shaped beacon. You must tie her down on a bed and spank her!
GIRLS: A spanking! A spanking!
RANKO: You must spank her well. And after you have spanked her,
you may deal with her as you like. And then, spank me.
VARIOUS GIRLS: And spank me. And me. And me.
RANKO: Yes, yes, you must give us all a good spanking!
GIRLS: A spanking! A spanking!
RANKO: And after the spanking, the Lewinskis.
GIRLS: Lewinskis! Lewinskis!
TUXEDO KAMEN: Well, I could stay a BIT longer.
SAILOR URANUS: Sir Tuxedo Kamen!
TUXEDO KAMEN: Oh, hello.
SAILOR URANUS: Quick!
TUXEDO KAMEN: What?
SAILOR URANUS: Quick!
TUXEDO KAMEN: Why?
SAILOR URANUS: You're in great peril!
TUXEDO KAMEN:
BERYL:
SAILOR URANUS: Silence, foul temptress!
TUXEDO KAMEN: Now look, it's not important.
SAILOR URANUS: Quick! Come on and we'll cover your escape!
TUXEDO KAMEN: Look, I'm fine!
SAILOR URANUS: Come on!
TUXEDO KAMEN: Now look, I can tackle this lot single-handed!
RANKO: Yes! Let him tackle us single-handed!
GIRLS: Yes! Tackle us single-handed!
SAILOR URANUS: No, Sir Tuxedo Kamen, come on!
TUXEDO KAMEN: No, really, honestly, I can go back and handle this lot
easily!
RANKO: Oh, yes, let him handle us easily.
GIRLS: Yes, yes!
TUXEDO KAMEN: Wait! I can defeat them! There's only a hundred and
fifty of them!
RANKO: Yes, yes, he'll beat us easily, we haven't a chance.
GIRLS: Yes, yes.
(boom)
RANKO: Oh, shit.
(outside)
SAILOR URANUS: We were in the nick of time, you were in great peril.
TUXEDO KAMEN: I don't think I was.
SAILOR URANUS: Yes you were, you were in terrible peril.
TUXEDO KAMEN: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril.
SAILOR URANUS: No, it's too perilous.
TUXEDO KAMEN: Look, no one can face as much peril as I can.
SAILOR URANUS: No, we've got to find the Holy Ginzuishou. Come on!
TUXEDO KAMEN: Well, let me have just a little bit of peril?
SAILOR URANUS: No, it's unhealthy.
TUXEDO KAMEN: Bet you're straight!
SAILOR URANUS: No, I'm not.

Omake #2 by Innortal

The Senshi had prepared for the meeting. Their newest ally: Sailor Venus, was attending.

Even Usagi was on time...

...and awake...

...and full!

When they opened the door to the shrine...they were not prepared for what they saw.

Earlier...

Ranma saw a tasty looking mouse.

Luna--who had been losing her high priced cat food to an extra hungry Usagi--saw the fat, plump, rodent.

Both leapt for it, and with Ranma's luck, collided into each other head first. Luna hit the ground hard, knocking the wind out of her and disorientating her.

Ranma landed on top of her back, suffering the same effects.

And that is when the Senshi entered.

Ranma blinked, looking down at how he was situated on Luna, and back up to the red glowing Senshi of Love. "Um...would you believe this isn't what it looks like?"

Rei held her forehead. "Who knew Luna would give it up on the first date?"

Usagi looked with a frozen stare at her uptight moon advisor apparently getting some kitty love.

Minako took a deep breath, reached behind her, and pulled out the Venus You-Done-Fucked-Up-Lovin'-Me Mallet. "RANMA NO BAKA!"

Yes, even as a cat, Ranma still can't help getting screwed over by Fate.

Omake by Lord Raa:

Ryoga was not happy.

In fact, Ryoga was angry and it was all the fault of that arrogant bastard, Ranma Saotome.

If he hadn't skipped out on their duel, he wouldn't have had to follow him. And then he wouldn't have ended up getting that weird curse in China.

At least he stayed human when he was splashed with cold water. After speaking with the Jusenkyo Guide, Ryoga shuddered at the thought of turning into an animal that was likely to be eaten, like a piglet.

It was just that his cursed form was so annoying.

"Damn that foul, cowardly cretin known as Ranma Saotome!" Ryoga cursed.

One of the changes was the flowery speech that the lost boy was now compelled to use instead of his normal patterns.

But the real kick in the pants was the fact that his clothes changed from the rugged all weather outfit that he liked to formal eveningwear fit for a masquerade ball, complete with cane and roses.