Ranma ½
Chapter 7
Tsukimaonichuan:Spring of Drowned Moon Cat
Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.
I would like to first personally thank all of those reviewing my stories. I enjoy reading your comments, and try to correct the grammatical errors I miss with my final read-through as well as my spell checkers. The suggestions you all make will help make this story better for everyone to enjoy, as well as allow my to fix some plot holes I may unintentionally leave.
If you like, please review, as well as let me know of any spelling errors. I will then re-upload this chapter when I do my next upload.
If you like, check out my other stories.
I also plan to start sending these out to have someone else proofread them before I post them. Volunteers are welcome.
Now, on with the show.
Artemis was currently in hell.
Well, not the hell that spawns the life force that is embodied in Akane's cooking.
Or the hell that he has been in living with the Outer Moon Senshi in the Juuban Tendo Dojo. After all, Akane was making some headway in what ways to not pet a cat.
No, he was in the hell that was the past. He was reliving the time he had been stuck in a room with Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune.
Neptune was twirling her hair. "Like, oh my god, did you, like, see that hottie?"
Uranus was sipping on her drink. "Like, totally. He was a major babe. Nothing like Keitaro, though."
"I know! Keitaro is, like, so last week."
Artemis was wondering if he could find some rope to hang himself from that chandelier in the middle of the room, and end his suffering at the hands of the Valley Girl Senshi.
"Oh, you know Fred, right?" asked Uranus.
"Like, yeah! He's a major hottie!"
"Well, I like, so totally did him last night in the throne room."
"NO WAY!"
"Like, way!"
"Like, no way!"
"Heh, like totally!"
Artemis wanted to die. They would stay here, torturing him forever.
"WAKE UP, YOU DRUNK DUMBASS!"
Artemis found himself being shaken hard by Sailor Titania, known as Akane. To his credit, he lasted several seconds longer than he should have.
"EWW! KITTY BARF!"
Which just goes to show you: never shake a drunken cat vigorously if he is facing you.
As Akane ran off to change, Luna filled Artemis in on what was occurring. "So, we need to either confirm or deny that Sailor Venus is actually the Princess."
Usagi nodded. "Yes, confirm..."
Makoto stood beside her, nodding sagely as well. "Yes, we must confirm..."
Artemis stared at the girls, wondering what was going on.
For the last few months, Setsuna had denied his requests to be teleported to the Outers so he could begin training them. He had informed her that he couldn't live with himself if they were harmed because he failed to reach them.
In hindsight, perhaps when she had asked about what about the Outer Moon Senshi, maybe saying "fuck them, let them get killed, where are my lesbians" was a bad move on his part. He'd admit that.
Now, he was confused, hung over, and in the need of a breath mint. "Okay, so where is this possible Princess?"
Luna nodded, snapping her mind away from thoughts of what she planned to do to a certain blue-eyed moon cat when she entered heat in a few days. "Well, we believe she must be the Princess. She has demonstrated great fighting prowess, as well as strength to defeat large scores of the enemy on her own."
Artemis stared at her. "We still need to see her first."
Ami was nodding sagely as well. "And then we confirm she is the Princess."
Artemis stared at the girls, each one present nodding in agreement. Perhaps it is best if I do not ask questions.
Before he could try and avoid further thoughts about what might piss these girls off next, both a certain upset and now barf-free Senshi reentered the room, followed by a knock at the door.
As Akane gave the moon cat a death glare, promising pain for puking on her outfit, she opened the door, revealing the blond girl from school, and a strange moon cat the bared a striking resemblance to Artemis. "Weird, he looks so much like Artemis?"
The moon cat blinked. "Woah, I have a twin."
Minako immediately shifted into images involving two Ranmas and whipped cream.
Shaking her head, Akane motioned for them to enter, which they did after Ranma sunk his claws into Minako's arms to wake her up.
As she gave him a look that promised pain—well, pain he would receive most likely from an over-affectionate Minako—they moved to the table in the room. As Minako took her seat, she sat Ranma on the table, and the group was treated to a closer inspection of the blue-eyed moon cat whose appearance seemed to mirror Artemis.
Well, a sober Artemis...after he had been working out for a few decades...and smelled like peaches instead of sake.
"Wow" exclaimed Minako. "It's like looking into a door."
Ranma sighed. "Looking into a mirror, Mina-chan."
"That too."
Luna looked between the two. Yes, Ranma; in her opinion, was a much better life mate than what's-his-name.
Akane just saw confirmation that yes; she had received a defective moon cat.
Ranma just stared at his twin. "Um, you know any moon cats that drowned in western China about 10,000 years ago?"
Artemis tried to think through his hangover, headache from Akane's mini-mallet strike, and his frozen memories from being in an unsecured cryo-pod under a certain Time Guardian's bed instead of being in a secure facility. "Um...I think my brother, Gabrius. Well, he was a major idiot, and swore he could find Sailor Sol on Earth."
Ami looked confused. "Why did he think that?"
Artemis gave her a bored expression. "We never figured out why he thought there was a Sailor Sol. He was...special."
Ranma blinked, not getting the reference. "How was he special?"
Usagi also didn't get the reference. She was too busy tracking down the elusive Chocolate Chip Cookie. Ain't she a beaut!
Luna had left the TV on yesterday, and Usagi had been stuck watching the Croc Hunter. She would have changed the channel, but the TV was so far away, and she couldn't find the remote.
The others looked at him. Minako decided to answer. "He was a few crackers short of a sandwich."
The other girls could only stare at her. She's worse than Usagi!
Usagi merely looked at her empty hands. Cookies! Must...have...more! Wait, did someone say there were crackers and sandwiches?
Ranma looked around, finally getting what Minako was trying to say, and decided that perhaps the blond with the weird meatballs in her head was a few crackers shy as well. "O...kay. So, you guys wanted to discuss teaming up and training?"
Makoto nodded. "Yeah, we'd like it if you could train us like you did Minako." She pulled a kettle from nowhere. "Also, could we see the real you?"
The other girls nodded as well, cameras hidden below the table.
Sighing, Ranma agreed, hopping off the table as Minako took the kettle. For some reason, her senses were tingling, much like they did when that Bill guy would show up at her doorstep looking for Ranma in his human form. After checking the water to ensure it didn't scold him—as a burnt Ranma was not a good thing to have around, as he was less...attentive—she poured it over him.
As Ranma changed, he noted two important facts.
One, the girls and female moon cat suddenly developed slight nose bleeds, including the special blond.
The second was that it seemed a little bit drafty.
He decided to look down, wondering if something was wrong to explain where the sudden cold draft had come from.
Yep, naked.
He was soon assaulted by multiple flashes of light.
This had a two pronged effect. This caused instincts to take over and Ranma immediately fell into a defensive stance.
The second was that it gave the girls with cameras a perfect opportunity to get an action shot or a few dozen.
As he closed his eyes and turned around, given said girls the opportunity for some rump roast shots, he mentally began searching through his subspace pocket, locating his clothes, and using the Instant Dressing Technique—developed for when hormone crazy blond girls love to tackle you naked—to eliminate the stares.
Finally he turned around, expecting to deal with whichever girl or girls had used cameras...
...only to find that no one was apparently looking at him. They were passing around tea.
He turned to ask Minako if she saw who had had the cameras, but she was currently drooling at the show he had inadvertently put on, and judging by her position, she had been the one to move his clothes in his subspace pocket. Mental note: make certain Minako can no longer move things around in my subspace pocket.
As he sat down, with Minako quickly snapping out of her stupor and taking a place at his side before another girl got the idea—though Luna seemed content to simply sit in his lap and be petted—and waited for the discussion to begin.
After about fifteen minutes, they had arranged a training schedule for either Ranma—and to the great disappointment since they wanted to solely have him—and Minako as well.
And now...
"WHAT?"
They decided it was time to breach the subject of Minako as The Princess.
Minako slowly stood, her eyes shaded by her bangs, her mouth clenching, before...
"YES! I AM THE QUEEN! MWA HAHAHAHAHA!"
Ranma merely sweatdropped, before handing Luna over to Ami on his other side; before being tackled by an amorous Minako.
"You hear that, Ranma? You're going to be my King!"
"Um," interrupted Nabiki, as she had been elected the spokesperson of the group so as to not confuse Minako and allow for her to maintain Ranma, "you already have a prince to marry: Tuxedo Mask."
Minako blinked, Ranma still clutched to her bosom, though now held away far enough not to be suffocated.
Yes, she did enjoy breathing life back into him.
No, he did not want to have her "practice" her life saving skills again.
"Excuse me?"
Luna drew her attention. "Princess Serenity and Prince Endymion are supposed to wed, and bring a thousand years of peace to Earth. As the Princess, you must marry Prince Endymion, also known as Tuxedo Mask."
Minako blinked. "I say Ranma is Prince Endymion."
Usagi blinked before sending a waterfall of tears. WAH! Why didn't I say that?
Luna shook her head. "No, we know who Endymion is. As such, you must marry him for the future of humanity, and not Ranma."
"Then I don't wanna be the Princess!" cried out Minako, before once again pulling Ranma into her chest and shaking him vigorously in a way that would have snapped the neck of a normal man.
Ranma merely sweatdropped again. He had no idea why he got in these situations, let alone how, but he knew that talking would only dig his grave deeper. So it was better for all involved if he just stayed quiet.
Besides, if he didn't say anything or move too much, maybe they would ignore him.
But, as he felt several separate sets of hands grab him, trying to remove him from the prison of Minako's hands and still developing chest, he knew that if he saw the light in a tunnel, he was walking towards it.
Girls were just too weird.
After a depressed and angry Minako left, promising she would locate the True Princess or proof that Ranma must be Endymion, the other girls sat around the table. Nabiki had left earlier to get the photos developed.
Soon, she was back downstairs with several manila envelops. "Okay, we have the choice shots of Ranma here. And you get all five shots for a mere pittance of ¥ 3000."
Soon, before she could even blink; the envelops were gone, and she soon found a large pile of cash on the table before her. Yes, only the good snacks for Nabiki this week!
Though she noticed that she was missing the manila envelop that was for her. But counting the money revealed that someone had given her the cash for it. I wonder who.
In the house that would be the home for the Outer Planet Senshi, the only room with any light was the bath. In it, was five pictures neatly placed inside ornate frames, surrounded by candles.
In the tub, was a woman with long dark green hair, enjoying a comfortable bubble bath. "Soon, my love, soon we shall be together."
Back at the home of the Outer Moon Senshi, the other girls and one dazed female moon cat were ogling the photos, except for Nabiki, who had them stored on her computer, including those choice shots she planned to sell to the lonely women later.
Ami shook her head, sliding the photos carefully into the envelop, before placing them into her backpack in such a way as to ensure they would not be damaged. "We have seen the prize, we have met the enemy."
The girls currently not drooling nodded in agreement.
Makoto voiced their opinion. "As warriors of Love and Justice, we must work hard to ensure that the Princess marries Endymion, and that Omega Knight finds true love."
Usagi, however, was displaying another thought train, causing several layers of Hell to be closed due to blizzard conditions.
You see, she recalled that her Mom knew Ranma's Mom. As such, she not only had access to the inside track, but she could formalize a omiai before the others. Even if she ended up being the Princess in the end, she could not be expected to carry the marriage agreements of her past life to this one. She was Usagi Tsukino, not Princess Serenity. As such, she decided who she got nookie from, not Fate.
Plus, Auntie Nodoka always wanted her son to be manly. These photos would prove it.
She grinned evilly. Yes, no one had mentioned that Ranma had other engagements. She would just have to...correct that...the next time they met.
As the other girls backed away from Usagi, they noticed the aura of wailing souls surrounding her, demanding food.
Safe to say, when Usagi woke up from being blasted by the other Senshi, she would be that much more determined to win Ranma.
Beryl was confused. She had known of Omega Knight from the Dark Kingdom's earlier excursions into Great Britain, and knew how formidable he was.
When compared to Tuxedo Kamen, she knew exactly who the better fighter was.
But her instincts were confused. She had always believed that Tuxedo Kamen had been Endymion, the man of her dreams.
But the way he had been acting...
"My Queen, we have news."
She stopped her musings to face her Dark Generals. "Yes?"
Jadeite stepped forward. "My Queen, during a recent battle with the Senshi, we encountered this." He handed her a lone photo.
Beryl took the photo, looking it over, and proceeding to grin. "This had best not be all you have to inform me of. True, I have been without companionship for 10000 years, but a single photo of a stud will not spare your lives for failure."
Jadeite continued. "Sailor Moon seemed most interested in reacquiring this picture, calling it her token of her Knight. Tuxedo Kamen seemed to have no clue as to who was in the photo, but did admonish Sailor Moon for bringing such things with her."
Zoicite stepped forward. "Yes. When Omega Knight arrived to help them, she acted embarrassed and tried to keep him from retrieving the photo as well. We suspect it may be the photo of the human identity of Omega Knight, as well as that Sailor Moon apparently desires to be with him."
Now Beryl considered these words, sitting in her throne once again, as she stared at the photo. She had come to the conclusion last month that Sailor Moon had to be the daughter of Queen Serenity. After all, it wasn't like there had been a Sailor Moon then.
If that were true, then she would undoubtedly seek out Endymion. It had been one of the reasons they had suspected that Tuxedo Kamen was Endymion, as he seemed to first appear the same time as Sailor Moon, as well as sought to protect her.
But what if Endymion had been separated from the Princess, so as to better confuse their enemies? After all, Omega Knight acted more like a Prince than Kamen. His fighting prowess was well known even to Metallia. The fact that he hardly had any magic to him made him all that more impressive.
It was then obvious to her that the close relationship that he seemed to have with Sailor Venus was a ploy to further hide the target of Beryl's desires.
Yes, it had to be true. "So, it would appear that Omega Knight is really the reincarnated Endymion."
"It would appear so, my Queen," said Jadeite.
"Then make preparations to capture and bring Omega Knight here. I want him in as good condition as possible. Begin to stock food from Earth, so that he will not starve. He may even be of use to fully restore Metallia's full power, if we were correct in assuming how much Life Force he was capable of producing."
As the Generals nodded and left, glad that they had been spared, Beryl took the photo and headed off to her bed chambers.
Yes, she would enjoy this Endymion, as he embodied so much of what made her love him before. She just needed to make certain she was properly...prepared...to meet him.
On Earth, in Juuban District, a redheaded woman carrying a silk covered parcel suddenly had the feeling that her son's manliness level just shot up again. "Oh, I do hope my son is being so manly. Well, I better get over to Ikuko's. She said her daughter might have a lead on my son."
Omake by Lionheart:
He was soon assaulted by multiple flashes of light.
This had a two pronged effect. This caused instincts to take over and Ranma immediately fell into a defensive stance.
The second was that it gave the girls with cameras a perfect opportunity to get an action shot or a few dozen.
As he closed his eyes and turned around, given said girls the opportunity for some rump roast shots, he mentally began searching through his subspace pocket, locating his clothes, instead he found the pocket where his outfit got stashed had an auto-redirect hacked into it and the boy found himself covered in chocolate and raspberry syrup, with extra sprinkles and whipped cream used to draw in an outfit he didn't really have on.
A sexy outfit.
He had a moment to regret he'd ever used pocket manipulation as an example for Minako to get her interested in passing her computer class before he was mobbed by young women, some of them armed with spoons, others merely with open mouths.
Omake by Lord Raa:
Rei was stunned by the news that Setsuna had given her at the Senshi meeting.
"I'm the Princess?"
"Yes," the assembled warriors of Love and Justice™ nodded in agreement.
The long haired part time shrine priestess was not sure how to take that piece of information. "But that means I can't be with Ranma…"
"That's a shame," the green haired Senshi consoled, though there wasn't a vast amount of sincerity in her voice.
"Well, then I guess that I had better give out some orders," Rei mused. "I hereby declare Martian Law!"
"It's martial law, Rei-chan," Ami corrected.
"No, I declared Martian Law because I'm the Senshi of Mars," Rei explained with a grin. "And my first order is that Ranma is brought to me."
When no-one moved, Rei brought forth a fiery aura. "I meant that you should bring him here NOW!"
"W-what for?" Ami asked as she backed away slightly.
"For his new role," Rei laughed evilly, "as Prince Consort!"
"NEVER!" Minako and Makoto chorused.
"I see that a little demonstration is needed. Sir Phobos, Sir Deimos!"
Two ravens flew in through the open window and morphed into humanoid males.
"Discipline the traitors!" Rei ordered.
"My Lady," the two bullyboys bowed. They pulled out their weapons, and the Senshi did indeed feel fear and terror when they saw what was going to be used to "discipline" them.
"Rei-chan, you can't be serious!" Usagi pled with unshed tears in her eyes.
"Start with the meatball headed crybaby," Rei added with an evil smirk.
"WAAAH!" Usagi wailed, "Rei's such a mean tyrant!"
Soon the Senshi were on the receiving end of a vicious beat-down at the hands of two anthropomorphized raven enforcers armed with 15 inch black rubber dildos.
"It's good to be the Queen," Senshi of Mars declared before leaving to find Ranma and inform him of the situation and his new role.