Ranma ½
Chapter 9
Tsukimaonichuan:Spring of Drowned Moon Cat
Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.
I would like to first personally thank all of those reviewing my stories. I enjoy reading your comments, and try to correct the grammatical errors I miss with my final read-through as well as my spell checkers. The suggestions you all make will help make this story better for everyone to enjoy, as well as allow my to fix some plot holes I may unintentionally leave.
If you like, please review, as well as let me know of any spelling errors. I will then re-upload this chapter when I do my next upload.
If you like, check out my other stories.
I also plan to start sending these out to have someone else proofread them before I post them. Volunteers are welcome.
Now, on with the show.
The Senshi had gathered at the Tendo Dojo in Juuban, making plans to rescue their hunk from the foul forces of Queen Beryl.
Well, that was what they eventually planned to do. They had another matter to attend to first.
"All who believe Sailor Moon is guilty?" asked Sailor Mercury, conducting the tribunal.
"Yea!" came the response from the other Senshi, including a very irate Sailor Venus.
Mercury chuckled. "All who believe Sailor Moon is innocent?"
"MMRPH!" came the muted reply of said Senshi. She felt as if this trial wasn't even fair for her.
This was true. Her trial had been conducted with her being tied up naked and suspended over a fire; a ball gag in her mouth that Sailor Triton had graciously donated. Her supposed jury was filled with lonely girls after the same guy she was supposed to marry tomorrow.
She had been accused of the crime of trying to steal the dream boat for herself, as well as wed him in secret.
Why Sailor Pluto missed this, no one really knew. But then again, in another universe, this is the same woman who missed the arrival of every enemy after Beryl...and she had something that's supposed to tell the damn future.
Then again, she didn't really see all this either.
"Then we are agreed to a unanimous decision. Sailor Moon is hereby found guilty. What are the suggestions for her punishment?"
Sailor Charon smiled. "I say...she's the Princess, and we find Tuxedo Mask this instant and have them married."
Sailor Moon's eyes grew wide as she screamed into the gag.
"Damn, that's good," said Sailor Mars. "The only thing I could come up with is have her eat Titania's cooking for a month."
Moon nodded that she agreed with that punishment. Anything was better than marrying Tux-boy.
"Can we worry about this after we've rescued Ranma?" cried out Luna. She didn't really care if they dropped Usagi in the fire and poured acid over the girl. She wanted them to retrieve the hunky moon cat.
Well, at least she didn't have to worry about what's-his-name anymore.
Artemis smiled as he padded around the room, enjoying that Pluto had dropped him off at the home of his lesbian Senshi so that he might watch...I mean, observe and train them.
"Now, where are they?" he asked.
"Oh, we're being a Mr. Smarty-mouth today, Kei?"
"Oh, hush, Tai."
Strangely, Artemis paled even more.
True...they were homosexual.
But they weren't Senshi.
And they sure as hell weren't lesbians.
"Oh, you naughty boy! You better be planning on finishing what you start!"
The two men stopped their foreplay as they heard a window break; wondering what had jumped out of their tenth floor apartment and through a plate glass window?
"We do need to hurry," said Sailor Pluto. "Queen Beryl was not known for her sexual favorings of the Dark Generals. As such, she would have over 10,000 years of celibacy to take out on Omega Knight."
"No, she can't corrupt my hunky advisor!" screamed out Sailor Venus.
The girls nodded. But Sailor Jupiter proposed the main question. "But how do we get into the Negaverse to rescue him?" This of course led her to a quick daydream of him...thanking...her for saving him single handedly.
Oddly enough, it was the usually sweet and innocent Sailor Triton who offered a solution. "Oh my, I say we find a youma and torture them to tell us how to get into the Negaverse, into Queen Beryl's Castle, and any locations where they might be keeping Ranma-kun."
The others just blinked at the sweet and mad hatter-like gaze of Sailor Triton. Sailor Mars just shrugged. "Works for me." She turned to the others. "Find a youma, get the information, and meet back here in seven hours. We'll compare notes and ensure we weren't lied to, and then off to rescue the Prince."
"And if you see Tuxedo Mask," said Sailor Venus, looking towards the still bound Moon, "let him know he's getting married tomorrow to Little Miss Backstabber."
And thus they took off into the night.
Luna just stared up at her charge. Part of her wanted to knock some more wood onto the fire and burn the blond haired bitch that had seriously hurt her chances of claiming the precious Moon Cat Nookie.
Then again, if the others got to Ranma before then, they might not take too kindly to her making a move on his cursed form.
So...reluctantly, she cut down Sailor Moon...dumping her into the fire.
Hey, she needed some payback.
"Now, Usagi," said Luna, her voice low and threatening, "you had better not mess up this chance, or so help me, I'll ensure you marry Kamen and then have your parents ban you from meats and sweets. You'll only be able to eat vegetables when I'm finished with you. Are we...understood?"
"Eep! I mean, yes, ma'am." And off she went.
Luna just sighed, shaking her head. "You think she would have at least summoned her uniform back."
Luckily, or unluckily, depending on who you are rooting for in this fic, someone was...kind...enough to point out Sailor Moon's little forgetfulness.
"Damn, I knew you were flat chested, but you're built like a nine-year-old boy as well. Are you even female?"
"KAMEN NO BAKA HENTAI!"
And thus a new satellite was launched into orbit.
Several youma had been captured and taken to an abandoned warehouse in Juuban. Strangely, there were a lot of these abandoned warehouses, but that was a matter for city planners to deal with.
Sailor Pluto and the Outer Moon Senshi just stared at the captured youma.
"We'll never tell you anything!" cried out on of them.
Pluto just smiled. "Well then, we have your taste testers, Titania."
The youma looked confused as the dark blue haired girl Senshi brought in a pot with radiation symbols on it.
"You know," said Sailor Titania, "I was banned from cooking, but Sailor Pluto was kind enough to allow me to use you guys as guinea pigs."
"Better them than us," muttered Sailor Charon. She turned towards them. "Now here's how it's going to go. We ask a question. If we think you're lying, or you don't answer, you get to eat a bowl full of..."
"It's Chicken Rice with Cheese!" said Titania as she sat the pot on the table, using her ladle to slap a tentacle that peered out from under the lid.
"Now, be so kind as to tell us what we want to know," said Sailor Triton. "But let me explain something more.
"If you hold anything back, we'll feed you. If you bend the truth or we think you're bending the truth, we'll feed you. If you forget anything, we'll feed you. In fact, you're going to have to work very hard to stay alive. Now, do you understand everything I've said, because if you don't, we'll feed you?"
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" screamed the youma as Sailor Mercury snapped off another of its horns after she froze it.
Sailor Mercury looked at the horn, before tossing it on a pile with several others and two shattered youma. "Now, I'm trying to be nice here. I really am. Now, tell me what I need to know, and maybe I'll let you go."
It's always the shy ones.
Sailor Venus looked at the tied up youma she had managed to get, smiling at the dozen she had collected. "Now, we can do this the easy way or the hard way.
"The easy way is you tell me what I want to know and I let you go, consider you lose ends."
"And the hard way is?" asked a brave youma.
Sailor Venus smiled, before her Love-Me chain lashed out, slashing the youma into dozens of pieces, not even giving its mouth time to scream.
She turned to the surviving others. "The winner gets to leave alive. Now, I think I'll ask...you!"
"WAH! I DON'T WANNA DIE!"
Smirking, Venus moved closer to start asking questions.
And her parents said you couldn't learn anything from watching violent television.
"Where is he?" Sailor Moon asked, slamming her captor's head into the table again. "Well?"
"You haven't asked me who you're looking for!" pleaded the guy.
"Omega Knight!" she screamed. "Where is he?"
"I don't know; I'm just a cable company employee!" he screamed.
"Oh," she said, looking somewhat embarrassed. "Then we need to talk about false advertisement on the Happy Times Channel. I watched the whole free weekend, and there wasn't one damn kitten in those movies."
She then turned to the youma who were cowering in the corner of the smokey bar. "Don't go anywhere, you guys are next."
No, they weren't going anywhere for a while.
The pain-filled cries of the last youma faded into the echoes of the alley as Sailor Mars dropped her hands, walking over to the next youma, and lifted it up by the front armor with one hand while the Sacred Flame gathered in her free hand. "Now, will you answer my questions, or do you wish to be charcoal?"
The youma all gulped. Since when did the good guys become so blood thirsty?
Sailor Jupiter smiled, enjoying the feeling of cutting loose on the enemy as another youma turned to dust and floated in the pool at school.
The seven remaining youma struggled to stay together as Jupiter raised her hand from the pool, stopping the electric surge into the water. "Now, please be so kind as to tell me what I wish to know?"
The youma were all swearing that if they survived this, they'd go someplace safe; like Los Angles or the Middle East.
Beryl smiled at the caged form of Omega Knight, his form no longer bleeding, but the clothing she magically placed on him did nothing to hide his physique. "Well, now this is truly a man worthy of my time."
The two straight Dark Generals gave a sigh of relief. Towards the end of their imprisonment, Beryl had started looking good to them, as well as she started staring at them, licking her lips and muttering about fresh meat.
Jadeite smiled, knowing they would all now live for years to come. "My Queen, perhaps you should wake him and show him the errors of his ways."
Smiling, she nodded, licking her lips. As much as she wished to, she knew she could not wake her delicious Prince with a kiss, as he might try and escape her grasps due to Serenity's spells. So, she settled for a bucket of cold water, and tossed it.
"WHAT THE HELL?" screamed a white moon cat.
The Dark Generals slowly edged their way to the door, in hopes that if they were quick enough, and they might be able to teleport back to Earth and hide out from their mad Queen.
"Damn you Serenity!" cried out Beryl. "No wonder we had such a hard time finding him! That white-haired bitch turned him into a moon cat!"
The Generals let out a sigh of relief.
But Beryl wasn't paying attention to them. "Tell me how to turn you back...now."
She then gave Ranma...The Look!
For those of you who don't know what The Look is, it is a strong power only females and certain gay men have. It is a stare that reaches into the depths of your soul, into places that would scare Kami and demons alike. It twists your spirit, forcing away any self confidence or self image you have, reverting you into a spineless wimp. In this gaze, you will do whatever or say whatever you need to so that it will end.
Minako was very good at the gaze.
Beryl was a virgin for over ten thousand years; she was a Grand Mistress of The Look.
"Hot water changes me back; cold water turns me into a cat! Please don't hurt me!"
In Ranma's defense, only one male ever survived The Look for longer than one minute, and it forever left him without a will or spine.
Across the multiverse, Shinji Ikari sneezed, which made him apologize to whomever and whatever was nearby.
Smiling, she quickly returned to The Look. "Now, you won't try to harm anyone here or escape, will you?"
"Eep! No ma'am, I'll be good and obey every order you give."
"Good," she said, reaching into the now open cage and carefully cradling her new lover. "Is my room prepared, Zoicite?"
"Yes, my Queen," said the Dark General. "The room has been filled with cherries, whipped cream, hot chocolate, ice cream, an assortment of hot foods to ensure he keeps his strength, the finest wines and beverages we could find, and the intercom has been set up to play Barry White."
Looking into her eyes, Ranma nearly broke there.
He had seen that look before. Minako carried that look when no one was watching her near him.
Beryl's look told him he wasn't likely to survive the night.
"Okay," said Sailor Pluto, as she finished compiling the information the Senshi had gathered from their informants. "We now know how to get into Beryl's Fortress, as well as the likely places she would be keeping Ranma."
"Yep," said Sailor Moon. "And I now know what the kitties they were referring to on the Happy Times Channel, and I got free cable from now until we all die!" she smiled in happy thoughts.
Sailor Charon blinked, but considered this a good start for Sailor Moon in her way towards forgiveness. Now if she could only get free cable internet thrown in with that.
"Is everyone ready?" asked Sailor Pluto.
Her response was a clanking sound as the Senshi lifted assorted weaponry; a red battle aura forming around them.
She then smiled, lifting her fire extinguisher. She had her Dead Scream. Her item was in case Beryl was already in the process of invalidating Ranma's warranty by removing his innocence from the box.
"Then, let's go save Ranma and stop Beryl's evil plans for Studly Domination!"
The Senshi really didn't care about the world anymore. They were warriors of Love and Justice, and it was about time they got the Love part.
Omake by GaelicDragon:
Ranma knew he was in trouble
Well, the bars where considered only a temporary measure. He had a few tricks that didn't require outside power sources to escape cages.
The problem was the woman outside...Ranma had found out when he was guiding Minako that he had one weakness...
It was redheads.
And this one is evil...now he knows that he is f