The Five Stages Of Dying.

By Pippa Russell.

As experienced both by Archie, and Horatio. Not slash, sorry you Horchie fans, this remains strictly Archie Horatio friendship.

I had to do this. It came to me in an incredible flash of clarity as I listened to Chopin… Don't ask.Oh, and expect another fic called "5 stages of grieving, a parody." which shall be proof that Pippa can make fun of herself (and Horatio)

Disclaimer: I. Don't. Own. It.

· Denial
· Anger
· Bargaining
· Depression
· Acceptance

These are the 5 stages of dying, as experienced by Archie Kennedy.

Archie felt himself being picked up and carried to the ship's infirmary. He didn't move as Clive cleaned and treated his wounds, barely even wincing as fragments of fabric were picked from his flesh.
He stared at the rotting wooden planks above him as Clive addressed Buckland stiffly.

"Mister Bush will live," said Clive in a detached manner, "his wound is serious, but easy to treat."

"And Mister Kennedy?" There was a pause, and Archie tried to sit up, prevented from doing so by his wound.

"Mister Kennedy's situation is...more dire." replied Clive.

"Why must you constantly dance around the answer, Mister Clive!" Another voice; Horatio, "It was a simple question!"

"A straight answer, Mister Hornblower? He is going to die. Soon."

Archie's heart nearly stopped beating then and there. He once again tried to sit up, if only to prove that Clive was wrong. Very wrong. He wasn't going to die, it wasn't possible.

How could he be feeling so alive- if in pain- right now, and be stone cold dead in a few days? It just wasn't possible. Archie knew he wasn't the strongest man in the world physically, but surely he'd be able to hold on until he could see a real doctor? There were just too many things that he needed to resolve before he died!

Unable to sit up more than a few inches, Archie sank back into his cot. No! He thought desperately, It just cannot be true!

Archie looked at his friend in disbelief,

"So it's true?" he asked quietly,

Horatio just inclined his head slightly. Archie sat up, crying out as his rough night wear caught on his wound.

Horatio sighed and pushed his friend back down,

"You can't get up, Archie." He said gently. Archie felt his blood begin to boil, and he growled,

"This is typical," he hissed, "just like old times, Horatio, you're holding me back, holding me down." Archie knew he didn't believe what he was saying, but his irrational rage was clouding his judgement.

Horatio looked unsurprised, which was understandable, for a doctor's son.

Archie cried out in anger at Horatio's lack of reaction,

"Why don't you get angry? Why don't you hit me? Can't you show me you actually have emotions? You bastard! You son of a bitch!"

Horatio shushed Archie, looking considerably more distressed now,

"Hush, Archie, I know this is hard to understand bu-" he was cut off by a fist to the side of his face,

Archie retracted his hand and stared at it. After several long moments, the harsh silence was broken by a dry sob.

Why? he thought, sobbing into Horatio's jacket, Why me? I'm so pathetic.

Archie watched his friend as he sat by his cot in an uneasy slumber,

I wish I could spare him, thought Archie, but even more, I wish I could spare myself from this end.

Turning onto his back painfully, Archie once again stared at the floorboards above his head,

Lord, he prayed, please, I can't die. Not yet. What of my family, my sisters? And the trial when we get back to Kingston?

A single tear leaked from Archie's blue eye,

Is this my punishment, Lord? For killing? Even though you know I have no choice? I am in the navy. I have no choice.

He scrabbled frantically through his mind for something to deal with,

My inheritance? he thought, I will give it to the poor, I'll get out of the navy, I'll live chaste, I'll avoid the theatre!

Two more tears trailed down Archie's cheek,

Is there nothing I can do to avoid this death? Archie sat up gingerly and sank his head into his hands, his body shuddering with grief.
Is there nothing?

Archie sat motionless as Clive re-dressed his wounds, staring blankly ahead.

I have nothing, he thought, of all that has happened over my short life, all I have to show for it is this death.

Clive eased Archie back onto the cot, gathered his instruments and left Archie to his sorrow,

I'm pathetic. So utterly pathetic. I can do nothing for myself, and I hurt those who try to help me.

Squeezing his eyes shut against the tears that were threatening to fall, Archie once again placed his throbbing head into his hands, Considering his options,

What options, fool? He thought scathingly, Die now, or die later. Those are my options. Either way, hell awaits my end.

glancing around him, Archie spotted the bottle of untouched laudanum. Pouring the contents into his bed pan, Archie crushed the bottle against the metal frame of his cot. Picking up a sizeable piece of the broken glass, Archie clenched it, staring at the blood that dripped onto his lap.

End it now, his mind chanted, end the pain, end the suffering, end the humiliation. End Horatio's pain.

Archie was still staring at the blood as Horatio stepped into the infirmary, jaw dropping at the sight before him.

"Archie!" he cried out, "Archie, why are you doing this?" wresting the glass from his friend's bleeding hand, Horatio threw the 'weapon' down and bandaged Archie's hand.

The fourth lieutenant was still, bar the tears that had finally managed to fall. Horatio placed his hands on Archie's shoulders, tears falling from his eyes as well.

"Archie, where have you gone?" he asked quietly, "where is brave Archie Kennedy?"

Archie embraced his friend,

"He's here, Horatio, but not for long."

Archie stared at the bandages on his hands, frowning at the difficulties they created when one was trying to read,

"Horatio, could you bring me a smaller play next time, I think Hamlet is a little too big for my poor, imprisoned hands to handle." and for the first time since he found out about his impending doom, the corner of his mouth twitched.
Horatio shook his head in amazement,

"You're taking this business very well, Archie." he said softly.

"I don't have a choice, Horatio," replied Archie, "I figure I might as well enjoy what little time I have left."

A tear rolled down Horatio's face, and Archie 'tsked',

"No crying, Horatio. This is the navy," he puffed out his chest in an incredible imitation of their previous captain Pellew "we are men of duty, honor, duty, integrity, duty, and honor"

Horatio laughed through his tears, I'm going to miss you, Archie Kennedy, he thought.

(Thought I'd add this for effect, please review, thanks for reading, please check out the parody version of this!)

H: Why?A: Look at me, Horatio. There's not a gallows in the world can touch me now.
H: Archie ...
A: It doesn't hurt, Horatio. Don't let them see it hurts. But I am frightened.
H: You're the bravest man I know, Archie!
A: A little prone to panic.
H: Archie, you're the one who jumped off a cliff with one man who can't swim and
another who's afraid of heights.
A: So I am.
H: No panic then.
A: And none now.
H: And then when you stood up in court and took the blame ...
A: Poor Horatio. So quick to give, so slow to accept the simplest gift. You've done
the same for me and others besides a thousand times.
H: But never at such a dear cost.
A: Please take what I offer. Just take it and say goodbye.
H: Archie ... I'm honored to have served with you.
A: And I to have known you. You see? Better already! (dies)
H: My dear friend.

(a/n : sounds of crying: )