A/N: Third drabble in two days! But now it will be a little while, I think…

Pairing: Slade/Robin

Background: none for once… this is another crack-fic, though! Slashy. OOC (since it's crack).

Disclaimer: Teen Titans are owned by… some company? Not me, anyway…

For some reason Slade decides it's time to teach Robin a thing or two about…

The Subtle Art of Seduction

Robin's fist hit the wall next to the security display. All the little lights on it shone red, mocking him.

"It's not possible!"

"It is." Slade's voice purred behind him. "Titans Tower is in a total lockdown for the next four hours. Nobody gets in... and nobody gets out..."

Robin spun around, facing the man who stood leaning against the wall like he had all the time in the world. Which, Robin realized as his stomach tightened, he had. The boy's eyes quickly scanned the room from behind his mask. Thanks god he hadn't taken it off tonight! They were in Robin's bedroom. Locked in. Slade had woken him up a moment ago and as Robin tried to alert the other Titans he had discovered that the situation was even more serious then he thought.

More serious than being awaken by Slade in the middle of the night? Great...

Trying to compose himself, which was difficult, as all Robin wore was his mask and a pair of boxers, he glared at his enemy.

"Four hours, huh? You need that long to kill me? Growing old?" he snarled, trying to hide his anxiety.

"If I wanted to kill you, my little bird, you would never have woken up... I stood watching you for a long time, after all..."

Robin closed his eyes for a moment. Maybe it was he who was growing old... judging by the dulled senses, anyway...

"So... why are you here, Slade? Wanted your ass kicked?" Damn it was hard to sound intimidating in your underwear!

"Nooo... I was rather looking forward to get better acquainted with your ass... I'm here to fuck you..."

Robin's jaw dropped noisily.

"Wh-What? Have you spilt glue on the inside of your mask or something?!"

"Oh, come on, Robin... you know you want too..." The man started removing his gloves.

"No! Your mother obviously dropped you on your head a few times too many when you where a baby... and stop that! What do you think you are doing?!"

Slade was now busy removing arm and chest guards.

"Doing? Undressing of course! Being naked is kind of the first step of having sex... I know you are a virgin, Robin, but lord, you must have figured some things out right? Besides. It's only fair. Nice boxers. Hope its true..."

Robin looked down and the situation managed to become slightly worse, somehow. He was wearing a pair he got as a goof. They were black and across the front they said "naughty". Robin groaned. He hoped Slade's were pink. Please, let them be pink! Robin lifted his eyes again to see Slade remove his shirt. Damn. The boy closed his mouth to keep from drooling.

"And about playing hard to get…" Slade nodded towards the ceiling and Robin winced. He knew what Slade had spotted. Pinned there was a life-size image of the villain himself. "That's kind of kinky, you know..." Robin's face was bright red by now. "Well... it helped to hide the miniature camera..." Slade continued and Robin's face grew white instead.

"The what?! You... you..." he flew at the man, intent on kicking his head in for good, but Slade had naturally expected it and easily caught him. Instead Robin was pinned against the wall.

"Eager?" Slade purred.

"Let go of me!"

"Sure. I have to finish undressing, anyway. Why don't you go get comfortable on the bed?" Slade released him and Robin got away as far as he could from both the bed and the man. Not that it was far enough.

"Oh. You prefer the desk? We can do that…" Slade said, noticing were Robin was standing. The boy quickly moved away from the desk as well as if it suddenly had turned lethal.

"The wall? The floor?" Slade continued, making Robin try not to be close to anything… which, of course, was impossible.

"Slade, you need to leave right now!" Robin practically screamed at the man.

"Can't. Lockdown. Besides, we are going to have sex. Would be rude of me just to leave."

Robin put his hands over his eyes.

"Oh my fucking god…" he muttered.

"Yes? What did you want?" Slade inquired politely.

"Shut up, Slade."

"Less talk, more action, right? Yes, I agree."

There was a rustling sound of sheets and Robin looked up from his misery.

"GET OUT OF MY BED!!"

"Why? It will hold… I'm fairly certain…" the man said innocently. "Besides, I'm not wearing anything besides my mask, but… all right…"

"NO! Stay! For god's sake, stay there!" Robin quickly changed his mind.

"You want me in your bed, then…?" Slade smirked.

"Yes! No! Perv!"

"It's a bit early for dirty talk, Robin…"

The boy leaned against the far wall, taking a couple of very deep breaths.

"Slade. Please. Let's be reasonable. I'll fight you, okay? Fight. But if you think for a moment that I will…"

"Come to bed, Robin…" Slade said seductively and patted the mattress next to him.

"Do you have really small hands?!" The boy shouted. "You must have, because you seem to have trouble grasping things! I'm not having sex with you! Do I even look like I'm in the mood?!"

"Ah, since you are bottoming, only I really need to be…"

"…."
"Are you nervous, Robin? It's only natural… but don't worry. I'm not even expecting you to be any good…"

"What the hell?! I'll let you know that I would be grea- shut up, Slade!"

"So, in your fantasies… what do I usually do to you?" Slade seemed interested to know.

"Like I would ever te- stop talking to me!"

"You would rather show me?"

"What's wrong with you!?" Robin exclaimed, actually taking a few steps towards the man, waving his hands. "I have always known you should be in line for a lobotomy, but damn, Slade, this takes the prize!"

"Well, you see, I got this thing..." the man started.

"I'm sure you do... doesn't mean I want to see it..." Robin smirked

"Of course you do. You are dying too... but what I actually meant was that that I got a problem with 'no'. When someone says I can't have something... I want it even more..."

"So you are about... four years old, then?"

"And Robin... humor is a big turn on with me."

"For your sake I hope a swift kick in the groin is too, because that's all you are going to get from me..."

"I also usually just take what I want."

"Again: you have to attend the nearest kindergarten. Hopefully they'll teach you some manners."

"I have a few things to teach you first."

"Not interested."

"You don't mind bottoming, right?"

"What?!? Are you hard of hearing, too? Damn! A deaf villain with the mentality of a four-year old! How come you are not in Arkham by now?"

"It's just that I think it would be appropriate our first time and all… we can experiment later…"

"I don't believe this…" Robin sighed.

"You're right… I will never let you top. I lied. I'm sorry."

"Whyyyyy?" Robin wailed, not really paying attention to the man.

"Well, I am a villain, Robin. We do tend to have trouble with the truth… you should know this by now…"

"You know, it's not that I don't hate you, I really do, but we better just stay enemies. It's not me. It's you. Really." Robin tried.

"You are aware that this is cutting into our foreplay-time?" Slade sounded concerned.

Robin stood still in the middle of the room for a moment.

"Okaaaay…" he finally said.

"Good. Come over here, then…" Slade purred.

Ignoring him, Robin continued.

"Okaaaay… so this is a dream, right?" Robin said, sounding like he had an epiphany.

"Oh, that's nice of you, Robin… you can be so sweet…"

"Shut up, Slade." Robin said automatically. "So… this is a dream… you-" he pointed at Slade "are not here. This is either a really livid nightmare or some weird dust again or Mad Mod or Mumbo or someone up to a new trick. There." The boy seemed very pleased with himself.

"Good work, Robin, figuring it out. You better get to bed now, right, so you can wake up from this?"

"Right!" Robin took a few brisk steps towards the bed before stopping. "Wait a minute! Why aren't you gone?"

"Lockdown." Slade answered simply.

"But… but… this is a dream!" Robin pleaded.

"Nope. Great, eh?" said Slade, the only optimist in the room at the moment.

Robin collapsed on the bed.

"Yeah… great…" he muttered.

"It will be..." Slade purred in his ear, making the boy realize where he was and to try not to be there anymore. He failed. Slade wasn't exactly pinning him, he was more surrounding him, leaning over him, almost touching.

"Don't worry my little bird… I won't touch you… relax…" the man promised in a whisper.

"You won't?" Robin relaxed and ignored the little, evil inner voice which said 'damn'. Then he remembered their earlier conversation. "Waaaait… you are lying again, aren't you?!"

"A little." Slade confessed.

"¤#&¤!!"

"You manners are lacking, Robin."

"Well, your brain is lacking."

"So I guess you want me to kiss you now?"

Robin stared up at the criminal and suddenly he smirked.

"You can't."

"Sure I can."

"No… you have your mask on… you didn't really consider that, did you?"

"Hmmm… well… If I take my mask off, do you promise you will let me kiss you?"

Robin considered the situation for a moment. He would get to see the man's face, hell, I am going to get kissed!

"Shut up."

"Sorry?"

"Oh, that was… I wasn't talking to you…" Robin blushed.

"Hmmm… does this mean this will be a group-sex-thing?" Slade wondered hopefully.

"Shut up. And now I mean you."

Robin was quiet for a little while longer.

"Ok." he finally said. "Ok, take off your mask then."

"And if I do you will let me kiss you?"

-nod-

"And you will kiss back?"

-reluctant nod-

The villain reached behind his head and there was a click. Then he pulled the mask off.

"Noooo! That's not fair!" Robin complained. The man's face was still covered in a black hood, only shoving his left eye and a small area around his mouth.

"What? I took my mask off…?"

"Bastard."

"Now, now. I'm still a villain here… Now… for our deal…"

"Forget it!"

"If you are going to break our deal I'll move on to better things…" Slade purred and his hands were suddenly quite busy.

"What? No! Get your hand's off me!"

"Kissing, then?"

- sigh and nod-

The kiss seemed to last a long time but when it was over Robin thought it could have been longer. Not that he would let Slade know, of course.

"There. You kissed me. Deal fulfilled. Now let me go."

"I would rather kiss you again…" the man closed in.

"No! The deal was I would let you kiss me! I did, so back off!"

"I would like you to recall that the number of kisses was never specified."

"… never…? What…?"

"I think I'll just spend the next hour or so kissing you…"
Yeeeees!

"I think not." Robin again tried to sound intimidating, but with even less success.

"All right. How about another deal?"
"Sure. Just let me get my lawyer on the phone…" Robin sneered.

"Oh, that won't be necessary. I propose a set number of kisses, say ten. If, after ten kisses you still want me to stop, I will."

"You'll stop?"

"Yes."

"After ten?"

"Yes."

"Kisses?"

"I thought you were a robin, not a parrot…"

"All right- wait a minute!" Robin thought of something. "After ten kisses, you'll stop?! That just means you will start do something else, doesn't it?"

"Damn."

"Ha! I'm so on to you!" Robin said triumphantly. "The deal is this: after ten kisses, if I still want you to stop, which I will, you will leave. Are you really unable to leave you will get out of my bed, get dressed and stand quietly in the corner until the lockdown cease. Clear?" Robin thought he had a good thing going here.

You COULD have decreased the number of kisses… why didn't THAT appeal to you, pray tell?

"Deal." Slade didn't sound too put off. "Now for some rules…"

"Let me get a pen and paper..." Robin said and tried to get up. He failed again.

"No, no, no… very simple rules… one: you have to keep track off the kisses out loud. If you fail, that kiss doesn't count. Two: you have to participate. Three: if you break the deal you are mine to do with as I please for the rest of the lockdown... deal?"

Break it-break it- break it!

Robin tried to find any loopholes. He didn't.

"All right. Deal."

Slade's lips covered his. After what seemed like another too-short-eternity the kiss ended.

"… o-one…" Robin gasped.

"Good boy…"

Preparing for another kiss, Robin was startled when he felt Slade's lips on the side of his neck, just below his ear.

"Hey… the deal was kisses on the… oh damn…" Robin swore as he realized his mistake. Slade looked smug.

Slade placed the third one a bit lower where the neck met the shoulder.

"Three…" Robin counted.

"Uh-uh… you didn't count the last one…"

-glare-

"Robin…?"

"Two, then!"

-smirk-

Next Slade's lips found his left nipple, and Robin's back arched completely by itself. Spooky, that…

"T-three…"

Minutes later Slade was close to very sensitive area indeed.

"S-seven?"

"Try again."

"Eight?"

"Lost count? Then we'll start over…"

"N-no! It's… it's… six?"

"Let's say so…" Slade grinned, and Robin had a feeling it was nine… but he seriously had no idea…

Slade had started to slip Robin's boxers off and now his hips decided to be as treacherous as his spine, as they lifted themselves slightly off the bed. Slade chuckled and Robin wanted to kick his teeth in. And he would. Just as soon as the man reached 'ten'.

The next kiss made Robin moan out loud.

"Seven! And... that… that wasn't really a kiss!" he objected weakly.

"Lips, tongue and slight suction… sure it was a kiss…" Slade decided and Robin complied as soon as the man 'kissed' him again.

"Ooohhh… god… you-you have to stop! I'll… I'll…"

Slade lifted his head.

"Want to break the deal?"

"Eight!" Robin said harshly.

Slade smirked and continued.

Somehow Robin forgot how to count any higher.

THE END

A/N. Yes. I just left you there. Ha! I'm bad! You will just have to fill in the rest yourselves. –grin-