A/N: Strange things sometimes happen. This is the result of a spelling mistake… and then it just went from there… Oh. If you haven't read "The Peace Contract" you will be a bit confused… but if you HAVE read it… you will still be confused. Complete crack.

The Peas Contact

-Flapp!-

"Stop it."

-Flapp!-

"Stop. It."

-Flapp!-

"STOP IT!!"

"Awww… you're no fun!"

Slade put his head in his hands. This regression thing had definitely gone too far. He had even been forced to change back to his old metal mask because the damn kid kept throwing things at him. Mostly Lego. Now the boy sat across the table and moped, kicking the legs of the chair as he did so.

"Robin, finish your vegetables." Slade told him tiredly. The boy's plate still held a generous amount of green peas. Not as many as a little while ago, though, as the damn brat had flung them with deadly accuracy, hitting him in the eye. Now half his damn mask was filled with mushy peas as they had fallen between the mask and his face.

"Don't wanna." the boy answered sullenly.

"You are going to eat or I am going to make you." Slade told the boy and tried to glare at him, which wasn't easy through green mush.

"Nu-huh!" Robin answered back and stuck out his tongue at him.

"Eat the peas."

The boy then had no choice but to pick up his fork and eat.

"See? I said I would make you." Slade couldn't help but leer. So it was childish, but Robin rubbed off on him. Insanity was catching.

"Did not!" Robin muttered.

"What was that young man?" Slade demanded to know.

"You didn't make me! I got hungry!" the boy objected between mouthfuls.

Slade sighed again, he seemed to be doing that a lot lately, and stood up to go clean out his mask in the bathroom. It had never been cleaner than nowadays, as he usually had to do it several times a day. On the other hand it had never been more dented and scratched either.

On the way to the bathroom pain suddenly shot up his leg.

Slade swore loudly and Robin, who had come running from the table after finishing his meal wailed.

"You stepped on my fort!"

"Didn't I tell you to keep your fucking Lego in your bedroom?!" Slade snarled and resisted the urge to jump around on one foot. Damn, Lego hurt! Good thing the military didn't seem to know, or the minefields would be decisively more colorful. He really needed to wear his boots, but Robin had wanted so see if they would float in the tub last night. They hadn't.

He glared down on the 5-year old in the 15-year olds body, and was met by a pair of huge eyes. What the hell was it now? Ohhh… Noooo…

"You said a dirty word!" Robin exclaimed in half glee, half awe.

"No-" Slade started, but didn't get far.

"You said the F-word! Are you in trouble!? You wrecked my fort and you cursed! Staaaaaar! Slade said the F-word!"

The redheaded alien came soaring up to them and Robin all but jumped in excitement.

Slade closed his eye briefly. If insanity was catching, Starfire had caught the mother load. The young woman completely accepted that her former leader acted like a small child and had become quite the mother hen.

"Oh, Robin. Surely Master Slade would not do such a vile thing in your presence!"

"He did! He did!" Robin insisted, gleefully shooting Slade a glance telling him how much he enjoyed the man being the one in trouble for once.

"I am sure he is most sorry!" Star gave the man a rather piercing look, and Slade was surprised the bonds of the contract allowed it… maybe it had to do with motherly instinct… maybe that was actually stronger than the magic of the bond.

"Robin wouldn't eat his vegetables." Slade muttered defensively and just a bit sourly. Thankfully it had the right effect.

"But Robin! How many times must I most adamantly tell you the importance of the green stuff!?" Star frowned at the boy.

Robin looked from Slade to Star, and now his bottom lip started to quiver.

Ah, damn, no… pulling out the big guns, are we? Slade groaned to himself while Robin's blue eyes seemed to grow even bigger and fill up with tears.

"But… but… it was peas… and… and... he MADE ME!" the boy whined and Slade found himself in even more trouble. Star had shown great displeasure every time Slade had ordered the boy to do something, even if it was just to shut up. Before the young woman could do or say anything, Slade did the only logical thing and fled into the bathroom.

As he returned five minutes later everything seemed forgotten. Kids, thankfully, didn't have the greatest of attention spans, and the same thing seemed to be true of Tamaranians. They were now contently sitting by the bottom of the dais playing with the ever present Lego. Raven had joined them and made two airplanes Robin had built fly through the air and chasing each other. Of all the Titans, surprisingly Raven seemed to take things pretty calmly, although she got extremely annoyed with the boy for coloring the wood cuts in one of her magic books. Robin had tried to tell her that the pictures looked so much cooler in color, but Raven had the distinct feeling that Merlin would never have worn pink robes.

Beast Boy and Cyborg then walked in to Robin's delight.

"Beast Boy! Beast Boy! Turn into a horse! I want to ride!" he thrilled, running up to the green changeling.

"Hi, Rob… I'm a bit tired…" BB tried. Cy had already snuck away, before being talked into yet another piggy back ride.
"Oooohhh... pleeeeeease!? A dinosaur then? A scary one!"

"No, Robin. No scary ones. You will have the mares of the night!" Starfire warned him and BB both.

"Yeah, besides the ceiling is too low…" Best Boy added, glad for the way out. He seemed to have been reduced to the kid's personal balloon animal lately.

"But you can do a small one! There were small ones! Slade read me this book, and…"

"He what?" Star sounded livid.

Slade blushed under his mask. Yeah, he had read the kid a damn book. The five-yer-old Robin couldn't read and he just refused to go to sleep without a bedtime story, and nowadays Slade really needed his sleep. So he had found a book about fossils and dinosaurs, thinking it was boring enough for the boy to stop asking to be read to. He had been wrong. Robin had been mesmerized and just loved the artists' interpretations of how the ancient animals had looked and acted. He had forced Slade to make up stories from the pictures and…. Slade shuddered… there had been names... and… and… shadow-puppets!

"So that is it!" Star continued. "Robin told me of the bad dreams!"

"He asked for it…" Slade muttered again. Besides it wasn't her bed the boy crawled into when he woke up from one of those dreams. It wasn't her he kept awake by kicking and tossing and whining in his sleep.

This time Slade was saved but the bell. The doorbell, in this case. Or rather, the door alarm.

The elevator doors slid open and a rather imposing and grim-looking man stepped out.

"Uncle Lex!" Robin squealed and threw himself around the man's neck.

"Hello, kid. Have you been good?" Lex Luthor asked, grinning down at the boy.

"Yes! Yes I have! Do you have a present for me?" Robin asked unabashed.

"Sure I do…" the businessman slash criminal master mind said and produced a big box he had been hiding behind his back.

"WOW! A pirate ship!" Robin yelled happily and hugged the man enthusiastically. "I love you uncle Lex!" He told the man and then happily skipped off to start yet another construction.

More damn Lego! was all Slade could think, and glared at the other man who tried to look innocent.

"Hello Slade. What happened to your boots?"

"Shut up."

"Just wondering. Otherwise? Everything going well?"

"Yes. Splendidly." Actually things were going well; it was just hard to concentrate on taking over the world with a five-year old in the house.

"Glad to hear it." The bald man grinned.

Slade suddenly got an idea.

"Lex, you wouldn't mind babysitting for-"

The businessman raised his hands and backed away quickly. He had paled several shades.

"Not again! No way, Slade! My office is still being repaired… do you have any idea how much it costs to remove finger-paint from antique rugs? And I still step on those damn Lego-blocks!"

Slade smirked under his mask. So it wasn't just him.

"Slade! Uncle Lex! Wanna play pirates?" a happy boy asked them from his place on the floor.

"We are quite busy, Robin. Besides, isn't it time for your bath?"

"No! I don't want to!" the boy had gotten to his feet and now stamped his foot.

"Oh, you know you will smell like a garlloonk if you do not take the bath, Robin!" Starfire told him sternly.

"Besides, dinosaurs like the smell of garlloonks…" Slade threatened and Robin suddenly looked a bit unsure. "Come on, my boy…" Slade said soothingly and scooped him up in his arms. "This will just take a minute." He added over his shoulder to Lex. "I trust you will wait?"

The man nodded, seemingly amused again.

"Oh, can Uncle Lex tell me the bedtime story tonight?!" Robin wanted to know.

"Suuuure he can." Slade grinned under his mask and gave the man a rather happy look. "And why don't we let him use the hand puppets Star made you?"

Mr. Luthor winced visibly and now looked pretty unhappy.

Robin yawned and snuggled closer to Slade.

"I don't wanna take a bath…" he told the room in general again, but without the same amount of conviction.

"If you want uncle Lex to tell you that story, Robin…" Slade warned him.

"But… but… there's a scary duck!" Robin tried.

"We got rid of that duck weeks ago, Robin!" Slade sighed. "Don't you remember? Starfire blasted it with star bolts, Raven crushed it with her magic, Beast Boy turned into an elephant and stepped on it and Cyborg hit it with his sonic canon, the highest setting, just as you insisted."

Robin smiled up at the man at the memory.

"And then you shot it!" the boy added and Slade heaved one of those sighs again.

"Yes... then I shot it…" It must have been the lowest point in his career as a mercenary, shooting that sad lump of melted blackened yellow plastic.

"But… but what if it comes back as a GHOST!?" Robin asked, severely worried once again.

The ghost of a plastic duck? How scary could that be? Slade asked himself before answering.

"No, Robin. Raven did the soul binding ritual, you know. It can't come back."

"Never ever?"

"Never ever."

"Good. I hate ducks." Robin sighed happily and let himself be carried off to the bath. He wondered if Lex would do the dinosaurs' voices too? He bet he would.

The End

A/N: And just then you thought there wasn't anything scarier than plastic ducks… -grin- can't help myself. Stupid, stupid ideas, but hopefully they are good for a laugh… The next chapter of the REAL Peace Contract will be out tonight, if you wanted to know…