"You didn't make me do it, Severus."
But even Charlotte had difficulty believing the words that came out of her mouth.
She had been a stupid sixteen-year-old student, following her upperclassman in hopes that he wouldn't uncover something in the restricted section that would potentially permanently disfigure her boyfriend.
Without his goading, she doubted the words would have left her mouth. Despite her best efforts, she had never managed to be particularly brave or daring in school. She had been content with being an affluent member of the Slug Club as one of Slughorn's prize students and attending Quidditch matches with her roommates. The most excitement she saw in her school years had been in Dueling Club. Sneaking out of the common room after dark into the restricted section of the library had been about as far up her bucket list as snogging a flobberworm.
Do you ever get tired of pretending to be perfect?
Maybe it had been Sirius's words to her that morning that had egged her on, or perhaps it had truly been the idea of him being tortured by Snape, but she had followed him out of the common room nevertheless with minimal encouragement.
"I must speak with Albus."
Severus was moving away from the shack, his face unreadable.
Charlotte wondered if there would ever be a time that she could understand every expression that flashed behind his eyes, as she could with Louisa, Regulus, or Sirius.
She doubted it.
"Why does Dumbledore have to know?"
Severus snorted, "If I'm to assist you in practicing illegal magic, Charlotte, it's best we seek some notion of instruction from Albus."
"What do you mean 'practice illegal magic'?"
Her voice had shot several octaves as she quickened her pace to match his long strides. Her feet had begun to ache terribly now, despite the descending chill in the air.
"This makes sense. Your magic started becoming unreliable after that. You struggled with your NEWT's, didn't you?"
Charlotte gaped at him, "What?"
"What did you get in your NEWT exams, Charlotte?"
"What does it matter what I scored in my school exams?"
Severus stopped to look at her, apparently deciding that further explanation was unnecessary.
"E's, mostly."
"In what courses?"
"I got an A in Defense Against the Dark Arts, an O in Potions, E's in everything else. Why does any of this matter. Our exams were years ago."
Her husband frowned, his eyes on the graveled pathway at their feet.
"You were an excellent student. You were in the dueling club. Why did you get an A?"
"I don't know, Severus! I was shit at it, apparently, is that what you're getting at?"
His long strides resumed, and Charlotte's breaths left her mouth in steamed pants as she hurried to catch up to him.
"Your magic started acting up around then?"
Charlotte took in a large breath, her nose burning from the cold as he stopped once again. She shifted from each aching foot, hoping from a reprieve from her footwear, "I don't think so."
"Well, what magic were you performing?"
A frown pulled at her mouth.
In truth, Charlotte hadn't used much magic after Hogwarts.
Within six months, she had been married to Regulus. Every day leading up to that point had been spent planning the wedding. She hadn't bothered to look for a job after graduation because Regulus hadn't wanted her to work. He had been offered a posh job at the Ministry of Magic. She had been occupied after graduation with renovating the historical house that the Black family had provided after their marriage and being a wife.
Her mouth opened and closed, before a smile of relief spread across her face.
Severus appeared to be growing exasperated.
"I – no wait, Louisa did that. I can't remember, does it really matter?"
The scowl on her husband's face indicated that it did, indeed, matter.
"You mean to tell me that you performed no magic while married to Regulus," Severus's eyes were narrowing with every syllable, "None?"
"I'm certain I did, I just can't remember."
"But you were dueling, working for the Dark Lord."
Charlotte's mouth pulled into a frown, "Yes, until that last time."
"What curses were you using?"
She could feel her cheeks starting to warm, "I don't think that matters, really."
"I saw you perform Unforgiveables."
"Well, I'm certain that it appeared that way."
Severus blinked, "It appeared that way?"
"I used leg-locking charms, mostly. It slowed people down enough for Rosier or Yaxley to get them."
"You used leg-locking charms on trained aurors."
When he said it like that, Charlotte thought nervously, it sounded quite stupid.
Charlotte hadn't wanted to duel, and she supposed that Evan had realized that rather quickly after she entered the Dark Lord's ranks. She had rather successfully convinced him – and later, Yaxley – that she was just terrible at them. Evan had been the one to suggest she use easier charms. She had selected a few that she thought would be useful and had managed to always pair herself up with one of her classmates who didn't seem to mind taking the credit for bagging an auror or two.
In reality, though Charlotte would be hard-pressed to admit it now, she hadn't wanted to gain any recognition as a duelist. She hadn't wanted to make any of the lists the Order had or be paired up with an experienced auror if she were ever recognized.
Sirius had been an experienced auror.
"It worked, didn't it?"
She doubted she had ever seen Severus Snape wear the look of incredulity that he was staring at her with.
"You haven't performed any advanced magic since Hogwarts."
Charlotte's mouth pursed, "Possession is advanced magic."
Severus seemed to be battling several emotions as his scowl deepened with every moment they spent staring at one another. His breath left his nose in long streams of steam, giving him the odd look of a dragon. Clenched at his sides, his fists noticeably shook.
"I need to speak with Albus."
His words were quiet thunder, his eyes obsidian pits.
"I'm not doing it again."
Severus's hand circled her elbow with ease, his large hand captured the joint as if she were nothing but a quill. His trek towards the castle restarted, and Charlotte's feet screamed with every heavy step through the gravel, "Albus will know what to do," he growled.
"I thought you were supposed to know," She said, her voice strained as her toes pinched together.
He remained silent, his feet crunching as they came into view of the village.
"Severus," she pulled at her arm, "Severus, stop it."
Charlotte recognized that he was no longer listening to her, and for a moment she stared at his frozen face.
Severus was supposed to have known what to do.
Remus was waiting outside Honeydukes, carrying a few small parcels. His eyebrows raised noticeably as he noted Severus's grip on Charlotte's elbow, and her stumbling steps behind him. As he stepped forward, Severus stopped.
"Take her directly home."
Charlotte rubbed the tender spot where his thumb had dug into her soft flesh and glanced between the two wizards.
She didn't want Severus to go back to the castle and tell Albus Dumbledore that Charlotte had become an obscurial because she had used illegal magic at Hogwarts. She didn't want him to sit alone at night, angry that he had been the one to goad her into doing it.
She didn't want to go home to an empty house after this evening.
Everything had gone so differently in her mind.
"None of it was your fault, Severus."
Snape's jaw clenched.
"You didn't make me do anything," Charlotte heard her voice crack, "You didn't do anything wrong."
"Go home, Charlotte."
Remus was watching them, and Charlotte urged the burning in her eyes to stop. She wanted the building pebble in her throat to stop growing, the feeling in her chest to go away.
"I told you because I thought you'd know what to do. I don't want to do it again."
Severus's face was growing darker with each syllable that passed through her mouth, but the words kept spilling from her lips. She didn't want to stop talking, to watch him walk to the castle and ask Albus permission to do it all over again.
"Please don't make me do it again," she whispered, "Please."
"There is nothing left for us to discuss this evening. Lupin, take her home."
"I won't do it again," she began hastily as he stepped away, "You can't make me do it. I won't."
Severus snorted as he took another step away, and Charlotte's hands shot out to grab at his arm, her fingernails digging into the fabric of his robes desperately. His slim fingers dislodged her own with ease, and he moved away from her.
"Come on, Charlie, let's go home."
Lupin's voice was soft and soothing, his hand reached out for hers expectantly.
It only took a moment for Charlotte to glance at him before Severus began abruptly walking towards the castle.
For a moment, she wanted to chase after him.
She could picture the argument spilling from her mouth with clarity. She would tell him that she couldn't do that to another person again. Charlotte needed only to explain how it made her nauseous for days, how her head pounded as though someone were driving an ice pick into her skull. Something in her voice would stop him, and he would recognize the truth in it. Dumbledore would never give him permission to allow her to possess another person.
But as her legs burned to follow him and somewhere in her head, a voice was screaming at her to stop him, Charlotte remained still.
Severus wouldn't care.
Severus didn't care about the violation of it. He had never held any qualms with forcefully entering into another mind. He wouldn't care about the few days of discomfort it would bring her.
He would only see the outcome.
Charlotte wondered if he would do it for her benefit, or for his own.
"C'mon, Charlie. Let's get you home."
Severus was a small figure now, walking towards the castle gates with a quick, purposeful stride.
Wordlessly, she took Lupin's outstretched hand. He waited only a moment before she could feel the familiar tug at her navel, and they stood in a light drizzle outside the house on Spinner's End.
Charlotte stared at the dim light filtered through the feathery sheer curtains she had hung at the kitchen window. She looked at the window boxes planted with mums in shades of gold, rust, and yellow.
She wondered why – despite her best efforts – this house never felt like home.
"Thanks, Remus," her voice sounded distant.
"Do you want me to stay?"
Charlotte shook her head as she walked towards the house, stepping through the gate.
"Goodnight."
Warmth splashed over her as she passed through the front door. Her fingers numbly reached down to peel the boots from her feet. She ignored the bubbled blisters rubbing between her toes as she padded across the new rug to stand in front of the fireplace.
As though she had spent the last hour crying, Charlotte's throat ached, and her eyes felt as though someone had thrown sand in them. A box of matches sat on the new mantle, but Charlotte reached for her wand, digging her fingers deep into her jacket pocket.
Her fingers flexed as she pointed it.
"Incendio."
Nothing.
Frustration mounted in her chest.
"Incendio," Her hand dramatically twisted.
A small tendril of smoke arose from the log.
"Incendio."
Noises of anger crawled from her tender throat as her eyes narrowed.
Charlotte wanted to cry.
She hadn't minded, really, not being able to do magic.
Potions had been her favorite subject at Hogwarts – alongside Astronomy – and she could still practice both of those without a wand. While she could no longer brew complicated, advanced draughts, she could still manage the basics. Even Severus had been surprised at her remaining knowledge of the subject.
Truly, she hadn't missed any wand waving. Nothing good had ever happened with the swish of her wand. She had watched Evan and Yaxley kill aurors after she'd flicked leg-locking charms at them. Her wand had set fires to homes and businesses. It had been her wand that had twisted and bent minds into irreparable conditions. It seemed fitting, really, that most things now spontaneously exploded when she pointed her weapon towards them.
Now, Charlotte desperately wished it would just start working again.
What she had wanted in life had seemed simple. She had wanted to marry her school sweetheart and buy a house in a wizarding village, and fill up that house with gray-eyed, black-haired children. So many things had changed after her sixth year, and for a moment, she questioned whether that evening in the restricted section had started the snowball.
She hadn't been able to talk about it. Charlotte had been so afraid that Sirius would accuse her of changing sides that each time he had looked at her oddly, she had questioned if he knew. Even Louisa had noticed each time she flinched when Slughorn called her name in class, and when she was suddenly absent at Slug Club. Her excuses had been numerous – she was feeling ill, she had fallen behind in class.
Charlotte had taken strenuous effort into pretending it hadn't happened.
But each time she caught sight of the Potions professor, she could recall the feeling of rough sugar on her fingers, the crunch of the sweet between her teeth. She could recall the thoughts running through the professor's mind, pondering why he had never married, if he could collect more photographs of his students because he had no family of his own.
Charlotte swallowed.
Severus didn't understand.
Legilimency allowed brief visitations to other minds, like stepping into another's house.
Possession was something entirely different.
It ripped the door from the hinges, soaked into the very floorboards. During a possession, Charlotte stopped being Charlotte.
Each time, she felt a little less like herself.
Before that evening in the library, Charlotte had hated crystallized pineapple.
Afterwards, it had been her favorite.
She had hated firewhiskey. She had loved red wine.
Possession changed her with every trespass.
Each possession replaced another part of her, as though shoving and forcing pieces of a puzzle that didn't belong together, had come from different boxes.
Charlotte could no longer remember which bits had always been hers and which she had acquired from others.
Her fingers reached to wipe the snot running from her nose but came away empty.
The smoke had been disturbed by her gesture. She caught sight of it from the corner of her eye.
There was no feeling of ice pressing against a burn.
Her entire body was on fire.
Her jaw chattered from the cold.
This house had never felt like home, she realized as she felt her bones popping, because it was never meant to be her home.
Charlotte leaned forward, dropping her wand, and watched smoke spill from her nostrils as she choked for air.
It was a prison without dementors.
It didn't need them.
Let me out, it growled.
Charlotte's chattering teeth snapped together, her jaw clenching as she tried to suck a breath in through the nose that spilled inky smoke.
You want to let me out.
She had made her very own.
Thank you everyone for your sweet reviews last week. I was having a particularly crappy week as I've just gone back to work after my surgery and they really made my day. I couldn't ask for better readers! Let me know what you think about this next chapter, and I wanted to get your thoughts on a chapter in a different perspective (like Snape's or Lupin's).
Always,
- Holly
House Cup Rules
A few people have asked me to elaborate on the rules for the House Cup. Your House receives 5 Points per every review that mentions your House. You can review once per chapter. Now, bring your House to glory!
Slytherin - 110
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