Meanwhile. . .
"You know what else is really amazing?" Amy said. "The fact that even though we're on a deserted island with nothing to do but find food and wait for rescue, we still manage to always be entertained."
"And banging on random pieces of plane, and carrying it around for no discernible reason," Jess added.
Alyson, meanwhile, was happily hallucinating about a gorgeous, naked man walking out of the water. She really, really, really liked the sugar that she had found. Sure, sometimes it was a little weird, like the time she'd been positive she'd seen a skinny, white little man with badly dyed blond hair trying to haul a piano out of the middle of the ocean. Or the time she would have sworn that an overweight Jesus had come to visit. But most of them were much more entertaining. Like the present one.
Which is why she expected everyone to fully understand her anger when a dripping little black boy walked directly in her line of sight.
"Hey! Get outta my way!" Alyson screamed. Jess and Amy turned around at the sound of their friend screaming. The boy seemed frightened, and after whispering something unintelligible, ran off into the jungle.
"Wait! Come back!" Jess yelled, and ran after him. Amy glared reproachingly at Alyson.
"We finally find another human being, and you just have to chase him off, don't you?"
"Unfortunately," Alyson responded, looking fornlornly at the stop from where the beautiful man had disappeared.
Meanwhile. . .
"If you touch a hair on her head. . ." Sawyer threatened, stepping forward.
"Be reasonable," Locke interjected. "They've tied her up and put a handkerchief around her mouth. Clearly they've touched more than just one hair on her head."
Sawyer glared at him, and stepped forward again. Ahab dug the gun deeper into Kate's head.
"Put down the gun, Jack," he said again. Lock looked back and forth between the doctor and the infamous seaman in confusion.
"Why are you so fixated on Jack?" he asked. "James here is the one who shot at you. Shouldn't you be more concerned about his gun?"
"Stop calling me James," Sawyer whined.
Ahab shook his head. "Jack's the main character. Now, on the count of three, I'll shoot. One."
Jack put his hand out in front of his face, looking confused. He lifted one finger.
"Two."
Jack put up two fingers, and then a third. His face lit up with horrified recognition.
"Stop!" he shouted. He threw his gun on the ground. Locke and Sawyer quickly followed. Ahab released Kate, who instantly flew into Sawyer's arms. Jack looked at them a little sadly. Did Sawyer not realize how traumatic that experience had been for him? Yet where was his comfort?
Ahab, noticing that he was being ignored, threw his hands up in the air and walked off muttering to himself. Alex and Walt joined him, without anyone noticing.
Jack, Sawyer, Kate, and Locke began walking back to the hatch. It was suddenly and miraculously daylight. Kate thought that was convenient. Jack and Sawyer didn't notice. Locke just attributed it to the Island Goddess.
'Are you mad at me, Jack?" Kate asked.
"No."
"You mad at me, doc?" Sawyer asked. Jack twitched a little.
"No."
"Are you mad at me?" Locke asked, feeling left out.
"This is just ridiculous!" Jack threw his arms in the air and stalked off on his own.
Meanwhile. . .
Charlie went crazy.
Meanwhile. . .
"I think I've seen you before," Hurley said.
"No you haven't," Libby said quickly.
"Yes, I'm sure! You were on teh plane!"
"No I wasn't."
"Here, I have a picture!" Hurley showed her a picture he had taken to show the plane (Hurley, after all, was mildly obsessed with taking photos.)
"Oh," Libby smiled. "Whoops. Guess I forgot."
"Weren't you in the psychiatric ward with me?" Hurley asked suspiciously.
"No," Libby said. "I mean, yes. I was a psychiatrist."
"No, I"m pretty sure you were the pathologic liar. . ." Hurley said slowly. Libby turned pale.
"I never lie," she said.
"Do you know who Sawyer is?" Hurley asked.
"No," Libby winced.
"What's one plus one?"
"Five."
Libby looked really ashamed now, took out a can of hairspray, and began to tease her hair to try and avoid more communication.
"IT's okay. I like crazy people. Dude, I'm kind of, you know, crazy myself."
Libby frowned for a moment. "Well. . ." she said slowly. "You're kind of fat."
Hurley looked incredibly dejected.
"But. . .Jin and Michael are in love with Sun, Sawyer's obsessed with Kate, Mr. Eko is a priest, Charlie has a bad nose, Bernard's married, Jack's gay, Sayid likes to stand in front of tents in the middle of the jungle, Ethan, Goodwin, and Boone are dead, and Walt's too young. So I guess you'll do."
Hurley let out a sigh of relief and enveloped her in his massive gut.
Meanwhile. . .
When Jess finally returned from searching for Walt, she found long furroughs in the beach, where it was clear that her friends had been dragged away.
"Aw, fuck," she said, and turned around to head back into the jungle.
Meanwhile. . .
Sun enjoyed watching John Locke. A lot. She wanted to be just like him, but when she asked Jin if she could cut her hair, he told her no. (When he asked her if he could grow out his beard she said no, even though every sexy man on the island needed a little stubble. Ha, take that, masochist!) She, she figured that she could emulate Mr. Clean anyway.
So, when it started to rain, she tilted her head up to the sky, instead of running to shelter like any normal person.
"I have looked in the face of the Island and it is beautiful," she whispered. She heard a slight snicker behind her.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Michael asked. Sun shushed him.
"Michael," she said. "We can't keep meeting like this. I'm married. That means something."
"That's not what you told me when your husband was running around in the jungle after burning my raft." Michael said. Sun sighed.
"We've been through this, Michael. Your son burned the raft."
"Oh yeah,' Mike said. "That still doesn't change anything."
"Well, it's over," Sun said. "Jin is being much nicer now. And he has a sexier body than you."
Michael decided to show her who had the sexier body, as he grabbed her by her ankles and proceeded to drag her through the jungle.
Meanwhile. . .
"Damn, that Jack has one fine body," Ana said.
"Yup, he's pretty hot," Kate agreed as she hung up some laundry.
"Do you mind if I steal him away?"
"Good luck," Kate snorted. Ana stared at her.
"Look, I know he's got a thing for you, but you aren't that hot."
"I know that," Kate snickered again. "But Sawyer might be."
The two women turned to see where a frightened-looking Sawyer was leaning as far away from Jack's gentle ministrations as possible. For some reason, Jack was trying to convince him that a full medical examination would require the removal of his pants.
"I'd better go help him," Kate said with a twinkle in her eye. "Sawyer goes commando."
"Who you gonna help?" Ana yelled after her. "Trying to help Sawyer get away, or Jack get him naked?"
Kate just smiled and winked.
Meanwhile. . .
"Okay, I'll trade you one watch and a bra for Amy," Jess said. Ahab shook his head. "We can get more ransom from the other survivors."
"There were other survivors?" Jess sounded excited.
"Um. . .no. . ."
"LEMME GO LEMME GO LEMME GO LEMME GO LEMME GO!"
Ahab winced. "Tell you what," he said. "I'll give you Amy back, if you also take the screaming blonde girl."
Jess hesitated for a moment. "I don't know. . ." she said slowly. Ahab looked desperate, though, so she took pity on him.
"Fine, give me both of them."
Meanwhile. . .
Sawyer finally escaped from Jack and enjoyed walking around without his shirt on. Until, that is, he noticed that Jin was doing the same. With a scowl, he buttoned his own shirt back up. Damn Korean, thought he was so smooth with them hairless, well-defined pecks. He could beat them any day.
Meanwhile. . .
"I think Alex might be alive," Danielle said suddenly.
"I think Calvin might still be alive," Desmond seconded.
"I'm still alive!" Boone told them. Everyone ignored him, as the security system continued to go fish.