Hold

Disclaimer: The only things I'm going to own are the GCSE fails that I'm going to get in about a month because I've been writing instead of revising. So appreciate this, and review. It's at the cost of all my future career plans :P

Once upon a time, Rose Tyler got on board a space ship with an alien she didn't even know, just hopped up without thinking. She cried in her new bed that night because everything she thought she knew was changing, and all the monsters she'd secretly feared as a child had just come to life right before her nineteen-year-old eyes.

He thought of her that night, even though she didn't know it. He knew she was scared, but he also knew she could handle it. After all, he only took the best.

That little scrap of knowledge, however, didn't stop him wanting to hold her and wipe all her tears away.

One day, she went on her first trip into space. He took her to see her home, people, planet, all die, explode into dust, and suddenly she understood how alone he was. As she lay in her now not-so-new-bed, despite the horrors replaying in her mind, it was her thinking of him, her turn to want to give comfort.

During another adventure, they clasped hands and promised to fight together, and as he told her he was so glad he'd met her, he knew he'd never look back.

And he didn't. He was a hero, saving the world, but he couldn't do it. It might hurt her, and he couldn't lose her. There was no greater good anymore; there was only Rose. Even when he was dying at the hands of aliens, the only face in his mind was hers.

But she was brave, she was good, and she insisted he saved the world, whatever the cost. He taught her courage, and she intended to use it. When he did it, when they and all of humanity came out alive, he held her properly for the first time, both of them glad it was for congratulations instead of comfort, even though they couldn't deny how much it healed them both inside.

A barrier had been broken, and now, now, she never wanted to go home, she never wanted to leave him. She wanted to stay more than anything, even when he made mistakes and locked her away to die. She thought she knew how much that hurt him, but if she'd known how much it tore him and ripped him inside, she would have forgotten courage and the greater good, too, and done anything to stay by his side.

During that particular escapade, she'd picked up a Pretty Boy, persuaded the Doctor to let him come along. She'd said the Pretty Boy wanted to see the stars, and even though he was jealous, he'd consented. How could he say no to her? Even though he'd wanted to scream that showing the stars was his job – showing them to her, how could he refuse her anything? All he'd managed was a bleak 'alright' and a joke that made her roll her eyes. And it killed him, because when she was plagued by dreams of the Daleks that night, he couldn't hold her. It wasn't his place anymore.

The Pretty Boy almost got them killed and the Doctor didn't hide his glee at being able to leave him behind. The stars were his to show again.

He wasn't the only one who made mistakes. He took her to see her dad. This time, she tried to play the hero and saved him…but Rose wasn't the hero in this adventure. She changed time, she almost killed the Doctor (and everyone else, too), just as he had almost killed her only weeks before. The title of hero was fought for by two men, her Doctor and her father, and there were two winners in Rose's eyes. The Doctor sacrificed himself, and the whole world, so that she wouldn't have to see her father die, and the father himself died to save the world, save the Doctor for his Rose…

And, as he lay dying alone in the road, he wasn't alone this time. Rose held her daddy, like she'd always wanted to, even though it didn't make everything OK. He did that, coming in and holding her silently, banishing her tears and conquering their loneliness.

The Doctor never said she was his, but when a dashing Captain appeared and tried to claim her, it was plain for all to see. Together, the three of them did it again, saved the world and even had time for some dancing afterwards. The Captain became a friend, a part of their team, but he knew better than to join in the dancing. This was the Doctor's chance to hold Rose without tears, and he could never bring himself to get in the way.

When she felt guilty for leaving Mickey the Idiot behind, for making him wait, the Doctor wanted to hold her but knew it would be wrong. When she cried because she felt betrayed, he wanted to kill Mickey the Idiot, and he didn't feel that that would be so wrong.

And then she died.

Nothing was left of Rose Tyler, nothing but a pile of ash that trickled tauntingly through his fingers. She had been so near, so close to being held in his arms, only to…

Die.

All was not as it seemed. The Captain found that she was alive. The Doctor swore he would rescue her and he did, but it cost him greatly. He had faced what he had long thought dead, joking but dying himself inside. He had her safe, but he leaned against the doors of his ship, fear and loss consuming him, and she should have gone to him. She knows she should have held him then.

He may have rescued her from them, but they came again. She wasn't safe and, determined to make her so, he sent her home. He would stay and die, but she had to live her life. It was only fair, even though it meant he would never hold her again.

Rose could not sit at home and live a pretty little life. Chips, buses, jobs in supermarkets…they weren't for her. Not any more. She had to use some of that courage he had taught her to have; she had to rescue him, because she loved him now, her prince charming, her Doctor.

If the last thing the Doctor had expected to find for himself was a knight in shining armour, he had expected to find a Rose in a blue TARDIS even less. She came out, bathed in light, dying for him. She defeated those who had taken her, those who had caused her Doctor so much pain, she brought the Captain back to life…but the light held too much power for her, and she couldn't let go. She began to die.

He would have sacrificed the world for her, so sacrificing himself was nothing. He held her and kissed her, to tell her that she was his Rose, as much as he was her Doctor, and that she wouldn't die, not if he could help it. He took the light and died for her, as all good princes – as all good Doctors – should.

But that wasn't the end. He changed; he regenerated and became something new. He cheated death and he was able to hold her again. They went to the planet where dogs had no noses, and her hand didn't need to be held, but he did it anyway. They could never be together, and a handhold could never be anything more, but sometimes it was almost enough.

And, reader, I would tell you that they lived dangerously ever after, but a new set of adventures have just begun…

…ones, they hope, that will require some holding.