Disclaimer: The Teen Titans does not belong to me. That's not funny. The rest of this, though, hopefully, is.

A/N: This is crack with a side-dish of smex.

Feeling No Pain

Red X narrowed his eyes, adjusting the zoom on his binoculars. He was watching a jewellery store from the rooftop across the street, and he was about to find out where the old guy, who owned the place, put the key to the safe. Red X loved the traditionalists who still had keys and not that electronic messy crap to deal with.

There… Any moment no-

"Hi Red!"

The thief spun around. A sticky shuriken was already in his hand and his other hand was poised over his belt.

"Robin!" Red X was about to throw the weapon, when he noticed that something was wrong. Several things, actually. Firstly Robin was unarmed, at least, he wasn't holding any weapons, and secondly…. he was smiling? It was a rather big and goofy smile too. "Errr… kid?"

"Hi! Soooo… what'cha up to?"

The thief knew a trap when he saw one.

"Just getting some fresh air, kid…" he smirked under his mask.

"Yeeeaaahhh…. Me too… great, huh?" Robin grinned and leaned sloppily against a ventilation shaft.

Red X was intrigued. Normally he would have been blocks from here by now, but at the moment he wasn't able to leave.

"Where are the rest of you team, then?" he asked carefully.

"Oh, they… they are around… no! No, they were going back to the Tower… to... to schleep."

"Schleep?" Red repeated, and then he started grinning rather widely under his mask. "Robin… are you drunk?!"

"Nooooo…" Robin claimed. "No, no, no… yesh… maybe jusht a… a little bit…" the teen tried to measure the amount between his thumb and forefinger, but the task seemed a bit too daunting for him.

"The hero of the city…. The prestigious leader of the Teen Titans… how did this happen?" Red X shook his head slowly.

"There was this premiere…" Robin shrugged. "They had champagne… but I only had one glass!" the teen claimed.

"You are holding four fingers up, Robin…" The thief told him.

"Oh? Oh, yesh… maybe two…" the teen concluded and showed five fingers now.

"I see… who's been a bad boy, Robin?" Red X chuckled. He loved this. Really. The best thing that happened to him all year.

"I was…" Robin hung his head a little, just to lift it again, sporting a leer which made Red X quietly go 'oh-oh.' "I was naughty…" Robin proclaimed happily, and stepped closer to Red. To the thief's astonishment Robin pressed up against him and tilted his head back. "Are you naughty, Red?"

"Wha- ah! Hands off my ass, kid!"

"Whaaat?" Robin said sadly. "I jusht-"

"I'm straight!" the thief told him loudly.

"Really?"

"Really. Seriously, how many times have I asked Starfire out now?"

"Naaaahhhh… you're jusht playing hard to get…" Robin decided.

"I'm not. Straight as an arrow." Red tried again, getting nervous. "Besides, why don't you go chat one of your friends up? Okay, I get it why you wouldn't go for the little green squirt, but Cyborg's… err… nice… isn't he?"

"Nooooo….." Robin shook his head. "They… they can't know! It's… it's a… a scheeeeecret!"

"Oh. I see."

"And… and, I don't think Cy hash... has… you know…"

"An ass?" Red had gotten to the stage where he was immensely uncomfortable but also immensely fascinated. He couldn't pull out.

"No. No, the … the important part…" Robin seemed to try to focus. "The front part…"

"I get it!" Red hurriedly said. "Sooo… bottom-boy, are you?"

"Don't know. Wanna find out?" Robin asked eagerly.

"No. I better get you home, though, I can't leave you on a roof like this…" the thief muttered.

"Awwww… my hero!" Robin smiled happily and clung to the thief.

"Want me to take over?" a voice from the shadows asked.

"Slade!" Red X exclaimed, never happier to see the man.

"SCHLAAAAAADE!" Robin shrieked, proving he was even happier. In a moment the man had a clingy bird around his waist.

"He's drunk." The thief explained, actually embarrassed on the hero's behalf.

"I can hear that. He lisps like a professional hockey-player." the man chuckled.

"Are you a naughty boy, Schlade?" Robin asked.

"Yes, Robin. Yes I am." The man grinned down at him through the slits of his mask.

"Goody!" Robin chirped.

Slade shook his head and hoisted the boy over his shoulder.

"So… what are you gonna do with him?" the thief asked.

"I'm taking him back to my place…" Slade said, before being interrupted with a loud hooray from Robin. As the man saw his fellow criminal tense a bit, he shook his head. "I'm only going to teach him a lesson… the look on his face when he wakes up tomorrow morning will be reward enough for me…"

Red X snickered.

"Tell me all about it, will you?"

The last the thief heard from the two before Slade disappeared with his cargo into the dark, was a bit of conversation.

"Schlaaaade?"

"Yes, Robin?"

"I looooooove yooouuuu…"

Robin woke up slowly, and, with a groan, pulled the thick blanket tighter around himself. Why the hell did his head hurt so much?

"Good morning, Robin."

He hadn't wet his bed since he was a child, but this time it was damn close. He immediately recognized the voice and rolled around, struggling to get out of the blanket. As he discovered what was on his other side, though, the chock made him become completely still.

"Slade?!"

The man was stretched out beside him on the bed, under the same blanket, no mask and bare-chested. It was a nightmare and a wet dream all at once. And it was real. Robin had no idea what to do about it. At least his headache seemed to have been swept away by the adrenalin.

"Not happy to see me this morning? You were very happy last night…" the man purred, and pulled him close. His hand touched bare skin, and Robin quickly took a glimpse under the blanked.

"I'm naked." he concluded.

"Well, yes." Slade said, like it was only natural.

Robin thought of something and took another look. A slightly longer one this time.

"You're naked too."

"Another thing you were very happy about last night…" Slade smirked, his hand tracing Robin's side.

Things where finally starting to fit together for Robin now, better late than never.

"We… did we…?"

"Several times…" Slade's voice overflowed with implication. "You were perfect… the way you screamed 'Master'…"

"I… was I drunk?" Robin wanted to deny the last part so badly, but since his memory refused to come to the rescue…

"You said you had a glass of champagne…" the man shrugged.

"I… I don't remember a thing!" admitted. "It's... it's not fair!"

"Well, unfair things tend to happen when you drink…" Slade smirked, but his voice was rather serious.

"What? No… I meant that I don't remember!" Robin frowned. "Do you know what that means?"

"No?" Slade asked wondering if his lesson really had gotten through.

"That we have to do it again, of course!" Robin grinned, and put his arms around Slade's neck. "Come on, 'Master'… show me what I missed…"

Slade gave the boy a sharp look and then chuckled.

"So you have figured out I was bluffing?" he asked.

"Yeah… but I really believed it at first…" Robin admitted, without letting go, however.

"So what gave it away?"

"I…. figured I would probably… feel something…" Robin blushed. His eyes widened slightly at that moment. "Oh, no… did I try to chat up Red X?"

"Chat up? You were half way down his pants. The poor boy was terrified…" Slade snorted.

"Oh, god…." Robin buried his head against Slade's chest. "He'll never let me forget that one… I think I might need to drink again…"

"No. Trust me Robin… you and alcohol… it's not pretty."

"Then it's up to you…" Robin grinned a bit mischievously. "Please give me something else to think about?"

"Well, since we are both naked and on a bed… I guess it's convenient…" Slade chuckled and rolled Robin over on his back.

"Make sure I feel it this time…" Robin smirked.

"Oh, I don't think that will be a problem…" Slade promised.

"I'm not promising to call you 'Master', though…" the teen warned.

"We'll see… you might feel it's warranted…"

Robin snorted.

"I'm-mmm…"

The kiss made blood rush south and Robin hoped to god he didn't have too bad morning-breath, not that Slade seemed to mind or notice. He only had a second to feel self-conscious, though, until the man's hand moved to his hip and lifted it slightly, pressing the two of them together. Robin figured that if Slade was that hard, there couldn't be anything wrong with him, and relaxed.

Slade didn't rush, and Robin got a very thorough lesson in kissing, before the man's lips moved on, now to the spot between his ear and his jaw, a place which made Robin squirm and gasp all at once.

Slade sat up slightly.

"Play with your nipples." he ordered softly. "Make them hard and red…"

Robin blushed a bit, but did as the man asked, circling the areola with his fingers before lightly pinching the hardening buds.

"Here…" the man grabbed his hand and sucked two of Robin's fingers into his mouth. "Now, pinch them again. Harder."

Robin did, and the coldness the saliva created made him gasp, his nipple seeming to double in size. He hurriedly put his fingers in his own mouth, coating them again, to give the other nub the same treatment. He looked up at Slade as he sucked his fingers, feeling himself tighten in lust, and then made the other nipple happy as well.

Slade moved further back, taking the blanket with him, and Robin was now bare to his knees, while Slade was kneeling over them, looking down, taking in every little detail. It seemed the man wanted to watch him play with himself some more…

"Good… now move your hands down, over your stomach… draw circles around your bellybutton… down lower… good… no, not too far, you naughty boy! Move outwards now, towards your hip. There you go… no pouting, Robin… Now up over your thigh, down your inner thigh, stop there, use your nails, just loosely, up towards your upper thigh again… yes… feels good, doesn't it?"

"I know what would feel better…" Robin groaned, and tried to reach for his aching shaft.

"No, no, no… that's mine. You don't get to play with it." Slade smirked, and leaned down, pulling the blanket with him, so it now covered him and Robin's lower half completely.

"God, yes!" Robin cried out as Slade's mouth engulfed him. "Oh-god-oh-god-oh-!"

"Come…" Slade suggested, pulling the blanked back again, so Robin could watch.

"In… in your mouth?" the boy asked.

"I'll share…" the man answered.

Robin didn't know what he meant, but Slade started sucking him again, and there was nothing more he could to but succumb. He was still gasping as Slade crawled up over him and started to kiss him. Robin felt a foreign substance enter his mouth and understood the man's words. The taste of himself, the way he was being fed his own cum, made him shiver and already start to harden again, not that he had gone completely soft. Slade paid some attention to his nipples as well, biting them until Robin cried out from pain-mixed pleasure. Slade's fingers were poking at his lips and Robin opened his mouth, sucking them in. Afterwards they didn't travel to his nipples, though, but lower. Much lower.

The man's first finger slipped in easily, the next took a bit of work, but soon Robin felt comfortable with the stretch. He squirmed, though, as Slade pressed a third finger against his opening. The man pulled out and lifted Robin up into a kneeling position and into his lap, before pushing his fingers back.

"Ride them." he commanded, and Robin put his arms around Slade's neck for leverage. He slowly, hesitantly, started, and then discovered that the man kept his hand still, leaving the speed and depth completely up to him. This made Robin bolder, and he was soon moving at an eager pace, not noticing that Slade had added a third finger until he was half way down on it, moaning at the new girth.

"You sound ready." the man chuckled.

"I am." Robin nodded. "I so am…"

"Well then…" Slade purred and made Robin turn around in his lap, lifting his hips as high as possible. Robin felt Slade's cock at his entrance and groaned as he was made to sink down on it. It was slick, although with what, Robin didn't know… nor did he care. It felt good. He didn't have much time to adjust, because as soon as he had taken it all, Slade pushed him forward, onto his hands and knees, and started fucking him for real.

Robin braced himself against the headboard and was soon pushing backwards as much as Slade was slamming into him, making the speed escalate.

"Aaaarrgghhh!" Robin groaned, arching his head back. "Yeeeesss… yes, fuck me!"

"Those words sound a lot better when you're not drunk…" Slade chuckled.

"Not. The. Time. Slade… not the time…" Robin gasped. "Oh, yeah, right there! Right! There! Ah! Yes! Fuck me! Fill me! Please! Harder! YEEEEES!"

Robin shaking and clenching below him pushed Slade over the top as well, and he soon collapsed half on top of his young lover. As he moved so as not to crush him, Robin's hand shot back and grabbed Slade's hip.

"Don't. Stay. Wanna keep you inside…"

"Forever? Might get a bit tricky…" Slade grinned.

"No…just 'till you'll get hard and can fuck me again…" Robin murmured, clenching around Slade's shaft as he did. "It was so quick…"

"Not a bad idea…" Slade pressed closer.

"Didn't think so either…" Robin chuckled now.

"You're not sore?"

"Feelin' no pain…" Robin continued chuckling.

"Are you sure you're sober?"

"From the champagne? Yes… Now I'm drunk on you…" the teen grinned over his shoulder. "You're even more addictive, aren't you?"

"I'll guess we'll just have to find out." Slade smirked back.

"Won't matter…" Robin admitted. "I'm never gonna detox… I'm not giving this up for anything…"

The End.

A/N: The lesson of this story is obvious. Don't drink. If you do, you might end up in Slade's bed. No… no, wait a moment… err... DROP THAT BOTTLE!