Hello there, this is Onirei, coming in earlier than usual for an update. I know it's scary, but I'm on vacation. Benefits of being a homeschooler.

Then again, I don't get summer vacation…

But anyways, thank you all for the reviews! You may have noticed that I responded to you—I respond to everything. It's an obsessive-compulsive thing. (sweat)

So here's the chapter! Oh, and there's an extra story for this fic coming out today (or tomorrow) inspired by Kentucky Fly Chick. Make sure you check it out!

Chapter Eight: "The IQ of cheeseballs."

Vincent glared angrily at the computer screen. He was trying desperately to find fansubs of Gundam Seed Destiny that actually WORKED, but all he kept getting were broken links or search engines. So he gave up. No, he doesn't have a lot of willpower.

Which is why the whole 'dating service' and 'detective' thing hadn't gone well. Their bicycle got hit by a bus and Sephiroth suffered minor injuries. The bus didn't do too well though.

As he wandered aimlessly into the living room, he tripped on a French fry that either Cloud or Aeris had brought home. Life loved him right now.

Sephiroth poked him and mumbled something. (Due to a lip injury, he had to have his mouth bandaged.)

Aeris stepped in. "Hold on, I'll translate." She put her ear close to Sephiroth's mouth.

"He says he has a good idea for a new job you guys can do."

"Mhmm, and what would that be?" Vincent asked, peeling the offending French fry off of his foot.

Sephiroth mumbled something else to Aeris. "He says you two can start a pet-sitting service!"

"WHAT?" Vincent exclaimed. "Taking care of Red is bad enough!"

"Hey, I'm house-trained!" Red protested.

Vincent rubbed his temples. "How are you supposed to take care of pets when you can't even yell at them?"

Sephiroth glared.

The doorbell rang, and Vincent stalked off to meet the unlucky person that had to deal with the ticked-off vamp—ah, person.

"Hello!" Fayt said with a smile to the rumpled man. "I hear you're starting a pet-sitting service?"

Vincent's eyes bulged.

Fayt started sweating a little. "Well—I just came to drop off Albel here. What time can I pick him up?" Albel chewed off a piece of the porch.

"Sorry, he doesn't qualify." Vincent told Fayt through gritted teeth.

Fayt's face fell. "Oh…nobody else will take him either…"

"OHMIGOSH, IS THAT ALBEL?" Yuffie shrieked.

"Goodbye," Vincent said, and slammed the replacement front door in Fayt's face.

"HEY, YOU MEANIE!" Yuffie ran over, picked up Vincent, threw him into the kitchen, then ran out the front door.

Reno looked rather—shocked. "Is this how you people normally behave?"

Zack nodded. "Yup. You should see us when we're drunk."

Sephiroth wandered over to the kitchen and poked Vincent with a stick.

"Triceratops," Vincent mumbled.

"WAIT! Don't wake him up!" Zack shouted. "He'll be nicer when he's sleeping!"

Cloud nodded. "Yup. Vincent's always a little edgy during this time of month."

Reno choked on his yogurt spoon.

"Yup. It's almost the full moon."

Tifa narrowed her eyes. "Isn't that for werewolves?"

Zack's chin dropped. "Vincent's a werewolf? And we never knew?"

Sephiroth stared. Because—that's all he can do.

Tifa gasped. "Maybe he didn't want us to know! Maybe he got teased about it as a kid or something."

"That's ridiculous!" Cloud stated.

Reno, Red, and Aeris nodded.

"Vincent would never keep anything secret from us! He probably just hasn't had the chance to tell us yet!"

Reno, Red, and Aeris fell over, ala Fruits Basket.

Aeris groaned. "The people I'm living with have the IQ of cheeseballs."

Outside, Fayt was desperately trying to keep Yuffie away from Albel, and Albel from eating Yuffie.

Vincent was having a wonderful dream. A dream where the pea tribe of southeast Asia was dancing around in circles in pink tutus. It was very relaxing.

Until, of course, he heard voices from up above.

"It's almost midnight! He should start to change any minute now!"

"How many times do I have to tell you? He's not a werewolf!"

Vincent groaned.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! IT'S ALIVE!" Zack screeched. RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

"Here guys," Tifa walked in. "I got the crosses, holy water, rosary..here, I sharpened some sticks too."

Cloud stared at her. "Those are pencils Tifa."

"I cannot BELIEVE we are even discussing this!" Aeris shouted. "Vincent's our friend, and even if he was a vampire or werewolf we'd just put him into maximum security, not kill him!"

Vincent sat up. "That's nice to know, Aeris."

Zack fainted. Tifa started tossing pencils at Vincent.

Vincent rubbed his eyes. "Sorry I was being such an idiot earlier. I think that burger I ate was bad. Whoops, no offense Aeris."

"None taken." Aeris smiled.

Cloud's brain automatically switched from 'Vincent's a werewolf' to 'OMG, COMPETITION!'

Anyways, ignoring him for a little while…

"So, you're not really a werewolf?" Tifa looked disappointed. She dropped the rest of her pencils on the floor.

"Uh, no." Vincent said. "They're not real."

"But…Van Hellsing…"

Meanwhile, Reno realized that midnight was an insane time to be up for someone who had to work the next day. Or rather today. Whatever. So he put his un-finished yogurt in the fridge and went to sleep on the couch.

Yuffie came in the house. She had been outside snogging Albel's shoe, which Aeris had forbid her to bring into the house.

"Oh, hey Vincent! See you're up. Sorry about the whole 'throwing you into the kitchen' thing.

Vincent gently touched the bruise on the back of his head.

Sephiroth ran out of the bathroom! "YAY! THE WORLD IS FINALLY HAPPY!"

"Uh, why?" Cloud asked. "Did someone finally invent a deodorant that doesn't smell weird?"

Sephiroth used his psychic powers of DOOM to throw the leftover Wendy's fries at Cloud.

"No! I can talk again!" Sephiroth huffed.

Cloud chewed a fry thoughtfully. "And that's a good thing?"

Aeris, being the smart person she is, knew that this could end up in a major fight that could destroy the rest of the house. And the town. And the country. So she used her Jedi mind-trick to make everyone like each other again.

…Or she would of, had she been a Jedi. But since she wasn't, she went to bed and left everyone else to duke it out.

--To be continued

As usual, please review! I'm handing out pieces of the fry Vincent tripped over, if anyone's interested…..

Oh, and Vincent's Gundam Seed Destiny predicament was inspired by me. Luckily, the first GSD DVD is going to be released soon. (dances)