Okay, first of all—ALMOST 100 REVIEWS! I AM UNWORTHY! T.T Thankies so much..(worships reviewers)
Second of all..sorry for not updating. I'm pathetic! Really! (All I can say is that I'm obsessed with LJ.) And since it's a little too late for the New Year's fic, the characters will have to get drunk in a different situation.
THIRD of all, the extra story IS coming! It IS! Wahh, I suuuck…
Er, fourth. This story is based on an actual occurrence. My mother, me, and my siblings drove down to a new beach in the county next to us. Let's just say the experience was somewhat akin to the one Vincent and Sephiroth have. XD
I don't own Final Fantasy VII. (GASP, I put a disclaimer!)
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Chapter Ten: The beach of Doom.
The next evening Vincent was riding on his motorcycle, and Sephiroth was riding on his tricycle. They were on their way home from Wendy's (Cloud wouldn't let them go anywhere else) when Vincent had a brilliant idea!
He stopped his motorcycle. "Hey Seph! I've got a brilliant idea!"
Sephiroth leaned over the handles of his tricycle, panting heavily. It wasn't easy to keep up with a motorcycle that was going 40 miles per hour.
Ignoring Sephiroth's plight, Vincent continued. "You know that new beach that opened up a few miles down from here? I wanna check it out!"
"LOOK, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO, JUST GET OFF THE ROAD!" an angry voice screeched from one of the many cars jammed behind them.
---
"Umm..the knee?"
"Good. Now where is the collarbone located?"
Zack scratched his head. He'd decided he wanted to apply for a job as a medical assistant, and Aeris was helping him out. Unfortunately, he wasn't doing very well.
"Umm..the stomach?"
Aeris slammed the book shut. "Zack, you're obviously not cut out for this job! It's way too advanced for you!"
"No! I can't give up!" Zack persisted. "Have you seen those commercials advertising for this job? I'd be working with all those beautiful women!"
Aeris hit him over the head with the 'Your body and You' book.
---
"Ah, Vincent?"
"…"
"VINCENT!"
"WHAT?"
"Don't you think it's kind of dark to be going to the beach? Can't we go tomorrow?"
"NO! I wanna go now!" Vincent threw a hissy fit and fell off his motorcycle.
"Okay, fine! We'll go!"
Vincent hopped back on.
15 MINUTES LATER:
Vincent and Sephiroth stared down the dark tunnel of Trees. Deciding that he couldn't ride on the bumpy road for fear of having an extremely sore behind later on, Vincent tied his motorcycle to a tree(he used a really big leaf) and followed Sephiroth and his trike into the darkness.
---
Cloud was having some quiet time all to himself. This normally didn't happen, but when he was going into the basement to see what Valentine's Day decorations they had, the door slammed on him and got stuck.
It was rather nice actually. The only annoying noise down here was the freezer running, and that was nothing compared to Zack's snoring or Tifa's frequent insistence that vampires were going to strike in the middle of the night or whatever.
Grabbing one of Aeris' beloved ice cream sandwiches, he settled down to enjoy the quiet.
---
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Vincent and Sephiroth were thoroughly freaked. What was supposed to be a lovely little beach was the Beach of Doom.
Everywhere they turned it was DARK! And there were TREES on the left and REALLY TALL GRASS on the right and PORTA-POTTIES behind them and WATER in front of them.
"AHHHH!" Sephiroth repeated. "We're DEAD! I told you we never should have come here! IT'S FREAKY!"
Vincent shuddered. "And it STINKS!"
"Let's get out of here!" Sephiroth squeaked.
All of the sudden, there was a rustling in the Really Tall Grass. Vincent and Sephiroth receded so far back they were up against the porta-potties.
Vincent covered his eyes. "This is the end for us!"
A small figure emerged from the grass, holding a Really Large Camera. "Johnny?" it questioned.
Sephiroth fainted.
---
"Hey, Reno, have you seen Cloud?" Aeris asked.
Reno didn't even look up from his book. "Nope, haven't seen him."
Aeris chewed nervously on a hangnail. She was afraid Cloud had finally snapped and gone and shoved himself into an empty soda can or some sort of weird suicide. He had been doing so well too—he had even voluntarily cleaned the kitchen. Wait—that was insane.
---
When Sephiroth came to, he was seeing upside-down and all he could see was Vincent's motorcycle. He sat up.
"GOOD! You're awake! Let's get out of here!" Vincent exclaimed. "Here, put this on!"
Sephiroth caught the helmet and fumbled with it for a second before realizing that he was putting it on backwards. "Wait-what?"
"We're leaving!"
"I know that, but—WHY IS THAT THING ON MY TRICYCLE?"
Vincent finished tying the squirming photographer to the tricycle. "Hey, I couldn't just leave her here! She kept screaming 'Johnny' and trying to fly over the water!"
"But.." Sephiroth spluttered. "That's the woman that ran me over!"
Vincent stared at him. "But—that was a grown lady! This is a cute little pixie! She says her name's Micki."
"Hi," Micki squeaked.
Sephiroth glared at it. "Well, whatever! But she's still on my tricycle! What am I going to ride on?"
"…"
"HAVE YOU GONE MENTAL?" Sephiroth spazzed. "I'M NOT RIDING WITH YOU! PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET THE WRONG IDEA!"
"WHAT PEOPLE? THE SERIAL KILLERS THAT ARE GOING TO MURDER US?" Vincent screeched. We're out here in the middle of nowhere, and if we don't leave now we're going. to. DIE!"
"Johnny!" Micki squeaked.
"SHUT UP!" Sephiroth screamed, then slumped against the motorcycle. "My head hurts."
Then, a mysterious noise came from the abandoned house a few yards behind them. There was the opening and shutting of a door, then foot steps on gravel.
Vincent's eyes bugged out of his head. He hurriedly finished tying the tricycle to the motorcycle, then hopped on.
Sephiroth started screaming frantically and running around in circles.
"GET ON, MAN! I'M STARTING IT UP!"
Micki blanched.
Sephiroth got on backwards, not caring that he had nothing to hold onto.
And so two men and a photographer/Johnny Depp obsessed pixie drove off screaming into the night.
---
Yuffie the obsessed Gundam Seed fangirl, was staring at her beloved collection of Destiny pictures that she had printed off and organized into a folder. (Cloud had yet to figure out that it was her who used up all of the colored ink.) Reno was leaning over the couch and looking at her folder, as he had finished his book.
Yuffie happily flipped to the (name censored out for spoilers) section and prepared to happily enjoy his wonder-fullness.
"Hey, I've seen that guy before!" Reno commented. "He croaks at the end of the series."
Yuffie's expression of joy turned to one of pure rage. Reno suddenly found his mouth stuffed with a Gundam Seed picture folder.
"I AM GOING TO KILL YOU." Yuffie told him.
---
A few minutes later, Reno's back slammed against the basement door, knocking it open. Having barely dodged Reno tumbling down the stairs head-first, Cloud decided that the basement wasn't safe and went back up.
---
Aeris sat at the kitchen table, eating one of her Emergency ice-cream sandwiches. Cloud came into the kitchen, looking for clean socks. (Don't ask.)
Aeris dropped her ice-cream sandwich.
"You're okay!" she exclaimed, hugging Cloud. "I was afraid you'd suffered Death By Soda!"
Cloud sweatdropped.
---
Vincent, Sephiroth, and Micki the Pixie came home to a house where Aeris was crying over Cloud, Zack was watching a community college video tape, and Reno desperately dodging shurikens.
"Ah, it's good to be home," Vincent commented.
"Yeah, it's nice to feel safe in a house where people are emotionally unstable and there are pointy objects being thrown through the air," Sephiroth added.
Micki squeaked.
---
"Aren't you glad we got this house, Albel?" Fayt asked. "It's in a remote area where NOBODY will ever come, and that means you can't kill anyone!" He grinned.
Albel glared at him.
Maria walked up the driveway. "Didn't you hear those people down here earlier?"
"There were people here?" Fayt asked. "Wow, I just thought those were the mountain lions."
"There aren't mountain lions in the woods, idiot," Albel snapped.
--The End
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Yes, there were really porta-potties.
Yes, Micki the Pixie is my mother. It's up to the readers if she stays. (laughs)
Yuffie's reaction to Reno is based on my reaction to my sister when she partially spoiled the end of Destiny to me. Apparently more then one person dies, though, so don't give me any info! (spoiler-phobic)
The Beach of Doom was actually a pretty scary experience. (Although we didn't get out of the car.) The tunnel of trees was there, along with the abandoned house. There was also a creepy old, white Jeep that I didn't get to incorporate into the story.
Oh, and Zack's 'beautiful women' comment—where I live, they advertise community colleges a lot. In the medical assistant commercials, they always use attractive women. :P
REVIEW:3 And check out my LJ! in my profile(shameless plug)