#6 WAITING FOR BETTER DAYS
Rating: T.
AN: This was my entry for the 2021 Sirius Black Fest. This was a great fest, thank you so much the mods for hosting it! It may or may not be Wolfstar, I liked it both ways so it's up to you! ;)
Beta love to: Postal Ninja.
Waiting for better days
OS.
"What are you doing here?" Smirking, he shrugged easily. "I'm just wondering about the worthlessness of our existence."
T
He raised a brow as his friend stepped out of the darkness in front of him.
"What are you doing here?"
Smirking, he shrugged easily.
"I'm just wondering about the worthlessness of our existence."
From behind a huge bouquet, Peter seemed at a loss for words.
"Oh. That's deep..."
Sirius barked a laugh.
"Mate, I'm smoking."
He raised his right hand, showing the cigarette there as he exhaled a puff.
"And why aren't you at the reception with everyone else?"
Peter frowned.
"Someone had to bring flowers."
Sirius narrowed his eyes at that: there were more than enough flowers, Lily had taken care of that. But Peter seemed too busy checking his flower arrangement to notice Sirius' expression. Maybe it was his way of offering his blessing, to bring a gift of his own.
"And why are you hiding in the parking lot?"
"Because I'm smoking?"
At this, his friend met his eyes, a sad smile tugging on his lips.
"Isn't that the fake reason?"
It truly was; he was the best man; what indeed was he doing here?
"I don't know," admitted Sirius.
He looked at the stars. It had always been easy to speak with Peter. He wouldn't judge you, and had such a sympathetic ear that you would even forget he was there most of the times.
"I don't think I'll ever find someone with whom to share what they have."
It was true. Sirius was in no hurry to settle down, but he wondered sometimes if he would ever fall in love, want to marry, or even raise children. And underneath those questions were the new ones: if he didn't now, who was to say that he would stay alive long enough to afterwards?
"I guess... I'll stay alone."
Peter sighed at that, Sirius not paying him any mind as he tried to get to the bottom of his thought.
"I suppose that ought to make me sad. But it doesn't. It makes me feel..."
"Free?"
Sirius looked at him, surprised that they were on the same page regarding this matter. He had thought that of all this friends, Peter would be the more interested to become a father, as fatherless sons often were. Maybe James was the only normal one in their group, then.
"Yeah," he finally agreed.
He pulled a new cigarette from his pack and smirked as he lit it up with a flick of his fingers.
"Good thing we aren't women. We'll never get any shit for our choices."
He pondered for a moment what to say before he decided that it didn't matter. The only wrong answer would be to stay silent, to act as if everything was normal when it wasn't. They weren't okay.
"I just want to know what's going on with you."
Remus sneered angrily, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Save us both the trouble, will you? You wouldn't understand anyway."
Scoffing, Sirius groaned at his friend.
"I sure won't if you don't try to explain."
Their eyes met across the room, intense and full of a smouldering resentment that he didn't quite understand.
He wetted his lips before trying again.
"I'm your best friend Moony."
"Don't bother Sirius."
He stormed off, his cloak on his arm as the weary traveller he seemed to be these days. Sirius sat back down, dropping his head in his hands. Had he done something wrong? He was sure he hadn't.
So what was the matter with him? Did he think he was the only one to have lost family? To be tired? Fed up? This was a bloody war; whatever the outcome, they were all victims, there would be no victors, only pain, grief, sadness.
Why was Remus withdrawing into himself, then? Weren't they all in this together? What was he hiding?
He couldn't fathom having ever felt that.
A tear he didn't remember shedding fell onto his cheek as he cradled the baby against his chest. So small, so tiny, so soft in his arms – and so trusting, so peaceful. The small hand that grasped his finger was making his heart soar with delight.
Who knew that babies filled an unknown soft spot in your heart that had never felt empty before? Definitely not Sirius. He had been too young when Regulus was born to remember how he had felt. But he would always remember what this baby made him fell. His godson, Harry.
He vowed there and then to do anything to protect him. This boy would live: Sirius would make sure of that if it was the last thing he ever did.
His hand moved over the engine, caressing his bike as he dreamt of taking the kid on a journey someday, when he was old enough. The fun they would have...he made a mental note to look over toy broomstick for next Christmas.
"Since when do you drink coffee?"
Andromeda's voice was amused as she took his order.
"Since I decided I wasn't a perfect Englishman."
She laughed at his answer.
"Have you ever been?"
"Fair point, indeed."
He smiled at her, happy that his antics were funny to her. He had missed her.
"How's your family?"
She finished drinking her tea before answering.
"We stay mostly hidden, as you would have guessed."
Biting her lip, she met his eyes.
"But I'm sure it's much more tenuous on your side. You're the one fighting. I'm mostly busy being a mom to Dora."
Sirius barked a laughed.
"What else could I possibly do? Stand aside while all of my loved ones are killed? "
Nodding, Andromeda rested both her hands on the table
"These are difficult times; but of course, better days are ahead of us."
Sipping his bitter drink, Sirius exhaled a breath.
"Do you truly believe so?"
She scoffed with the same confidence all members of the Black family shared.
"I know so."
"Prongs."
His voice was but a murmur. This wasn't to be shared. This was to be kept secret.
"Listen to me."
James looked at him, tired by his situation, angry that he had to stay hidden, scared for his only child. But still grateful to be alive.
"I have an idea."
Sirius thought back to how calm and understated Peter always was. How no one was the wiser to all the secrets he knew about. Peter was the answer; he was sure of it. He would be the perfect Secret-Keeper, and Sirius the perfect scape goat.
"Everything's going to work out."
Better days were ahead of them.