A/N:Happy Birthday kitsunechibiko! At least it's the 16'th here… ;)

This is the second, and final, part of "Alien Matchmaker", number 17 in my drabble-collection: "Christmas Drabbles 2010", and you really need to have read that first before this…

Alien Matchmaker 2: Meeting the Family

Robin regained consciousness half an hour after he embarrassingly enough fainted outside the Tower. He wished he hadn't woken up, however, especially as the noise was rather loud.

"The guy's a criminal!"

"Grooowl!"

"No! He is not a bad man! He has made a promise!"

"RRROOOAARR!"

"CRASH!"

"Really, children, calm down. You are bothering my husband."

Robin whimpered. He really, really wanted to pass out again, but trying to didn't do the trick. There was nothing else to do. He had to wake up and get things under control. Oh, how he loathed being a leader sometimes.

He sat up and looked around. He was on the couch in the Tower's main living-room and a Slade-slaughter seemed to be about to happen. Starfire did her best, standing between her friends and the slightly bored-looking mercenary. Cyborg's sonic canons were glowing, as well as Raven's eyes. The Empath seemed to have problems holding onto her power, making random things shatter around the room. Beast Boy was a snarling tiger at the moment, ready to pounce.

"Guys?" Robin sighed.

At once all eyes snapped to him.

"Robin! You have awoken!" Starfire exclaimed and rushed to his side. Slade followed suit although he didn't exactly rush, but more sauntered.

"Hello, honey. Feeling alright?"

"Don't 'honey' me!" Robin hissed.

"Told ya! Let's get the sucker!" Cyborg, a little too hyped up, perhaps, yelled.

"No one's getting anyone!" Robin told them.

"That is correct! Slade is now Robin's to get!" Starfire stated firmly and crossed her arms. "And they are on the moon of honey and should only have the sex, not the arguments!"

"Not getting any arguments from me…" the older one of the husbands leered.

Robin cradled his head in his hands for a moment before standing up. He felt a little lightheaded and grabbed on to the nearest thing, which happened to be Slade.

"Okay, everyone, shut up and sit down!" he demanded, not noticing that he was clutching the man's arm in a way which could be regarded as possessive.

His team, all wide-eyed, obeyed.

"Okay, Slade- oh." Robin turned toward the man and discovered who he was holding on to. He let go as if the man's arm had burnt him, and pointed to the sofa.

"You! Sit!"

"As you wish, love," the man purred and took a seat in one end, making all the others, except for Starfire, shuffle towards the other.

"Starfire… I…" Robin looked into the expectant green eyes and his words faltered a little. "I appreciate the thought and everything, but… me and Slade, it… Well, it just won't work out!"

"But… you are married, yes?" the alien asked.

"No! We're-"

"Yes." Slade held up the contract with a smug little smirk.

Robin sighed and shook his head as he walked up to stand in front of the annoying-but-also-annoyingly-sexy bastard.

"Slade, come on. It's been fun, and all, but let's just call it quits, okay?"

"It has been fun, hasn't it?" the man smirked. "Maybe we should tell your team everything that happened? I'm sure they are dying to know."

Robin paled and glanced at said team, who were, very clearly, leaning forward a little.

"We'll talk in my room!" the hero said, and dragged Slade up by his hand. The fact that the damn imbecile wouldn't let go of his hand afterwards, was just icing on the cake.

Robin pushed Slade into his room and closed the door behind them with a bang.

"Pull that again and I'm gonna fucking kill you!" he snarled.

"Your bed isn't wide enough, I'll order a new one," Slade said as he looked around the room.

"If you tell my friends what we did-"

"Actually, it might be more convenient to move to another floor. I assume there are a few free?"

"Are you even listening to me?" Robin exploded.

"You are upset about my little joke. I get it. Let's move on," Slade shrugged. "About closet-space…"

"You are not moving in!"

"Of course I am, it's in the contract."

"NO! Screw the fucking contract!"

"Well, I would, but I prefer you," the man smirked in a way which he probably thought was charming.

"GET. THE. HELL. OUT." Robin tried his outside-voice, sans violence.

"Sorry, no. I signed the contract. I never thought you would actually let yourself be seduced, you see, but the moment you spread your legs, it was a done deal. I never break a contract."

"Spread my… you practically raped me!" Robin, who had a very selective memory when he wanted to, yelled.

"You loved it and you know it. Every time," Slade snorted and whipped out a phone. After a moment, in which Robin tried desperately to find something to say, Slade had dialed. "Is this IKEA? Yes, I'd like to order a bed, please. The largest you have… my husband likes it firm… yes… pun intended…"

Robin felt very much like just fainting again. Hopefully he would wake up after his friends had killed Slade this time. Why the heck had he stopped them? He was still trying to find an answer to that when Slade finished the call. The man looked at him and then chuckled.

"A bit too much for you?"

"Just… a bit," Robin whimpered. "Please let's be enemies again?"

Slade continued to chuckle and sat down on the bed, pulled his legs up and leaned against the headboard. Robin noticed that he was still wearing the tuxedo-pants and shirt from last night.

"Very well… I'll show you some mercy and tell you the truth, how about that?"

"Yes please," Robin mumbled and then the words sank in and his dazed eyes sharpened. "Truth? What do you mean?"

"The truth about why I agreed to your little friend's insane proposal, and why I'm sticking by it."

"Oh, it's not love, then?" Robin said dryly. "That hurt."

"Oh, trust me, Robin, I'd do more or less anything for you, but this just happened to work out very on another level as well," the man smiled.

"Okay. How?" the teen asked, crossing his arms.

"Work. I have done a lot of work for the government… our and others, I might add, but this new administration is… let's just say that they are not happy about having a criminal on their pay-roll. Oh… a wanted criminal, I should say… they are all more or less crooks…"

"What's that got to do with me?" Robin asked, looking puzzled.

"Everything. The front, the image, is what counts, after all. No really dangerous man could have close ties to the Teen Titans; especially not romantic ones… are you following me?"

"You are using me so they think you are safe?" Robin growled.

"Oh, I'm never safe, Robin…" the man purred.

The teen swallowed. He hated, definitely hated, how the man's voice made him feel… especially after last night and this morning. Oh, lord, they had… repeatedly! He started pacing the room, now and then stopping to get a good glare in.

"Wait… wait… according to the contract you have to stop being a criminal!" Robin suddenly realized.

"Yes, and working for the government is not a crime. Not one that sends you to prison, anyway… if you do it right," Slade raised an eyebrow. "What else have you got?"

"Why not any of the others?" Robin egotistically asked.

"No insults on our honeymoon," the new government-worker snorted. "It's you I want, no one else."

Robin had stopped his pacing a little too close to the man this time, and didn't realize this before it was too late. Just as Slade's words registered in his mind, the man's hand shot out and caught his arm. The next instant Robin found himself landing on top of Slade.

"Shall we see if this bed will fit us after all?" the man purred suggestively.

Robin opened his mouth to deliver a scorching objection that would leave Slade all but crippled in the lower regions, but the man cleverly avoided this by flipping them both over and kissing him.

Robin's body was excited. It had never been subjected to these sorts of things before, and now, suddenly, it had been indulged several times in less than twenty four hours, the last time only this morning. It remembered it more than well, in fact it still was clinging to some physical evidence, and it was more than eager to get some more.

Robin's mind didn't rejoin the playing field until the body was stripped more than half naked. It tried to find some counteractions but failed, and turned to Slade for help.

"Please… I…"

"Oh, don't worry, my bird, I'll hurry… I know you want me so badly… I won't let you wait."

Well, that was useless… Robin thought dryly to himself.

"We… need to… talk!" he tried, thinking the dreaded phrase would cool the man on top of him down.

"This is no time for endearments, Robin," the man mumbled against his throat, planting kisses and bites to the skin between the words. "Romance is nice, but I prefer sex."

Me too! Robin's body moaned, and arched.

Robin's mind then waved a white flag. He'd sort this out later. Preferably when Slade was too spent to argue back or use those damn hands.

Soon their naked bodies were grinding together, the lewd slapping sound of flesh hitting flesh telling everyone within earshot what was happing… or would have, if it hadn't been mostly drowned out by the moans and grunts. Both of them had long since stopped trying to figure out how to speak, but, on the other hand, there wasn't much need for conversation. Robin spreading his legs wider at the moment, for example, clearly meant 'fuck me harder' and the grunt Slade uttered was easy to interpret as 'don't mind if I do'.

When Robin opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was the gold ring on his finger. The sight filled him with a mixed sense of dread and anxiety, although it was mostly the good kind of anxiety… the tickling, shivering kind which seemed to center on his groin.

Oh, god, I'm getting turned on by my wedding-ring… how sick is that? the teen groaned to himself.

"Awake?"

The large, warm mass pressed against his back, moved, and lips brushed Robin's neck.

"M-hm," Robin mumbled, not daring to try anything more eloquent.

"I think it's about dinner-time. We've been in your room the whole day."

Fucking. Robin's mind supplied, in a somewhat snooty voice.

"I don't want to leave," Robin muttered, and screwed his eyes shut.

"You mean you don't want to face your friends?" The man's voice was dry and a little mocking. The hand resting on Robin's chest, however, moved calmingly in little circles. Or calmingly? Those fingertips were a bit too close to the teen's nipples for that.

"God, I don't know what to do…" Robin complained quietly, and then sat up. "I'm going to call Batman!"

"Was that supposed to scare me?" Slade asked lazily as Robin shot up from the bed and dressed in record time.

"It's not about you!" Robin snorted. "Well, okay, it is, but… it's not… just be quiet!"

The former criminal only chuckled in that low, vibrating timbre as Robin's computer screen flickered into life. He couldn't use the communicator, the teen had discovered, because his hands were shaking so badly.

Soon the call was answered and Batman's masked face appeared on the screen.

"I thought you'd call. Is he there?"

"I- what? Who?" Robin, who was just about to launch himself into a long and much censored explanation of the events for the past night and day, stuttered.

"Slade." Batman sounded somewhat impatient.

"I… yes?" Robin answered.

"Good."

"Good?" The teen had to glance out of the window. Perhaps he'd notice that the sky was green or something, making this an alternative universe, but no. Everything looked normal.

"Yes, the JL received a call from the White House two days ago, explaining Slade's plan. They need him desperately for something, so play nice."

"Play nice?" Robin squawked.

"Yes, take him to dinner, movies, charity-events. Make sure you sell the story of you being… married." The last part was said with a derisive snort. "Really, you've been out of the closet for less than a week and are already married. Congratulations…" the little smirk which followed was much too teasing for Robin's taste.

"Wait, we're not really marr-" he started.

"Of course not… but play along," Batman cut him off. "It's a matter of national security."

"He's playing along just fine," a satisfied voice behind Robin supplied.

"Slade's in the room? You should have warned me," Batman scolded his former sidekick.

"Err… uh… sorry?" Robin stuttered. "Um… so you know I'm gay?"

"Known for two years. I found something you left behind while emptying your old room for renovations."

Robin's face colored. He didn't dare ask what.

"Er... oh… okay… I… sorry I haven't said anything, but…"

"It's your business," the bat shrugged. "It doesn't change anything… and strangely enough your sexual orientation actually ended up helping the country."

"Yeah, about that… I'm not sure-"

"I'm aware that it will be a bit uncomfortable for you, taking on something this big," Batman said seriously, making the teen splutter and the man on the bed chuckle.

"He's handling it like a trooper," Slade said. "In fact, I'm pretty sure he enjoys it," the man added and came into view of the screen for the first time. He had put on his clothes, Robin was glad to see.

"I'm sure he does," Batman nodded. "For Robin it was always 'the bigger the better'. I want to ask you to prepare him, though. I won't want anything to be too much for him to handle." Bruce instructed the white-haired man.

"I will, you have my word, 'dad'," said man smirked.

Robin thought he would fall off the chair in surprise as Batman chuckled.

"Fine." The dark knight shook his head in mirth. "Well, Robin, report to me if things get out of control… and… listen to your husband." With that the conversation was terminated, leaving the black-haired teen staring at the empty screen with his mouth hanging open.

"See? I told you he liked me," Slade smirked.

Robin shuffled into the common room in exactly the same manner as a person who really didn't want to be there would. Slade was at his back, however, not-so-gently pushing him, whenever his feet stopped moving.

The teen hero was assaulted by the smell of pizza but surprisingly little else.

"Hi, guys, dinner!" Beast Boy yelled in their direction waving a slice around.

"Greetings! Have the Moon of Honey commenced satisfactory?" Starfire smiled.

"Oh, cut it out, Star, they have been planning, right, guys?" Cyborg laughed.

"Planning?" Robin asked carefully.

"The JL called and informed us of the situation," Raven said gravely and eyed Slade in a calculating way.

"Yeah, and it was Superman, dude!" Beast Boy supplied with his mouth full. "You know him, Slade?"

"We've met," the man behind Robin answered curtly.

"Cool, man!" Cyborg nodded. "C'mon, grab it while it hot. Meat or veggie?"

"Meat," Slade answered and got a hoot of approval from the metal teen.

"Hey, tofu's not that bad! Try it!" the changeling objected.

"I'm afraid a vegetarian diet doesn't suit my body-type," the man told him, as he loomed over the table. "You, however, being tiny and green…"

Robin sighed and sank down on one of the high-chairs around the kitchen island, trying to hide a wince as he did. He tuned out the rest of the bickering, which seemed to be carried by Cy and BB alone. He thought back to the conversation he and Slade had just had, right after the fruitless call to Batman ended.

"You planned this?" Robin yelled accusingly.

"When your friend approached me, I tried to figure out how to make the best of the situation, yes," the man shrugged.

"No… wait… you said you couldn't break the deal because we slept together!" Robin pointed out. "That if it hadn't been for that…"

"If it hadn't been for that, I would have thought of another reason… now it just happens to be according to the agreement."

"But the government… Starfire doesn't… she…" Robin hesitated. What the heck had he meant to say?

"The White House and the JL knows nothing of Starfire's little… idea. I presented it as being mine… and pretended that you were in on it."

"You… I... wait, I thought we were going to trick the government? If they already know…?"

"We are talking about a very, very small part here. Those people don't care about my record, but they do want to keep hiring me, and they know that others, outside their… organization, will object."

"And the JL listen to these people?"

"The world listens to these people… not officially, of course. And with the media being as nasty as it is, even small rumors can make the mightiest fall. They want me to be an acceptable ally, and I'm planning to be."

"Mustard?"

"Huh? No, thanks, Star," Robin mumbled, brought back to the present by the offer.

"How you have been able to survive at all is a mystery… food-poisoning and clogged arteries should have wiped you out years ago," Robin heard Slade mutter.

"Slade just offered to cook dinner tomorrow," Raven said.

"I did no such thing!" the man snorted.

"Then don't complain about the food," the empath huffed.

"I'll do it," Robin offered, glaring at his so called husband. "Try to get along, Slade. It's not your thing, I know, but even you must have picked up some basic rules somewhere."

"Rules?" The man looked puzzled. "Wait… I know that word… can't quite remember what it means, though…"

Starfire, of all people, laughed at this joke, and then looked at Robin.

"The Super Man spoke of you both going out. Are you doing the date tonight?"

"I… guess," Robin mumbled. "Are there any good movies out?"

After being showered by suggestions involving ninja-killer-cats and Hugh Grant, although they didn't all appear in the same film, Starfire suggested "Little Rubber Duck Finds a Pony". This made Slade stand up and declare that he and Robin could and would find their own entertainment, thank you very much.

The movie was actually a nice action-comedy and Slade acted mostly like a gentleman, meaning Robin didn't get too heavily groped in the darkness of the move-theatre. They had dinner afterwards, almost as fancy as the night before, and posed for some photographers who had, along with reporters, been alerted to the scene because Robin was wearing his mask.

The new couple gave the vultures a good show and answered some questions.

"How long have you been dating?" one of the reporters asked.

"We've actually married," Robin replied to avoid that question. 'Less than twenty-four hours' just didn't seem like enough, somehow.

The smattering from the cameras rose as he showed off his ring, blushing with embarrassment which would be interpreted as love, and got well and truly kissed by his husband.

"Aren't you a little too young to be married?" a female reporter asked.

"I may look it, but I'm old enough… thanks…" Robin grinned at her. It wasn't like they could check anyway.

"And before anyone asks me if I'm too old for him, I would advise you to check my background," Slade warned them. "We'll hold a press conference tomorrow if anyone has any more questions. Now please excuse us?"

"You're so too old for me," Robin smirked on their way back. "Won't a background-check confirm that?"

"Perhaps, but it will also confirm that it will be very dangerous to claim so," his husband smirked.

"About that press-conference tomorrow…" Robin started, "how are we going to set it up?"

"No need, it's already prepared. Most of the JL will be there as well."

"WHAT? B-Batman too?"

"Of course. He has to show his support for his sidekick's marriage, doesn't he?"

"Does he?" Robin whispered weakly.

"Yes," Slade grinned smugly. "So let's make sure he'll have a lot to be supportive of, shall we?

"You are really playing your roles well," the Bat said dryly to Robin, who was currently standing tucked into Slade's side. "But we're still behind the scene… if you feel like a break."

"We believe in keeping in character," Slade explained and tilted Robin's head up with his free hand, smiling down at him. "Don't we, love?"

"Right, honey," Robin replied sweetly, while furtively placing his heel on one of the man's toes and shifting his entire weight onto it. "One never knows where a camera might appear, Batman. Better safe than sorry."

Robin had to admit that he was impressed by Slade. Despite being surrounded by the Justice League, the man didn't as much as bat an eyelash. No twitching, no flickering eye, no nervous sweat drops on his brow… he looked like he was perfectly at ease.

I bet he doesn't even have an elevated pulse… Robin thought to himself, and then decided to check, his fingers slipping to the man's wrist. Nope. Thought so. He sure did this morning, though… Robin's glue-on smile turned a bit more into a grin as he thought back. Slade had, somehow, convinced him that they ought to enjoy marital bliss when they still could. And boy, had they enjoyed it.

Someone walked up to them at that moment. Robin looked up and spotted the Martian in front of them. The man stopped suddenly, gave them a short nod and turned around on the spot.

"What's with J'onn?" Robin muttered. "He almost looked like he was blushing."

"I don't know. Did you think of something naughty he picked up on?" Slade smirked.

"Oh, shit!" Robin cursed, looking at the hastily retreating back of the mind-reader. "If he tells Batman, be prepared to run… and take me with you."

"Of course. Now, what was it you were thinking about?"

After a while Robin started to relax and actually enjoy himself. Especially the press-conference, where he got to be the hero who had 'saved' the wretched criminal and changed him with his love. Pure bullshit of course, but it was very fun to see Slade trying to shoulder the role of newly found little lamb.

They answered the rehearsed questions, kissed when asked to, and then some, and then it was all over.

Before the JL left, Batman came up to speak to them again.

"Well, keep it up… there's only a few days left, after all."

"Before what?" Robin asked, nonplussed.

"Before I leave on my mission," Slade explained. "And don't worry, Batman. I, for one, promise to keep it up."

Two hours later Slade was swearing.

"Just keep it up as you said," Robin told him dryly. "You managed to break my bed, so you better put this together."

"It's impossible! I mean, this bit here, it's all wro- oh. Needed to turn it over. Right."

The bed from IKEA had arrived in several flat boxes, and Slade was going through hell on earth. Robin was having fun watching.

"Hey, Slade… this mission… what is it?"

"A secret one," Slade said.

"You can tell your husband, can't you?" Robin grinned a little.

"Sorry."

"Well… okay… but what did Bruce mean that we only have to keep up the façade until you leave? Will you be gone long?"

Slade straightened from his kneeling position on the floor and looked up at the teen, who was perched on his desk.

"Robin… there's a very high possibility that I'm not coming back."

The Titan felt like something had crashed into his stomach.

"Wh-what? But… but you were going to work for them…?"

"Yes. They made it very clear that they are willing to destroy all my seedier history and offer me a position… if I do them this little favor."

"A…A suicide mission?"

"For anyone else, yes."

"But… there… I…" Robin took a deep breath of air. "I'm going to help."

"No," Slade chuckled. "You are not. But thanks."

"But there has to be something I can do?"

"There's plenty. Just let me get this damn bed together and I'll show you a few things… Why are there only three legs?"

Robin didn't bother the man about his mission any more, trying to put it out of his mind himself. He discovered that there was no way he could think of this as 'a way out', he got sick even trying to. It somehow didn't matter that Slade had tricked and bullied his way into a fake marriage and into his bed… now Slade was his, and Robin didn't want him to leave.

On the morning of the man's departure they were lying very close in the new bed. Slade had eventually gotten it together, and Robin had to admit that it was a lot more stable than his old one. It would be too big, soon, though, without Slade there.

Robin had woken the man up early in a very nice way, and now they were both thoroughly spent, several times over.

"Slade?" Robin mumbled.

"Yes?"

"How long will it take, you think?"

"One or two weeks."

"Come back?"

"To Jump?"

"To me. To this bed. Just come back. Please?"

"For you… I'll damn well try." The man smiled one of his teasing smiles and captured Robin's lips with his own. Maybe they could both find some more energy somewhere…

A week went by, and then another. Then, on the eighteenth day the elevator door suddenly opened.

"Slade!" Beast Boy saw him first, pulling Robin out of his dark thoughts as he was staring blindly out the window.

The teen moved at a speed that would have left the Flash in the dust and flung himself into the man's outstretched arms. The man looked a lot worse for wear and was limping, but it seemed like he was in a very good mood.

"Happy to see me again, my little husband?" he asked with a chuckle as Robin wouldn't let go.

"You have no fucking idea!" Robin choked out, trying to tell himself that he wasn't sobbing.

"We do have to celebrate, yes?" Starfire laughed and clapped her hands. The Titans had, one by one, understood that the couple wasn't really pretending, and had accepted it, since it seemed to make their leader happy. Seeing him suffer for the last couple of weeks made the happiness of seeing Slade again very real on their part as well.

"Pizza!" Beast Boy exclaimed. "I'll order!"

"No you don't, I don't want any stupid veggie-stuff!" Cyborg objected.

"Oh, please do not fight!"

"Murderer!"

"Cud-chewer!"

"Friends! Do stop!"

"Meat-brain!"

"Veggie-head!"

"I'll order." Raven's voice floated above it all, accompanied by the clinking of shattering china.

Slade let Robin go slightly and muttered something about insane teenagers. The leader of said teens smirked.

"Hey Slade? Welcome to the family."

The End.

A/N: There you have it, hope you liked it in all its fluffy-ness! ;)

What's next? Probably another part of 2061… I'll try to kick Black Sheep 3 off soon too… and/or the kitty M-preg… just need a bit more writing-time.