Brittany brought their lips together once again, and this time Santana allowed herself to melt into the kiss. She pulled Brittany in by the waist and took control of the kiss, backing Brittany into the wall next to the light switch. It felt like forever before Santana willed herself to stop, forcing herself to do what they both knew needed to be done.
"I want you so bad," Santana whispered. "So, so, bad, but we better stop Britt. We have to stop."
"Okay," Brittany said softly, her lips moving to Santana's neck.
"Fuck," Santana said, her head falling back softly.
"And I want you too, Santana, and not just for sex. I've said it now, even though I know you already knew and you just needed to hear it. Everything about you makes me feel alive. Everything. Now you know. Now there's one less thing in our way." Brittany said, her lips finding Santana's once again for just a brief moment. "Goodnight Santana," Brittany said before releasing Santana's waist and sliding away from her embrace. She slipped out of the kitchen and Santana just stood there in the dark, feeling like it was all just a dream.
"Fuck," Santana whispered in the dark again, before her feet decided to move her towards Nani's bedroom.
Santana grabbed a blanket from the closet and crawled gently into bed as not to wake Nani. She wasn't kidding about the covers. She remembers the times they shared a bed as kids when they would spend the night at each other's house, and the battle for the covers was a very real thing. Santana didn't have the energy tonight, she just wanted to sleep.
She wanted to sleep, but she couldn't. Brittany was too close. Her mind kept wondering what the blonde was doing. Was she sleeping, or was she lying in bed like Santana, restless? Was she looking at the painting she made of Santana and thinking of the time she touched herself? Was she touching herself right now, just as she had taught her, as she moved her body in wave after wave against her until she heard her cry out in the most beautiful way? Santana tried hard to push the thoughts out of her mind as she lay in the darkness for what felt like forever. She listened in the darkness, knowing that only a wall separated them from one another. She wondered if she could hear her heart beat if she listened hard enough. Something inside of her wanted to hear Brittany's heart. She listened, but could only hear her own, pounding with excitement and lust and maybe something else, growing. She was listening and trying to hear what it was trying to reveal to her.
"Stop staring off into space, you creep," Nani said after about 15 minutes.
"How would you know I'm staring, since you have your back towards me and it's dark as hell in here?" Santana sighed.
"If you were sleeping like you should be you wouldn't have answered me. And why aren't you sleeping, by the way? Nani smiled, sitting up in bed. Santana did the same.
"Just not tired."
"Sure did take you a long time to wash a couple of dishes." Nani smiled in the darkness.
"She kissed me," Santana blurted out. She didn't mean to but she needed to talk about it. Nani turned on the night light.
"You okay?" Nani asked, and Santana was surprised that Nani didn't tease her and then again she wasn't. This was Nani, and she knew when to be her annoying big cousin but most of all she knew when her little cousin needed her.
"Yeah. I stopped her, though."
"Okay."
"I mean, I'm not Wolf, I can wait until we have it all figured out," Santana said softly.
"Stop comparing yourself to Wolf, San. You have never been like him."
"All of those women there tonight, it was a shit show." Santana sighed. "What must she think of me?"
"I don't think she judges you from your past with women, and if she did she should know how respectful you are of their feelings, after all you let Sophia stalk you for a year after she took advantage of you."
"I have to get used to the fact that a lot of women I've allowed to come and see me sing actually like hanging out at the club. It's why I wasn't so harsh with Sophia and I hope you weren't either. I told her we would never be together, told her never to show up at my place again, told her to not bother me when I'm working out at the gym and she listened to everything I told her. I hope you weren't too harsh with her."
"Santana, she was the only one there paying attention to your every move and not the show. She was interested in anyone close to you and interested in me once she saw me laughing with Brittany. Come on, cuz, she couldn't let go. I know Lexi won't be a problem and Nikki is a player so we shouldn't have to worry about her, but Sophia needed to be handled with a cold glass of ice water to the face to wake her up and so I gave her one. You didn't owe her anything more than you gave her, Santana, and cutting her off doesn't make you like Wolf. I know that's why you really let her hang on so long, but you're nothing like him and you never will be, Santana. You gotta deal with this Wolf shit, because you may have cut him off but he still has a hold on you."
"I know Pu," Santana sighed. "A lot of women I've been with have come through the past few weeks, and it's made me wonder if I am really any better than he is or have I been lying to myself."
"Do you really need to ask that question? You're taking this Wolf's kid thing way too far. You're young and single and for the most part you found women who were into the same thing you were, just having a good time. If you're looking for more now then you know what you have to do. Cut them loose. It looks like you already have stopped sleeping with them, just keep doing what your heart tells you to do and you'll be alright."
"I kissed Lexi tonight..."
"Santana..."
"And Nikki,"
"What the fuck Santana?!"
Santana sighed. "Well they kissed me. Nikki leaned in and just gave me a kiss on the lips goodnight and that was that, but right before that Lexi did the same and I kind of went in for more. I won't blame it on Sugar's drink but let's just say I had a need that hasn't been filled in a while and the alcohol made it that much more noticeable. Plus, it's Lexi, you know?"
Nani sighed, "So what happened, obviously you didn't go home with her."
"Lexi put the brakes on."
"Oh yeah?" Nani smiled.
"She's pulling away from me."
"How does that make you feel?"
"I don't mind losing the sex, even if it's really good sex and it is," Santana sighed dreamily. "I don't want to lose her, but deep down we both know that it will be hard to keep the friendship going if either of us get really serious with someone. The way Lex and I are together a girlfriend would eventually think we are still fucking."
"Are you willing to give Lexi up, Santana?"
"For the right person, yes, but only for the right person."
"I'll take that answer. It sounds fair."
"I'd miss her friendship, though, she's helped me through a lot."
"I know, San, but if anyone would understand, Lexi would, just like you would have to understand if Lexi settled down."
"Yeah"
"Things have a way of falling into place."
"That's what Lexi said. Who knows? Maybe whoever we end up with won't mind our friendship."
"Maybe not but Santana have you ever thought that you and Lexi are filling a need in one another that only exists because you don't have that special someone? I know she means a lot to you, but I don't know if you would need that kind of friendship if you had a love of your own. She supports you, but a good girlfriend would, too. She's a security blanket, and if you want something real you have to be willing to step out on faith without that security blanket. Whoever you choose should give you what she gives you and so much more. Sometimes we let people go even though it hurts because what we get in their place is so much more than what we lost."
"Yeah"
"I know it's hard, Lexi has been the closest thing you've had to stability since Dani."
"Yeah, and Tiffany..."
"How is Tiffany?"
"She's probably coming to karaoke like she does every year," Santana sighed.
"Come on Santana."
"I know," Santana sighed.
"When was the last time you spoke to her?"
"About a month ago."
"So maybe she won't come."
"I really hope not. I'm really starting to look like a player."
"Well, you kind of are..."
"Pu"
"It's okay Santana. Maybe player is kind of harsh. You're playing the same games the ladies you spend your time with are playing. I know Tiffany just spends time with you when she's in between relationships. Nikki loves a conquest. Lexi loves women as much as you do and she has her own stable of women she keeps on rotation. Sophia was the only one who wanted a relationship with someone who has always been clear that they didn't want one. So you're not a player, you just crush a lot as Big Pun would say." Nani smiled and Santana chuckled.
"Yeah, I guess so."
"So what are you thinking about?"
"Sexy Lexi said something to me tonight, about knowing when to quit playing the game. You think Lex may be developing feelings?"
"I think Lex always had feelings for you, but not the stereotypical love feelings. I think you were both pretty mature and realistic about what you could be. You two, you're very much alike, and there's no balance. You both work hard and play harder. You're both very sexually driven. You burn too hot together, and not in that good way like a log on a fire. You burn like a forest fire, intense and destructive if it lasts too long, and eventually it burns itself out. That kind of flame tears through everything in its path. You need a slow burn, something that you have time to feed and sustain and let it burn in a controlled manner. Something you can keep going for as long as you like because it's contained and tended to properly. You and Sexy Lexi, you had a good run. You did what you did best, and if Lexi is developing feelings for you it has more to do with her being older and in a similar space as you are now, ready to find someone she can have a balance with. Lexi is fun, she's a good time, but relationships can't function on fun alone. Lexi knows it and you know it too. It's why she's bowing out gracefully, even if it will hurt to lose the good times the two of you had with your clothes on."
"We did have a few," Santana smiled softly at the thought of their more friendly moments together. The laughs they shared and the conversations they had. "So do you think she's bowing out?"
"I think you both are, and I think you're both okay with it. Just do me a favor Santana, when you go in with someone go in with your whole heart. Don't be afraid. Everybody isn't Dani and I know that Lexi is safe for you, she feels like home, but she's not a happy home for you. She's not what you're searching for and you're not what she's searching for either. The two of you would have figured that out by now. You have figured it out, and I think you both got it right. Don't go in knowing you can run back to Sexy Lexi when things fall apart. You let go of Wolf, and you're evolving, so when you let her go this time, maybe this time needs to be the last time you let her go. Just a thought. I support you no matter what, you know that, so if you decide to play around with Sexy Lexi for however long you choose after each failed relationship I have your back, but if it's something real you're looking for, commit to it all or nothing. No parachute, just fly like you can't afford to fail, even if of course everyone has the right to stop trying at some point if necessary. You know what I mean, I mean give it your all like you want it to work. I think it's what you want deep down inside, if you pack your fears away."
"Yeah," Santana said quietly, "I don't know. Honestly, if I were thinking about being with someone who has been out and accepting of themselves for a while I think I'd have far fewer reservations. I'm dealing with a woman who is dealing with a lot, and there is still so much I just don't know about her. There is also so much that she doesn't know about herself in this moment. All she knows is that she's attracted to me and I make her feel good. All I know is that she didn't have anyone here in New York before I came along and maybe part of this intensity she's feeling is because she's not alone anymore. You were right, Pu, when you said that people who think you're tough don't worry about hurting you because they don't think that they can. She can hurt me, Pu, and that shit scares the living daylights out of me."
"You have to decide when you're going to tackle that fear, San. You're going to have to decide if the risk is worth the reward. Something about her draws you in. Something about her is reaching out to you. I get it, she's still finding herself, but I trust you enough to believe you if you feel like she's the right move for you."
"She admitted to me that Albany was meaningful for her. She says she wants me and not just for sex, and she says now that she has admitted that there is one less thing in our way."
"Holy shit San, that's a lot. All of this just happened in the kitchen?"
"Yup"
"I knew my sandwich was good but I had no idea it would make her want to join the family."
Santana laughed, "I'm sure it wasn't the sandwich, Pu."
Nani smiled, "I know, it was the way you were grinding on her ass on the dance floor."
"Probably," Santana laughed.
"Go to sleep Santana. She just admitted she liked you. If you wake up looking like hell she'll change her mind again."
Santana laughed.
"You ok?" Nani asked seriously. "We can stay awake and talk if you need the distraction."
"I'm okay," Santana sighed. "I wonder if she's asleep yet?" Santana wondered out loud.
"Probably not," Nani said. "She's probably digesting this night just like you are. Get some rest, everything is going to be okay."
"Yeah, I better try and get some rest."
"Good, I don't even talk to my man in bed this much," Nani laughed.
"Ewww, don't want to know what goes down in your bed."
"Don't worry, you won't," Nani yawned. "Goodnight San."
"Goodnight Pu," Santana said as Nani turned off the light and rolled onto her side. Santana closed her eyes and hoped that sleep would find her soon. Thankfully, it did.
Brittany struggled with sleep for a whole other reason. Sure, she knows that she is probably as horny as Santana is right now but she's also nervous about the things that she admitted to her, things that she would never have admitted if she hadn't danced so close to Santana all night. Things that she never would have admitted if she were alone with Santana and Nani wasn't sleeping close by. Nani kept them both safe from themselves that night. Had Nani not been there she would never have stayed the night when Santana asked, that is, if she could have found the strength to say no.
Brittany made sure the room was dark, not wanting to see the painting she painted of Santana, the painting that started her on this adventure she's been on for the past few months. She took one of the pillows on the bed and held it close, comforted by the fact that she was laying where Santana sleeps, the sheets somehow felt like her, smelled like her. She felt her there and it comforted her as she finally drifted off to sleep.
The next morning Brittany woke up early. She didn't want to get out of Santana's bed, the comfort she felt the night before still present. She was happy she didn't have one of her dirty Santana dreams the night before, instead simply falling into the type of exhausted sleep that leaves you dreaming of nothing at all, tired from all of the dancing she had done. She got out of bed and brushed her teeth before heading to the kitchen to see what she could make the ladies for breakfast as promised. She was glad that Santana had enough groceries for her to make a nice breakfast. Santana had shopped in anticipation of Nani coming and so Brittany made herself comfortable in their kitchen, finding everything she needed to make her special French toast along with some bacon and eggs and hash browns.
Santana woke up next, the smell of bacon bringing her back to the present and to the fact that Brittany was in her kitchen making her breakfast. Brittany had cooked for her many times before but this felt sweet, Brittany cooking for her in her own home. Santana gently slid out of bed so as to not wake Nani and she washed her face and brushed her teeth before going to greet Brittany for the day.
"Good morning doll," Santana smiled. "There's something about waking up to a beautiful woman making you breakfast in the morning," Santana said.
"Good morning, sweetheart, how was your night?" Brittany said jokingly and Santana laughed. Brittany was happy that Santana didn't start the day off by talking about what had happened the night before. There would be plenty of time for that.
"Smells amazing in here."
"Thanks, doll" Brittany said smiling and Santana laughed.
"You look cute in my clothes. I seriously should have given you something tighter to wear instead of just joking about it," Santana grinned.
"The less you see now the more you have to look forward to later," Brittany winked and Santana grinned even wider.
"Can I help with anything?"
"Nope, you'll have your chance to cook for me one day."
"I can live with that deal," Santana smiled.
"Hope you don't mind me helping myself and getting started. I figured if you had restrictions you would have stated them last night."
"No problem, Britts. Mi casa es su casa," Santana said and Brittany smiled, returning to her cooking duties.
The two chatted casually for a few moments before Nani entered the kitchen singing and breaking the brief conversation between them.
She's in love with the shape of you
You push and pull like a magnet do
Although your heart is falling too
She's in love with your body
Last night you were in her room
And now her bedsheets smell like you
Every day discovering something brand new
She's in love with your body
Nani came in the kitchen with a sly grin on her face and Brittany blushed slightly as Santana scowled at Nani. Clearly she woke up in the mood to fuck with them and by the smile on her face Santana could tell that Nani was successfully entertaining herself.
"Interesting song choice," Santana said, glaring at Nani. "Like the lyric revisions."
"Thought you would appreciate that. See, you're not the only musical talent in the family. Good morning Brittany, it smells amazing in here. Oooohhh, French toast ooo la la!"
Brittany laughed. "Good morning, Nani."
Nani went over and kissed Santana on the cheek.
"Listen, I have some errands to run if you two wanted to spend the day together," Nani said loud enough for Brittany to hear while winking in an exaggerated manner at Santana and wiggling her eyebrows so that Brittany couldn't see. It was Brittany who spoke up.
"Actually, I have my cooking class today so I'll be out of your way soon."
"Well I appreciate all of the cooking you do for this one here," Nani said, gently patting Santana on the back. "I'm sure what you're feeding her is a lot healthier than the crap she grabs on the run and passes off as a proper dinner."
"You sound like my mother," Santana rolled her eyes.
"Well if you cooked more I wouldn't have to hijack your abuela every time I came to visit.'
"My abuela loves it."
"So do I. She's so cute."
"Yeah you can say that. She's never thrown a shoe at you."
Both Nani and Brittany laughed as Nani grabbed some plates and set them on the dining room table. Then she returned and started a pot of coffee. Santana filled a carafe with orange juice and carried it to the table. Then she went and helped Brittany put the food on platters to carry it to the table.
"I know you chefs appreciate presentation and all, but Nani and I would have been just as happy filling our plates in the kitchen."
"I like it better like this," Brittany said. She liked the feeling of cooking for them, of cooking for Santana and someone who is clearly so special to her. She liked Nani and not because she thought it would ingratiate her with Santana. She liked Nani because she was fun and straight forward just like Santana. She liked her most of all because of the way she loved Santana. Her love for her cousin was fierce and you could see it the moment she walked into the room. Santana wasn't the toughest personality in the room when Nani was there, and somehow Brittany felt like it gave Santana a much needed break.
The ladies sat and ate breakfast together and it all felt so comfortable to Brittany. She felt like she fit with them, and both Nani and Santana actually felt the same. The women praised Brittany's cooking skills. After breakfast Nani and Santana volunteered to clean everything up and Brittany went to shower and change in order to return home and change her clothes before class. As Brittany got dressed and Nani and Santana cleaned the two chatted in the kitchen.
"You have absolutely no errands to run today," Santana rolled her eyes.
"I know how to keep myself busy," Nani smiled.
"And that song, what the hell, Pu?"
Nani laughed. "It seemed appropriate for the occasion."
Santana just sighed.
"Just breaking your lady balls a bit. Plus I needed to know if Brittany could handle my finely tuned sense of humor."
Santana laughed, "So I guess she passed your test."
"She did."
"And the tests that I don't know about?"
"Haven't been running around testing the girl, but if you're asking has she gotten my blessing? So far, so good."
Santana smiled.
"Don't look so happy about it! I'm cautiously optimistic."
Santana kept smiling.
"Ugh, I gotta get outta here. I'm not used to giddy Santana. You're freaking me out." Nani smiled while wiping down the countertops.
"Love you too, Pu" Santana said, kissing he cousin on the cheek.
Nani was in her room when Brittany came out dressed and ready to leave. Santana was sitting at the piano tinkering with the keys. When Brittany came out Santana smiled and pat the seat on the bench next to her. Brittany sat beside her as Santana continued playing.
"Tender Love?" Brittany smiled.
"An oldie but a goodie," Santana answered.
"It's beautiful. You sound good."
"Thanks."
"How long have you been playing?"
"Messed around with it for years, got serious about it when my grandmother died."
"And the guitar?"
"Started playing to help me through things when I was struggling right after the video was posted online."
"Music gets you through the hard times, huh?"
"Yeah," Santana said, still playing softly.
"You must take it seriously because you sound really good."
"Music is so many things to me, so many good and healing things."
Brittany smiled.
"What makes you feel like music makes me feel?" Santana asked as she played.
"Painting"
"I can see that. What else?"
"Cooking is nice, but it's not my happy place," Brittany smiled.
"Stop messing with me," Santana said and Brittany laughed. "Britt, when you dance..." Santana just paused and sighed. She looked into Brittany's eyes. "When you dance you look happier than I've ever seen you. You look free, and you look like an angel." Santana said seriously.
"Thank you."
"It felt good, didn't it Britt?"
"Yeah it did."
"It's like you've been holding a part of yourself in, and I loved seeing it. Just like I loved seeing Legs in Albany. I love the glimpses I get into the person you were before the world came crashing down on you. I hope I get to see her. I hope you get the parts back that made you whole. I hope you can let go of the pain and the parts that held you back without letting go of the light. I wish wholeness for you, Brittany."
Brittany just smiled at her.
"Thank you, Santana. I wish you wholeness as well."
"I'm getting closer every day." Santana stopped playing. "So when am I going to see you again?" she asked, looking deeply into Brittany's eyes.
"How about we talk about setting up a practice schedule for next weekend. Meanwhile, before I leave, do you happen to have a white pants suit?"
Santana looked at her quizzically and Brittany just smiled brightly.
After saying goodbye to Nani Brittany left, and Nani went to sit in the living room and sat in a chair smiling at Santana.
"What, you maniac?"
"Did you just do some ultimate player shit and mack on that girl while playing a love song softly on the piano?"
Santana laughed.
"Tender Love, Santana? Really?"
Santana just smiled.
"Did you talk about last night?" Nani asked.
"Not yet, just asked her about when we were meeting up again. We're going to meet up for practice at the club this week and to shop a little for our costumes, so I'll see her at least twice this week."
"More if you can help it, I'm sure."
"I mean, I wouldn't object." Santana smiled.
"So what are we up to today, Simon?"
"Wanna have dinner with abuela?"
"Hell yes!" Nani said and Santana laughed.
"Cool, meanwhile maybe we can go to the gym downstairs for a while..."
"I didn't come here to work out I came to relax."
"Okay, maybe we will go for a swim."
"In other words you're trying not to leave the building."
Santana laughed, "A little lazy after last night."
"All of that dry humping Brittany on the dance floor wear you out?"
"Shut up, Pu"
"Great night, great performance. It's understandable you're tired. We can hang around here today until it's time to meet up with abuela."
"Appreciate you," Santana smiled.
"And Simon, I'm wishing you luck with this one. She makes a hell of a French toast."
Santana laughed and Nani leaned back in her chair closing her eyes and rubbing her stomach.
The ladies spent the day together just hanging out and catching up. Before they knew it they were on their way to Santana's abuela's house.
When Santana's abuela Beatriz opened the door she was excited to see both ladies. She opened both arms and squeezed them tight, then took the opportunity to hug each of them individually. They were both her granddaughters even though she shared no blood with Nani. Nani and Santana had always been closer than cousins, they were sisters, and many times when Santana spent the night with her abuela Nani joined her. She loved the sound of their laughter and their whispers when they shared secrets. Still, she also savored the moments when it was just her and Santana, because it gave her the opportunity to love solely on her. She knew that Santana needed it, craved it, because of all that Wolf deprived her of. Santana was also her only grandchild and she loved the young woman beyond measure. It's why she feels so torn inside. The only child of her only child is suffering, and sometimes she wonders if she did something wrong when raising her son that made that happen.
"Nani! So nice of you to chase this one home. It's so hard to get her to slow down," abuela said, hugging Nani. "Santana! You look good, nena. Sometimes I need to see you with my own eyes."
"I know abuela, Just have a lot going on, I'm sorry."
"As long as you're okay, I'm okay," abuela said, kissing Santana on the cheek. "Come on in girls, have a seat. Nani, thank you for coming by to see me. I know you don't get to come home often so to spare some time for me makes me feel very special."
Nani smiled, "You know I love you abuela."
"And I love you too, carino." Beatriz kissed Nani on he cheek. "You girls are so beautiful. When are you getting married?"
"Can we eat first?" Santana smiled and Nani laughed.
"I just want to know my girls will be okay when I'm gone."
"Don't talk like that, abuela." Santana said, a sense of panic rushing through her.
"Well I know that Nani has someone and hopefully I'll get to dance at her wedding and hold her babies one day but who is looking out for you, Santana?"
"I'll be okay, abuela."
"Okay nena," Beatriz said. Settle in and I'll check on dinner."
Beatriz looked at Nani who smiled softly at her. Nani knew that before the night was over she would pull her to the side and try and find out if her granddaughter was okay. She would pile her plate with food and watch to see if she actually eats. She would worry, and that makes Santana sad, because she knows that she only has those fears because Santana almost let herself fade away because she couldn't face her life anymore.
She remembers the look in her eyes when Nani brought Santana to her grandmother after she came home to help her heal, to cook for her, to love her back to health. Nani cooked for her that night and they talked, and the next day Nani took her to see her mother, who cried so hard she couldn't breathe, all she could do was hold what was left of her daughter and beg her not to let herself die. Nani's own mother would be next that week and then finally their grandmother. By that weekend her abuela would comfort her. The reactions were always the same, all like her mother's, and she got to see first hand what her dying would do to these women, these women she loved more than life itself. Nani had called them each and asked them to cook Santana's favorite dinners for them, and she held Santana's hand while she shared the secret of why she had been avoiding seeing any of them face to face, why she was always too busy for anything other than phone calls. Then she gave them each something they needed as much as she did, the opportunity to sit her down and feed her, to watch her eat and know that she was trying for both them and herself, to give them all the confidence that she was going to make it through and that Nani was going to stand right there by her side until she did. Then Nani did her one more huge favor that week that Santana didn't learn about until many months later, she sat abuela down and asked her to talk to Wolf and ask him to stay the hell away from Santana. To not call, not text, to pretend he doesn't even know, because he never has known how to comfort his daughter, and her life hung in the balance right now. So abuela told Santana that she wouldn't tell her dad, and for that Santana didn't realize how thankful she would feel upon hearing that news.
Wolf wasn't happy that he was asked to stay away, and yet he knew it was for the best because he could at least admit to himself that he didn't know how to have a relationship with his daughter and so helping her through the toughest time of her life was something that he knew he wasn't qualified for, especially after the things he'd said when he found out about her "fucking on the internet". He knew that was horrible almost the moment it came out of his mouth. He sat the crisis out, sat in his failure as a dad and a man, and he let the women in her life help heal her, as always. Still, it crushed him that she was starving herself to death. She was perfect, and he was part of the reason why she didn't even know it.
By the time the women chatted for a while as dinner finished cooking and they sat to eat at the small table it was Santana who brought up the subject that she knew her abuela was trying to avoid.
"So, does Wolf come to visit you much?"
"Not much, but he calls often."
"I need to make a better effort to come and see you more, abuela. Also, I know you're not into being around a bunch of young people drinking but you are always welcome to come and hear me sing."
"I always look for videos that people post on the Youtube. You are fabulous, nena. You get it from me," her abuela smiled. So did Santana. The woman had a voice she only used in church and that was for a reason. Only Jesus could tolerate it.
Santana and Nani both smiled and suppressed their chuckles. She has dragged them both to church with her, when they would get in their epic fights that sounded like two cats trying to claw one another to death. Abuela would grab them each by an ear and yell at them in Spanish, stick them in dresses and take them to church to say a thousand Hail Marys for driving her crazy. Both women were well aware that Santana got her voice from her mother.
Now her yelling voice both Santana and Nani may have inherited from abuela.
"I don't like you here alone so much," Santana said.
"I have my friends from church. We have bingo nights and casino nights..."
"So basically you gamble all week and pray on Sundays?" Santana smirked.
"Santana! No it's not like that..."
Santana laughed. "Listen, this is a no judgement zone. I'm glad you have such an active life with your fellow church members. Anyone special?" Santana smiled.
"They're all special nena, until they're not," abuela winked, and Nani and Santana both laughed. "By the way Nani, how is that fine man of yours?"
"He's great, thanks."
"You don't have to hide him from me, you know, not unless he misbehaves himself."
"Please abulea, Kevin is head over heels for this woman. She barely has enough time to sneak off and see me these days."
"And what about you Santana, anyone trying to keep you to themselves these days?" Beatriz asked.
"Not yet, abuela," Santana said, and Santana glanced quickly at Nani and then they both looked down at their plates. As usual, nothing slipped past abuela.
"What was that?", Beatriz asked.
"What was what?" Santana said.
"Nani...", Beatriz said. She knew that Nani had very few soft spots but that she owned one of them. She gave Nani her sweet doe eyes and Nani melted.
"Santana..." Nani said, begging to be let off the hook.
"Seriously abuela, I'm actually not seeing anyone," and Beatriz just stared at her hopefully. Santana sighed. "There's a friend..."
Beatriz beamed.
"I don't know where it's heading yet abuela, but I promise you I'll share everything with you when I know."
Beatriz smiled at her granddaughter.
"I'm looking forward to it, Santana. Nani, have you met her?"
"I met her last night," Nani said. "I like her. I'll let Santana share her with you, though." Nani smiled and abuela understood. "I know what you really want to know and this much I will tell you, yes, I think she will take good care of Santana."
"Then the rest I can wait for," Beatriz smiled. She was happy, happy for the first time in a long time that there appeared to be someone special and not just a string of women. "You seem at peace nena, does it have to do with letting Mateo go?" Beatriz asked sadly.
"In part," Santana answered honestly.
"I'm sorry," Beatriz said.
"Abuela..."
"I know we aren't responsible for our children forever, but somewhere I allowed him to grow into the type of man that would treat his wife and child the way he treated you and your mother..."
"Abuela, you've been apologizing for him forever and I don't know why. I know what kind of person you are, and what family means to you. I love women, I love everything about them, and therefore I love them enough to see them as people and to never want to hurt one. I learned that from you, from all of the women who raised me, and from you too, Nani. You women are everything I want to grow up to be. You all inspire me, and a woman inspired me to take the step I needed to take with Wolf, even though I've wanted to take that step for a very long time. She tells me I inspire her, and I know that I do in some ways, but I hope she knows that she inspires me too. She inspires me in so many ways. She inspired me to finally set my relationship aside with a man that couldn't see me even though she doesn't even know that she did that. She inspired me to put my relationships with other women into perspective, and Nani encouraged me that she could be enough, she would be enough, if I pour enough into what I want with her and stop letting fear guide me. She cooks for me, abuela, she cooks for me all of the time, and I know it started out because she takes cooking lessons but some part of me can't help but feel that it's also because she lo..." Santana paused, shocked about what she almost said, "she wants to love me too. She knows about my past battles with food and she wants to watch over me and care for me like you all do, even if it's just as a friend, even if it can't be more, not right now, maybe never. But she inspires me to believe that it can be more, abuela, and so maybe it will be more."
Nani smiled brightly and abuela actually looked like she had tears in her eyes.
"Thank you for telling me that," abuela smiled, reaching across the table and placing her hand on top of her granddaughter's and gently squeezing it. "And does your inspiration have a name?"
"Brittany...Brittany S. Pierce," Santana answered proudly with a smile.