Muse

by crushed2

Brittany Pierce left everything behind in Ohio in hopes of finding a new beginning in New York City, and by everything she meant her trust in people and her passion for performing. A chance encounter with a beautiful model may just change all of that.

10. Chapter 10

"You're coming home with me tonight, if you're up for it. I wouldn't mind talking a little more."

"I'll be okay."

"I'm sure you will, but Santana isn't spending the night alone and you shouldn't have to either."

Brittany's heart clenched at the thought.

"What if she decides to come home?"

"She won't, but if she does she can sleep in my bed just like she did last time. That alcohol is going to hit her hard in about 30 minutes and she will be down for the count by the time they reach Lexi's house. Look, I'll take you home if you want me to, but maybe you can be honest with yourself and admit at the very least that you may sleep a little better tonight if you had a little company nearby."

"I have my cat."

"I'm just going to ignore that you said that as if my company is less desirable than a cat's. Does your cat need to be fed tonight, we can swing by your place?"

"No, her feeder always has something when I go out and her fountain has fresh water just in case."

"Excellent, so it's up to you, but the offer stands. Right now we're going to stick around a little while longer, laugh a little, maybe sing a little, and when you're ready we're leaving. Whatever is happening over there, as long as she walks out the door with Lexi it won't be anything that she will regret in the morning. Trust me, don't even take a second look. Hold your head high and you two will settle your personal business at a better time. And you two are not fodder for gossip for the others, no more than any of the others are when they are dealing with life. They are rooting for the two of you, and they worry a lot about Santana, maybe too much. I am sometimes just as guilty if not more of worrying about her too much but I can hold it better than some of them can. From the look on their faces I think they worry a lot about you too now. They hide it behind humor, but they are a family, her family, and they accepted me and they accepted Lexi and even Tiffany. Now, they have accepted you, because these are the people Santana cares about. She cares about you Brittany, and I know that you know it. She's leaving with Lexi but she made sure I took care of you because you matter to her. So we will leave soon, maybe grab a little dinner, and then we can talk, okay?"

"If it's not putting you out of your way."

"Of course not. I would rather enjoy it."

"Okay," Brittany said softly.

"Good, and then maybe you can tell me what happened tonight that sent her into a spiral. You don't have to, but I would love to know."

"We can talk."

"And I love Santana with all of the love I have in me, but I won't judge you, Brittany, because my cousin would want the people she cares about to be fair to you. They will do the same because they understand how Santana is. So if you could use an ear let's sort it out."

"Okay."

"Cool. Now let's chat a little and not whisk you out of here just because Santana left. In a half an hour we will say our goodnights and leave. Meanwhile, you don't owe any of them anything other than to be yourself so relax and be yourself, enjoy the night, and rejoice in the fact that you get to bask in the company of the more entertaining Wright cousin."

Brittany smiled and did just as Nani had said. Nani wanted to distract her mind until Santana was out of the club. No woman should have to watch the woman she loves be seduced out of a club by another woman because she's just too damn afraid to tell her how she feels. Nani did, however, think it wasn't a totally bad thing that Brittany had that near miss with Santana and Nikki. Brittany has to make a move, and not a sexual one. Santana has been patient, but Santana has needs, and not just sexual ones. Santana loves Lexi so much because she gets emotional support from her. They have each others backs no matter what. Even Brittany got to see the true position Lexi holds in Santana's life. She had Tiffany in the room, Nikki had her half way out the door, but the smile on her face when Lexi enters her space scares some part of Brittany. She wonders what is so wrong between them that they are not together. Seeing them together, her picking up all of Santana's broken pieces, made Brittany feel even more inadequate. Lexi has feelings for Santana, but she obviously wasn't made to love her.

And Santana maybe confessed her feelings for Brittany that night, but Santana was also drunk. Can she even put any stock in what Santana said to her, what she whispered to her as she turned and walked away ready to sleep with another woman? How can she take someone seriously who can do that? She needs to talk to someone, but she doesn't have anyone she really trusts. Somehow though, she feels safe with Nani. Santana is right, Nani has this protective presence, and even though she knows that Nani is Santana's person, she also feels as if Santana wouldn't mind one bit if she borrowed her for just one night. Lexi was right, Brittany had to either make a decision or let the idea of having anything with Santana go.

All of those stolen kisses, most of which she had initiated, well they clearly made Santana believe that they were close to moving on to the next level. Santana had asked, and in the heat of the moment she had said yes, and she would not have regretted a thing. She's been wanting her for so long. Then Quinn saw them and she panicked. Quinn, out of all of them, reminded her so much of the daughters of the women her mother spent her time with. The daughters that would never be caught touching themselves on camera for a man. She froze, she panicked, and in the end she hurt Santana. She couldn't even open the door and talk to her. No wonder she left with someone else. At least they could look her in the eyes.

Brittany doesn't want to pry and yet she does. She wants to ask Nani so many things and yet she knows Nani will only answer so much. She's Santana's person, and she will only say what needs to be said. In the end she knows she will have to ask Santana, but why? Why, if she will never be able to be out in the open with her?

She's gone. Brittany can feel it. Her heart feels safe whenever Santana is near and now...she doesn't like this feeling. She misses her.

Brittany finally chances a peek up and she's right, Santana is gone but she's going to do what Nani said and be brave. She doesn't know Lexi but she also doesn't know why she would go out of her way to lie to her. If she was going to take Santana home and whine her hips naked on her she would have just done it. Brittany can see that they love each other deeply in their own special way, and it makes her think... will she and Santana end up like that, just friends, close friends, who want to be together but for some reason can't have more.

Nani went to the bar and ordered two virgin tequila sunrises for her and Brittany. She didn't need another one getting boozed up on her especially when she hoped to talk to Brittany that night. She's thankful for the time alone with her without Santana though she wishes it hadn't happened this way.

"Here you go Brittany," Nani said, handing her the drink. "Don't worry they're non alcoholic, I just chose these because they're pretty. I don't drive drunk and I'm not monitoring you or anything but I'm guessing those Sugar shots were enough for you or else you would have had another by now."

"Yes, they were, thank you. Probably shouldn't have reached for that second one," Brittany smiled.

"Girl please. As long as you can still speak coherently you're good. Look at Rachel and Kurt, they are bordering on sloppy down there. They're going to have to sit a while before some of that wears off."

Brittany laughed as she looked down the table at the two. Kurt was dressed as Lady Gaga and Dave was dressed as his bodyguard, which meant he was only forced to wear a dark suit with an earpiece and dark glasses. It was a close call, Kurt and Dave had made a bet and had he lost he would have had to dress as Vida from "Too Wong Foo, thanks for everything, Julie Newmar". Everybody really wished that he had lost. Rachel was dressed as peas of all things. Finn was a giant carrot. Apparently they were going to a costume party afterwards and thought those costumes were a good idea. Santana had been quite amused at the sight but they escaped her snarky comments because of Quinn and the clit blocking incident. She made sure to take enough pictures to tease them about it another day.

"I appreciate this Nani."

"Of course, this is why everyone loves Nani."

"And I get you all to myself tonight, huh?" Brittany smiled.

"Yup, lucky you."

The women enjoyed their drinks and laughed and talked with the others. Brittany's mind didn't wander off to Santana too often and she was thankful for the distraction. Her and Quinn's eyes met a few too many times though as if Quinn had something to say. Finally Quinn came over and spoke to Brittany.

"Can I borrow you for a minute?" Quinn asked and Nani shot her a "what the fuck" look.

"Sure, I can use a restroom break," Brittany said.

Nani studied Brittany's face and could see something was going on and she wasn't quite sure what it was.

"Do I have to pee, too?" Nani asked sternly looking at Quinn before her eyes caught Brittany's.

"No, you're ok," Brittany smiled. Nani really reminded her of Santana and her heart felt good having a piece of Santana around.

Nani looked at Quinn "I gotta pee, Quinn?" she asked seriously.

"No Nani, you don't."

"Excellent, but I'm just about ready to leave in a few minutes, and if I have to get up I'm going to pee all over this club and nobody here can stop me."

Brittany looked at Nani confused but Quinn seemed to get the hint.

"We will be right back, Nani." Quinn said.

"Outstanding," Nani replied, sitting back and sipping her drink.

Quinn and Brittany headed towards the changing area. If either truly had to use the restroom they would use the private one back there, but both women knew this was no ordinary restroom break. Quinn reached the changing area and waited for Brittany to enter before closing the door. Once inside Quinn sat and waited for Brittany to follow her lead. Once Brittany finally sat she spoke.

"I just wanted to apologize Brittany. I didn't mean to startle you two. What you do is your business and nobody here judges you for liking Santana. We are all just really protective of her."

"I understand."

"No, maybe you do and maybe you don't. She told us that she told you about her eating disorder. It's one thing to know about it but it's another thing to see it."

Quinn pulled out her phone.

"Santana would kill me if she knew I had this picture. Not a lot of pictures were taken of her during that time except when she performed. She was always covered up in a way to try and hide the worst of it, but this costume left very little to hide and so when she did certain moves you could get a good glimpse of her body."

Quinn showed Brittany the picture and Brittany gasped. Tears sprung to her eyes. Santana just looked so small and frail. This was not her Santana.

"I don't keep that picture to be mean. I keep it to remind myself of what I allowed to happen. I took it to send to Nani but I never got the courage to. I thought we could talk to her, take her out to dinner, confront her ourselves, but if we told Nani we would lose Santana's trust. She almost lost her life because we tried to keep her trust. I, of all people, should have known better."

Brittany sat quietly while Quinn paused. She eventually pulled up another picture. It was of herself in middle school along with another girl.

"I was overweight in middle school. That's my older sister next to me. As you can see she's perfect and always has been. I didn't get to this size with simple hard work. I flirted with food issues of my own."

Brittany shook her head in understanding.

"I knew what Santana was facing better than anyone and I knew that secret could kill her, and yet I kept it. I kept it for too long and I don't know why I did that." Quinn paused. "Now maybe I say too much because when I should have spoken up I didn't say anything at all."

Brittany remained quiet and continued listening.

"I'm sorry I startled you. I really wasn't prying. Santana knows that even if you don't. You guys were kind of in a high traffic area. On a normal night 5 people would have seen you instead of just me. Anyway, I don't know if you heard me and Santana talking and that caused any issues for you but she and I banter back and forth that way. It seems like we're bickering but we're really not. She has certainly done the same to me. Still, it can be a lot to people who don't know or understand us."

"It's okay, Quinn. We will be okay. Thanks for letting me know."

"Just so you know, we are all rooting for you guys. I know it's hard, going against the things we were taught. I went against a few of my own. I would say it turned out okay for me though, because my decisions were made by me for me. I made plenty of mistakes, but ultimately I learned to be true to myself but it wasn't easy. Everybody sees how Santana treats you, and it's actually really cute, this side of her. I would think you could do a lot worse. I hope you guys get to where you want to be. Anyway, thanks for taking a moment to talk to me. We better get back."

"Thanks for clearing the air."

"Can I give you a hug?"

"Sure," Brittany smiled before Quinn pulled her into a friendly hug.

"Now we better get back out there before Nani goes all Nani on me."

Brittany chuckled. She had no idea what that meant but she's heard about Santana going all Santana on people and she's guessing that it may be slightly more horrifying than that.

Brittany and Quinn returned to the table and Nani immediately studied their faces for any signs of distress. When she didn't see any she relaxed back in her seat and handed Brittany her drink.

"Ready to get out of here?"

"Sure."

"Finish your drink and then we can go find somewhere to eat. Dine in or take out, your choice."

"Think I could go for some takeout if you don't mind."

"Do you know what you want?"

"There's this soul food restaurant near your place that Santana ordered from once before. Do you think they're still open?"

"Yeah," Nani smiled, "I could go for some soul food."

"Me too," Brittany responded. Brittany felt like she could use a hug, and she remembered sharing that meal with Santana. Tonight, that food would have to do. It's the closest she could get to her, and Brittany really wished that she was close.

The soul food would have to do.

Lexi drove silently the 30 minutes towards her house. She had hoped that Santana would tire herself out on the way home. Maybe she would have, had Santana not been allowed to take over control of the radio during the ride and decide to sing old freaky R&B tunes all the way home.

Let me lick you up and down

till you say stop

Let me play with your body, baby,

make you real hot

Let me do all the things

you want me to do

'Cause tonight, baby,

I wanna get freaky with you

She looked at Lexi as she sang, who was trying to keep up the charade that she was going to give Santana the kind of night that she thought she wouldn't forget for one reason but she would get that night for an entirely different reason.

Lexi just smiled and let Santana sing loudly. After the song ended Santana sat back in her seat and sighed. She closed her eyes as Lexi drove slowly, hoping the combination of the ride and the alcohol would help her to drift off to sleep. It's secretly when Lexi found her to be her most beautiful self, as she lay peacefully. The world often felt so chaotic and watching someone who she knows has seen so much turmoil in such a serene state made her feel at peace as well. Lexi turned the music low once she thought Santana had drifted off, and when she did Santana opened her eyes. She placed a hand gently on Lexi's thigh before she spoke.

"I love you Lex, you know that don't you?"

"I know Santana. I love you too, baby."

Santana sighed. "I even love the way you say that. MMmmmm, sounds so sexy. Why haven't we ever tried to be together Lex, like really tried?"

"Because we're yin and yin, San."

"What?" Santana knew she was drunk, but still that didn't make any sense.

"We're yin and yin, baby. You know how they say opposites attract? They say that for a reason. Where one is strong the other may have weaknesses and those things that we lack we can learn from the other person, we can draw from their strengths and grow. I can't teach you the things that I still need to learn, and you can't give me what you still haven't gained when we're lacking all of the same things and we're strong in all of the same ways. You and I, we are the same in too many ways and don't have enough differences to allow us to work. Together, the things we lack would become just that much more apparent. We're lacking in the same areas and have little to draw from the other in those areas in order to grow. We are yin and yin, and we both need to find our yang."

"That doesn't make sense."

"It will in the morning." Lexi said.

Santana sighed. "Have you ever made love to me before Lex? 'Cause I know that I've made love to you before," Santana asked, and Lexi didn't really want to have these types of conversations while Santana was drunk, but maybe Santana needed to hear some truths tonight.

"Yeah, and I think you already know that. It doesn't mean that we were in love, though. All it means is that some nights we found a deep comfort in one another and we connected on a higher level as two human beings and not just on a physical level. We have always loved one another San, and we always will. What we have though, will never be what you're looking for."

"What am I looking for?" Santana asked, and in that moment she really didn't know the answer to that.

"Someone to love you, always, in the most intimate way. Someone to be there for you on your best and worse days. Someone to come home to and dream with, who belongs only to you and who you can give all of yourself to because of that. Baby, you and I are the same. We're in the same place. We hide under the covers with whatever woman fills the need for the night and we love that we don't have to be truly intimate with them. If Nikki wasn't after you I'd be in bed with that girl you saw me chatting with tonight. You know me San, you knew I was working on something but I know you needed me more. That's the kind of love we have, but it's not the kind that will stop me from fucking her tomorrow night."

"But why Lex, why do we do this?"

"Maybe we can figure that out together, San, in the morning."

"Why does everybody want to fuck me but nobody wants to love me, Lex?"

Lexi's heart broke.

"I love you, Santana, with my whole heart. There's all kinds of love to give, baby."

"I'm not talking about friendship, Lex."

"If I could love anyone, Santana, it would be you. I'm just not able to, not yet, and I've met plenty of women who wanted to love you, but you weren't there yet either, at least not for them."

"Name one"

"Tiffany"

"Oh please."

"Sophia"

"Even worse," Santana rolled her eyes and Lexi laughed.

"Tiffany is a good girl, and she's fine as hell. Luckily we don't fuck with the same women or else I would have been had a taste of that." Santana laughed because she knew it was true. "She has no problem with settling down, you've told me that a thousand times. She would have a relationship with you in heartbeat if you felt as strongly about her as you do Brittany."

"Brittany..." Santana scoffed.

"I think she's in love with you San, she looks at you like you are all of her favorite things in the world."

"What good is love if you can only love someone in the dark?"

"There was a time that women like us could only love one another in the dark. Did that make their love less real? Maybe it even made it more real, San, because they had so much more to lose."

"We don't live in those times anymore."

"You and I don't San, but so many others do, and so many others force others to."

"Guess it's crazy for me to expect someone else to be strong when I'm sitting here being weak as fuck right now." Santana sighed.

"This is the strongest I've seen you be since what happened with Dani," Lexi replied.

"I just want you to make love to me tonight, Lex."

"It's not me you want, baby, and you know my ego is too big to be the person someone simply settles for."

"Sexy Lexi, you know I have never settled for you."

"I know baby, and that won't start tonight."

"I'm the one that made everyone call you Sexy Lexi, put some respect on your fucking name," Santana smiled drunkenly and Lexi chuckled.

"Ugh, you are so cute."

"You know what makes you so sexy, Lex, besides those magic hips and that perfect face of yours?"

"What baby?"

"This. This is why I chose you tonight. This is why I chose you so many nights."

"Alcohol?" Lexi laughed.

"Callate. No doll, it's this thing you do, when you talk to me the way you do. In moments like this I don't want anyone more than I want you now. You're my Sexy Lexi."

"I don't doubt that baby, and I appreciate you saying that and I think you actually may believe that right now, but when you really think about it you're just trying to move on from Brittany..."

"I have moved on..."

"No you haven't, and maybe you shouldn't, not until you talk to her one more time San."

"Why are you doing this, Lex?"

"Because maybe one of us can have more. Maybe one day even both of us can have more."

"We should try together Lex..."

"And give this up baby? You're one of my best friends. Nobody understands who we are like you understand me. Yin and yin, remember? That's important too. I need that too, baby."

"I need you, baby," Santana wet her lips and rested her hand on Lexi's thigh, her finger teasingly stroking higher and higher. Lexi would be lying if she said she wasn't tempted. She felt as strongly about Santana as Santana has ever felt about her. "Drive this fucking car, Lex. We should be in bed by now."

"I was thinking about stopping for something to eat," Lexi stalled.

"Not hungry, but I could watch you eat all night if you want to, doll." Santana flirted.

"Santana, I know I pulled you away from Nikki but maybe you just want to talk tonight? Nikki wasn't really what you needed. You needed a safe space with someone who truly cares about you. I don't know why you mess with her anyway. Yeah, she's sexy as hell but she should have only been a one or two night thing. Who wants to be playing these games at her age? You already look tired of it, and I figure I've only got a couple years of this shit left in me. I'm getting tired too, baby."

"So why haven't you stopped?"

"Just haven't found my yang yet, maybe tomorrow night, if you stop fucking up my shit." Lexi smiled.

"Get us home, Lex, please. I'm tired of dealing with all of this new shit. Tonight I just need some old fashioned comfort just like we've always given each other."

"Okay Santana." Lexi said, still trying to make the short ride home just a little longer. "Close your eyes baby, and we will see where things go when we get there."

Lexi slowly made her way across the bridge and into Queens. She stopped for some takeout which she's not quite sure Santana will remember by the time they reach her front door. She's slipping in and out of peacefulness now, eyes open and staring at the night pass by as Lexi drives or slipping off into a deep, sedated sleep. All she knows is that if she can't be with who she wants, this feels like where she needs to be. Maybe this is the best choice she's made all night.

Still, she hopes that Brittany is okay.

Nani and Brittany sat sharing their meal at the small table as they kept the conversation light. Still, they both knew that it was only a matter of time before they had to address the issue of what had gone wrong that night. Nani knew it would have to be her who brought up the hard stuff.

"What happened tonight, Brittany?"

Brittany sighed, "I panicked."

"How?"

"After my performance Santana came back to the dressing room area. We kissed right there in the entryway to the dressing rooms. Santana asked me to let her take me home and I said okay, and then I looked up and saw Quinn standing there almost as frozen as I was, I think. It felt like forever but it was just a few seconds and I bolted inside the dressing room. When Santana tried to talk to me I told her I was okay but I didn't even let her in the dressing room. She went back to her seat and it all went downhill from there," Brittany blushed as she spoke the words.

"How do you feel about my cousin, Brittany?"

"I care about her."

"Do you care about her enough to face yourself, to face your fears? I don't mean do you care enough to want to face them, do you care enough to actually face them?"

"I do," Brittany admitted softly.

"So then do it, Brittany. She can help you face them, but she can't face them for you."

"I know."

"And nobody is trying to force you out of the closet, if that's what we're dealing with here, but in all fairness nobody should force Santana back into the closet either."

"I'd never want to do that."

"I know that you don't Brittany, but if you mean that all of the courage you find with her in the dark you're going to have to find a way to welcome into the light. I know it's hard, not from personal experience but from watching Santana. I can't imagine what you're dealing with. You want to talk about it?"

Brittany sighed. She needed to talk to someone else about it, someone other than Santana, but she had nobody. Even now she knows that this is Santana's somebody, but still...

Nani sensed the turmoil in Brittany.

"I know it's not easy Brittany, you barely know me, and you also know how protective I am of Santana but I promise to remain neutral and I promise not to tell Santana anything you don't want me to tell her. I promise Brittany, because betraying either of you won't help you two and I really want to help. I want you two to resolve this. It needs to be resolved."

Brittany took a deep breath before she took a leap of faith. She trusted these people, the people that Santana trusted, because she trusted Santana so deeply. Even as she spends the night with another woman she trusts that things can be okay, because the people that Santana trusts are stepping up to help them.

"I grew up a lot different than Santana. My mom is very judgmental of gay people. On top of that I made a very big mistake, a mistake that changed the way my mother sees me, the way she treats me. Our relationship had been going downhill for years and that was the final straw, at least I thought it was, until I imagined bringing home a woman."

Nani shook her head in understanding. She didn't need to know what the mistake was, she just finally understood some of why Brittany had no one.

"So don't bring her home Brittany, make her your home. Your home is here now, your life is here, and any mother who can turn their back on their child for being gay never deserved them in the first place. You already don't seem to have your mother in your life, so why would you be willing to lose Santana in exchange for a relationship that already doesn't exist?"

"I'm not willing to lose her." Brittany admitted.

"But you are losing her. Santana didn't almost leave with Nikki because she needed to have sex with someone that badly, she almost left because she thinks that if she has sex with someone, anyone, that she will push you away. I wish she wasn't feeling that way, but I'm not judge and jury over Santana's life. We all worry about her, but that's our problem not hers. We have to get over her past just as she had to. I'm trying, but sometimes I fail. I catch myself quickly though, because that's not what she needs from me."

Brittany shook her head in understanding.

"So if you don't want to lose her Brittany, then don't."

Brittany paused.

"I'm trying."

"I know you are. She's trying too. She's still trying or else she wouldn't have gone home with Lexi. I'm not going to lie, she's hurting, and it is hard for me to see that. Maybe this is good for me too, though, because I am so protective of her, and maybe I'm overprotective sometimes. I haven't felt like murdering you yet, and so maybe I am getting better," Nani smiled.

"Well that's a good thing," Brittany exhaled and paused before speaking. "Can I ask you why?"

"You want me to want to murder you?" Nani asked.

"No," Brittany chuckled. "I just know that we haven't seen nor heard from Sophia since you took her outside, at least that's what Santana says..."

"And you don't believe her? You think she still speaks to Sophia?"

"No, no I totally believe her," Brittany chuckled. "She just says it like you're a mob boss or something..."

"Could be," Nani smiled.

"Yeah, anything is possible. No, I was just wondering how come I'm getting this Nani and Sophia got that version of you. I know I hurt her..."

"New feelings are confusing sometimes. Misunderstandings happen. If you two find your way to being together this is just your first battle scar. It just shouldn't be something that happens often, or something that was done intentionally. The one thing Santana told me is that she doesn't want you to feel like you're being forced into making a decision out of fear that you will lose her. In a way it's a noble thought but in another way it's ridiculous because if you don't eventually make a choice you're going to lose her anyway. I understand what she's trying to do, to give you space to figure it all out and grow, but along the way she's helping you find your way and tonight she almost lost her own way. Maybe it's a good lesson. She can only help you go so far, and she can only deny herself for so long."

Brittany paused. "Can I talk to you about something and you promise you'll never bring it up to her?"

"I thought I already made that clear. What we say here stays here unless you tell me otherwise."

"She kind of told me she loved me tonight."

Nani just shook her head in understanding. She already knew. She kind of told Nani and abuela when they had dinner together the previous weekend. "...because she lo..., she wants to love me, too." Too. Santana already loves Brittany, and Nani and abuela know it. Those words did not slip by either of them.

"How did it go from kind of telling you that she loves you to her almost leaving with Nikki?"

Brittany sighed. "I don't know, Nani. It happened so fast." Brittany paused as Nani waited for more information. "She told me she's met a lot of girls like me but she's never fallen in love with one before. Maybe it was the alcohol talking. Maybe I'm reading too much into it. I asked her to say it again, I wanted her to elaborate, but she wouldn't. She just turned around and left."

Brittany felt her nose burning and tears threatening her eyes. She fought to push it all back and Nani gave her a moment to regroup without embarrassing her for feeling the way that she does.

"Okay," Nani said softly. "And if she does love you, if it is real, can you love her in the same way? Do you even want to? You don't have to answer me, but those are the questions you need to ask yourself."

"I really want to." Brittany said sadly without hesitation.

"I won't ask you if you love her Brittany, if that's what you're afraid of. Whoever you want to confess it to first should come on your own terms."

Brittany shook her head in acknowledgement.

"I wish this could be easier for the both of you, but if it means something to you...fight for her love. I know my cousin, and I know as much as her head is telling her to give up her heart is still fighting for you because she left with Lexi."

"How do you know..." and Brittany let her words trail off. She had no right to ask that question, and Nani had no way to truly answer it.

"How do I know they're not having sex right now? Honestly, I don't. How could I know for sure? But I know Lexi, have for a long time now, and most of all I know Santana and together I know that they have evolved into friends that really care for one another. If Santana wanted meaningless sex she would have left with Nikki."

"What if she wanted something that means something to her?"

"Then she would have left with you."

"Lexi..."

"Is a player, Brittany. Santana knows it, Lexi knows it, and if Santana loved her she couldn't know about Lexi and all of her women and still have the type of relationship that she has with her. Same goes for Lexi. If she was in love with Santana she would not be able to take being around the girls that she's been with, that she wants to be with. She wouldn't be able to take being around you."

"They never wanted more? Sorry, I shouldn't be grilling you about.."

"Brittany, it's ok. Her being with another woman hurts, even if they're just talking. You don't have to be brave for me. Be brave for you. Be brave for Santana. Me, you don't have to be brave for. I'm just a bystander. I get it, and as much as I wanted to step in tonight I had to step back. I had to let you both fuck this thing up because this is it. This is your moment, the both of you. This is the moment you two decide what you mean to one another, and what the hell are you both going to do about it. I understand that, and Lexi understands it, and that's why she stepped in."

Brittany shook her head in acknowledgement.

"I do know that if Santana had gone home with Nikki that web would have been hard to escape. Not because she finds Nikki irresistible, Nikki and Santana mean nothing of value to one another, it's because of who Nikki is and how she would have taken any rejections as a challenge. Lexi doesn't pursue women in the same way. If Lexi gets rejected she'll just call another one. It's really that simple for her. A night out for Lexi is like going to the candy store. She just doesn't know which treat she's taking home that night but she knows that she isn't limited to one choice."

Brittany shook her head.

"As for your question, I can't answer that for you, but I also know that Santana would have no problem answering it. It's not my place."

"I'm sorry,"

"Girl, stop. Nothing to be sorry for. You two need to talk and I'm sure that you will. It may be awkward but you two need to talk."

"I know."

"And if she doesn't initiate it you should. She can't be the one doing all of the chasing while you run, Brittany. She's a cocky little shithead but she's also just a girl with feelings for a girl who she isn't sure about how that girl feels about her. Does she make you feel special, Brittany?"

"Yes"

"So make her feel special, too."

"I try"

"I know that you do, Brittany."

"Thank you Nani"

"Anytime Brittany. You gonna be okay in Santana's room tonight?"

"Yeah, I am."

"I won't judge either of you for tonight, I just hope that this is the worse that you ever hurt one another. Remember this feeling. Remember it enough to never make one another feel this way again."

"I will."

"Wanna talk some more?"

"I think I'm okay."

"If you change your mind you knock on the door anytime."

"Okay. Thank you Nani, really."

"You can thank me with french toast in the morning," Nani smiled before going over to hug Brittany.

"You've got it, Nani." Brittany smiled, enjoying the embrace. It felt good to have someone to talk to as just a friend again, even if they weren't really friends yet. Still, this felt like a really good start.

Lexi pulled into her driveway and looked at her passenger sleeping soundly. She was snoring slightly and Lexi knew that waking her up could be challenging. She was hoping that she could just walk her into the house and drop her in bed. Just pull off her shoes and her street clothes and pray that she would fall right back to sleep.

Lexi left Santana in the car as she took the food inside the small private home first. Santana never stirred, and Lexi quickly set it on the nearest table and went back to get Santana. The sound of the chirp of the car doors unlocking stirred her and Lexi couldn't help but smile. She wasn't sure, but this was likely the last night that she and Santana would ever share a bed, and it would likely be the most meaningful time they ever shared in one.

Lexi opened the door for Santana and was greeted by a soft smile.

"You're beautiful, Lex."

"You are too, baby."

"You took me home with you," Santana swooned.

"Yeah, I did."

"What you gonna do with me?" Santana smiled.

"I'm gonna take care of you, baby." Lexi replied. "Come on, let's get inside."

"Finally," Santana smiled.

Lexi reached out her hand and helped Santana from the car and locked it. She wrapped her arm around her waist as they walked towards the door. Santana returned the gesture, allowing her hand to fall to Lexi's ass.

"You have always had the most perfect ass."

"And you have always had great taste," Lexi replied.

As soon as Lexi closed the door behind them Santana pulled her in tight and went for her lips. Lexi turned her head and Santana's lips met her neck.

"Santana...let's eat."

"You know I don't do that baby, but I'm not stopping you," Santana slurred.

Lexi rolled her eyes as she politely slid out of Santana's grasp.

"Food Santana. I stopped for food," Lexi said as she grabbed the bags and drinks off the table. Lexi began walking towards the dining room. She set the food and drinks down on the table and instantly felt Santana's arms wrap around her waist.

"My goodness woman, how many hands do you have?"

"How many do I need to please you, doll?"

Lexi shook her head and turned around to find Santana had removed her shirt already.

"Santana, I will be much more pleasant to deal with once I eat. Sit mamacita," Lexi said, pulling out Santana's chair.

This wasn't going to be as easy as Lexi had thought that it would be, even if she knew what Santana was doing. Santana was trying to get the deed done, to break the bond she had been building with Brittany, the silent promise that she would save herself, that she would wait for her, so that they could start anew with one another. She had been cleansing her mind, body and spirit in preparation for loving a girl who may never be able to love her the way she needs to be loved, and she was trying to corrupt that by sleeping with someone, anyone, to wash the hope away. Lexi wouldn't allow herself to be that person but it was hard. She loved lusty Santana. Every time she pressed her body against her it remembered all of their long and sweaty nights, nights that started a lot like this...clothes falling off the moment the door closed behind them, food forgotten until they were satiated. Then they might throw on a nightshirt, or even sexier just a pair of panties, and find themselves at the dining room table eating takeout, laughing and talking about nothing at all. It always felt amazing.

The truth of the matter is that Santana is Lexi's favorite fuck buddy as well. They provide the girlfriend experience for one another without the danger of one of them actually falling for the ruse. Sometimes they were just in the mood to wake up with someone familiar, someone who knew them, who understood them fully. Those were the times that their hookups were the best. She knows that's what Santana would like tonight, and what she probably would never be able to give her again. Maybe still she could give her the most important part, the part she brought her home for. For the chance to be close to someone, to hold them, to talk to them, to feel loved by them, if only for one last night.

"Okay Sexy Lexi, let's have dinner. What did you get us?"

"Not much was open, just picked up a couple of slices and a salad for us to share. Got your lemonade."

"So we eat now, work it off later?"

"Your libido is out of control."

"Had a dry spell, now I'm all wet just thinking about being with you," Santana wiggled her eyebrows and Lexi rolled her eyes. She went to the restroom and when she returned Santana had kicked off her shoes and removed her jeans. She was sitting at the table in just her bra and panties with a mischievous grin on her face.

"Damn," Lexi sighed when she saw Santana sitting there like that. Santana had no intention of making this easy on her.

"You look good baby," Lexi said. She would always tell her how beautiful she was, especially knowing her battles with food. She always wanted her to know that she was one of the most beautiful women she's ever been with.

"Taste good too," Santana wiggled her eyes and Lexi laughed. "Lex, eat your food so we can go to bed."

"Okay baby. You eat too, soak up some of that alcohol."

"Yes dear," Santana said sarcastically as she folded her hands like an attentive student.

Lexi plated the food as Santana watched her in appreciation. They ate and shared soft smiles, never needing many words between them. There was a comfort, and while Lexi wanted to really talk to Santana about what was going on she knew that the morning would be much better.

As they finished their dinner and Lexi began straightening up she told Santana to meet her in her bedroom. She was hoping that if she cleaned slowly enough the comfort of the bed and the alcohol would lure Santana to sleep before she got there. Still, how long could it take to clean up two plates? Lexi thought about showering but she knew that Santana would not hesitate to join her, and so after about 15 minutes Lexi made her way to her bedroom.

She was met by the most glorious sight, Santana laying on her stomach, uncovered, now totally nude. Lexi swallowed hard. Damn, she was going to miss her.

She could tell that Santana was almost asleep. She only stirred gently when Lexi entered and mumbled something incoherently. Lexi walked quietly into the room and decided to sit in a chair in her room until Santana fell fully asleep. She knew that once she did fall asleep she would likely sleep through the night. After a few minutes Lexi heard a gentle snore and decided it was a good time to grab something to sleep in and change for bed. She grabbed her things and used the rest room downstairs to freshen up. She quickly changed and made her way up the stairs to go and sleep in the second bedroom.

To her surprise when she climbed the stairs she heard Santana stirring.

"Lex?" Santana called out as Lexi tried to creep quietly past the room.

"Yeah San?" Lexi replied.

"Come to bed, doll." Santana said.

Lexi opened the door and thankfully Santana was now under the covers.

"We're both pretty tired San, would it be okay if I just held you tonight?"

Santana sighed, "If that's what you really want."

"It is."

"Okay then."

Lexi was glad Santana was seemingly coming to her senses. She knew it was wrong to entice Santana with sex that she never intended to have with her but she also knows that was the easiest way to separate her from Nikki. She would apologize in the morning, but for now, she would lay with her.

"Wanna borrow a night shirt. You could have just grabbed one."

"Naw, it's hot in here."

"I'll turn on the air conditioner."

"I'm good," Santana replied, halfway amusing herself.

"Put on a shirt you evil wench," Lexi rolled her eyes, now realizing that Santana was maybe sober enough to at least know that she was tempting Lexi. Lexi grabbed a shirt and threw it at Santana. She may still be drunk, but it seems that she had caught on to what Lexi was doing.

"Why are you trying so hard not to fuck me? What's going on, Lex?"

"In the morning, Santana."

"That won't be a problem if you let me keep you up all night," Santana smiled.

"You're already keeping me up all night."

Santana put the nightshirt on and smiled. "Goodnight Lex. Get some sleep."

"Goodnight Santana. You won't remember a bit of this in the morning."

Lexi crawled into bed and she did not object when Santana spooned into her. She understood that her friend needed something that night, and this was as innocent as they could get.

Santana's sleep was a bit restless. Lexi knew from experience that she usually slept quite well after drinking, even if they didn't have sex, which rarely happened. She felt Santana toss and turn, or pull her closer. At one point she felt a soft kiss on her neck, but knew that it was out of habit and not something intended to start something sexual between them. Santana did that often, as she slept, feeling Lexi in her arms and kissing her softly on her neck or her forehead, depending on what position they found themselves in. It's one of the reasons why Lexi knew that Santana craved more, craved a woman to call her own, someone to cuddle into and feel safe with. She craved it more than she craved sex. She craved someone to love.

Finally Lexi fell asleep, and despite Santana's restlessness she was comfortable in Santana's arms. When she moved she felt Santana pull her closer, almost desperately. She couldn't wait for the morning to talk to her, to find out all she was going through.

It was about 4 in the morning when Lexi got up to go to the bathroom. When she returned Santana had removed the night shirt, innocently, in her sleep. She knew that Santana could run warm sometimes when she drank and so she turned up the air conditioner and listened to her snore before she retreated to the guest bedroom. The volume of her snoring made it clear that Santana was down for the count. Lexi had gotten her through the night.

It was 2 hours later when Lexi had an idea. Maybe it wasn't the best idea she's ever had, Santana may not have been drunk enough the night before and then it would all blow up in her face, but she thought a good lesson could come from it if it worked. She returned to her bed where Santana still snored naked. She set her alarm for 6:30 am and then she removed all of her clothing and messed up her hair before she crawled into bed with Santana. After about 15 minutes she eased into Santana's arms and pretended to sleep, waiting for the alarm clock to rudely awaken her.

15 minutes later the alarm clock did its job and Lexi refused to move. She pretended to sleep soundly until she felt Santana gently untangling herself from Lexi.

"What the fuck, just shut up," she heard Santana mumble. Then there was a long pause before she felt Santana reaching across her body trying to reach the alarm clock. As soon as Santana hit the snooze button Lexi wrapped an arm tightly around Santana. Five minutes should do to see if this would work.

"Lay back down baby," Lexi said in her most convincing sex exhausted voice. "Forgot to turn the alarm off, it's Saturday, I've got all day with you Sexy Santana." She kissed Santana on the forehead. "MMmmmmm, I missed you San. You must have missed me too, 'cause I barely had to touch you to make you come."

Santana's eyes widened but she didn't speak. Suddenly, she wasn't that tired anymore. She also was drunk the night before but not that drunk she thought. Yeah, there were moments that weren't that clear, and she doesn't remember actually reaching Lexi's place but she does remember eating dinner. She remembers taking some of her clothes off then she remembers putting some on again, she thinks but maybe not. It was all in and out though, and some of it she knows was a dream because she couldn't help but dream of Brittany. She saw her dancing, just for her, and all of a sudden thinking about the dream, about Brittany, made her feel horrible as she lay next to someone who she will always love, but who she just doesn't want to be with. It's not fair, because Lexi didn't deserve to be used just because Brittany wounded her the night before.

The night flooded back in flashes. Karaoke, Brittany, laughter, a kiss, Quinn, rejection, alcohol, Nikki, Lexi, Nani, Brittany...she was trying hard to remember everything.

Then it hit her, she asked Nani to take Brittany home and then she started to let Nikki take her home but Brittany was trying to get her to...

Oh shit...

She really hopes that she was dreaming when she remembered that she might have told Brittany that she was falling in love with her...

...right before she went home and fucked another woman but dreamed of Brittany dancing for her.

Santana sighed. Who was she kidding? She was exactly like Wolf.

All of a sudden she just wanted to get up and get dressed but when she moved Lexi just nuzzled into her. Damnit! Lexi only did that when the sex was extra bomb!

What the fuck did I do last night and why did I do it so fucking well? Santana thought.

Santana lay there straining her brain and then a minute later the alarm sounded again. Santana used it as an excuse to get out of bed.

"Don't just hit the snooze button, babe. Turn it off this time and come back to bed."

"Morning Lex," Santana said trying to sound unbothered. "Gotta use the restroom, doll, then could really use a good hangover breakfast."

"You wore me out baby. Just order something, my treat."

"No, I'll cook."

"But then your side of the bed will get all cold," Lexi pouted.

"I'll be quick..."

"We were quick last night, this morning I need you to take your time. You know, I was thinking a lot about what you said last night," Lexi said, sitting up in bed and watching Santana find the shirt she had taken off and that somehow had gotten tangled up in the sheets. "I don't know why we haven't tried for more, either. Now that you and Brittany have decided that it won't work out maybe we could actually give it a try. Seeing you try and be a better person with Brittany was nice. Seeing you with Nikki, I don't want to be like her, in my 30's chasing younger pussy. You're right baby, gotta try something new and I mind as well try it with you. Everything you said last night, everything you whispered in my ear, it really all made sense baby so I think it's great we're gonna help one another settle down."

"What...ummm yeah, okay we can talk about it some more."

"You changing your mind?" Lexi asked sadly. "It's okay, yeah, um, just forget it."

Lexi jumped out of bed and went to grab her robe. As beautiful as she was Santana felt wrong for looking at her and so she averted her eyes until Lexi covered herself.

"Lex, we will talk about it, okay? Not changing my mind about anything just clearing my head, trying to get clarity. Not gonna lie, there are some pieces of last night missing."

"Let me guess, just the pieces where you wanted to be with me?" Lexi asked angrily.

"No Lex, come on now. This is not us. Let me make you some breakfast and let's talk. I want to be honest with you. I remember being a little thirsty last night trying to get in your pants but I also remember you promising some awesome sex if I left with you instead of Nikki. I remember pizza and I obviously remember waking up naked with you. I remember talking a little about relationships but I also remember you saying no."

"Yeah well after a quickie tribbing session we were both screaming yes. Your vagina can be very convincing."

"So can yours doll, that's how I ended up in your bed last night."

"You were going to end up in somebody's bed it might as well have been mine. Maybe it should have been Tiffany. She's the type you are more likely to settle down with."

"Oh cut the bullshit Lexi insecurity has never been your thing."

"Neither has settling down but here I was considering it like a fucking idiot," Lexi said angrily.

"You want me to leave, Lex?" Santana asked so sadly that Lexi almost felt guilty for doing this. Almost. She'd let her off the hook soon enough, but not before an amazing apology breakfast. She's not a fool.

"No Santana, I want you to stay. I want you to stay more than anything."

"Ok doll. Gonna make you breakfast in bed."

"Eating anything other than pussy in bed is gross," Lexi said and rolled her eyes cutely and Santana laughed.

"Knew you would say that, so how about I grab some aspirin and get started."

"I can do it for you if you don't feel good baby."

"No, it will help me clear my head. Just get ready for breakfast."

"Ok baby." Lexi said before Santana headed downstairs to the kitchen.

"I'm an idiot," Santana sighed to herself on her way down the stairs.

Santana started breakfast and waited until she heard the shower running before she searched around for her phone. She found it in the pocket of her discarded pants which, what the hell, were in the dining room. What the hell did she do last night? She dialed Nani's number.

"Hello"

"Pu?"

"No it's the fucking Easter bunny. Why are you calling so early?"

"Did you take Brittany home last night?"

"Yes and no."

"What the hell does that mean, Pu?"

"Yes, but I brought her home with me."

"What?"

"Yup, brought her home with me."

"She okay?"

"Of course she is, she spent the night with me."

"What happened Pu?"

"I fucked her. You had one job Santana and since you failed time and time again I had to do it for the Wright family honor. Now I've been with two women. It's getting better. What about you? Did you give Lexi the spirit fingers?"

"Come on Pu I don't have time for this shit."

"Answer me Santana."

"I fucked her Pu, and then apparently I asked her to be my lady."

"What?" Nani sighed. "I mean damnit to both of you!"

"I fucked up."

"Yeah, after you kind of told Brittany that you loved her last night."

"What?" Santana sighed. So it was true...

"Yeah doofus, you told her that you had met a million girls like her but had never fallen in love with one before. Guess you were spreading love like a regular little bumble bee last night."

"Shit doesn't matter anyway. We are going nowhere. Is she still there?"

"Sleeping on your bed, farting on your sheets I hope, you asshole."

"Don't kick me while I'm down."

Nani sighed. "I'm sorry Simon. Whatever happened you two aren't together and so that doesn't mean it killed your chances of being with her if you come to an agreement on what you both want. You two still need to talk. One word of advice, if you two choose to try again tell her about you and Lexi. Don't start out on a lie, that's all I ask."

"I wouldn't do that."

"Okay."

"Listen, I have to smooth things over with Lexi. She apparently thinks we're giving love a try."

"Really, why now?"

"I don't know. Maybe because she knows she's losing me to Brittany."

Now Nani was confused. Something sounded off about this entire thing. None of this sounded like the Lexi she knew and loved.

"Yeah maybe."

"I gotta go, Lexi will be down for breakfast soon. I'm cooking for her so that we can talk it out."

"Okay Santana. Listen. You're gonna figure it out, okay."

"Okay Pu. Just take care of her for me, okay?"

"She's just fine, Santana. We will talk later."

"Love you Pu."

"Love you too, Simon."

Santana hung up and finished cooking breakfast. Lexi finished in the shower and dressed before grabbing her own phone and retreating to the bathroom and running the water to drown out her voice while she made a call of her own.

"Hello"

"Hey Nani. Listen, I have to talk fast..."

"Santana called, I know what happened and it's really none of my business. You two will work it out."

"I knew she would call you, just wanted to let you know I kept my word. Nothing happened, but I'm going to let her think it did at least through breakfast. I want her to feel all of the guilt and dread and regret so that the next time she gets drunk and her and Brittany get into a mess she won't even consider going home with anyone but you. She won't do this again after last night."

"You are a genius. Was she that drunk last night that she doesn't know what happened?"

"She had her moments. She passed out sleeping a few times and she definitely tried to make things happen whenever she would wake up, and so I'm using those blackout moments against her right now. Like I told Quinn last night she has to fail so that she can succeed, or at least believe that she failed for a little while. She needs to feel both the pain and the relief when she realizes that she didn't fuck it all up."

"Marvelous."

"Don't worry, I'll tell her the truth, after I get my blueberry pancakes, and she better be making blueberry pancakes because she thinks she broke my heart."

Nani laughed. "Thank you, Lexi."

"You're welcome. Maybe we can do dinner before you leave, I'll tell you everything."

"For sure, and it will be my treat. Thank you Lexi, for being who she needed in her life when she needed it most."

"Anytime, Nani. I'll drop her off at home and maybe if you have time we can do that dinner tonight. It will be your turn to keep me out of trouble."

Nani laughed. "Sounds like a plan."

"Great we'll talk later."

"Later, Lexi."

Lexi turned off the water and then made her way downstairs. She figures she will let Santana suffer through breakfast and then maybe they can talk, really talk, about everything that's going on.

"Hey San, smells good."

"Thanks doll, making your favorite."

"Blueberry pancakes? Maybe you really do love me."

"You know I do Lex, I'm just in a really fucked up place and I'm sorry I pulled you into my mess." Santana sighed. "You know, there were times I wondered if I could find someone again, someone to be in love with, just the two of us happy and satisfied together. Would she be able to truly look past the video? Would she truly be able to deal if the issue ever resurfaced again? You never judged me for it Lex. It was just two women being sexual to you and not a judgement on my life or lifestyle. That made me feel close to you, safe with you, and that's why I brought up us being together but we've talked about it before Lex and nothing has changed. I wish it were different. I wish I didn't lead you on. I love you and I'd be more than willing to try a relationship with you, but only if it would never, ever mess up the way I feel about you now, or the way you feel about me."

"I understand. Santana, can I ask you a question?"

"Of course Lex"

"What's really been going on with you? I know it's not just Brittany. I can see a change in you. I know you're going through a lot."

Santana sighed. "I don't speak to Wolf anymore."

"I know you said you had an intense conversation with him, but you didn't really go deep and I didn't push. You want to speak on it?"

"I will, but let me get some food on these plates so that we can sit and talk."

"Let me help, because I want to hear this."

"No, sit. I owe you this much."

"You don't owe me anything. What we do for one another we do because we care about each other, Santana."

"Ok, well I want to, is that okay?" Santana smiled.

"Yes, that's okay."

Santana poured the coffee and juice before plating the bacon, eggs and pancakes she had made for breakfast. Lexi would love when Santana stayed the night and would cook for her in the morning. She would wake up to Santana in one of her shirts or in just her underwear cooking for her. Lexi's kitchen is her space, but she allows Santana free reign over it, and that in itself proves that Santana is more special than the others. Also, since Lexi had purchased her first home she doesn't invite many women home. Just the special ones, like Santana, who was the first of her girls she had brought to see it(and try out her new bedroom). Maybe that's why it was so easy to convince Santana that she would be wiling to give love a try with her, because she already gives her more access to her life than almost anyone else.

Once Santana sat and Lexi tried her food and complimented the chef Lexi looked at Santana and waited for her to speak.

"You know my father is a piece of shit. I've told you all about him. What I didn't tell you was how unloved and unaccepted by him I felt my whole life, and so I told him and I cut him out of my life. He tried to call me a few times and I blocked him. I just don't have the strength to have anything to do with him."

"I'm sorry Santana."

"I'm not. I still have a relationship with my abuela, and that's the only Lopez who ever really mattered. She has always supported me, always, and so I'm good. Still, I've been thinking a lot lately..."

"About what, baby?"

"I'm a womanizer, Lex, just like my father..."

"You are not..."

"Yeah, I am."

"A womanizer plays with women's emotions..."

"Technically, a womanizer is someone who has a lot of women..."

"Yeah, but that's an outdated definition. It speaks to people who don't believe that women are also sexual beings who should embrace their sexuality. They see us as gullible victims of men, not women, because of course women don't sleep with other women in that world. They see us as having our virtue stolen by men who make a million promises to us that they don't keep. You make no promises, and the women you sleep with are not gullible victims, they are women who want to fuck you as much as you want to fuck them. They are women who are using you for their pleasures as much as you are using them. You promise them nothing other than what you give them, and they expect nothing..."

"Except Sophia..."

"Fuck Sophia..."

"I did...twice."

"Just because you were her first woman doesn't mean her ass was innocent. She fucked you while you were drunk off your ass after you swerved her a million times."

"I know."

"So stop once and for all with the Sophia shit. I heard that Nani got rid of her and I know she may not have listened to you but she better have heard what Nani had to say because your cousin is crazy."

Santana laughed, "Just crazy for me."

"Yes, she is very protective of you, and that's a good thing."

"And I led you on last night," Santana sighed.

"Look, you and I have had an understanding for a long time. We have also had the relationship talk and understood why that would never work. What we have is beautiful just the way it is. Why would I suddenly decide to take your ass seriously when you were drunk? I ain't Sophia, girl..."

Santana laughed, "Yeah, I know."

"So you don't have to regret whatever was said last night. I know where it was coming from, okay? Which leads me to my real question, do you regret that we had sex?"

"I regret that we had sex and I don't remember it. Fucking sucks to have a dry spell and not even know that it's been broken. Now I'm probably gonna be as horny as I was before we fucked."

Both Santana and Lexi cracked up.

"I mean, we can do it again this morning so that you'll remember..." Lexi said, testing the waters. This was it. This is where Santana either fails or succeeds.

"I never, ever, want to turn down some nice Sexy Lexi time."

"But you do want to, don't you? Santana, please be honest with me, I'm not some fragile little bird. If you don't want to have sex with me and you do it anyway it's more insulting than saying that you don't want to have sex and we spend the morning talking. Would you prefer to spend the morning talking, because I want to give you what you want too? That way we both can be satisfied."

Santana was quiet.

"Just put the Sexy Lexi shit away for a while, Santana. You're here with Lexi now, so what would you prefer to do with her?"

"I want to talk to her."

"Thank you, Santana. So talk to your friend. We have never pressured one another. Don't let that start now that you are interested in someone."

Santana sighed.

"Santana, I want to know the truth about how you feel about us having sex last night."

"I'm okay with it."

"Do you feel like you lost something?"

"What?" Santana asked, confused.

"Clearly your dry spell was because you were saving yourself for when Brittany was ready, and last night something happened that made you give up totally. You don't have to tell me what happened, but did having sex with me free you from what you feel for her, or did it just make you feel worse about everything, worse about yourself?"

Santana paused.

"The truth Santana...please. You've always been a straight shooter, so give it to me straight, baby."

Santana sighed. "I came home with you because I needed what you had to offer more than what Nikki had to offer, and I don't mean superior sex. I needed this, just someone I can be honest with who reminds me that they will still have my back when I'm honest or vulnerable. I can't regret us having sex because I needed the connection and I kept pressing you for it. I remember I was kind of like a horny teenager last night for whatever reason so I can't really blame you if you finally gave me a pity fuck..." Santana laughed.

"First of all baby you know how good you and I are between the sheets, so it could never be a pity fuck. Let's just clear that up right now. Second of all horny teenage Santana was kind of funny since I'm so used to that smooth woman who I met in the club. I'm proud that you let me see something that I'm sure you haven't let many people see..."

"Girl, nobody ever saw that shit before..."

Lexi laughed. "Which brings us back to the beginning of your statement. You are safe with me Santana, always, even horny teenager Santana is safe. It was very nice to meet her. She has about 8 hands, by the way."

"Yup. My inner spirit lesbian when I first came out was like a puppy. Outside I may have been smooth, but inside whenever I got some new vagina my tail was wagging like crazy."

Lexi laughed, "Girl, that was all of us. Teenage hormones are the devil."

Santana laughed.

"Now back to my question. You were saving yourself for Brittany, and in one night you threw it all away with me and you don't even remember it. Do you feel a loss because of that, or are you okay with it?"

"I feel a little guilty, which I don't understand..."

"I do. Santana you were preparing to love that woman and you gave up on the idea of loving her..."

"I don't know about all of that..."

"I do. You gave up on you two but I didn't. Santana, we never had sex last night."

"What?"

"You got hot this morning as usual and ripped off your night shirt while you were asleep. I decided to crawl naked in bed with you to teach you a lesson. Hope you don't mind, I kept my boundaries as much as possible."

"Girl please, with all of the things we've done."

"I'm not Sophia."

"Not even remotely the same, especially since I was practically humping your leg."

"But you're relieved aren't you, just a tiny bit?"

"I thank you for knowing me and respecting me."

"Santana, I think it's nice that you're putting yourself into someone again. I admire it and I hope it works out for you. The relief you feel in knowing nothing happened, remember that, because you would now be sharing something with others that in your heart belongs to someone else. If you fuck random women, you're giving away what you want Brittany to have and you never need to do that anymore. If she says you two can never be together, by all means call me and I will be glad to welcome you back into the player's club but I just don't think that's who you want to be anymore. You have outgrown us. You graduated, and sometimes graduations are painful but we need to move on once we do because our time in a certain space has run out. You are not a womanizer, you are a woman who loves women who finally found a woman to love. Before you squander it be absolutely sure that she can't love you back."

Santana smiled, "I never knew how truly lucky I was when you approached me in that club."

"You knew that night, and the next night, and the next..." Lexi laughed.

"You will always be so much more to me than that, Lex. You turned out to be a really great friend and I thank you for that. What you did for me when I was going through everything with the video, and now what you did for me last night, that is love, and I hope one day I can return that love to you somehow."

"It hasn't been a one way street, Santana. Whenever the world would get to me I would call you, or you would call me at just the right time, and we would spend time together and those times were amazing. You seemed to always know what I needed and you gave that to me. You are truly one of my best friends."

"I won't let us lose that Lex, no matter who I'm with."

"We may have to and that's okay, but my feelings about you will never change."

"Mine either, Lex."

"Brittany knows I took you home last night, and I promised her nothing would happen. Maybe we can have some form of a friendship, if she can accept us as friends, but I can't be Sexy Lexi to you anymore. Maybe start practicing calling me Lexi and make sure that the others do as well, after all you started that shit."

"They had to put some respect on your name." Both women laughed. "They had to know you were different from the others. You were my real friend."

"I will always be your real friend."

"My Sexy Lexi," Santana shook her head and smiled. "Had to say it one last time."

Lexi smiled, "and you got to see me naked one last time."

"Bonus!" Santana laughed.

"But you didn't get any..."

"I got the best of you, doll, and I thank you for that."

"Anytime mamacita." Lexi smiled.

Nani was awakened by the early morning phone calls, and she was more than relieved to hear that Santana and Lexi's night went okay. She decided to start breakfast since Brittany was still asleep, but shortly after she began setting things out in the kitchen she heard Brittany in the doorway.

"Good morning, Nani."

"Good morning Brittany. Hope I didn't wake you."

"No, I've been awake for a little while. I was just looking up some recipes on my phone we will be working on in cooking class later."

"That's nice."

"Speaking of cooking, don't I owe you some french toast?"

"You do," Nani smiled.

"Well let me get started on that."

"We can work together, you concentrate on the french toast and I've got the rest."

"Deal," Brittany smiled.

The ladies worked in the kitchen together. Once they sat to eat breakfast Nani revisited the conversation they were having the night before.

"Brittany, can I ask you something?"

"Sure." Brittany was really hoping that Nani wouldn't ask what mistake she had made to make her mother love her less.

"Is your mother's judgement the one and only thing keeping you from being with her?"

"Truthfully, yes."

"Please help me understand, because you said you rarely talk to her. Why is she a factor?"

Brittany sighed. "Okay," she paused, "we're still being confidential, right?"

"Anytime we speak, unless you tell me otherwise."

"Okay. I really like Santana. Not only am I physically attracted to her I can see myself with her. The whole package. A real relationship. If I choose to love this beautiful and open woman who has been through so much I want to be able to bring her home, because at the end of the day she's still my mom and I will always be there if something happens to her. I want to be able to bring her back to Ohio and show her off and have everyone treat her right. Not that I even want to go back, but wherever I go I want Santana to be able to stand beside me without anyone looking down on her and shaming her. Even worse, what if they found out about her video online? I'm not ashamed of it, I'm not ashamed of her, but what if I opened the door up for her to be criticized more because of it? That would be my fault. That I can't accept. I can't accept her feeling pain for loving me. I can't accept being with someone and hiding them from my world for any reason. She deserves to be a part of every part of my life, even the worst parts. You said it yourself. She deserves to be out in the open with whomever she loves. That wouldn't be safe in my world. My world would be a danger to her mental health."

Nani understood. Brittany clearly was in love with her cousin, and she was trying to protect her.

"Brittany, that's a decision that if you have feelings for Santana that you have to allow her to be a part of. Tell her your concerns, and then you two can figure out how to take it from there. Santana is tough, and she's also learning how to balance that toughness with tenderness. She's learning how to not only worry about herself but others. She's learning how to remove people and things from her life that are not good for her no matter how much she may want to fight to keep them. She's just learning, but she's learning. She let Wolf go, and that was huge. She was struggling in part to deal with Sophia because she was trying very hard to distance herself from her father's behaviors. She's learning and growing, and you deciding for her won't allow her to grow. Let her decide, let her grow, and we will all be behind her to wipe Ohio off the fucking map if those people hurt her. She has a support system, she has people who back her up. You see that. You saw it with Lexi last night. The people who love her want what she wants for herself, and if she wants to take a chance with you we will all back her up. Talk it out. Get used to talking things out, because that's a huge part of wanting a real relationship with someone."

"I understand."

"Awesome, and I hope you two don't go too long without hashing this out so if she doesn't reach out soon please break the ice and do so. I can see both sides of what happened last night, so share your failures and your successes."

"Thank you"

"From now on always know that you can thank me with french toast," Nani smiled before taking another fork full of her breakfast. Brittany smiled in return and took a fork full of her own.

Santana waited until she knew that Brittany would have left for her cooking class before she returned home to Nani. She and Lexi watched tv and chatted until it was time for Santana to leave, and both women were glad that they had that moment together. If there friendship had to come to an end as Santana started something new, at least these would be their parting moments, These were the memories they both decided meant more than the ones that ended with shallow breaths and sweaty sheets.

Santana walked into the apartment and Nani was on her laptop working.

"Hey Simon."

"Hey Pu, did Britt get off to her cooking class okay?"

"She did"

"How was she this morning?" Santana asked, hanging her jacket and dropping her keys on the table. She found herself a seat next to Nani on the couch.

"She was good. You two need to talk."

"We do."

"Hopefully soon"

"We will"

"So how was your night?"

"Apparently I had 8 hands and ate dinner in my underwear at Lexi's table. She still didn't fuck me but she tricked me into believing that she did for about an hour."

"You deserved it."

"I did"

"And are you glad that you didn't fuck her?"

"Yes, especially if I couldn't remember it. What a waste of guilt."

"Don't drink when you're emotional"

"I wasn't emotional when I started drinking. Damn Sugar shots took effect right when the rejection hit me."

"That looked like more than rejection, Santana. Wanna talk about it or did Sexy Lexi do the trick."

Santana laughed. "First of all, Lexi and I came to the conclusion that as long as I'm trying to get into something serious with Brittany I can no longer refer to her as Sexy Lexi and she said I needed to spread the word to all of you guys."

"Good idea. So did you and the artist formerly known as Sexy Lexi have a conversation?"

"Yes we talked. Told her I stopped talking to Wolf. Told her I don't want to be like him but I feel like I'm just like him sometimes."

"You most certainly are not"

"It just all came down on me at once, Pu. I meet this super special woman who was unlike anyone I ever met in my life and she had no judgement over the whole video thing. She can relate like you wouldn't even believe because she understands how it feels to be judged harshly. Like it's weird how interconnected I felt to her so quickly. Lexi and I were talking about yin and yang and she just seems to fit all of my missing parts. This woman who loves to cook will never let me fall into an eating disorder without noticing. Like food was already a passion for her, it seems to be part of her love language, and I accept her food like I will accept her love, because she cooks with love for me. I know I'm rambling but I had so much time to think this morning."

Nani just smiled at how excited Santana seemed to be.

"Last night was hard," Santana admitted, settling down. "Like, that feeling that she didn't want to be seen with me, was ashamed to be with a woman, I internalized that shit. That rejection from Wolf, the thoughts that no woman would want to do anything but fuck me after knowing about that video, after seeing it. What respectable woman would want to fall in love with a woman like me, you know?" Santana sighed. "I struggle with that sometimes, Pu. My father didn't want me, never wanted me. I finally got rid of him, found this awesome girl that moved me to do that before I could even realize that she was helping to set me on this journey forward, then she didn't want me, at least not in public. It brought back the worst feelings."

Nani felt conflicted, because she hated that Santana felt that way, but she also knew that Brittany hadn't done it because she was ashamed of Santana. She was so thankful that she had the chance to speak to Brittany alone because she knows that her anger would have gotten the best of her had she heard how her cousin was feeling about herself first. She knows that it is always wise to listen to both points of view but that never helps when it comes to Santana and how she's doing emotionally. Nani is working on it, working on being more open minded when it comes to Santana, and that comes from learning to worry about her less. No matter what, she's going to make it, Nani tells herself, and maybe when Santana finds someone to love her Nani will know that she will take over the duties of watching over Santana and she would have so much less to worry about.

"She's not ashamed of you, Santana. We talked, and while I can't tell you what exactly was said I will say get that thought right out of your head. It had nothing to do with the video, nothing to do with shame..."

"Yeah, she has mommy issues," Santana rolled her eyes.

"And you have daddy issues. We all got some shit to deal with, Santana."

Santana sighed. "Look, I decided this morning that I will talk to her, I will hear her side. I will give it one final chance but this is it, Pu. I decided that too. This is it. I don't want to start thinking about the things that made me insecure in my past. I don't want anything bringing that up..."

"I understand, but you do realize that it's going to show up from time to time and all you can do is keep yourself as well equipped as possible for it."

Nani was thinking of what Brittany was trying to protect Santana from, knowing that it would never work, knowing that Santana is the kind of person that would want to confront it head on, even if it takes her to a dark place for a bit. She wouldn't want Brittany to hide her, not for any reason. That's even more important to her now, after the video, because more than anything she needs to know that whoever she's with is proud to be with her.

"I know, but it shouldn't show up with the person I share my bed with, share my life with. I mean my bed, my safe space, not some random woman I bang in any bed we end up in. The woman I bring to my home and try to make a life with. If the person I share my best and worse with can't stand by me with their head held high I can't do this Pu."

"I understand Santana, and I support you, always. Just talk to her. Don't let it simmer for too long. Have a real heart to heart with each other."

"I don't have a problem with that, but I need her to come into it honestly."

"You can only accept what she brings, and if it's not good enough for you then make your decision."

"Yeah."

"And if it doesn't work out at least let her teach you how to make french toast first," Nani said.

"You got it," Santana smiled.

"And never tell a woman you love her when you're on your way to another woman's house to fuck her. That's some crazy shit Santana."

"I didn't exactly tell her that I loved her."

"You didn't exactly not tell her that, either, with your drunk ass."

Santana sighed. "Yeah, I fully intend to straighten that out."

"You better, you asshole. By the way, she's not off the hook with me either. I just couldn't speak to her about some things because you told me in confidence and she doesn't know that I know. All of the things you told me she said to you, and the kissing you in the dark and stuff, I know it affected you. After what happened here last weekend I get why you thought you were moving into a space where she was more comfortable so I know the rejection hurt you in that moment. Telling her how you feel is understandable, just not when you're under the influence. She can't hide in the dark and you can't hide in a bottle. Time for you two to figure it all out."

"We will Pu."

"I know you will, Simon."

Santana and Nani spent the day hanging out together and Nani informed Santana that she and Lexi were going to have dinner that night. Santana decided that might be a perfect time to call Brittany and invite her over. She wanted things settled, one way or another. They were either friends or they would be lovers, but they could no longer straddle both sides of the fence.

Brittany accepted Santana's invitation. Honestly, she was glad that Santana called. Brittany felt that she should make the first move since she was the one who ran away from them, but she kept coming up with reasons to delay calling. First she wanted to give Santana time to settle in once she got home from Lexi's place. Then she wanted to wait until the weekend was over so that she could give Nani and Santana their time together. She really wanted to see and speak to Santana but she dreaded it as well. Dreaded that maybe something did happen between Santana and Lexi and things would be different between them. Dreaded that she would have to talk to her about running from her. Dreaded that Santana had told her that she loved her and that maybe she didn't feel like that anymore. Dreaded facing everything, and at the same time eager to. She just wanted to be near Santana, even if things were tense.

Brittany suggested they speak at her house. She simply wanted to insure privacy. She didn't know when Nani would return, and there were so many things that may be said that she didn't want overheard. She's pretty sure that Nani doesn't know about the pictures, and she's just not ready for anyone else to know. It may come up, everything may come up, because they needed to have no barriers. Everything needed to be able to be spoken openly. Brittany wanted Santana, and she wasn't going to lose her to fear. Still, she wanted their secrets, their feelings, to be exposed on their own terms.

Santana arrived at Brittany's place at 6:30 pm sharp. She couldn't help but notice the wonderful smells that were coming from the apartment. When Brittany opened the door Santana's jaw almost dropped. She looked stunning. Her hair was curled to perfection and falling across her shoulders. She was wearing a short blue dress, just like those eyes, and high heels that made her legs look amazing. She had a single red rose in her hand which she handed to Santana.

"You're not playing fair, Ohio," Santana sighed as Brittany stood back to allow her to walk through the door.

"I'm playing to win," Brittany said seriously, handing Santana the rose. She kissed Santana on the cheek and Santana thanked her.

"You look stunning."

"So do you," Brittany replied.

"But I'm not even dressed up," Santana said, having worn just a tee shirt and jeans, her black motorcycle boots covering her feet.

"You always look stunning Santana...always."

Santana smiled and then came in. Brittany took her jacket to hang up. She noticed the dining room table set for two, flowers and candles, and she wanted to swoon but not yet. There was a lot to be discussed.

"I'm sorry Santana," Brittany started.

"Never be sorry for how you truly feel."

"It's not how I truly feel. You think you know me, and maybe you do, but that doesn't mean that you always understand me."

"Brittany..."

"Santana, you just got here and dinner is almost ready. Let me feed you first. I promise you, no raisins."

Santana laughed. Damn, was Brittany charming when she wanted to be.

"Let's eat first, please. Save the heavy stuff for after you eat just like we did at your place. Give the emotions a moment to settle down."

"I can do that. By the way Brittany, I'm sorry too. Just want you to know nothing happened between Lexi and I last night."

"You don't owe me anything, Santana."

"We both know that we're past that now, Brittany. It's not what I owe you, it's what I choose to give you."

Santana looked into Brittany's eyes before Brittany pulled out her chair for her.

"Let me go and get our dinner, then maybe we can talk afterwards."

"Looking forward to it." Santana said as she sat at the table.

Santana tried not to look for too much meaning in it all. She didn't want to become a victim of wishful thinking, but there Brittany was again, feeding her. Caring for her. Dressing up for her, maybe, but she thinks it's for her. All for her, but for what. What does she want? Does she even know what she wants or how to allow herself to have it? Santana won't be so easy to let her guard down.

The two women ate and chatted about the performances the night before. It made the conversation fun and light. As dinner wound down they laughed and replayed the highlights of the evening, including their own performances. Brittany commented on Santana's performances with Mercedes and the ones she did with some of the patrons of the club, and they laughed out loud at Nani's extravagance. Finally the conversation moved towards the end of their night...Brittany's solo performance.

"I have to say Ohio, you shocked me good with that last performance. How did you and Finn cook that up without anyone knowing?"

Brittany smiled. "It didn't take much. Met with Finn for an hour before the club opened on one of the nights you were modeling at the institute. There weren't a lot of props and no dress rehearsal so all we needed to do was get a sense of the stage and how I could perform the song without backup dancers. I've danced to it before with others, which is why I had the costume, but never alone. Once that was worked out and I used the techniques you taught me of how to sing and dance at the same time, it was a lot of fun."

"You're beautiful Britt. Beautiful and talented. You did really well, and I was so proud of you up there."

"Thank you."

"And then the fiasco afterwards."

"It wasn't a fiasco, Santana..."

"What was it then, Britt?"

"A misunderstanding..."

"I understood"

"No you didn't Santana.."

"So make me understand then."

"I'm not going to beat around the bush, I'm going to tell you what I told Nani. I don't care who in New York knows that I'm with you, I only care about home..."

"Here we go..."

"Stop it Santana. You have no idea what I'm going to say..."

"I have some idea..."

"You're angry Santana, so maybe we should take a deep breath or we should save this for another night."

"There won't be another night, not for this. If you want to be just friends I will give you what you want, but I'm not going to hide and fuck you like I'm in 11th grade again. When I like a girl, a woman, because that's what we are Britt...women...I deal with them openly and honestly. I can't hide from their mommy with them..."

"That's not fair."

"You're right, it's not, and I'm being hostile and so I'm just going to shut up."

Santana quieted down and sighed. "You don't deserve that and I'm sorry."

"You're frustrated..."

"You think?" Santana rolled her eyes.

"Look, I'm frustrated too. You leave me with your cousin and whisper in my ear about meeting a million girls like me but never falling in love with one and then you go mute on me. You won't talk any further. You ran as fast as I did right into Nikki's arms."

"For the record I wasn't going for Nikki, anyone would have done the job..."

"And yet you left with Sexy Lexi..."

"Lexi is my friend, and everything we did last night was friendly. I'm still as sexually frustrated as I've been for the past couple of months, thank you very much."

"I wish we could have talked last night."

"Last night was the wrong time. We're talking now."

"About what you said, was it true?"

"No" Santana said softly.

"Okay," Brittany answered trying not to sound disappointed.

"I haven't met a million girls like you. I've never met a girl like you in my life, except in my dreams." Santana spoke softly.

"And..."

"And I'm not speaking about the other part, not yet, not until you tell me what I didn't understand about you running. Why do I keep hearing about Ohio when I have never been and never have to go there. My life is here. You are here. Just me and you, so what is the problem? Why are you really running from me?"

Brittany sighed. "I care about you Santana. If you and I were together the people in my life would judge you, maybe open old wounds for you. I don't want to be the cause of your pain. I don't want them searching you on the internet and finding the video and shaming you for it. You already lived through that..."

"So are you ashamed of the video? Have you searched Brittany? Have you seen it?" Santana asked, the blood rushing to her face.

"Santana, I will never search for it, I promise. Please don't ever worry about that." Brittany said sadly. "I'm not ashamed of it, not curious about it, not ashamed who knows or what they have to say about it. I'm afraid of it, because of what it once did to you, the cruelty of others who had seen it, and the cruelty you might face if I told people I loved you and brought you home with me."

"Is that the truth?"

"It is, Santana."

"So why did you run when Quinn saw us?"

"Because I'm falling Santana, and I can't stop."

"Why would you want to stop?"

"Because letting you into my life, being with you, would be exposing you to the things that hurt you all over again. The people in my life won't be kind to you."

"So then get them out of your life, Britt. There is no law that says we have to keep anyone in our lives. It's why I got rid of Wolf."

"We can't all be you, Santana..."

"I'm not asking you to be me, Brittany. I'm asking you to be true to you."

"Speaking of truths, why didn't you answer me when I asked you to say what you said again last night."

"It wasn't the right time to say it."

"But you already had."

"And you already knew."

"No I didn't"

"Well you should have."

"Why should I have if you never said it? You wanted me to assume?"

Santana was starting to get upset and she wasn't even totally sure why.

"I wanted you to open your eyes. Come on Britt, I've been running around here like a lovestruck puppy for weeks now. I'm getting on my own damn nerves with it. You're an intelligent woman, you're telling me you didn't even suspect it..." Santana was beginning to raise her voice but Brittany remained calm.

"I knew you liked me, Santana. You said that on day one. Love is a whole other thing."

"I care for you Britt. Everything I do, I do because I care for you. Open your beautiful blue eyes. I'm with you every moment I can be. I care for you in every way that I can. That night, that night in Albany, I didn't sleep with you because I love you. Sleeping with a woman is easy. Waiting for a woman to give her whole self to you when you want her so bad is the hard part. Waiting for her to fall like you are falling, to admit to falling for you is the hard part. Waiting while she takes baby steps, while she kisses you and takes off your boots, and cooks for you, while she just gets more and more irresistible, that's the fucking hard part Brittany. Don't tell me you didn't know. Don't you tell me that. If I only liked you, only wanted to get you in bed, we could have done that a long time ago. I'm trying to give you so much more. I'm trying to give you me. Don't you see that, Britt? Can you even see me anymore with all of the shit you're going through in the way?"

"I still see you Santana..."

"Then say it Britt. If you feel the same way say it. Do I have to turn the fucking lights off to get you to tell me how you feel..."

"That's not fair Santana," Brittany said, standing from her seat and beginning to pick up things to clear the table.

Santana stood up and walked towards Brittany and took the plate from her hand. She placed it back on the table.

"Say what you feel, Brittany. Do you care about me? Are you just curious? Do you just want to have sex with me? Say something, Britt. Say something true."

Santana was standing face to face with Brittany and Brittany pulled her in. She kissed her roughly and when Santana tried to break the kiss Brittany pulled her in even closer, deepening it.

"No Brittany..."

Now Brittany was angry.

"Quiet Santana. Please..."

"We can't..."

"Just shut up, Santana. Please. Just shut the fuck up."

Santana was stunned. She fell silent and Brittany sighed.

"I'm sorry, I really am." Brittany let out another deep breath. "I have been trying Santana. Trying to discover, trying to come to terms, trying to tell you that yes, I love you Santana. I know you wanted me to find myself but damnit you made it hard for me. You took intimacy off the table. 'We have to slow down. I don't want to have sex with you unless it means something.' Well maybe I needed that contact. Maybe I needed to have sex with you to realize that I was making love to you. Maybe that's how I needed to discover who I am, what I want, everything that I feel. Maybe I needed to feel you tremble beneath me to make me want to turn the fucking lights on. You already knew what you felt, maybe I needed you to let me feel something too."

Santana was shocked by what Brittany had to say, and turned on by the passion in her voice, in her eyes, in her kiss, her touch.

"I'm sor..."

Brittany pulled Santana in tight again and kissed her breathless.

"Please, just shut up Santana..." Brittany said, taking both of Santana's hands in hers and resting their foreheads together.

"I love you Santana, and if you want to know how I really feel you're going to have to let me do this my way for now. I love you, okay? Can you just let that be enough for now?"

"I love you too, Brittany, and yes, that's more than enough right now."

Brittany smiled before turning to walk towards her bedroom door, pulling Santana gently by the hand behind her. Once in the bedroom she let her hand go and walked to the nightstand to turn the light on.

"You were right Santana. I wish I had kept the lights on that first time. I won't make that mistake again."

Santana smiled and walked towards her.

"Wise choice, you won't want to miss a thing."

"There she is," Brittany smiled before unzipping her dress and allowing it to fall to the floor.

"And there you are, my love" Santana said, her eyes sweeping lustfully over Brittany's body.