A Luna Lovegood story
Summary: She lives through every day hearing people whisper behind her back, calling her "Loony Lovegood", seeing them look at her with contempt and laugh at her. How does she endure it without being affected? The answer? -- She doesn't.
Every time they move away from her, her heart aches – but she doesn't show it.
Every time she gets looks telling her she's weird, she gets hurt – but she never shows it.
Every time she hears someone whisper when she walks by and then hear laughter and giggles she knows they're talking about her. She gets sad - but would never dream of showing it.
She was walking down the corridor now, towards the Great Hall. It was time for dinner. She had to go by three elder Ravenclawgirls in the corridor, outside the Charms classroom. They stood there talking and laughing and took up most of the space except for a bit at the right side.
When she walked by she felt something shoot up in front of her feet and then she was falling, losing her grip on her bag and accidentally pushing one of the girls before she hit the ground.
The girls stopped talking. The one she accidentally pushed regained her balance and stared down at her with contempt. "Watch where you're going, freak!" she spat out and then they walked away, laughing.
When the girls had disappeared around the corner, she slowly got up on her hands and knees. She looked around for her bag. It was lying against the right wall. She let out a sigh of relief when she saw that nothing had come out of the bag. She got up, picked up her bag and continued her walk to the Great Hall.
But then her steps faltered...
She didn't want to pretend any more, didn't have enough energy for it. She just wanted to let go of her dreamy mask, the acting like "I don't care what you do or say to me".
She made a decision and began to walk again. She let her legs lead the way - they knew the route from all the times she'd gone to DA meetings.
Her mind was still on the happenings of the day;
It had been like any other day, nothing unusual with it. She'd kept her façade, never letting go of it for even two seconds. She couldn't let them see that they affected her.
But it was hard. Sometimes she wondered what it would be like to be like any other girl. If she would just tell the others that her dad was crazy - that she couldn't believe he gave out that piece of crap known as The Quibbler, hold in all comments and information about odd things that were part of her life - things she liked and found interesting.
Luna walked by the tapestry three times and then went through the door, shut it behind her and went over to the nearest corner on the left side. There was a big pile of cushions in different colours and sizes, spread out. She sat down.
But she couldn't do that - and neither did she want to. That part of her - yes it was only a part of her - wasn't something she could just let go off. It was something she had inherited from her mother and father, a part of who she was. And it also protected her from getting hurt. She never let anyone at school see that other part of her - the one that got hurt by every mean and thoughtless thing they said and did to her; when she found yet another one of her things missing, when she heard the whispers and laughter…
Tears started to fall down her cheeks - silent tears.
Why couldn't they accept her for who she was? Would her whole life be like this? Everyone treating her like she was a lunatic or finally choosing to live her life pretending to be someone she wasn't?
Was that even a choice? She felt it wasn't. All she would have left after a while would be a feeling of despair. Despair at knowing that if she were herself, they wouldn't want to have anything to do with her, just because she was different from them - but most of all it would be despair at not being able to be herself, wanting to just be herself but having to watch for and hold in anything that could be received as weird to do or say because of the risk at being laughed at or looked upon with contempt. And not being able to do anything about it when they treated other outcasts exactly as they were treating her now.
That was probably be the worst. Because she knew how it was to be in the situation the outcast was in - she was there now, and if she would try to hinder them then she would be there again - an outcast, being looked down upon, ridiculed behind her back and even right in front of her…
It was all just a dark circle. What was she to do?
Tears now streamed freely down her cheeks, she didn't bother to wipe them away - it wasn't as if anyone would see her here anyway. She felt tired. It had been a long day and she was finally beginning to relax. She laid back on the pillows and closed her eyes, tears still falling but slowing down. After a while, she dosed off.
-o-o-o-o-
Luna awoke to the sound of a door closing. She slowly opened her eyes and curiously took in the room she was in. It had changed a bit. There were now bookshelves with books in at the farthest wall from the door, the floor seemed to be made of some soft rag and the walls also looked softer. In the opposite corner of hers were a table and a red armchair. But what made Luna really curious was the boy sitting in the armchair with a book in his lap. He was concentrating really hard on reading and was frowning.
"You'll attract the Wallabybees if you frown very much longer." Luna said matter of factly.
He looked up from the book. She knew him. He was in the DA and had been at the Department of Mysteries. His name was Neville and he seemed a little unsure and clumsy sometimes, but also kind.
Right now he was looking at her,startled. Then he started to stammer:
"Oh, er, s-sorry, I didn't know anyone was here, I thought everyone was still at dinner. I… I'll go. Sorry."
He laid the book down on the table, got up and started towards the door.
"Neville, wait!" Luna called out without thinking, letting part of her mask slip. She couldn't let him go just yet. He hadn't treated her like the others did, he was different.
He stopped in his tracks and turned around, looking a bit surprised.
"You know my name?" he asked surprised.
Now it was Luna's turn to be surprised.
"Yes, of course. I don't think we've talked before. I'm Luna or 'Loony Lovegood' as everyone likes to call me."
The last bit about her name was said with a wry smile. She noticed that her defence seemed to be slipping an awful lot, but tonight she just couldn't bear to care about that.
Her eyes went over to the corner where the table and armchair was and set her eyes on the book.
"What was it you were reading?" she looked at him curiously.
He went back to the table and showed her the book, smiling a bit wary and then explaining:
"Harry told me what we were going to practice at the next DA meeting so I thought…"
Here he trailed off. Looking down at the book a bit embarrassed he mumbled:
"Never mind. I should go now."
Luna knew what he had meant to say. He had wanted to practice before the meeting. She thought quickly and then asked him:
"Can you help me? I could need some practice at whatever spell is coming up at the meeting."
Neville looked up from the book, taken aback.
"What?" he exclaimed.
Luna wanted to beat herself up for being so utterly stupid.
'You idiot!' her heart cried. 'How could you do liken this? Haven't you learnt anything? How could you think he would want to talk to you? He has probably wanted to escape this room since he saw you and you keep on hindering him! And how could you be so stupid to go as far as letting him see behind your shield! Think quickly or you'll lose all of it!'
He must have seen that she got hurt because he hurried to explain:
"It's not that I don't want to help. It's just that I don't think I would be of much help. I'm not exactly known to be good at Defence Against the Dark Arts." he admitted.
The plans to put back the shield were put on hold but Luna was still wary. After all, he might just be too kind to tell her outright that he didn't want to help her. But she decided to take the chance and think that he might actually think she was okay and not some loony like everyone else did.
"We could help each other." she suggested.
He seemed to ponder this for a moment and then he nodded and kept quiet.
"What are we going to practice?" she inquired when he just stood there as if he didn't know what to do.
That got him out of his trance. He opened the book and read through the index until he found what he was looking for. She came over to him so she could look too. He found the right page and showed her.
"But I'm not sure I'll be able to help you." he said unsure.
Luna smiled at him and asked him if she could read it.
-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
About an hour later a strange sound cut through the room, distracting Neville when he was uttering an incantation, which of course resulted in an accident. The shield he was supposed to have set up wasn't there so Luna's tickling charm hit him. She hurriedly spoke the counter curse and then started digging in one of the pockets of her school robes.
Neville had recovered from his laughing fit and was watching curiously.
Luna took out a little yellow thing. Then the strange sound came again, a noise that was almost like a whistle, but not really. It was clear that it was coming from the little thing in Luna's hand. Neville went nearer and asked:
"What's that?"
The thing moved and then two eyes opened and looked at him. Luna stroked her fingers over what he supposed was its back.
"It's a Puffbat. When my dad and I were in Sweden searching for Crumple-horned Snorcacks, I found Avis here one morning outside our tent. She was hanging from a branch right in front of it, seemingly all alone. Puffbats usually live in crowds, just like humans. That night, when we went searching after the Snorcacks, she followed us, hunting." Luna explained. Then she continued her story:
"After that, she seemed to find herself at home near our tent and with us; she used to sit on my shoulder when she was awake in the evening. By the time we were going home to Britain I really liked her, so I asked dad if I could keep her. Since normally you only get to have rats, toads and cats at Hogwarts he said that I might not be able to take it with me there but that he would love to take it with us home and maybe make an article about it. Fortunately, Professor Sprout didn't have anything against Avis so I was allowed to keep it here." Luna smiled at the memory.
"What does it eat?" Neville asked eyeing it warily.
"Oh, flies, spiders and other insects, but it can eat other things if necessary. It attracts its prey with those whistling sounds it makes. I let her out at night so she can hunt at the Hogwarts grounds."
Neville tentatively reached out his hand to touch its back.
"She won't hurt you. Avis is very friendly and likes being petted." Luna reassured him.
While Neville carefully patted the Puffbat, he asked her why she had it in her pocket.
Luna couldn't decide whether she should tell the truth or not, so she settled for something in the middle:
"I think she's safer if she's with me all the time."
Neville looked surprised.
"Won't she be safer if she's in your dormitory? She sleeps in the days and is out at night, right? What if you fall and she's crushed?"
"Don't worry about her getting crushed or not getting enough air it's taken care of." Luna wanted to say more but there was no reason to. He would just think it was ridiculous of her to believe that and think she was exaggerating or just coming up with it. Nevertheless, the words just slipped out of her mouth.
"And if I don't keep her with me they might take her." she said, trying to sound matter-of-factly, but she could feel her heart making a little tug of fear and apparently this night wasn't the best for her mask because her eyes teared up a bit.
Neville looked more than a little alarmed. Luna felt it was best to get herself under control before she embarrassed both herself and him by saying something else that made her burst into tears.
He astonished her by asking, surprised:
"Who are they? And why would they take Avis?"
That countered that out. Well, she would just have to keep her composure, as she did at the end of her fourth year when Harry asked her a similar question.
"They would take her because they think it's fun. They've taken stuff before-but it always turns up at the end of the year when I set up notes about it. As for your question about who they are; they're Ravenclaws." Her words didn't match her voice. It was calm, though a little dreamy and distant.
"You mean they take stuff from you?" Neville said incredulous.
"Well, not really. It always turns up at the end of year." Luna began to feel a little uncomfortable. "I should go now, it's almost curfew and Avis needs to be let out so she can go hunting."
She was almost at the door before Neville's voice was heard.
"Luna?"
She stilled and then turned around, hoping it wasn't about what they had just talked about.
"Yes?" she said wonderingly.
Neville seemed to have trouble saying what he was about to say so she stood there patiently and looked at him kindly.
He took in a breath of air and then said very quickly:
"Would you like to practice sometimes else? Before the meetings, I mean. It was fun to train with you; I usually don't get a spell right this quickly. But don't feel forced to train with me, I would understand if you don't want to, really."
"I'd love to practice with you, Neville. How about sometime next week before the next DA meeting? Wednesday? Thursday?" she suggested.
Neville looked relieved and said:
"Wednesday is fine with me. Half past five?
Luna nodded and smiled a little and then went to the door. Just before she opened it, she looked over her shoulder and said:
"I enjoyed practicing with you too."
Then she hurried out of the room and down the corridor.
'Maybe the future isn't so dark after all.' she thought smiling dreamily.
A/N: This taken a lot of time to write (not to mention feelings). There have been times when I've looked at the writing in here and thought: 'Oh no, this is a piece of crap!' I'm sure that will happen again and I would really like to have someone's opinion on this story. I have some other stories that I'm working on and I really want to know if it's worthposting them.
One review would be enough.
Just one.
Hope you enjoyed reading!