Ch. 4-The Wager
Author's Note:FINALLY! Somebody fixed the "bug" with my Document Manager so I could upload this chapter! I got a lot of inspiration for this chappie from the episode, "Room With a View", not the least of which was Wilt having this competitive, take-no-prisoners side to him that probably took some fans by surprise. It makes sense, though, if he was created to play basketball; he'd HAVE to have an "edge" to his personality, one that time and unpleasant circumstances have most likely dulled a bit, but it's still there. Once again, I've tried to keep the characters as true to the series as possible, and to keep the off-beat sense of humor, without compromising the sense of conflict and angst. I've also based this whole little wager thing on how guys often DO act when a bunch of them are together; it's generally inevitable that at least ONE is going to start running his mouth about his past, uhm, "conquests", if you will, and being the oldest and most mature of the lot, as well as one that many human female fans(I won't name names and don't have room to point fingers, since I stand guilty as charged)do find rather attractive in an odd(or IS it?)sort of way, I figured Wilt would be the one. And y'all KNOW that Bloo would assume that tickets to a professional NBA basketball game would only be "a dime a dozen".
It had seemed like a good plan at the time, to simply go up to his room and kill a couple of hours, alone, reading a novel. However, as they say, the best-laid plans of men and apparently, Imaginary Friends, often miss the mark by a wide margin, and Wilt's plans had missed it by a good mile or more, thanks to the appearance of his two male roommates, Bloo and Eduardo, shortly after he'd finally settled down to read. Bloo's boasting of being the next Gorgazoids champion of the universe had led to a discussion of what women wanted in a guy, or on a date, which had prompted Wilt to chime in with HIS two-cents' worth. THAT, as it were, had involved him dropping what was, to Bloo at least, a veritable bombshell regarding Wilt's past in his pre-Foster's years: he had actually dated human women!
Wilt had known, even as the words came out of his mouth, that he should have butted out of this conversation, or better yet, gotten up and left. However, he'd feared that doing the latter would have seemed rude, and as for doing the former, well, his ego simply could not let Bloo's comments slide by without a rebuttal.
Yes, Wilt did have an ego. It wasn't' something he was proud of, and he struggled really hard, with, it must be said, a great deal of success, to keep it under control. In his younger days, his ego had been much harder to suppress, and had often gotten him into some sticky situations. That, however, had been before "The Incident", of which Wilt tried very hard not to think. One of the effects of "The Incident" had been to put a very effective muzzle on that competitive, self-glorifying facet of Wilt's nature, so that most people who met him would find it difficult to believe that Wilt was even capable of arguing or disagreeing with anyone. However, just as Wilt was really good at keeping his competitive, ego-driven side under control, Blooregard Q. Kazoo had proven just as effective at being able to tap into it and release it, and once let loose, that competitive side was difficult to regain control of. Wilt could feel it slipping its collar now, all the more worse because one of the things he feared it could do was to prompt him to reveal things about his past that he felt were better left hidden. Indeed, he'd already revealed one tidbit in particular, and even while his mouth had been saying it, his mind had been pleading that other two either wouldn't catch it, or wouldn't believe him. Eduardo, with his four-year-old-child-like mindset and innocence, had not been a problem. Bloo, however, was, and ironically, it turned out to be Bloo's hoped-for disbelief that set off Wilt's competitive side, after all.
"So, you've supposedly, as you say, 'known', human women, eh?" Bloo remarked snidely, hands on what amounted to his hips, "and you expect ME to actually believe THAT load of horse hockey? Give me a BREAK!"
"Sorry, Bloo, but I honestly could care less if you believe it or not. It happened, though, and besides, all I was tryin' to say was…", Wilt tried to say as he stood up from the bed, stretching as he did so.
"Weeeeeellll, then, Mr. Stud-Muffin, if you were such a hot ticket with the ladies once, you think you could pull it off again, hmmmm?"
"…that women don't really like to be pushed…What? I'm sorry, what did you just say?"
"What, you've gone half-deaf as WELL as half-blind now? I SAID, 'do you think that you could pull it off A-Gain'-you know, as in actually successfully ask a HYU-Man female out on a date, and go out with her, and stuff?"
Wilt's more rational, logical, and civilized mind was now locked in a loosing battle with his competitive side, and the latter, tired of being constantly repressed, decided to go for all-out control of his mouth. He chuckled in a manner that suggested Bloo's question to be the stupidest thing he'd ever heard. "Well, I'm sure I could, Bloo, IF I actually WANTED to, that is! MY point, though…"
"Chicken!"
Wilt was taken aback. "What?"
"I said, 'CHICKEN'! I think you just made the whole thing up about going with human women just so you could win an argument with ME, knowing that this wasn't possible, so you got desperate, didn't you? You're way too chicken to ask out a human, 'cuzz you KNOW what she'd do? She'd laugh you right outa the room, that's what! Or, she'd take one look at you and run away screamin'! Isn't that right, Ed?"
Ed scowled fiercely at Bloo. "No, is NOT right! Senior Wilt is no CHICKEN! He saves me from big, scary spiders and sleeps under the bed where it is really dark, with no nightlight! He even eats(gulp)….", Ed's voice trailed off to an abrupt whimper, "broccolis!" He then regained some of his fierce momentum before continuing with his defense of his best friend/protector, "Senior Wilt is no afraid of NOTHING; he is bravest Imaginary Friend I ever meet, and he sure not scared to ask some womens for some dates, or any other fruits!"
"That's right, Bloo! I mean, why should I be scared to ask somebody out on a date? It's not like she's gonna bite my head off or somethin'!"
Bloo pondered for a moment, and then a particularly nasty grin began to make itself at home across his face. "Well, then, Wilt old buddy, what say you and I make a little bet, a little wager, if you will?"
By now, the rational part of Wilt's mind was looking for a place to hide. That do-or-die, ego-driven, competitive side was loose in the pit, and the scratch line had been drawn. It was too late to call off THAT dog, now. When he spoke, his voice was low and serious, like the rumbling of gathering waves against the shore, miles away, that signal the approach of a Category Five hurricane.
"Fine. You wanna bet? Bring it on!"
For several minutes, Bloo said nothing. There was nothing he could say. He just stood there and stared at Wilt; he'd totally NOT expected Wilt's reaction to that challenge to be this. This, of all things, was not what Bloo had anticipated at all.
Wilt was actually forced to prompt him to respond, "Wellll, are you on, or not?"
"Uhhhhhmmmm…but aren't you going to say, 'but BLOO, I cannot possibly go against YOU in a bet! That would be most unfair and most unlike my usual soft, push-over self to do that?"
"No way, Bloo! You started it; I'm finishin' it! Now, what you got to put on the table?"
"Table?"
"Yeah, Bloo. You can't enter into a wager without something to bet. Both sides have to be able to put something up that they'll forfeit if they lose, so whatya got?"
"I, uhhh….got aaaa….WAIT! This was MY idea first, so YOU uh, put your, uh, stuff on the table first!"
Eduardo interjected, "I hope it is not really big an' heavy stuff, 'cuzz we only got a teeny little table, and if it breaks, you two is gonna be in BIG trouble with Senior Herriman!"
Ignoring Ed's otherwise cute comment, Wilt frowned, rubbing his chin with his one hand, as he tried to think of something he had worth betting, when a thought struck him.
"I'm sorry, but what exactly is this bet about, anyways?"
"Oh," said Bloo, "the bet is, that you won't be able to actually go out on a date with a human chick, er, uh, woman. Woman. Yeah, that's it."
"Oh, yeah, now I remember. OK…here's what I have. You know that collection of vintage sports collectible cards that I have, the one I keep locked up in a safe deposit box downstairs?"
"You mean the one that has all those cards from famous sports figures since the dawn of time? The one you won't even let anybody touch? The one that is the ONLY thing you still have in your possession from the time before you came to Foster's? The one that's worth like, ten thousand dollars, or something? THAT collection of vintage sports collectible cards?"
"Uh-huh. THAT collection of vintage sports collectible cards!"
Eduardo suddenly looked aghast, and reached over to tug on Wilt's red, white and blue terry cloth wristband to get his attention.
"Sorry, not NOW, Ed…"
"But, Senior Wilt, you cannot bet your sports cards! They is the only thing you got left from your old life, before…you know, before you come here to live at Foster's! What if you lose and Bloo gets your cards?"
Even through his adrenaline-pumping competitive mode, Wilt still managed to smile at his friend's concern. "Don't worry Ed, I won't lose. I'll…"
Laughter interrupted whatever it was that Wilt was trying to say. "Oh, don't be silly, Wilt, you joker, you! Of course you'll lose! What woman in her right mind would go out with you? You're an IMAGINARY FRIEND, for one thing, and, and…just LOOK at you!" Bloo's gaze swept from Wilt's fake left eye, to his stump of a left arm, down his ridiculously long legs, then back up to his full eight feet of height, just to emphasize his point. Bloo smiled in what he accurately figured was an infuriatingly smug manner. "Those cards are as good as mine!"
"But you don't even like sports! What you gonna do with all those sports cards?" asked Eduardo.
"Oh, I'm not gonna keep 'em, silly! I'm gonna SELL 'em on Schmebay! If those cards are worth thousands of dollars, I'll be a MILLIONARE! But don't worry, Ed, if it bothers you that much, I'll even cut you in on a twenty or so after I get rich!"
"That is SO not gonna happen, Bloo!" Wilt leaned over his rival, getting right in his face, "I did it before, and I can do it AGAIN! I'll show YOU that I'm not the loser you think I am, and I WILL get a date with a human woman, AND go out with her, and," it was now Wilt's turn to look smug-"who knows what THAT might lead up to, hmmm? I'll prove that I'm still the lean, mean, lovin' machine I was in my younger days!" Wilt straightened himself back up, something obviously trying to press itself onto his thoughts. "Hey,", he added, snapping his fingers, "now that I've put MY cards on the table, what exactly are YOU gonna bet, in case YOU lose, which you WILL, huh? You gotta have something of equal value to my ante, you know."
"Weellll, let's see? What DO I have to bet against your sports cards. My paddleball collection? Noooooo…I don't think that's worth more than maybe…I dunno, several hundred at most. MAC? Naww….I think that's against the law, for some styu-pid reason." Bloo's eyes darted around the room, looking for something he could bet. They fell on a target, and with a quick grab, he snatched it up.
"I know! I can bet this stuffed Beanie Buddy rabbit! It must be worth something by now, since they don't make 'em anymore, right?"
"NNNOOOOOOOOO! YOU NO CAN BET MY PACO! GIVE HIM TO MEEEEE!" Ed screamed, panic-stricken, as he lunged across the room with astounding speed to snatch the tiny stuffed bunny from Bloo's hands, immediately clutching it to his chest and cooing soothingly to it, "Is alright, Baby Paco! Ed save you from that big MEANIE!"
"YEAH, Bloo!", a frowning Wilt admonished, "You can only bet something that YOU own, NOT something that belongs to a third party!"
"Whoever made up THAT idiotic rule? And who said anything about a party? Any-hoo, let me see…what to bet, what to bet…."
"Co-CO co co co CO!" came a voice from the direction of the doorway. The forth roommate had apparently arrived, and, more to the point, had apparently been standing there long enough to get the gist of what was going on.
"Oh, hi, Coco," Wilt greeted his only female roommate. "So, you said you know what Bloo can bet, huh? OK, let's hear it!"
Coco, by far the most bizarre-looking of the four roommates-an odd concoction of a crashed cargo plane, a tropical bird and a palm tree-stepped into the room and cleared her throat.
"Co CO coco, Co co co co co CO co Co CO CO!"
Wilt beamed. Ed smiled and continued to stroke Paco's Styrene-filled head. Bloo frowned.
"Hey, that sounds like a GREAT idea, Coco! What do you think, Bloo?" asked Wilt.
"I think it sounds like a totally LAME idea…whoever heard of…wait, what am I worried about, anyhow? It's not like I'M gonna lose or anything! OK, you gotta deal, Wilt!"
"Fine! Then it's settled; if I can't get a date with a human woman, I have to give Bloo my priceless collection of vintage sports collectible cards. If I DO-and I WILL-and BLOO loses, then HE has to do ALL my chores around Foster's for a whole month! How's that sound, deal or not?"
"Wait just a minute, there's one more detail we haven't ironed out yet! Just what kinda timeline are we talkin' here for you to be able to get this so-called date, Wilt old buddy? A couple of days, a week, a YEAR! 'Cause I'm not exactly the patient sort, you know, and I want MY money off Schmebay as soon as I can get it!"
"OK…gimme two, no, THREE weeks…three and a half at the most. If I haven't met someone, and successfully asked her out, in that amount of time, you win. That sound OK with you?"
Bloo reached around behind him and picked up a little desktop calendar from atop a chest of drawers, then a pen, and began counting days. Finally, he grinned, and circled a particular day on the calendar. "Alright, sounds fine with me. You've got until THIS date," he said, pointing the one he'd circled, "to go out on a date with a human woman, and provide PROOF!"
"Proof? Like, what kinda proof? Restaurant receipts, basketball ticket stubs, what?"
"Why no, silly! Anybody can go to a restaurant and get a receipt, or get tickets to a professional basketball game! Pshhh…those things must be a dime a dozen, anyway! No, I need something more tangible, like, oh, bring her back here afterwards!"
"What? Bring her back HERE?"
"Why, yes, Wilt. Bring - her - back -here. To Foster's. Now, how hard can that be? I mean, it's not like it's gonna be a great big surprise to her to find out all of a sudden that you're really not HUMAN, and that you live in a house full of other Imaginary Friends because NO ONE WANTS YOU, now is it?"
Wilt gritted his teeth over Bloo's remark, but he knew that they had to eventually agree on some way to prove he'd held up his end of the deal, or else they could be here arguing about it all night. Swallowing back his own comments, he extended his hand to seal the bet. "OK, so it's a bet then. Three and one-half weeks…I win, you do my chores for a whole month; I lose, I forfeit my card collection. AND I bring my date back here to meet everyone, so you can have proof that I still got it! Is that OK?"
"Indeed it is, Wilt, indeed it is", replied Bloo as he met the handshake, sealing the bet.
After a few moments of awkward silence, Coco had a suggestion. "Coco co co co coco co coco co co co co coco coco coco?"
Wilt wiped his wristband across his forehead. "Sounds like a plan to me, Coco. I guess all this bet-making is sorta stressful, after all, and I for one could use a bit of tv to help take the edge off! You with us, Ed?"
"Oh, SI! Me and Paco is coming down to the tv room right now!"
"How 'bout you, Bloo? You comin' with us, or what?" As agitated as Wilt had been a few moments ago, he seemed right back to his old, laid-back self now, a trait that always got on Bloo's nerves, for some reason. Still, inside, Wilt's mind was in turmoil. He had a strong feeling that he'd just let his big mouth write a check that he KNEW his butt couldn't cash, all to satisfy his ego, and to show Bloo up.
"Oh, I guess I'll be down in a few minutes. See you guys in a little while." Bloo stood and watched the other three leave, listening to the sounds of their fading footsteps as they headed for the tv room to watch a bit of television before bedtime. He grinned, rubbing his hands together. "But first, Wilt, my LOSER pal, you, I need time to think about what I'm gonna do with all that money I'm gonna make from sellin' YOUR sports cards! Oh, this is so rich…"