A/N:Happy B-day ValkyriaRaven (8'th of November)! And happy belated b-day to me, since mine was yesterday! ;)
Well, ValkyriaRaven really liked the drabble "Relaxing Weekend" and wanted something along the same lines but with one more person involved, so here THAT version is… ;)
Quite a Mess
"This is quite a mess."
"Yes, thank you Red, I've noticed," Robin said tersely through his teeth, his eyes screwed shut so nothing of the smelly foam he was drenched in could get into them.
"I'mso very glad I decided to help," Slade muttered behind them.
"Help with what?" Red X asked.
"Stop you," Robin growled.
"Don't look at me, I didn't make this happen!" the thief exclaimed. "She did!" he added, pointing at a fourth foam covered figure.
"I had no idea the reaction would be this… messy…" Catwoman defended herself. "It was meant to be a distraction."
"Okay, we might not be melting, but that doesn't mean this isn't poisonous," Robin barked. "Can we all agree that this night is over and go home? It can't get much worse-"
"What'sgoing on here?" Batman's voice suddenly echoed through the dark.
"Oh, look… I was wrong…" Robin groaned.
"Robin? Catwoman? Slade? And… who are you?" the Dark Knight asked.
"Insulted…" Red X muttered.
"Interesting name," the detective deadpanned.
"He's Red X, a thief, like your girlfriend over there…" Robin growled. "They were after the same invention… who has that, by the way?"
"I do," Slade said.
"Good. Give it to Batman. I'm going home to take a shower," the teen hero decided. "Before I grow a third arm or something."
"Wow, that would be so cool…" Red grinned.
"Oh, shut up. Batman, I'll bring the idiot and Slade home… we'll talk about it later, okay?"
"Fine. Hurry up," Batman nodded. "I'm more concerned about your health than your company right now. Once you had a shower, though, that will change."
"I had a feeling it would…" Robin mumbled. He grabbed on to Slade's arm as his eyes were now crusted shut rather firmly. "You'll drive. How are you at following directions?"
"How are you at giving them?" the man asked dryly.
"Batman?" Red X said timidly, "Can I ride with you? Because with these two we're going to end up driving over a cliff…"
"Don't worry about that, worry about that we're three people and all we have is my bike," Robin snorted.
"Oh, god, I'm gonna die…" Red X whimpered.
"Woooow… posh place…" the thief whistled as he looked around in the bat-cave's shower-room. The trip had gone well, considering. Batman had stayed behind to make sure the area was safe, but Selina had been more or less coerced into going with them, because, as Batman had put it, he 'wanted to talk to her'. The woman had taken her own bike, or rather one standing around without an owner in sight, and been very coldhearted to Red X's pleas about riding with her. She had not come into the bathroom with them, however, as far as Robin could tell by sound alone.
"Stop ogling the place and get your clothes off," Robin snorted, tearing at his own.
"If this stuff didn't smell so bad, that would be quite a turn-on…." the thief chuckled.
Robin sighed. This was not what he had planned to do this weekend. He had planned to spend it back in Jump, mainly in Slade's bed, if he could have his way, but instead he had come across some interesting clues which had led to him finding out about Red X' planned trip to Gotham. The teen detective had decided to follow and Slade had tagged along, out of curiosity, probably… Robin wasn't sure, but he appreciated the company, especially on the flight over. He had never had sex in the T-jet before… sure, he was supposed to be flying it at the time, but the auto-pilot had done its job…
Now, however, he was drenched in the strange foam and he couldn't see more than the tiniest sliver of his surroundings. Something was wrong, though…
"Hey, did you go into the first or second door?" he asked.
"Second, why?" Red X asked.
"I said to take the first! This is Batman's shower!" Robin told them.
"That cat-lady picked the first door... wanna join her?" the thief asked.
"I wouldn't recommend it to either of you, or she'll claw you in a very painful place…" Robin snorted. "Fine, then…" he mumbled and finally got the last of his clothes off and started feeling the wall in front of him. "Where the hell is that shower?"
"Want a hand?" Slade said; his voice carefully blank.
"To turn on the shower, yes…" Robin nodded. "If you're thinking of something else… maybe."
There was an appreciative whistle from Red X, but the hero only snorted and then gasped in appreciation as his body was suddenly assaulted by hot water from all angles. He heard, and felt, the other two shuffle in beside him, but it wasn't like he was going to object to the others wanting what could potentially be poison off their bodies as well, and the shower booth was large enough for them all.
"Batman should be in the bathroom business; he really knows a thing or two about building the perfect shower…" Red X mumbled somewhere to Robin's right. "Damn, all these showerheads are really hitting me everywhere."
"Trust me: that's a good thing when you return from a mission sore or wounded…" Robin answered, smiling as he heard Slade grunt in agreement on his left. The teen's hands were busy getting the half-dried foam off his skin. It had mostly soaked through his clothes as well, but as more and more was washed off, Robin started to feel better. He carefully wet his face and wiped at his eyes.
"Let me help you. Keep them closed," Slade said and tilted the hero's chin up. The man then ran a soaped wash cloth over Robin's eyes and face. "There… now for the rest of you…" the mercenary purred.
Robin recognized that tone of voice very well and felt his body begin to respond. There was only one problem…
"Umm… Slade…. Red X is here…" the teen mumbled.
"So?" the thief responded. "I'll help…" A slim but well muscled naked body was pressing up against the hero's back, making Robin forget to breathe for a while.
"I… I don't think…" Robin started, but Slade quieted him with a kiss, while Red moved on to kiss and nip his neck.
At that moment the bathroom door opened quietly.
"Selina? Mind if I join y-"
"Try the other shower, Batman, this one's taken," Red X snickered.
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?" the Dark Knight roared.
"I can see why you are confused, Bruce, this is the beginnings of what people call a 'threesome'," Slade explained.
"GET OUT HERE SO I CAN KILL YOU!" Bruce yelled, not appeased at all.
"What's all this shouting?" Selina suddenly asked standing in the hallway, naked apart from a very short towel, and dripping wet. "Oh, look at that…"
"It's not what it looks like!" Robin piped up, glad to be sandwiched between the other males.
"It's not the beginning of a threesome?" the feline thief asked innocently.
"Clever girl…" Slade smirked.
"That's it, to hell with my ideals, I'm getting a gun…" Batman growled and turned half way around.
"Why? Maybe we can watch?" Selina asked, taking a hold of his arm.
"Who would want to watch THAT!" Bruce exclaimed.
"Ummm…" Catwoman smirked but then coughed a little. "Alright… how about you leave the boys alone and join me for another shower?"
"But, I…" Bruce started.
"It's up to you… either you kill them or you'll get wet with me… can't have both…" the woman smirked and left.
Bruce seemed undecided for a moment until he was hit in the chest with a towel. He glared at the three men in the shower.
"I'll get you later!" he snarled and then went after his girlfriend.
"Get off me!" Robin half snarled, half begged, as two pairs of arms and hands seemed to keep him trapped.
"Oh, why?" Slade asked innocently.
"Did you leave during the last few minutes?" Robin snorted. "Bruce saw… he… he knows… he… We can't do this!"
"He already thinks we are… so it seems a pity not to…" the white haired man smirked.
"Slade's a smart guy, listen to him…" Red chuckled behind Robin and started moving suggestively against him.
"But…" Robin began.
"Come on… he's already as angry as he's going to get…" Slade purred.
"The pussy will keep him busy…" Red added.
"But…" Robin tried again.
"Think of the talk you'll have later… it's going to be horrible either way, isn't it?"
"Yeah…" Robin agreed.
"Well, then," the man shrugged, obviously deciding that that amount of logic was all it should take…
… and as their hands already was everywhere, it was.
The next morning was very uncomfortable for Robin, and not only because Bruce was glaring at him over the breakfast table, but because he was very, very sore.
"I can't believe you gave away our secret identities to a common pick-pocket!" the millionaire suddenly spat.
Robin winced from the before mentioned reasons.
"Well, you had already walked into the shower without your mask, Bruce! You know they would be in the cave, so it's your fault!" the teen gave back.
"And I haven't picked pockets in years!" Red defended himself.
"Besides, it's an art in itself," Selina nodded, calmly spreading marmalade on some toast.
"I have already been hired to remove the threat should he become one," Slade told the owner of the house. "And, as Selina here clearly knows who you are you shouldn't throw the first stone… not after you installed a cat-flap in the front door anyway."
"Slade, you're such a dog… but you're right…" the woman smirked. "But if you boys would try not to give Brucie a heart attack again, I'd be grateful… although sex with an angry Dark Knight… Meeaaaoooww…"
"Yeah, we heard you through the wall, that's why we had to go upstairs…" Robin muttered. "And it still wasn't what it looked like! Well… it became what it looked like, but I don't normally… you know… do this."
"That's right, normally it's just me," Slade nodded.
"That's so comforting to hear," Bruce growled under his breath. "At least tell me you're using protection!"
"No, and I'm pregnant," the teen sulked into his cereal.
A mug of coffee imploded in Bruce's hand.
"It was a joke!" the black-haired teen exclaimed.
"Oh, thank god!" Bruce sighed. He then noticed all the odd looks he was getting and threw his hands out. "What? I've seen some weird stuff and with meta-humans and powers and… you never know!"
"I'm buying condoms first thing," Robin gasped, wide-eyed.
"I'm pretty sure that if you could get pregnant you would be so by now…" Slade said smugly, spearing a piece of sausage on his fork. "But how about you two, Bruce? I hope things didn't get out of hand last night?"
Two sets of cutlery clattered against their plates and Robin's mentor and the Gotham-thief paled.
"Look at that Robin… maybe you have a little brother or sister on the way?" Slade chuckled.
"Oh, congrats!" Red grinned. "I'll take this then," he added and snatched Selina's boiled egg. "Soft-boiled… no good for mom's to be!"
"Give that back!" the woman hissed and made a grab for it.
"The kid's right, the salmonella risk…" Bruce started, sounding a bit unsure.
"I'm not pregnant!" the woman scoffed, but then her eyes widened. "What… you… if I were you… you wouldn't want me to eat eggs?"
"Not if they could harm the baby of course!" Bruce told her.
"So you… you'd want to… keep it?"
The pair sat just looking at each other and Slade pushed his chair back.
"Boys," he said in a low voice. "I think we have unintentionally started something here, and whatever the result will be, I don't think we want to be here for it… shall we go?"
The two teens nodded and the trio quietly slipped out of the house.
"Slade?" Robin said as they were all walking down the path from the manor.
"Yes?"
"I was wondering… if Selina actuallyis pregnant… well, I don't think Bruce would really bother with anything else for a while, so… could we hold on to Red for a bit?"
"I guess so," the man chuckled.
"Hang on a minute!" Red said and turned back, walking towards the house again.
"Hey, where are you going? Don't you want to play with us again?" Robin asked.
"Hellyeah I do! I'm off to find a needle and the Bat's condom stash!" Red smirked over his shoulder.
"Aren't you going to stop him?" Slade asked in surprise when Robin only laughed.
"Nah… Bruce needs to settle down, and judging by the look on Selina's face, she wouldn't mind either… And besides… I really like threesomes…"
The End
A/N: Hope you enjoyed!