The Lord of the Rings: Rurouni Kenshin style

A Rurouni Kenshin / Lord of the Rings crossover by Heather Logan

(Disclaimer: This was written for fun, not profit. Rurouni Kenshin belongs to Nobuhiro Watsuki and The Lord of the Rings belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien.)

The Fellowship of the Ribbon

It was an ordinary September afternoon, warm and sunny. Kaoru Baggins sat at her kitchen table, sipping tea and listening to the bumblebees buzz lazily outside the window, accented by the snk-snk-snk of garden shears. The peace was interrupted by an urgent knocking at her door.

"Genzai-sensei!" Kaoru exclaimed, as the old doctor entered. His normally cheerful expression was replaced by a look of dark concern.

"Kaoru-chan," he said in a somber voice. "I have learned something of grave importance. Do you still have that ribbon?"

"Ribbon?" Kaoru looked at him blankly.

"That golden hair ribbon, that belonged to your father."

"Oh, the one that turns its wearer invisible. Sure." Kaoru retrieved it from her bedroom and handed it to the old doctor.

He took it silently, crossed the kitchen and dropped it into the stove.

"What are you doing!" shouted Kaoru.

Genzai-sensei held up a hand for silence. "Wait," he said. Then he took a pair of tongs and fished the ribbon out from the glowing embers. It wasn't even singed. Instead, where its surface had previously been a shimmery gold satin, tiny letters of fire ran down its length.

"I cannot read the fiery letters," Kaoru whispered, as if entranced.

"The letters are Katakana," Genzai said, "but the language is that of Mordor. I will not speak it here. In Japanese, this is what it says.

"One ribbon to rule them all,
One ribbon to find them,
One ribbon to bring them all,
and in the darkness bind them.
In the land of Mordor where the shadows lie."

A shiver ran up Kaoru's back. The warmth had seemed to leach out of the day, and there was now only silence outside the window.

"A spy-" hissed Genzai, and with a lightning-fast move had stuck an arm out the window and hauled up a protesting figure by his red hair.

"Kenshin!" Kaoru exclaimed.

"Oro!"

"Genzai-sensei, it's all right, this is Kenshin Gamgee. He's my gardener." Genzai lowered Kenshin to the floor. "And my cleaning staff, and my chef."

"Begging your pardon, Milady Kaoru," Kenshin whimpered, huddling on the floor.

"Get up, Kenshin," Genzai said. "This is taking too long." He turned back to Kaoru and laid the golden ribbon in her hand. "This ribbon is very dangerous and must be destroyed. You saw what it did to your father."

"What are you talking about?" Kaoru replied. "My father died in the Seinan War."

"Never mind." Genzai waved a hand dismissively. "You must take this ribbon to Mordor--"

"Where's Mordor?"

"It's another name for Kyoto. Now stop interrupting. You must take this ribbon to Mordor and cast it into the fires of Mount Hiei."

"Okay," said Kaoru.

At that moment the door burst open and two small people capered in. One was a boy of about ten, short, with dark spiky hair. The other was a skinny girl in a ninja outfit with a long dark braid. They linked arms and danced around each other for a moment, then stopped and shouted in unison, "Never fear, we're here!"

"Who the hell are you?" Genzai asked.

Kaoru sighed. "Genzai-sensei, these are my cousins. Misao Brandybuck--"

"Hiya Gramps!" Misao said.

"-- and Yahiko Took."

"You know me already," Yahiko grumbled, throwing a surly look in Genzai's direction.

"Fine, fine," Genzai said, patting the youngsters on their backs. "Off you go then. I'll meet you in Kyoto; I've got some errands to run. Oh, and don't leave the path."

With that, he was gone, leaving four bewildered hobbits in his wake.

o-o-o

Early the next morning...

"Well, we finally made it to the Akabeko," Kaoru sighed, breezing through the door.

"Yes, but did we really have to cut through the Old Forest and across the Downs, Milady Kaoru?" Kenshin had leaves and twigs stuck in his red hair and his arm was in a sling.

"It was faster. Anyway, we're here now. Where's Genzai-sensei?"

"Kaoru-chan!" Tae had spotted her young friend and crossed the restaurant to greet her. "And Kenshin-san, and Misao-chan and Yahiko-chan! What took you so long to get here? Genzai-sensei has already left for Kyoto."

"Don't call me -chan, dammit," Yahiko grumbled.

"Whatever," Kaoru said. "Let's have a hot-pot. I'm famished!"

"Idiots," growled a man sitting by himself near the wall. Kaoru had passed close to him, and he'd reached out and caught her by the collar of her gi. "Don't wave this around," he said, pointing at the golden ribbon in her hand.

Kaoru's eyes widened. His clothes were rough and scruffy, his eyes were narrow and dangerous-looking, and his red headband marked him out as a man not to be trifled with.

"Milady Kaoru!" Kenshin and the others had rushed forward to save her, weapons at the ready. But the scruffy man held up a hand.

"My name is Sanosuke son of Sanothorn, and if by life or death I can save you, I will. Especially if there's free food involved." He got to his feet, towering over the little hobbits. "Now let's go. I'll lead you to Kyoto. I'm a ranger, and I've got a perfect sense of direction."

"Okay," said Kenshin.

"Sounds good," said Misao.

"Perfect sense of direction, my ass," Yahiko muttered as they left the Akabeko and set off down the dusty road.

o-o-o

The party trudged through the marsh as the day brightened, Sano in the lead and the four little people following in a line. It was growing hotter, the air sluggish and oppressive.

"Dammit, Sano!" Yahiko swore. "These mosquitoes are eating me alive!"

"Shut it, sprog," Sano retorted. "This is the fastest way. And since we're off the road, our enemies won't be able to find us."

Misao stopped in her tracks. "I'm hungry," she commented.

"I'm sorry, Milady Misao, but I didn't bring any lunch," Kenshin replied.

"That's all right," Misao said, brightening. She pulled an onigiri from somewhere inside her short-sleeved ninja outfit. "I've got Second Breakfast right here. And Elevenses--" she pulled out another onigiri-- "and Luncheon--" a plate of sushi appeared in her hand-- "and Tea, and Dinner--" these were joined by a bowl each of miso and of rice and a large, steaming hot-pot-- "and--"

"Misao-chan, stop!" Kaoru shouted, waving her hands urgently. Sano was eyeing the spread hungrily. "We've got to keep going till nightfall!"

Misao's face fell, but she acquiesced. The party pushed on.

As they crested a hill and disappeared down the other side, Yahiko's mutter could be heard floating upon the wind: "I thought Kenshin was the only one who kept unreasonably large radishes in his clothing."

o-o-o

"I have a bad feeling about this campsite." Kaoru shivered and rubbed her arms.

"It's called Weathertop," Sano said. "My buddies and I used to hang out here. What could go wrong?"

"Don't worry, Milady Kaoru," Kenshin said, edging closer to her and peering into the darkness. "I'll protect you, that I will."

o-o-o

"Ow!"

"There there, Kaoru-chan," soothed Genzai-sensei as he bandaged Kaoru's arm. "It's only a little cut, and since Kenshin treated it quickly it shouldn't leave a scar. Even though it was made with a wraith-blade."

"I'm sorry, Milady Kaoru," Kenshin said. "I knew it was a bad idea trying to fight Gohei when he's three times your size. I'm glad I was able to rescue you after you'd only received a small cut, that I am."

"Oh, Kenshin," Kaoru sighed. "You take such good care of me."

"There," Genzai said, giving Kaoru's arm a pat. "All done. Time for a council." He got up and led them out into the sunshine.

"Why are we back in Tokyo again?" Kenshin asked. "That Sano has a terrible sense of direction."

"Now, now," Genzai-sensei scolded. "Sanosuke son of Sanothorn is one of my most trusted friends. If by life or death he can save you, he will. Especially if there's free food involved."

The companionship were all gathered in the yard, seated in a semicircle. Kaoru, Kenshin and Genzai joined them. All looked expectantly toward the figure at the focus of the gathering -- a tall man in a policeman's uniform, with stringy bangs hanging over his slitted yellow eyes.

"Why does he get to be Elrond?" Yahiko grumbled. Misao elbowed him in the ribs.

"What?" Saitou shot back, indignant. "Don't I look funny enough?

"Okay," he continued, to the gathering as a whole. "You've got to go to Mordor, yadda yadda yadda."

"I'll do it," said Kaoru.

"Great," said Saitou. "Next?"

"You have my sword!" Kenshin exclaimed.

"And my bow!" Yahiko added. "Er. Bo-kken."

"And my, uh--" Misao's face fell. "My kansatsu tobikunai," she added sheepishly.

"Okay, let's do it!" Kaoru shouted, and the party erupted into cheers.

o-o-o

A line of silhouettes stretched along the crest of the hill, walking in single file. Sanosuke was in the lead, tall and sure of his direction. Behind him strode Genzai-sensei, his staff in his hand. And following them were four little people.

"So where's the dwarf?" Kaoru asked. "Don't we get a dwarf?"

"That's Yahiko," Sano replied.

"Dammit Sano!" Yahiko shouted, leaping up onto the taller man's shoulders to chew on the back of his head.

Sano laughed, easily throwing off his attacker. "Fine, then it's Kenshin."

"Oro."

Kaoru rolled her eyes. "And what about the elf? I thought there was supposed to be an elf."

Sano looked thoughtful, a finger to his lips. "Well, we could get Kamatari, I suppose."

"He's not an elf, he's a fairy," Yahiko retorted.

"Yahiko!" Kenshin gasped.

"Or Enishi," Sano continued. "He does that Wu-Shu stuff and wears Chinese slippers. No wait, he's a fairy too."

"Sano!" Kenshin looked scandalized.

o-o-o

"Dammit Sano, I am not a dwarf!" Yahiko yelled as the taller man lifted him easily. They had taken a short-cut through a cave system that Sano claimed to know, and were now being pursued by a horde of ninjas. On top of that, an earthquake had just taken out the middle span of the final bridge, leaving Yahiko and Sano behind.

"Shut it, sprog, I'm saving your life," Sano growled. "Oi, Kenshin. Catch." He hurled Yahiko through the air, following with a great leap of his own.

"Well done, Sanosuke son of Sanothorn," Genzai said, stepping forward to the lip of the drop. "Now: fly, you fools!"

"Who are you calling fools, you idiot!" Yahiko yelled furiously.

But they were already running for the light at the end of the tunnel, Yahiko struggling helplessly in Kenshin's arms. As they tumbled out at last onto green grass, gasping in the fresh air and blinking in the sunlight, a final crashing echo came from the mouth of the cave, mingled with a long, last wail of Genzai-sensei's voice, crying: "You shall not pass!"

"Didn't know Genzai had a student," Yahiko muttered sourly.

o-o-o

"First the bog, then the cave, now this forest?" Yahiko growled. "Dammit Sano, you have no sense of direction!"

"Shut it, sprog," Sano snapped back. "This is Lothlorien. It's inhabited by elves. You're supposed to be impressed."

"Elves, Milady Kaoru?" Kenshin sounded wistful. "I've always wanted to see elves, that I have."

"What about Saitou?" Kaoru snapped back. She was getting more and more cranky having to carry that golden ribbon, and not being able to actually wear it.

"Saitou Hajime is not an elf," Kenshin replied primly.

"Yes he is, he--"

"Shh!" Sano shushed them suddenly. "We're here," he whispered, pointing to a tall figure approaching through the trees, her retinue in tow. "That is the Lady of Lothlorien, Megumadriel."

The Lady's laughter drifted like the chiming of a thousand bells between the trees: "O ho ho ho ho!" The elf queen glided forward on the whisper of wooden clogs, her long raven tresses glimmering like silver in the enchanted light and her eyes twinkling with amusement.

"Elf queen, my ass," Yahiko growled. "Kitsune queen's more like it."

"Shut it!" Sano hissed.

"Welcome," Megumadriel said, and her voice fell upon their ears like music. "Come, eat and rest after your long journey. Oh, and Kaoru-chan and Ken-san, you two can come look into my magic pool."

Kaoru and Kenshin followed the elf queen while the others went to dine.

"This is just a pool of water," Kaoru groused.

But Kenshin was gazing into it, entranced. "Tokyo..." he breathed. "What have they done to Tokyo! The dojo-- There are people suffering--" He looked up at Megumadriel, alarm in his violet eyes.

"Those events may be in the future, or they may never come to pass," Megumadriel said mysteriously. "You must decide: do you want to go wandering back toward Tokyo, to help the people that you see there in my pool? Or do you want to stay with Kaoru-chan and aid her in her quest?"

Kenshin wavered. Kaoru could see the tension in his eyes. But then he turned toward her. "I'll stay with you, Milady Kaoru."

Kaoru sighed with relief. Then a thought struck her. She held out the golden ribbon in her palm. "Megumadriel, you are wise and beautiful." She almost choked on the words. "Ahem. Why don't you take this golden ribbon?"

"O ho ho ho ho!" Megumadriel laughed, and her laughter was like music to their ears. "Take the One Ribbon, and tie it in my hair?" A light had appeared in her eyes, and a terrible, beautiful aura surrounded her. Her voice grew deeper. "Then in place of the Dark Lord you will set up a Queen. And I shall not be dark, but beautiful and terrible as the morning and the night! Fair as the sea, dreadful as the storm, stronger than the foundations of the earth! All shall love me and despair! O ho ho ho ho!" Then the glamour faded, and her voice returned to normal. "Nah. I wear my hair down." She flicked a hand through her long black tresses.

"Anyway," Megumadriel continued, "here are some souvenirs. Kaoru-chan, here's a lantern. In case it gets dark. Oh, and Ken-san, here's a box of dirt."

Kenshin looked nonplussed.

"Potting soil, I mean. And a seed for a cherry blossom tree."

Kenshin's eyes widened. "Oh, thank you, Milady Megumadriel!"

Kaoru scowled. "Kenshin," she said. "I thought you only called me 'Milady'."

"Oro? But Milady Kaoru, I call all women 'Milady'. Haven't you noticed?"

"Well. In any case. Stop looking at her."

"Hai, Milady Kaoru."

o-o-o

"Dammit! Why do we have to take these crappy little boats?"

"Shut it, sprog."

o-o-o

"Kaoru's missing," Yahiko exclaimed, looking frantically around the campsite.

"Missing?" Misao squeaked. "The Ribbon-Bearer... Come on, Yahiko, we're going to look for her!" The two youngsters ran off, hand in hand.

"Idiots," Sano grumbled. "You're gonna get captured by ninjas if you do that, you know," he yelled after them, then glanced around the now-empty campsite. "Well. Better go after them."

o-o-o

"Milady Kaoru! Milady Kaoru!" Kenshin ran wildly through the forest, following the faint sound of Kaoru's footsteps. Of Kaoru, however, he could see no sign. "The ribbon..." he gasped as he ran. "She's using the ribbon... Milady Kaoru! Wait for me!"

One of the pathetic little rowboats had untied itself from the mooring and was drifting out into the river, its oar operated by invisible hands.

"Milady Kaoru!" Kenshin threw himself into the water after it and promptly started to drown.

"Kenshin!" Kaoru's voice sounded from the apparently empty boat. "Grab my hand!"

"I can't see your hand, that I can't!" Kenshin gasped, before going under again.

Kaoru pulled the golden ribbon from her hair, which fell softly around her shoulders. She plunged her now-visible arm into the river and pulled out a gasping and spluttering Kenshin.

"Oh, Kenshin," she said, as her rurouni hauled himself into the boat. "You're so loyal."

"Oro?"