The Two 'Bekos

"Dammit! I hate ninjas!" Yahiko yelled as he was carried roughly along on the back of a large running ninja.

"Hey!" Misao retorted, from her upside-down position across the back of another ninja. "I'm a ninja too, you know."

"Well, use your oh-so-cool ninja skills and get us out of this, then," Yahiko snapped back.

"Fine. Once they stop for the night, we escape into the forest."

"Okay," Yahiko replied, with a thumbs-up. "It's a plan."

o-o-o

Sanosuke son of Sanothorn ran across the plains, his tireless strides eating mile after mile of ground as he pursued his two young charges.

"Damn," Sano muttered as he ran. "I could use a hot-pot just about now. And where are my sidekicks? Aren't I supposed to have a couple of sidekicks?"

His grumblings were interrupted by the sudden appearance of a large troupe of men on horseback.

"Who goes there!" shouted their leader.

"I am Sanosuke, son of Sanothorn," Sano yelled back. "I'm chasing some ninjas who kidnapped a couple of hobbit pals of mine."

"Ninjas?" The horsemen conferred among themselves for a moment. "Okay. We'll help you out. Here's a spare horse."

"That was easy."

o-o-o

Meanwhile, on the outskirts of Kyoto...

"Argh! I knew Kyoto was surrounded by mountains, but more bogs?" Kaoru trudged through the muck, splatters of muddy water covering her hakama.

"Buck up, Milady Kaoru."

"'Buck up'? Kenshin, are you all right?"

"Fine, Milady Kaoru. Please don't worry about me." Kenshin grinned back at her reassuringly moments before falling into another pool. "Oro."

Kaoru turned back and hauled him out. "Oh," she chided. "You've got mud in your pretty red hair."

"Oro?"

"This sucks. We need a guide."

"Perfect, because someone's been following us ever since Sano led us into those caves." Kenshin pointed at the tall figure that had been trailing them for the past few weeks. It was hunched over strangely, and swathed from head to toe in white bandages. It might once have been a hobbit like them, but those days had long since gone.

"What!" Kaoru yelped, annoyed at herself for missing their oh-so-obvious pursuer. Now that they'd stopped, the bandage-swathed figure had a chance to catch up.

"Preciousss..." it hissed.

"What's your name?" Kaoru asked it.

"Shishio Makoto, Preciousss."

"Okay, he seems trustworthy." Kaoru turned and continued across the bog.

o-o-o

"Let me put it this way. You're about to be attacked by a horde of ninjas and your entire village destroyed." Sanosuke son of Sanothorn stood in the dimly lit hall, backed by an array of heavily armed horsemen and facing the small throne at the head of the hall.

"Father, please, listen to this guy." The speaker was a pretty young woman, slim but well muscled, who leaned over the edge of the throne to address the old man seated therein.

"Ninjas, schminjas," the king scoffed. "Why, back in my day we liked to take down a whole squad of ninjas before breakfast, just to work up our appetites."

"But sire," Sano retorted, "these are special ninjas, cross-bred with samurai by an evil wizard to make them extra-tough." It made no sense and he'd just made it up on the spot, but it sounded good nevertheless.

"Hmm." The king pondered. "Fine. Everyone to the fort." He levered himself out of the throne, aided by his daughter Shura. "Why I ever gave up pirating and took up horses I'll never know," he muttered.

o-o-o

"Ow! Ow! Stop it! Ow!"

"Will you two stop fighting!" Kaoru scolded, turning around again to where her supposed guide was chewing on her dearest friend and companion.

"Ssss..." Shishio hissed, letting go of Kenshin.

Kenshin staggered away, one hand pressed to his shoulder. "He bit me, that he did!" he exclaimed indignantly.

o-o-o

"This is a fort?" Sano eyed the small cave skeptically. Technically, it was fortified, with some logs and barrels strategically placed around the entrance, but it looked as though it had been built by children and the pirate flag fluttering gaily from a flagpole mounted above the cave's opening did little to encourage him.

"Indeed!" chuckled the king. "It is our finest fortification: Helm's Deep! I named it myself, after my good friend Helm who fell overboard back in the days when we were pirates. Hee he he! Ah, that was the life. Raiding, plundering, hoarding, sailing the Seven Seas... Ah, how I miss that salt air."

"Father!" chided Shura, the pirate's daughter. "We've got to get ready!"

o-o-o

Kaoru was asleep. Kenshin eyed her with concern. The journey had not been easy on her, and she looked like she was getting thinner. Thinner, and more cranky. She'd hit him over the head with her bokken just this morning for fighting with Shishio and then she'd had to carry him for the past few miles.

Their erstwhile guide had slunk off somewhere. Kenshin glanced around the camp suspiciously. He didn't like Shishio Makoto one bit. Well, at least this would give him time to prepare a meal for Kaoru. He got up and leapt high into the air, coming down with a Ryuu Tsui Sen on the head of an unsuspecting rabbit.

"I'm sorry, Mister Rabbit, but Milady Kaoru needs food, that she does," he whispered apologetically to the mangled bit of fur, before picking it up and deftly skinning it with his sword. He pulled a cooking pot out of his gi and scooped it full of water from the stream, then set it on the campfire.

"I wish I had some daikon, that I do," Kenshin muttered to himself, stirring the pot with a stick.

"What's daikon?" Shishio was suddenly there, startling Kenshin half to death.

"Daikon," Kenshin repeated. "Dai-Kon. Boil it, mash it, stick it in a stew? You know. That big white carrot-looking vegetable."

o-o-o

"Well, that was easy," Sano commented to no one in particular, as the morning light revealed the wreckage of the fort and the sprawled masses of dead ninjas before it.

"Hee he he!" laughed the pirate king. "Told ya! Told ya! Pirates versus ninjas! Pirates always win!"

"I think the army of walking trees had something to do with it," Shura commented.

"Um," said Sano. "I'm not so sure about those trees. That might have been due to those mushrooms we ate last night. They made me feel a little funny."

"But we always eat those red-and-white mushrooms before battles," Shura replied. "They strengthen the blood. Or something."

"I think those dancing badgers were probably a hallucination too." Sano shrugged off the thought and grinned again. "Ah well. Let's go see if we can find my hobbit friends, whom I have just conveniently remembered."

o-o-o

"What happened?" asked Misao.

"Dunno," replied Yahiko. "All I remember is a lot of trees."

"Yeah. It was dead boring."

"Yeah. Well. At least there's food here." Yahiko turned back to the cache of freshly-cooked rice and miso soup and grilled fish that the two had mysteriously discovered in the ruins of a tower somewhere on the edge of the forest.

o-o-o

"Gotcha." Shinomori Aoshi had snuck up behind the two little people and grabbed them each by an ear. "Now. What are two nice hobbits like you doing wandering around alone this close to Mordor?"

"Oro!" Kenshin exclaimed.

"Let me go!" Kaoru yelled, whacking Aoshi with her bokken. "You're a ninja, aren't you!"

Aoshi backed off. "Yeah, I'm a ninja, but in a good way," he said defensively. "I'm the Okashira of the Defenders of Gondor."

"Okashira?" Kaoru looked at him blankly.

"It means the captain," Kenshin whispered to her, rubbing his ear.

"Oh. Okay. So you're a good guy then."

Aoshi looked shifty. "Yeah. You could say that."

"Great." Kaoru fished in her gi and pulled out the golden ribbon. "You want this? We're trying to throw it into the fires of Mount Hiei."

"Nah." Aoshi waved a hand. "I've got my hands full defending Gondor."