A/N: Happy B-day SHOW ME THE LURV (May 14 ).
As I really, really, wanted to write more from this story, I actually ended up asking both y-days b-day girl and today's, if they would consider changing their wish. I didn't mean to, but then I was just "well, maybe one of them will do it…" and then they both did! I considered having one of them change back, but then I thought about it and was even happier, because that meant I could really fit everything I wanted in the story and split it in two (I had planned on a shorter version before), so that's what I did! (because if I had to write two different stories they both would have been much, much shorter, since I had very little time to do it in…)
Well, I think it worked out nicely, though, although if you don't like this universe, you might not be happy right now. But don't worry, this is the last part! … probably…. ;)
The Bird and his Keeper 3: Seeds of Truth
Robin moved closer to the sound of the laughter, but it moved as well. It didn't take long for him to realize that he was being led somewhere and that sparked the eternal hero question: if you know it is a trap, do you simply turn around and go home? No. Robin wasn't quite sure why, but the answer was still no. It didn't mean he couldn't be careful, though, and look out for suspicious things. Like those vines suddenly growing all around him.
"Poison Ivy? Show yourself!" Robin shouted, slicing the creepers off with a bird-a-rang as they got too close for comfort.
"Oh, how could you ever tell, Boy Wonder?" the redheaded woman asked in her sultry voice as she appeared from the shadows.
"What do you want, Ivy, what's this about?" Robin snapped, cutting to the chase.
"Me? Oh, I don't want anything… just here for a friend… you know us girls… we go to the bathroom together, we kill men together…"
"Girls? But who- ah…"
"Figured it out yet, dummy!" a shrill, somewhat nasal, voice yelled at him from a nearby door, and a woman wearing a rather painful assemble of black, white and red came out into the faint light from the streetlamps.
"Harley," Robin stated. He should have known.
"Yes, Harley!" the woman, clearly more unhinged than usual, spat. "Happy to see me, Robin? Happy at all? You're all happy now, aren't you? You're all laughing!"
The hero already knew what this was about, of course, and stayed quiet. Anything he said could enrage the little insane blonde further. The woman was clutching a gadget or some sort, which, as she pressed a button, emitted the eerie, familiar laughter Robin had been following. She carefully put it down on the ground where it continued to laugh randomly.
"Harley, hon, we got him. Stop screaming at him and kill him already," Ivy droned, sounding bored.
"Mr. J always said he wanted to bludgeon you to death with a crowbar," the woman said and was suddenly swinging one through the air.
The vines had grown thick and tall enough by now to cage him in pretty well, and Robin didn't have much room to move. Still, unless she had anything more up her sleeve…
"Oh, and I almost forgot! Babies, come to mama! Look! That was the bad boy who got daddy killed!"
The teen's eyes widened. Out of the dark came two snarling, laughing, slobbering creatures, which he recognized as the crazy couple's pets.
"I quite approve of hyenas," Ivy let them know. "After all, their females are bigger than the males and more aggressive… keeping the boys in check…"
"Just to clear things up, I didn't kill your boyfriend," Robin pointed out. "Deathstroke the Terminator did."
"Only to save you!" Harley snapped. "They say Mr. J owed him money, but that is a load of crap! And no one wanted to hurt my poor puddin', no one!"
Robin glanced at Ivy and the woman rolled her eyes.
"I think you need a rest and a change of wardrobe…" the hero told her firmly. "Something white perhaps, with long sleeves? Or do you prefer eggshell?"
"Eggshell? With my complexion? Men!" Harley snorted.
"Ivory is more you," Ivy nodded.
"Amazing, I would have needed your help a few weeks back…" Robin muttered. "Sorry about the Joker, I didn't kill him, now let me just arrest you and go home? I know you don't care, but I have a long day tomorrow. Actually… I might just let you kill me just to get out of it…" he said thoughtfully.
"No! You are going to pay! No one has seen Deathstroke in Gotham since that night but you're here all the time! And every time I see you I think of him! Of wonderful, beautiful, cuddly Mr. J! Go on, babies! Bite him! Bite him for daddy!"
Robin hated fighting animals. They were always victims; raised and trained to attack, and they were very unpredictable. They also lacked the common sense most thugs had, like 'this is going badly; I might want to save my own skin'. Pack-animals didn't think like that, they didn't have that kind of self-preservation. The first beast jumped at him and Robin used a Judo move to make it fly over his shoulder. The vines only caught it, however, and sat it down on its feet, and in the meanwhile the second one had attacked.
The greenery did nothing but hold him in, Robin noticed; they didn't try to snare him even when he was backed right up against them. A little something to be grateful for when covered in hyena slobber.
Ivy didn't let her pets do all the work; she joined the party, crowbar raised. The woman could fight, at least hold her own, but she wasn't really any match for the teen under normal circumstances. Armed with an insane blood thirst caused by grief and vengeance, however, she seemed more lethal than ever.
One of the beasts had grabbed the teen's cape, pulling at it madly, shaking its head, while the other had attacked from the front. Robin had gotten his bo staff between the animals jaws, fighting to keep the massive teeth from his throat, but the pull from behind and the attacking animal slamming into his front made him lose his footing. He fell heavily on his back and, if the beast busy with his cape had had any brains, it would have attacked his head and it would probably had been over. The powerful, square jaws would find little resistance in a human skull. As it happened, however, the animal seemed perfectly happy tearing at the cloth in its mouth, and Robin could focus on the second attacker. But then, of course, there was their 'mommy'. Robin saw the woman, with a smile that would have made the Joker proud, raise the crowbar over her head, standing right above him. His hands were busy and he couldn't roll over, so he did the only thing he could; as the metal bar swung down, Robin yanked his arms upwards, bringing him nose-to-teeth with the hyena. The animal was about to let go of the bo staff to bite his face off, when the crowbar smashed it's brains in. Harley hadn't been able to stop the heavy object in time, just as the teen had hoped.
"No! NO, Mommy's little baby!" the woman screamed, letting her weapon fall uselessly to the ground.
Robin quickly threw the dead animal off him, unclasped his cape and got to his feet. He snatched the crow-bar from the ground and the only hyena left, who had just discovered that it was only a piece of cloth in its mouth and nothing exciting at all, attacked.
"Fetch the stick!" Robin called out and threw the crow bar in its direction.
Hyenas are more closely related to cats than to dogs, but these had been pets, and their natural behavior was also more like a canine. Instinct or training, the animal fell for it, and the powerful jaws snapped closed over the metal. When metal meets teeth, teeth always lose.
Robin actually cringed at the noise and the poor animal let out a howl of pain. As the hero had hoped it decided it that had enough and ran away, blood streaming from its mouth.
"Mr. J always said that if you wanted something done right you should just shoot him in the head," Harley said, making very little sense, and Robin spun around to see her holding a gun. He had just done this when she fired.
You can't duck a bullet. Not unless you're Superman. It's too fast. It's just not done. And at this close range even Superman would have had to be on his toes. But there's one thing that can save you; a crappy aim. The bullet went right past his head, singing a few hairs, and before the woman had time to pull the trigger again, the teen kicked it out of her hands. She attacked with her fists then, but it was more or less over at that point, the blonde crying and shaking. Robin quickly tied her up and grabbed her shoulder.
"Harley, I truly am sorry for you loss, but I'm even sorrier for what the bastard did to you... I really hope you realize how he hurt you one day." He turned to Poison Ivy who had pulled away slightly. "So, Ivy, do I have to fight you too?"
"No, I agree with you, Boy Wonder. Been trying to tell her for years," the woman sighed. "I'm not going to wait around for the police, though, if you don't mind?"
"I'm too tired to mind," Robin snorted. "This one needs to go back to Arkham, however. You get out of here."
"Without a goodbye kiss?"
"Lady, I'm gay. And you're poisonous."
"I knew there was a reason I liked you," the woman smiled and disappeared, the vines retracting with her.
"You smell," Slade commented as he got home.
"Hyenas," Robin mumbled and disappeared in to the shower. When he got out ten minutes later he fell into the bed with a grunt.
"Hyenas? Care to explain?" Slade asked, but Robin was already asleep.
The next morning, their wedding day, the weather was so bright and sunny Robin was sure it was to mock him.
"Rain is supposed to be lucky…" he muttered in spite.
"Don't glare at the city like that, you'll make it feel bad," Slade chuckled from behind him. "Have some breakfast instead. I think I managed to make toast. Oh, and what was that about hyenas last night?"
The hero told his story as they ate, and Slade looked a bit grim.
"No killing women on our wedding day," Robin told him sternly. "Or not at all, actually. I'll make sure she gets help."
"If she gets out…" Slade growled.
"Then she does," Robin snorted. "Hands off."
"I should perhaps show myself here again… let people know what they are in for if they mess with you…"
"No! Absolutely not! You're taking all the fun out of being a hero, Slade!" Robin told the man. "If you do, I'll start wearing glittery shirts and then I'll buy a few small, yappy dogs, name them after singers and dress them up in little outfits."
"I see I don't have to do anything… you're scary all on your own," the man shivered.
"And don't you forget it," the teen glared.
Soon after breakfast Robin was picked up by the wedding-planning service to go to the luxury hotel where both the ceremony and party would take place. And the wedding night. The teen bit his lip and then snorted. Why the hell was he nervous about the wedding night? Why the hell was he nervous at all? He just had to walk a little bit, say a few words that meant absolutely nothing, in front of people who, mostly, meant absolutely nothing, and then have dinner and sex with a man who meant absolutely nothing. Mostly. He shouldn't be nervous; he should be depressed.
Neither of them had had any form of bachelor party, partly because they didn't have that kind of friends and partly because, at least in Robin's case, there wasn't anything to celebrate. He was sure Speedy could have thrown him one hell of a party, but Robin and Bruce had kept the whole hero-community out of it as much as he could. Oliver and Roy were invited to the wedding, as associates to the Wayne family, but that would be the first time they would see Slade and Robin together. As far as they were concerned, this was the real deal, and they had no idea who Slade really was.
Miss Anas was waiting for him at the hotel. The woman had been rather upset that Robin hadn't spent the night here, away from his future husband, but the teen couldn't see any reason behind that tradition… what, did people think they hadn't been sleeping together up until now? Not likely. So what was the point? Besides, he had wanted that last night as Robin. Well. Not last night. Tomorrow everything would be back to normal, just as it had been for the past two months, but still…
The crowd outside the hotel was already massive, not only the media, but a lot of regular people as well, being curious and hoping for a glimpse of the couple. Robin smiled a bit awkwardly. He had never had this kind of attention before in his life, and it was beginning to grate a bit on his nerves. Maybe it would have been different if he felt he had deserved it somehow, or even if this marriage hadn't been fake. Right now he just wanted to scream at them all to go the hell home.
"I don't get it," he told Miss Anas as he was escorted to his room. Not the wedding suite, that was for later, but a smaller one on another floor, where he was supposed to get ready. "What's the big deal? I thought the media-interest would have died down long before now, but it just never stops!"
"Oh, but that's the way you are when your face is everywhere," the woman told him.
"Ummm… what do you mean, 'everywhere'?"
"You haven't been reading the papers?"
"Actually, after the first few weeks… no. I got annoyed at all the idiotic stuff they were writing. I spent the time studying instead."
"We really must speak to you and Slade about branding," the woman sighed. "I'll set you up with a guy. Anyway, you two have been at the top of every list you can think of: hottest couple, sexiest couple, best dressed couple, most powerful couple… and there's the gay thing; you have become symbols, dear, and with you both being so, forgive me, 'straight acting', I swear there might even be some people in the deep south that doesn't hate you. It has reached way beyond Gotham. Everyone wants to look like you, dress like you, be styled like you… let's just say goatees are back and colored blue contacts are selling out."
"It's that bad?" Robin groaned.
"You're a thing," the woman grinned. "And thanks to you, I'm a thing too. Drowning in offers over here."
"Oh… well, that's good!" the teen smiled.
"Not really, they all just want exactly what you picked," the woman sighed.
Robin had envisioned the whole grooming process to take half an hour, tops, and most of that would be spent showering and trying to tie his bow-tie, but no. After his shower he got a facial, his eyebrows were trimmed a little and then someone brushed his hair for forty-five minutes. At least that's what it felt like as it wasn't actually cut, just kind of… placed. He deeply regretted obeying the planner and showing up at nine in the morning. He should have turned up a quarter to twelve, when the ceremony was about to start…
"Mr. Grayson, would you like to review the seating plans one last time?" the only male on the wedding-team asked.
"No, thanks Charles, I've practically memorized it, and we'll only move people around now if someone dies," Robin muttered.
"Yes Sir. Wow, you…"
"I what?" Robin asked suspiciously. You never knew what was around the corner with these people.
"Well… you… remembered my name…." the guy half whispered, looking embarrassed.
"Of course I did," Robin grinned. "But, Charles, honestly… what's the difference between eggshell and seashell? It's been driving me mad!"
The other young man looked around furtively; making sure his boss was nowhere near. "Sir, I have no idea! I thought I was the only one of us who didn't get it... but then I mixed up the samples one time and Miss Anas didn't notice! She sold a couple an ivory wedding using magnolia samples and no one had any idea!"
"Thank you. Thank you so much," Robin chuckled. "I feel so much better knowing that…"
The butterflies in Robin's stomach seemed to breed the closer to noon it got. When Miss Anas finally announced it was time to go downstairs he almost jumped.
"Nervous, love? Not the first one, trust me, it's perfectly normal!" the woman tittered. "Slade has arrived and is waiting for you downstairs and everything is ready to go. It's show time!"
For a full three seconds, Robin eyed the closed window and plotted his escape. What surprised him as he headed into the elevator was the realization that the escape-plan hadn't particularly blossomed out of a need to flee Slade and his evil plan, but rather just… nervousness.
The aisle had been set up in the hotel's huge ballroom. Slade was waiting for him in front of the closed double doors to the room.
"You look breathtaking," the man told him and took his arm.
"You're very pretty yourself," Robin smirked back, but he was actually glad for the man's words. It felt like he meant them, even though they had an audience.
"I'll cue the music, then," Miss Anas said. "Gentlemen, for the next half hour you are on your own." She leaned closer and glared at them. "Don't screw it up."
As the woman left Robin looked up at Slade and took a deep breath.
"So… this is it… No turning back anymore, I guess?"
"Oh, Robin… you never had a chance of turning back," the man sighed, and shook his head, but with a smile on his lips. "But I don't think I really had one either…"
The doors opened.
They walked down the aisle together as Robin had right out refused to be 'given away', and Slade, of course, had only laughed at the suggestion that Robin would be the one waiting for him. Their best men were waiting for them at the small podium and Robin focused his eyes on his one; Bruce. The man was trying not to glare murderously at Slade, it appeared, but at least he didn't growl. His facial expression would probably be interpreted as a moved father trying to hold back his tears.
Robin didn't have a bouquet, another thing he had turned down, but lining the pathway and all over the podium were lots and lots of flower-arrangements of the blue and white roses they had stuck with. The arrangements somehow managed not to look overly feminine, although they were romantic. There was no unnecessary flair, though, no bows or lace or things like that, it was the way they had asked for: stylish.
Robin had, after saying no to so much, been bullied into wearing white, and now he blushed a bit about that as he slowly walked arm in arm with Slade towards the podium. It was a very nice suit, though, and even Robin could see that it wasn't a starch white, more like… was this the ivory? Or eggshell? The teen didn't remember. The only splash of color was the blue rose and a few green leaves on his lapel.
Slade was also wearing the blue rose on his, all light grey, assemble.
As they got closer Robin's attention shifted to Slade's best man. Wintergreen was wearing his full military uniform and, contrary to Bruce, he was smiling. The teen had asked if people wouldn't think it was weird that Slade had his chauffeur at such a prominent place at the wedding, but the man had replied that, should someone even recognize the man, who usually stayed behind the wheel as Slade always let himself out of the car, he would have an answer ready for them. That Wintergreen was, in fact, and old friend of the family or something like that, Robin assumed.
The music suddenly died down and the hero realized that they had arrived. It had felt like walking a mile, but still doing it in a blink of an eye.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, we are gathered here today…" Commissioner Gordon began. He had been asked, as a city official, to perform the ceremony, and had been very surprised about it. Bruce Wayne and he knew each other a bit, of course, but Slade had offered a very peculiar explanation to why he had been chosen to do the honors. Something about him 'more or less being there on the night they met'. The old police commissioner hadn't been able to crack that one, but he supposed it must have been a party or a fund-raiser or something like that.
Robin was only half listening to what Gordon was saying, but he managed to produce an 'I do' at the appropriate moment and in an appropriate tone. They had decided not to do their own vows, even though Miss Anas had offered to have someone write them for them. Robin had, with a look, told Slade that it was too much to ask, and the man had accepted that.
The exchanging of the rings made Robin's ears go a bit red, because, for some reason, it felt very… intimate. He couldn't quite explain why, but the next thing on the agenda was even worse.
The 'you may now kiss' was uttered and Robin felt the blush blossom on his cheeks now instead, especially as their guests were vocal about their appreciation. Kissing, or showing physical affection in public at all, was rather rare for them and had only happened a handful of times. The teen didn't think it had anything to do with Slade respecting him, because the man was probably confused by that concept, but more because both of them were private people. They rather had to be, living double lives as they did.
As the guests were shown into the hotel's restaurant for the wedding-lunch, Robin, Slade and their best men waited in another room. As they had opted for an early ceremony, there would only be lunch and then just some mingling, no official dinner and dancing. Miss Anas came in and congratulated them, and then had a request.
"The press wants pictures, but, as we have banned them from the hotel, would you mind going out on the balcony? Just wave, smile, kiss and come back in."
"Noooo!" Robin groaned. "We can't! That's what royalty do! It would… noooo?"
"I think we should. The media has been good to us, after all. Let's go," Slade decided and before he knew it Robin was standing in front of a roaring crowd which chanted "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss" at the top of their voices. And they got their wish as well. It only lasted a few minutes or so, in total, but it was enough for Robin to want to isolate himself for the rest of his life.
"I never want to see or hear a camera again…" he growled to Slade as they finally escaped inside.
"Sorry to disappoint you, but I hardly think that was the last time. We just have to make sure to lead very boring lives from now on and they will eventually go away…" the man smirked.
"Hopefully… or something will have to be done… do Deathstroke charge by the hour?" Robin wanted to know.
Their guest had all been shown to their places and it was time for the newlyweds to enter the room as well, but not before Gordon cleared his throat.
"And now, may I present, for the first time, Mr. and Mr. Wilson!"
They got a large round of applause as they appeared in the door, and Robin's memory decided to play a little scene from a few weeks back…
"Slade, what the hell is this?"
"It appears to be you, barging into my office and waving a paper around," Slade replied calmly.
"This says I'm changing my last name! To Wilson!"
"Of course you are, we're getting married."
"Forget it! My name is Grayson, Slade, I'm not changing it!"
"Yes, you are."
"No! Maybe hyphenate it, for the look of things, but-"
"Grayson-Wilson? No. Doesn't sound good."
"I don't fucking care what you think!" Robin shouted.
Slade stood up from behind his huge desk and slowly began to walk around it. Robin felt his heart skip a beat, nervously glancing at the desk to see if that plastic ruler was within reach of the man. The teen still stood his ground stubbornly.
"You should care, Robin. I'll be your husband soon, and you should care a great deal about what I think."
"Yeah, well, tough shit; I don't." the teen muttered.
Slade came to stand in front of him, and placed his hands on the hero's shoulders, looking very sternly into his eyes.
"You will be mine. That means you'll have my name, not your old one. Why is that so hard to understand?"
"Grayson is my family name! It's the only thing I have left of my parents!" the teen growled.
"Bullshit. Memories are worth more than a name. And what had you planned to do with it anyway? Names are for passing on to your children, and, unless you have been keeping something very important from me, our future does not involve kids. You are the last Grayson, fine; I can see the nostalgia in that, but it's also pointless to dwell on. You'll be a Wilson soon. I'm sure your parents will still recognize you."
The argument had lasted for two days, but Robin had finally had to give in. The man hadn't used threats or violence against him, just coldhearted arguments and stubbornness you could cut diamonds with, but it had worn him down until he decided that it didn't matter and had signed the damn papers. And then he had left and not returned for over twenty-four hours.
Still, hearing it now, for the first time… it stung a little.
The lunch was absolutely lovely, the speeches mostly boring and the calls for them to kiss were much too frequent, but that wasn't too different from any other wedding, Robin supposed. He suffered with Bruce as the man had to give his speech, but the businessman turned out to be a brilliant actor when he wanted and seemed very sincere in his congratulations. Alfred was of course invited as well, as the closest family friend on Robin's side, ad he held the most popular speech of the day. It didn't touch on their so called 'love' at all, but rather revealed how utterly useless they both were in the kitchen. When the laughter never wanted to die down, Robin rather regretted sharing those stories with the old man.
As they had eaten, the ballroom had been emptied and dessert-tables sat up, and the gifts the guests had left had been placed there as well. The cake, dessert and coffee-thing would be a mingle-party, a change of pace for the guests after they had been sitting for so long.
"I hope you like the cake, it took four hours to pick out," Robin told the room as he and Slade cut the immense creation, which main ingredients were chocolate and raspberries. It was covered in white frosting and exact copies of the blue and white roses, made in marzipan. Those things made Robin's jaw drop a little, because at the tasting there had only been the basic cake. He was impressed.
As everyone else were served by the attendants, the couple began to mingle, first together and then, as the afternoon passed, separately.
"Hey, quite a catch there!" Robin suddenly heard to his left.
"Oh hi, Roy," the teen grinned, glad to see his old friend.
"Slade doesn't have a brother, does he? Or a younger sister?"
"Sorry, not even a cousin as far as I know," Robin grinned.
"Ah, damn, and Bruce is still straight?"
"Yes, he's so stubborn about that, it's getting ridiculous," the black haired hero snickered.
"Yes, he needs to change his ways, I mean look what he could get!" the redhead exclaimed and gestured at himself.
"Yes, I know, he's an idiot," Robin laughed. He dearly wished he could tell Speedy the truth, and, one day, he swore to himself that he would. When all the excitement had died down a bit, and he had gotten used to it.
"Yeah, well, you're both really lucky, that's all I'm saying," the archer smiled. "Congrats, Dicky-boy! We'll still go out partying when I'm in town, right? No sitting at home and being married and boring?"
"Nope, no crossword puzzles for me," the teed grinned. "You should visit soon!"
"No way in hell I'm crashing the plans of a couple of newlyweds … we all know what you two are going to be busy with for the next couple of weeks, and unless I'm invited to join, I'm gonna leave you to it… but how about New Years?"
"Sounds great!, But come on, it's October… it's not like we're gonna be at it to December," the teen smirked.
"I hear you are underestimating me," Slade said from behind him. "Might be time to begin to prove myself… what do you say, are you ready to leave?"
"Yeah, I'm pretty tired actually," Robin said.
"Sure… 'tired'," Roy snickered.
"Oh, shut up," Robin blushed and followed in Slade's footsteps. The man headed towards Bruce and Alfred, and although the Dark Knight only got a short nod, the man spoke to the butler.
"Alfred, did you help me with the thing we talked about?"
"Yes, Mr. Wilson, it's ready."
"Thank you."
"What is?" Robin asked, but only got a smirk from his husband, As he looked at Alfred instead, the old man only smiled and shook his head, indicated he couldn't, or wouldn't, tell him.
Slade clinked a glass with a spoon to get people's attention, before setting it down on a table again.
"Dear friends," the man began. And people I've never seen before in my life, Robin added in his mind. "Richard and I would like to thank you for celebrating this day with us. It's far from over, we know, so we invite you to stay for dinner here if you wish, with an open bar all night. I, however, am tired of you all ogling my young husband so now I'll keep him to myself for a while," Slade continued, and, before Robin knew it, the man had scooped him up in his arms, to the guests delight. Robin turned beet red. "Good night, everybody," the man smirked, and carried the teen out of the room to cat-calls, congratulations and a rude suggestion or two.
"Let. Me. Down," Robin growled as the elevator doors closed and gave them some privacy.
"Oh, come on, they will talk about that for weeks," Slade chuckled. "Besides…. I couldn't keep my hands off you any longer…" the last part was said in a special kind of dark tone which Robin knew meant he would very soon be pressed against one surface or other. That voice, also, unfortunately, had a very direct impact on the teen's own libido. They barely made it from the elevator to the wedding suite before they were naked.
"Okay, we're married, so you can tell me now…" Robin murmured an hour later as they lay entwined on the bed on top of rose petals and what used to be a box of chocolates. Unfortunately none of them had noticed the box until just now, and it was rather smashed, the contents smeared half across the bed.
"Tell you what?" Slade asked, his voice just as lazy.
"How the hell you can make me so horny? Is it hypnosis? Drugs? Some kind of mind control, right?"
"Heh… if it was, it would have worked every time," Slade pointed out. "But thank you. You have the same effect on me."
"Me? That's stupid, I don't even do anything!" Robin objected and began to lick some melted chocolate off his fingers. "Mmm-WHA-! Hey, don't pounce on me like tha-mmmm…."
They woke up the next morning in clean sheets, as they had had the staff come in and change them while they were in the suite's large bathtub rinsing off. Robin was glad he didn't have to see the look on the cleaning-lady's face, even though Slade had explained on the phone why they had needed the new linen.
Robin stretched and yawned, in no hurry to leave the bed. He felt… if not bubbly-happy, then at least not angry or bitter. He was actually rather content. Robin didn't know where he got it from, as his mentor was the brooding, nurture-a-grudge-forever-kind of guy, but he did prefer the live-and-let-live approach. A bit of Hakuna Matata, but without the warthog. Well…
"Morning… you're looking unusually thoughtful for this early in the morning…?" Slade yawned.
"I was just wondering if you qualified as Pumbaa," Robin grinned and then yawned again, having caught the yawning bug from the man.
"I'm not quite sure how to respond to that, so here," the man chuckled and handed him a small, wrapped box.
"I'm going to get a present every time I wonder if you're a warthog?" Robin asked innocently. "Great!"
"That, by dear, is a morning gift," Slade leered. "Open it."
"Um… oh," the teen blushed. "Okay." he unwrapped the box, opened the lid, and blinked. "A… pocket knife?"
"A Swiss Army knife," Slade clarified. "Do you like it? Or would you have preferred a diamond bracelet?"
"No! I mean, it's great! Looks great, and I'm sure it's very useful…" Robin said, but he trailed off a bit as it felt weird trying to convince the man he liked a gift he had never asked for and only got because… well, it was just a weird situation.
"It is, and you'll get to use it too," Slade smirked. "It's time to get dressed, our plane leaves in two hours."
"Our… plane?"
"Yes."
"I must have missed something… we're not going back to the apartment?"
"Ever heard of something called a 'honey moon'? We'll be gone for about two weeks."
"But I have classes!"
"Nope, I've already spoken to your professors, and since you are at the top of both classes anyway, they will cut you a bit of slack."
"Does Bruce know?"
"Yes, Alfred helped me pack your bag."
"Oh, so it was that you were talking about," Robin realized. "Good, I was getting worried."
"Now get up or we won't have time to go down for breakfast," Slade chuckled.
"Hmmm…. breakfast in bed?" the teen mumbled and yawned again.
Ten hours later a teen, who was still just as tired, arrived at a tropical hotel with his husband. Robin barely even glanced around before he fell onto the bed and was out like a light, but the next morning he was as alert as usual. He walked out onto the balcony and looked at the view. Where the hell where they? Slade hadn't said, as far as the teen could remember. Somewhere in the Caribbean? Or even further south? It was an amazing sunrise anyway and- Robin suddenly cocked his head. He heard something familiar, but… surely not? He glanced down and then went inside again, closing the door behind him.
"Slade?" he called out and shook the man awake. "They are here too!"
"Who?"
"The paparazzi!" Robin growled. "Downstairs! How the hell did they follow us here?"
"There is big money in honeymoon gossip," Slade sighed. "They might have bribed someone, perhaps, or it's the local media… 'our' people will follow, though, as soon as the word spreads."
"Great… so I can't even take a dip in the pool for two weeks because the color of my trunks will be reported and analyzed?" the teen muttered. He was referring to a few times when some sort of style-guru had written long articles about what everything Slade and Robin wore on their dates really meant. The teen's blue cashmere sweater, for example, was, apparently, a sign that he wanted to be held more. Slade had laughed about that and taken full advantage until the next article claimed that the man's tie-pattern meant that he wanted to be dominated. Robin burst out laughing thinking of it even now.
"You just thought of that tie, didn't you?" the man muttered.
"I can't believe you actually burned it," the hero snickered.
"I just don't want people to get the wrong idea," the man shrugged.
"Still, it sucks! I was actually looking forwards to this… to getting away from everything," Robin admitted.
"And you will. Trust me, I'll handle this," Slade said confidently.
"Like you handled the wedding-planner? So we're going to be posing for nude sex-photos around lunch, then?" Robin grinned.
"You may do a bit of posing for me in private, perhaps…?" the man said hopefully.
"Oh, go pose yourself," the teen snorted.
Slade, however, seemed very composed, which told Robin that the man had a plan of some sort. What kind of plan, however, that was another matter…
"Get dressed in these and then we'll have breakfast… in the restaurant, I want people to see us."
"I don't think you got my point," Robin told him, "I don't actually want to be seen."
"For now, you do. Trust me."
"Stop saying that. And you are going to tell me how to dress too all of a sudden?"
"Haven't I done that, on and off, a few times already?" the man asked innocently.
"Yes, but those times never included me wearing baggy teal Bermuda shorts…" Robin muttered, but he still put them, and a turquoise t-shirt, on. Something told him that Slade, for once, was up to something good.
The man also dressed in rather strong colors, orange and blue, and then they were ready to leave.
"Oh, one more thing… do you have your knife?" Slade asked.
"Um… I think it's in my jacket," Robin told him, looking puzzled.
"Bring it."
"…alright…?" the teen dug through his jacket, found the knife and put it in his pocket. "There? Happy?"
"Very," the man purred.
Breakfast made the teen feel like a strange monkey in a cage. In Gotham some stared, yes, and sometimes got a bit too close, but not like this. Back home they were still on their own turf and most of the people surrounding them tried to act like they weren't looking. No one here seemed to even try to bother with that.
"Good morning, Sirs," a waiter said. "What will it be this beautiful morning?"
They ordered and in no time at all the waiter was back with a pot of coffee and tea, and the man, it seemed, wanted to chat a bit.
"May I ask what you have planned for the day? Maybe I can make some recommendations…?"
"We have a yacht booked for the whole day," Slade told him. "We're going to do some snorkeling, maybe some fishing… just enjoy the sun…"
Robin made sure he smiled and nodded, but his bird-sense was tingling. Slade was being far too open and his voice was far too friendly to be talking to a servant. Not that the man was a snob or anything, but he was too private to be spilling his plans like that at the lightest of prods. As the waiter left, Robin pointed that out.
"Um… are you gonna print where we are going on a poster as well?" he asked quietly.
"No, but as you clearly saw through that; I want him to tell sell that information and I'm very certain he will," Slade explained in the same tone.
"I'm still not sure you have really understood your assignment…" Robin sighed.
Someone had talked, alright, because the docks were quite crowded as they arrived. They were escorted onboard and Slade gestured to a door.
"Why don't we go below deck until we leave?"
"Fine with me, those camera shutters are more annoying than mosquitoes," the teen muttered.
As they went down they found an area decorated as a living-room, and, sitting on one of the built in sofas was a couple that made the teen's jaw drop a little. The man was tall and muscular, with a white wig, an eye patch and a fake white goatee. He was also wearing the same color clothes Slade was. The other one was a young woman whose short, black hair was made up to look as Robin's and her clothes matched his as well.
"Um… yeah… this isn't creepy at all…" Robin muttered.
"Richard, meet our stunt doubles," Slade smirked. "Although, a woman…?"
"I'm sorry Sir, the guy we found came down with the flu the other day, but they will only be seen from a distance so it shouldn't matter."
"Well, it's on your shoulders if they don't buy it," Slade shrugged.
"They?" Robin asked, but then he finally understood. "We're going to trick the media somehow, right?"
"Yes," Slade smiled. "But we have to work together on this one, so when I tell you to do something, you'll do it. No questions, is that clear?"
"Ugh… yeah…" Robin muttered. "It's for a good cause, after all…"
"Good… well, let's go up on deck and enjoy ourselves for an hour or so," Slade suggested. "It's not quite time for the show to start."
As they left the room something occurred to the teen. "Slade… they… they aren't going to be hurt, right? Our stunt-doubles?"
"I'm not quite that ruthless. No, they are going to be just fine, and have a nice day on board… as well a nice sum of money afterwards."
"Just checking," Robin nodded.
It didn't take long before smaller boats and water scooters appeared around them. Small speed-boats with guards onboard kept them at a distance, though, an astonished Robin discovered.
"This is quite a set-up," the teen admitted.
"It gets better in a while," Slade smirked. "Now, we are going to circle those islands over there, and then, on my signal, this boat will speed up."
"And then?"
"You'll see."
"Actually telling me the plan might help, you know!" Robin muttered.
"Yes, but it won't be as much fun," the man chuckled.
Not long after that, they went downstairs again, and, on the man's order, changed clothes into more somber, neutral colors.
"Sir! The plane is here!" a voice called and Robin blinked. Plane?
"Good, it's time," Slade nodded and gestured for their 'stunt doubles' to get ready. The odd pair walked up the stairs shielded by crewmembers with parasols, so no one would be able to get a good look at them, and headed towards the front of the boat, while Slade took Robin towards the side. The yacht had made a sharp turn so all the boats who were following them was not on the other side, unable to spot the pair. Besides, they were probably too busy focusing on what went on in the front, with the fake Slade and Robin, the teen bet.
He heard the sound of a plane and looked up. "A seaplane!" he exclaimed. "We're escaping on that?"
"No," the man grinned, and nodded to the front where 'Robin' was pointing at the plane. "They are. Now, jump!"
"What?"
"Now!"
Robin didn't have time to think about it; he just followed Slade into the water, and only a second later the big yacht's engines roared into life, following the plane which was about to touch down on the water-surface a mile or so away. The chase was on, the reporters and curious followers fought to catch up to the powerful ship, and no one noticed two floating heads being left behind.
"What…? What are we going to do now?" the teen asked, trying to get his wet hair out of his eyes.
"That was an odd question," Slade chuckled. "Swim, of course. To that island, to be exact."
And so they did. Their options were rather limited, after all.
As they finally reached the beach Slade had Robin stay down low and duck behind some vegetation with him until all the boats were out of sight. The man then stood up and dusted himself off.
"There. Mission accomplished."
"Care to explain why I'm soaked and has swallowed half the ocean?" Robin grunted.
"Because you have been swimming and is, apparently, not very good at it," the man smirked. "Welcome to our honeymoon!"
Robin looked around. The beach they were on was lovely, but the island hadn't looked very big from a distance, and it still wasn't impressive. You could probably not even fit two football fields on it. "Um… yes… question?"
"Yes?"
"Where is the nearest Starbucks?"
"Quite a few miles away as the fish swims," the man shrugged.
"Do any restaurants deliver here?"
"Shouldn't think so, no."
"Then… and I'm sure this has occurred to you… WE ARE GOING TO DIE! WE CAN'T BOIL TEA-WATER!"
"I was in the military, remember?" Slade chuckled.
"Oh, yes. Beans in a helmet… Where's the helmet, then, Slade? And the beans?"
"We'll catch our own food."
"Has the food been informed of this? Is the food willing to cooperate? Does the food come with cooking-instructions and an oven?"
"You are panicking far too much. It's only for twelve days."
"Which will make me dead about three times over. Thanks," Robin growled.
"I'll take care of you."
"Yeah… you'll eat me," the teen snorted. "I'm a city-brat, Slade! I admit it! Sure, it's great to hide away, but all I have with me is-" he patted his pockets and found only one thing, "-my… Swiss Army knife? This is why I got it?"
"Yes."
"Great! Because this has a can opener… Show me your cans, Slade!" Robin snarled. As the man burst out laughing, the teen realized what he had said and groaned. "Bad choice of words…"
"I could show you my nuts?" the mercenary offered.
"Sure, but I'll only snack on them as a last resort," Robin muttered.
"Don't worry. I had all this planned, did you think I was going to let us starve?" the man sighed and shook his head at the teen. "Quite the opposite. Follow me. I just hope we swam to the right island, or we're dead."
"I'll have those nuts right away if we're in the wrong place," Robin warned him and opened his knife.
They didn't have to walk far, however, before they came to a clearing with a few large crates and other things.
"Alright… not so much panicking now…" Robin admitted. "So, what are all these things?"
"You'll see," Slade grinned smugly. "Let's get to work."
Three hours later Robin was dripping with sweat, but he actually felt quite proud of what they had accomplished.
There were two tents, of sorts, but they looked more like party-tents than the camping-kind. The large one had its sides rolled up, leaving it open, while the much smaller one, set up quite a bit away, had its sides down as it contained a portable toilet.
Inside the big tent, taking up most of the room, was something that, after an hour of swearing from both sides, finally had turned into a double camping bed on short legs. Robin didn't know there even was such a thing.
"How about a swim?" Slade suggested, wiping his own brow.
"Sounds great," the teen admitted and pulled his t-shirt off. Slade went one step further and took off his shorts as well.
"No one can see us here," he shrugged, and grabbed a scuba mask and a spear gun. "I'm going to get us some dinner." As Robin only nodded to this, Slade stopped and arched an eyebrow. "What? No expression of doubt you would like to share?"
"No, that's killing. Killing you can do," Robin shrugged and waved the man off.
Robin grabbed his own scuba gear and the next hour was spent in bliss, exploring the life under the surface around the little island. Slade managed to catch a fish that actually looked edible, and, as the sun began to sink down Robin felt his mouth water at the smell of it roasting over open fire.
Two large barrels of fresh water had been among the supplies, as the island didn't have any of its own. They had raised one up into a tree and made a simple shower. Slade had told the teen that they would get fresh supplies, like water and fruit as well as some other food, every two days, so they had both rinsed the salt water from their skin and hair. Robin hadn't gotten to the tanning lotion quick enough and his back was a little bit red after exposing it to the sun while snorkeling, but it wasn't too bad, and now he made sure to reapply the lotion everywhere, even though it meant having to ask Slade to do his back.
As the teen looked around he was amazed at the luxury he was surrounded with, even though the solutions were usually very simple, like the water barrel in the tree. They even had a fridge; a large, very well insulated box full of ice, where they could cool things and also use the ice directly. They had hygiene products for cleaning and washing, all biodegradable, and they also had some clothes, towels, sheets, mosquito-nets… everything! Even a phone with extra batteries. Robin couldn't think of anything he just had to have right now. He sat down in front of the fire, leaning back against a log.
"Here you go… a little toast," Slade said as he handed him a glass of something cold and sparkling. Robin caught a look of the bottle and raised an eyebrow.
"Real champagne? Not legal you know. Bad Slade."
"Not a crime I will be bragging about," the mercenary chuckled. "Would you like some juice instead?"
"No, I'll keep this, thank you," Robin told him and held on to his glass. "I must give you a small shot of getting laid tonight, after all, and with a bit of a buzz… who knows?"
"My intentions exactly," the man chuckled as he made himself comfortable.
They sat in silence for a while and then, when they both judged the fish being ready, they ate an amazing dinner of that, potatoes Slade had put close to the fire to bake in tin foil, and some grilled vegetables.
"How did you ever find this place?" Robin asked the man lazily.
"Passed through here a few years back, helped a few families with some nasty smugglers… they paid me back now, by helping set this up and keeping it secret."
"Quite the hero," Robin chuckled.
"There was a prize on the leader's head, I merely collected. The helping was accidental."
"That's not fair."
"What do you mean?"
"I can't rob or kill someone on a mission and go 'oops! My bad!', but you can be an accidental hero?"
"You're right; that doesn't seem fair, actually…" the man agreed. "But I'm on the winning side there, so…"
"Well…. anyway, I'll admit this: this was a fantastic idea. Please have more of those."
"I have them all the time, you are just usually too slow to realize," the man smirked.
"Shut up, don't ruin the moment…" Robin chuckled and then stretched. "Mmm… this is paradise."
"It really is," Slade agreed again. "Want to meet the snake?"
When Robin had stopped snorting champagne out his nose he thought about it and could confirm that, yes, his buzz had reached just the right level to agree to meet snakes. Letting the fire die down on its own, Slade carried Robin to the camping bed.
"I'm a grown man, you really have to stop this carrying nonsense," the teen muttered.
"You're an adult perhaps, but you're still tiny," the man smirked.
"Only compared to you! Next to normal people I'm a beefcake, thank you very much," the teen muttered.
"Sure you are," the man chuckled and gently but firmly pushed the teen down on his back. Robin decided that Slade had meant that, because the teen was getting horny and he preferred that now, opposed to an argument.
The bed was comfortable and felt a bit like being on a large trampoline, but not that bouncy. Well… not yet. They would make things bounce, Robin was sure, but first…
"Um, aren't you going to lower the sides?" the teen asked, referring to the rolled-up wall panels of the tent.
"Why bother?" the man shrugged and began placing kisses on Robin's chest and stomach. The teen felt sparks of desire rush through him, but the no-walls-thing was still bothering him.
"But… we're in the open!"
"No one can see us."
"But-"
"No. One. Can. See. Us," Slade repeated but continued playing the delicate and temperamental instrument that was his young husband. "There's no one here but you and me. Not for miles. I've made sure of that."
"But… mmm…."
"Want me to stop? It will take me ten minutes or so to get the walls down," Slade said between caresses.
"Mmm… I…. no… no, don't stop…" Robin murmured, his eyes half closed and a lazy smile on his lips.
"My, my, I think you're just a tiny bit drunk after all…" the mercenary leered.
As they were catching their breath half an hour later, Robin discovered that it had gone completely dark. Slade lowered the mosquito-net around them by the light from a battery-powered lantern, hanging from the tent's ceiling. The hero wasn't sure how necessary the net really was; he hadn't swatted at a single bug yet, maybe because there wasn't any water on the island for them to hatch their eggs in, so they had to rely on small puddles and things from after the rains. He didn't know the reason, but he was grateful for the lack of insects.
"Slade… look," the teen breathed as the man turned off the lantern and lay down next to him. "Look at the sky…"
"No light pollution," the man said and pulled a sheet over the two of them. The tropical night wasn't exactly chilly, but they were still outside.
"Never seen the Milky Way like that before…" Robin mumbled, half asleep.
"You should travel more… I might take you with me bit from now on," Slade told him as he pulled him close.
"Mm-hmm…" Robin said and fell asleep.
There was a downside to sleeping on a trampoline-like bed, at least if you were sharing it with someone much heavier than yourself; you tended to roll into that person. Robin woke up the next morning, actually on top of Slade. Robin groaned and was about to climb off the man when Slade's hands curled around his hips, holding him in place. The teen looked down into a leering face and knew what he was in for.
"Slade, the sun is up… it's light!" he said and looked around.
"Still no people near. The phone will warn us if anyone comes anywhere close to this island."
"Yeah, but with my luck Google Earth will pick us up and then Batman will somehow happen to see it…" the teen mumbled.
"The tent has a roof," the mercenary shrugged and pulled the teen down for a kiss.
Robin squirmed, feeling the man's hardening length between his cheeks, as they were both still naked from last night. "Don't you ever get enough?" he chuckled.
"Not of you."
"I'm not saying this out of some kind of fake modesty or anything… but I have no idea why I'm so fascinating to you," the teen half smiled, half complained.
"You don't find me fascinating?" Slade asked him.
Robin felt absolutely stomped. Was Slade fascinating? Hell, yes! He was the most fascinating man the hero knew… but what did that mean?
"Cat got your tongue? Give it back here," the man smirked and kissed him again.
"You're not boring," Robin concluded as they parted.
"Why, thank you," the man smirked.
"But you're an idiot."
"Oh, really?"
"Yeah… like I said before, if you had just bloody asked me out, but noooo… you had to do it like you do business… take control… push people around… make them fear you…"
"I like it when you talk dirty in bed," the man leered.
Robin sighed and shook his head. "I don't know what to do with you."
"Hand me the lube and I'll show you a way to handle me that works every time," the man deadpanned.
"I think I know what that is," the teen chuckled.
"I don't think you do. You will have to demonstrate," the man continued.
"I'm going to fall for that one, but only because I want to," Robin snorted and reached for the bottle of lubricant.
Being intimate in the open in full daylight made the teen nervous at first, but it was also a bit exciting. He began fantasizing about them being on a roof in Gotham City, were anyone could see them, or maybe in a restaurant's bathroom, or…
"Ahhh!" he gasped as he came all over the man's chest.
"That was fast. My turn, then," Slade said and rolled them over.
The days passed and were mostly sunny. Only one day it rained, but then they pulled down the tent's sides, found some blankets and huddled up on the bed, easily keeping each other warm. Robin let the man know that he was glad the next morning was sunny once more, because he didn't think he could have survived two days of rain.
Slade walked around nude just as often as not, and, after a while, Robin's reservations began to crumble as well, and he joined the nudist club. The beach, with its thick layer of pearl-white sand, was where they spent most of their time out of the water. They sparred there, made love on it… actually the first thing often led to the other.
It was the night before they were going to be picked up. The sun was setting, and Robin was sitting on the beach, his feet buried in the warm sand, looking at the colorful display.
Slade sank down next to him and handed him a slice of melon, which Robin accepted with a nod. Here, far away from everything, from all those things that drove wedges between them, Robin had come to realize, or rather accept, that they got along very well. That was what he was thinking about at the moment.
"It's not so bad being married to me, is it?" Slade asked with a smile, picking up on the teen's rather serene mood.
"It has its moments," Robin admitted with a chuckle. "Especially when you cater to me like this," he added and took a bite out of the juicy melon.
"Always suspected you were a spoiled brat…" the man snorted jokingly.
"Yeah, that's me… always getting what I want…" the teen sighed and then they watched the sunset together for a while. "You know what I wish?" Robin said after a few minutes.
"What?" Slade asked.
"That we didn't have to go back."
"Don't you miss Gotham? Bruce? Alfred?"
"Sure I do… or I would, if we never really were going back…" Robin answered. "But… it's all those other people… the expectations… that I have to pretend to love you… and…"
"…and…?" Slade prompted.
Robin looked down on his feet, wriggling his toes a little, watching the sand move. He drew a deep breath. "And… that I have to pretend to hate you…"
The End
A/N: Yes, I think that was a good place to stop, I really do. Sorry, fluff-haters, but you were warned. At least there were no declarations of undying love… ;)
As I said I pretty much consider this universe done now… if you have a b-day booked and absolutely want more then I might be convinced to do it, but then you really have to argue your case… like what would you like to see that this universe is perfect for and can't fit in another or a freestanding story, that kind of thing, you know?
Disclaimers/Credits
The crowbar-comment in the Harley-fight was, of course, intentional, referring to the fate of Jason Todd. It might be an AU universe, but this Joker obviously had the same ideas… ;)
There was a big discussion in the duckling-group on Facebook about who would marry them. I had decided on an OC before two much more interesting suggestions came in. Noirakasha opted for William marrying them and Paineverlasting suggested Gordon. It took me forever to choose… William seemed a perfect choice, but more, perhaps, for a private ceremony, as people would go "who the hell is he?". He still got to be best man, also a very central position, but I have a feeling Slade decided to risk it because he really wanted his friend there… everyone say "aaaaww!" ;)
Gordon, then. I wasn't sold on the idea from the start, because I couldn't connect the man to Slade and Robin enough, I thought, and then I remembered that phone-call, and I went "That's EXACTLY Slade's twisted sense of humor!"… well… that's how I saw it anyway. The discussion also involved whether or not any of them would have the RIGHT to marry them, but, after a bit of looking around I went "screw it! If Gordon didn't have the right to marry people before, Slade would have made sure he got it by the wedding…" ;)
I really enjoy these discussions on Facebook, and, as you can see, they can help shape a story… so don't be afraid to give your opinion and join in! Don't be afraid to be "wrong" because it's 1: fan fiction, so anything goes, 2: fan fiction based on a comic/cartoon so more or less anything goes anyway… ;) And what I end up picking, or not picking, is never personal, I always go with my own gut feeling or what with the little voices in my head agree on… ;)
Wildfire2 deserves a special mention when it comes to writing this story, because she gave me both the idea for the Harley-thing and the Alfred/Wintergreen interaction, even though that part wasn't as obvious as I first planned it to be (and no, I don't mean ROMANTIC interaction here, damn it! You can't slash everyone! ;) ) Thank you!