WANTED: I've tried to get in contact with iloveromance156 and Pri-TheBishounenPuppeteer regarding their b-day stories in June. If you read this, please contact me as soon as possible, or you are going to lose your spots!

A/N: Happy b-day Higashisaru (May 20)!

Warning: this is crack! This is so much crack and so much OOC-ness that the bunnies seems cannon… at least when it comes to Robin… ;) And if you can find all the innuendoes… oh, just highlight the whole damn thing…. ;)

A Very Handy Man

Robin hit the surface of his desk with his fist. How was Slade pulling this off? The whole Tower was most likely littered with spy cameras, mobile ones. A few had even, for some reason, made it into his shower. Not that the Titans kept any secrets in there, but the gadgets looked like spiders the size of silver dollars, and they really freaked him out.

"Titans! We have another infestation!" he informed his team over the intercom system.

"Yet one more?" Starfire asked, sounding troubled.

"Just flush them down the toilet!" Cyborg, who was probably cranky because he hadn't been able to solve the problem, muttered.

"I'm in the server-room, and I haven't seen any," Beast Boy let them know.

"Are they all in your room again, Robin?" Raven asked dryly.

"I don't know, but I've found three in here," Robin replied. "Slade must be getting sloppy with his programming or something."

"Or something…" the empath muttered, while Robin thought he heard someone else snicker.

"Meeting in the common room right now!" he told his team and switched off the intercom.

"So, team, any ideas?" Robin asked.

"I guess I could go out and try to scan Jump to see if I can pick up any signals…?" Cyborg suggested vaguely.

"I will gladly assist by carrying you!" Starfire said.

"Well… if these spider-thingies are coming in from the outside, I could go look for cracks in the foundations… stuff like that?" Beast Boy volunteered.

"I'll go with you. I might be able to sense any life forms, like mice, inside the walls," Raven said.

"Good ideas all of them! You go do that and I'll see how many more of these little creeps I can find…" Robin told them.

"You are going to remain here?" Starfire asked.

"Well, yes, I have to wait for the plumber," Robin shrugged. "Besides, we really need those spy cameras caught."

"Oh, was that today? What is this, the tenth time?" Cyborg complained. "BB, you're such an idiot!"

"Hey, all I did was to force some of Starfire's food into the garbage disposal, I didn't know it would… breed," the changeling defended himself.

"I do not understand why you would waste such wonderful nourishment," the alien said sadly, but was ignored. That dinner had been scary.

"Um… but you were all there when I called him this morning?" Robin said. "Cy, you were the one who told me the sink was clogged up again…"

"Yeah …" Cyborg said vaguely. "Yes, well… didn't know he had a free spot today, did I? Oh, and Robin; check the ceiling above your bed."

"Of course! Slade wants to know when we are asleep so he'll know when to strike!" Robin exclaimed, "Brilliant deduction, Cy!"

"Yeah… well…" the metal teen mumbled and glanced at his other friends. "Umm… yeah, so see you later?"

Robin had found no less than seven spiders in his bedroom when he heard the doorbell. He hurried to the screen which supervised the main door and pressed the intercom.

"Titans Tower, Robin speaking."

"Hello, you called for a plumber?"

"Oh, hi! Yeah, I'll buzz you in and send the elevator down for you," the teen rattled off, his heart beating a little faster than usual.

A few minutes later the handyman walked into the common room and looked around. He put down his large, black open sport bag just inside the room like he always did. He never seemed to have to use anything in it, but Robin thought that it was good that the man came prepared.

"So where is it this time, sir?"

"Oh Wilson, I keep telling you to call me Robin!" the teen blushed. "And, umm… it's the kitchen… I think it's spreading…"

"Well there's not a pipe in the world my tools can't clean," the plumber grinned and patted his tool belt, which hung low on jeans-clad hips. "All it takes is a little bit of grease and a bit of hard work."

"Yeah, I'm glad you know how to handle things… and you always come so quickly!" Robin beamed.

"Always ready, willing and able," the man smirked.

"Mmm, me too…" the hero mumbled and then blushed as the man arched a white eyebrow at him. "I mean… err... being a hero and all that… always willing to help, you know!"

"Of course," the man smirked.

Robin didn't want to call what he did 'swooning' because swooning was for girls. What he experienced was simply lightheadedness combined with very week knees and a rather hot feeling spreading through his stomach. Might be the onset of the flu, for all he knew… it was just that it always appeared when the plumber was around, and especially when he smiled like that…

Robin had found the man just impossibly handsome from the start; a rugged, broad face with white, somewhat tousled hair and a short, well kept beard. The eye patch set him apart, but also made him a bit of a mystery. A tall, mysterious stranger with a tight shirt, really well fitted jeans and a sexy tool-belt…. mmm…

"…one?"

"Hm? Oh, sorry, what? Robin startled, having been too lost in his fantasies to catch what the man was asking.

"Which one of the sinks?"

"Ummm… pretty much both of them, I think, oh and that faucet is a bit- STOP-!"

But it was too late and the man's front was pretty drenched.

"Oh, don't worry, it's only water," the man chuckled and shrugged his shirt off. "I'm used to getting sprayed in the face from time to time."

"Argggggllll…" Robin drooled quietly and grabbed the counter because his knees were doing that weak-thing again.

The handyman, now only wearing a wife-beater, his bulging arm muscles on full display and the damp fabric not doing much in the way of hiding his chest or nipples either, took a closer look at the spout and withdrew a tool from his belt. After twisting something he put it back.

"There. Nice and tight, just the way I like it," he then got down on one knee and opened the doors under the sink. "I'll deal with this blockage first, I think," he said and, with his head inside the cupboard, began to… oh Robin had no idea what he was doing; he was looking at the man's ass.

"Aha, here we are," the man said much too soon. "I'm close, could you give me a hand with my tool?"

"Um... wha…? Yeah?" Robin stuttered.

"Good, get down on your knees and hold it, just like this. You might have to use both hands, it's pretty big."

"It really is…" Robin mumbled as he grabbed the wrench.

"Do you like big ones?" the man grinned.

"Mmm… I mean… yeah…. I… use myself for… for… building stuff..." the teen rambled like an idiot.

"Bet you don't have one as big as this, though, do you, Robin?" the man suddenly purred.

"N-no… yours is much bigger…" the teen admitted willingly. "It's the biggest I've ever seen!"

"Well, size doesn't matter, it's all about how you use it," the man shrugged, "And I'm very good with mine."

"I can imagine…. I mean, I know!" Robin said. "That's why I hire you, after all. I need you to fix my plumbing, and I know you're the only one who can do it…"

"You bet I am."

Suddenly, being squeezed together under a sink with a stranger was the definition of heaven for the teen. That came as a bit of a surprise, actually, but the hero didn't argue. He didn't argue a lot around Mr. Wilson and his brain had more or less just given up on him. When the plumber was around, or mentioned, his grey matter now merely sat in his skull and hummed the Tetris theme until it was over.

"You can let go now."

"Huh?"

"You can let go," the plumber repeated, smirking.

"Oh! Sorry. Um… should I get out?"

"Nah, if you don't mind it, I could use another hand or two in here, I have to go in deeper. Hold the flashlight, alright?"

"Yes, sir," Robin nodded, wide-eyed, as he watched, and felt, Mr. Wilson squeeze himself a little bit past him.

"Damn, I can't reach, I have to turn around a bit," the man said and then threw a leg over the hero's thighs in an attempts to do so. "Sorry, you okay?" the man asked.

Robin, who might just had a little mini-orgasm, nodded happily.

"I actually have to turn a bit more," the man told him, and somehow, ended up on top of the hero, his knees on either side of the teen's.

"Still okay?"

"Yes… I… I'm fine," Robin mumbled, a bit dazed. A lot dazed actually. Maybe there were dangerous cleaning liquids in here, which had leaked and were now slowly poisoning him to death, but… ah, who cared? The hunky man he had been drooling over for weeks was on top of him! That was worth a little bit of dying.

"Well, it's screwing-time," the plumber said, "or we'll never get out of here."

"Um, yeah… just… take your time," the hero told him. "You know… maybe slow and gentle so nothing breaks?"

"Hard and fast is more my style, but for you I'll make an exception."

"Yeah, but I mean… your tool is so big and the pipes so narrow?"

"Trust me, this is just what they need," the man told him and got to work.

Robin loved it, especially as the man just had to move around a lot, which usually meant grinding against the hero. Not bad. This heaven was not eternal, however, and, after a while, the handyman was done.

"Let me help you up," he offered and reached a hand out. The teen stumbled and caught hold of the man's other arm as well.

"Umm… seems my legs are asleep…" he blushed.

"No problem," the man smirked and picked him up, placing him on the counter. "There you go."

"Th-thanks Wilson," Robin mumbled, blush still in place. "Um… do you… I mean, are you… would you…?"

"Any time," the man leered and leaned closer… closer… clos-

"Robin, we're back!"

"Well, my work here is done, I'll see you in a few days… I mean, if there's any more trouble," the plumber said and headed to the elevator, meeting the rest of the Titans at the door.

"Damn it…" Robin growled and then turned to his friends. "You all finished at the same time? Did you find anything?"

"Um… no, so… that was the plumber, then?"

"Yes of course that was- oh, right, you are always out when he comes around…" Robin shrugged.

"That's it, I can't do this anymore!" Cyborg shouted.

"Cy, dude, shut up!" Beast Boy pleaded.

"No, it's gone too far. Robin, you don't think there's anything strange about that plumber? At ALL?"

"Um… no? Like what?" their leader asked.

"Well, he's tall, right?"

"Yeah?"

"Really tall."

"Mmmm… yeah…." Robin sighed dreamily.

"As tall as… shall we say… Slade, perhaps?"

"Yeah, I guess?"

"And he's really muscular too…?"

"God, yes…" Robin drooled.

"Like… Slade?"

"Maybe? So what?"

"Aaaand he's missing his right eye… like….?"

"Oh. God. How can I not have see that before?" Robin exclaimed, standing up.

"Yes, well, it-"

"That's such a coincidence! I have to tell him about that next time," the teen grinned. "Might give him an idea for a Halloween costume."

"… but…" Cyborg stuttered. "…but…? And… And… there's no van outside? And-"

"Give up," Raven told her teammate and led him from the room.

"But… how can he not….? I mean… isn't he… smart?"

"Very," the empath nodded. "But when it comes to Slade he's as dumb as yeast."

"Yeast should not be called unintelligent. On my planet it has had the right to vote for fifty years!" Starfire exclaimed.

"Really?" Beast Boy blinked. "So… um… what does yeast vote for?"

"Nothing. It can not write," the alien said sadly.

"Riiiiight…" the green teen said. "Well, Cy, at least you didn't wreck our fun!"

"Yes, that would have been greatly annoying," Starfire agreed.

"Yeah, but guys, I know Slade's spy-spiders have done absolutely nothing but spying on Robin-"

"Not even interfered in any of our plans," Raven Beast Boy said.

"And Slade has not committed a single crime since this began. Nothing in months. Well, apart from letting loose a lot of new cameras every time he's here… He obviously only wants one thing." Raven added.

"Fix our pipes?" Beast Boy asked innocently. "But, yeah, Cy, I mean, we'll keep an eye out and so on, but can't we just let it be?"

"Isn't that very selfish? I mean, it's still Slade!"

"We have deserved it," Raven said calmly.

"And it makes our friend so very happy!" Starfire added.

"Yeah, and it's a great hobby! And we all know Robin can't come with us! He's too competitive!"

"Yes, he has gotten the ban for kicking," Starfire reminded them. "Please, Cyborg?"

"Fine," the metal teen sighed, but then felt like he had to get the last word. "But I still feel it's a little wrong of us to stuff food down the pipes just because we want to go play laser-tag in peace…"

The End.

A/N: Yes, it's very weird and random! Crack, remember? And Robin is a complete idiot, but come on… Slade – I mean -Wilson- took his SHIRT OFF for heaven's sake! You can't expect his brain to work when stuff like that happens! Yours wouldn't. ;) And we have all had a friend that we really didn't want to come along to specific things… like one who talks during the movies, or gets too drunk, or dances really weirdly, or is a very VERY sore loser… the Titans deserve a little break, Slade deserves to seduce his little bird, and Robin… well, we all know what he deserves…

About the very, VERY bad innuendoes: no, I don't think Robin was aware of them. At all. Slade, on the other hand… yeah. Probably… ;)