Not MINE STOP RUBBING IT IN DANG IT!

Gasping I try to catch my breath... one more... I raise the blade up and close my eyes...

"MMI OPEN THE DAMN DOOR NOW!"

My eyes snap wide open and I drop my ticket out of here. I know that voice.. it's so painfully familiar.

SHIT... my wrist... he can't see it... I need to put on a brave face... Frantic I scrub at the growing tide of red that has started to flood my arm. "C-Coming..."

TOO LATE!

He broke down my door. The DUMBASS BROKE my door. Beautiful. So much for making a "brave face"... I should a have swung it when I had the fucking chance. I stumble out of the bathroom to meet him. I look like shit, and that's putting it KINDLY. To make matters worse.. I am dizzy.. so dizzy... I think I am starting to lose more blood...

And meanwhile the bumbling invader stands shock still with his mouth at his feet. He's gonna catch flies at that rate. "Wh-What happened to you?"

I don't speak. What can I say? My ex-lover has just barged in on me trying to kill myself the same way his last girl did. Fucking wonderful. And now he is walking... towards me one… foot.. Two feet... three feet...

Every alarm in my body is SCREAMING NO! Yet I stand there... to afraid to move... I am getting dizzier... this is SO screwed up...the cut is still bleeding. Apparently he's finally noticed...

"Shit.. Mimi... you couldn't have been?"

The floor is rushing towards me... when the hell did floors start MOVING?

"Meems... Can you hear me? Oh my God... you are burning up... where the hells your AZT? Mimi can you even hear me?" He's whispering something else...

I try to reach up and stroke his cheek but for some reason my hands aren't moving... Why do my eyelids keep fluttering like that? I WANT TO LOOK AT HIM DAMN IT!

"Go away" I mumbled it... but I know he heard me... WHY DID I SAY THAT?

Once again... bad word choice... his eyes are getting colder...My arms finally decide to listen to me and I stroke his cheek, and he shudders. Well now... maybe there is hope yet!
I smile softly.

He's pressing one of my old shirts to the cut. It's not very effective... But the blood is slowing. Is he crying? I DON'T WANT HIS PITY!

"Mimi... why? Where are your meds at?"

MEDS? Ha! I have hardly enough money to EAT let alone take my meds.. As if I really wanted to anyways. Why delay the inevitable? I hear someone's barking laughter...

Oh my god that would be MY barking laughter.. Stupid STUPID STUPID... Why can't I stop? He's looking at me like I am CRAZY... though I guess I am. Why else would there be a deep razor cut across my wrist?

"Mimi.. try to listen to me.. You need a DOCTOR. I am going to go get Mark and some AZT."

"NO! PLEASE, NO! ROGER NO!" The words come out more forcefully then I intended them to. Yet another screw up. Score Mimi! Just GREAT.

Eyes are getting colder... more distant. Then it finally hits me... I have lost him. He's only here to stop me from killing myself.. Nothing more. There's nothing there. There never was.

I was nothing more then a fling.

"FINE MIMI! Whatever. Kill yourself. Better a RAZOR then a NEEDLE." Shit he must have seen that damn needle when he was looking for the meds.

I wanted to SCREAM I DIDN'T USE IT! But it didn't come out. He's picking me up again, and I am kicking with everything I've got.

WHAM!

Right in the tub filled with cold water.

"The bleeding has stopped and the razor is out the window. See yah around."

And with that he is out the door.

Does he REALLY think he is getting away THAT easy? I HAVE to have the last word. Has he learned NOTHING?
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I can hear him yelling at Mark from down here. My hair is cleaned and combed and I am wearing my best skirt. I try to remind myself that I was once pretty, I am nothing more then a shadow of what I once was though and no one would consider me anything more then a stick now. Oh well.. work with what yah got.

I start up to the loft and pause right outside the door.. My hand on the handle...They're yelling about ME.

Ok I know.. Eavesdropping on my ex is pretty damn low... but can you blame a girl for being desperate? Wait there's MARK... is he actually yelling.. Holy shit Mark YELLS?

"Mimi still loves you...Are you REALLY jealous or afraid that Mimi's weak?"

"Mimi did look pale..."

"Mimi's gotten thin, Mimi's running out of time and you're running out the door?"

"NO MORE... I'll call... I hate the fall..."

S-H-I-T

The only thing worse then getting caught trying to commit suicide? Getting caught eavesdropping on HIM. DAMN IT. Just frikkin PEACHY

"You heard?"

"EVERY WORD..."

HA now it's his TURN to look like the dear in the headlights...

"You don't want baggage without lifetime guarantees you don't want to watch me DIE. I just came to say GOOD BYE LOVE GOOD BYE LOVE"

He mutters something about glory and trips out the door and stumbles down the stairs...

Gee... thanks for LISTENING. Never was his strong point though...

Mark is looking at me with so much pity in his eyes. Poor Mark... always trying to help and never knowing what to do. Do any of us?

"I know a place..."

I cut him off by turning around to hide my tears and racing down the god-forsaken stairs for THE LAST TIME and out the door.

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