Chapter 20

BPOV

I'll admit that I was snooping. I'd been to his apartment, but only a couple of times. And even though I knew him well, there were still so many things about him that felt like a mystery.

As my fingers ran along the neck of his guitar, he startled me.

"Hey." His voice was thick with sleep, and I would have been a liar if I said it didn't turn me on. "There you are."

I turned around and had to bite back my grin. He was absolutely adorable, all rumpled from sleep. His hair was an absolute mess, and pillow creases still lined his left cheek. "Did I wake you?"

He walked over to me, wrapping his arms around my waist, holding me against him. "Well, when I rolled over, and you weren't there, I couldn't fall back to sleep."

I pressed a kiss to his jaw, the stubble there rough against my lips. "Sorry, I had to use the bathroom, and then I was wide awake. I never knew you played guitar."

He glanced behind me, to his guitar. "Not often, but I mess around with it sometimes. My grandma and Esme had me try all different types of things. I guess they were trying to give me different outlets or whatever."

I laid my head against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. "I'm glad you had them."

"Yeah, I guess I was lucky in that aspect. I don't know who or where I would be if I didn't have someone who cared. Look, not to change the subject, but I've been thinking about something, and I need you to hear me out."

I looked up at him, my stomach flipping at the seriousness of his features. "Okay, I'm listening."

He pulled back from me, cupping my face between his palms. "Last night was the best night of my life." He swallowed thickly. "I look at you and I don't understand how you don't see it, Bella. How you don't see your worth. It broke my heart that day when you told me there's nothing to you. Because the love that's inside of you, the passion, the kindness, it overflows from you. You're the most amazing person I've ever met. The only thing I'll ever regret is not letting you hold me sooner."

My mind was swirling with his words, making me dizzy. No one had ever made me feel how he did. The way he looked at me, the comfort he found with me. Maybe I was beginning to realize my worth wasn't in something tangible. I didn't fit in with most people, but I fit here with him.

I inhaled a shaky breath, slowly letting it out. "Edward—"

"I'm not done. I don't want to be without you. Back when we first met, I was so fucking lost, so angry. And I'm not going to lie and say that I'm not either of those things anymore, because sometimes I am. But before I met you, I had no clue what my future looked like. I figured I'd be like that forever. I was scared and a fucking fool to let you walk away. There's no one I trust more than you—not Carlisle, not even Esme. With you, I feel like my life is finally beginning. Marry me, move in with me. I don't care which step we take first, but I need you with me. We can even leave the Christmas lights up until January. It'll be our place. We'll make the rules."

The tears were streaming down my face, but I couldn't stop my laugh. Sniffling, I asked. "Did you just quote Taylor Swift to me?"

He chuckled, wiping my tears with his thumbs. "Yeah, I think I might have. But you haven't answered me."

I rested my hands on his forearms. "Edward, there's no other answer but yes."

"Yes? To what? Marrying me, living together?"

"All of it."

He grinned brightly. "Wait right here!" he shouted as he bolted from the room. He returned a few moments later, a little black box in between his fingers. He opened it, pulling a beautiful diamond ring from it. "This was my grandma's ring." He slipped it onto my finger, and surprisingly it fit. "I also have her and grandpa's wedding rings."

"It's beautiful. Can I ask you something?"

He looked at me, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "Anything, baby."

I raised my eyebrows. "Was the sex really that good that you needed to propose?"

He laughed loudly. "Best I ever had." He winked, but the moment faded quickly as a seriousness came over him. "I need to be honest with you, though. I can't promise you this is going to be easy. There are days I won't want to be touched, or I'm stuck in my head. I'm not pushing you away when those things happen, I'm just trying to cope, I guess."

That he wanted me to know he was never purposely pushing me away showed me just how much he'd begun to grow. If this was a few years ago, he would have shut down, no explanation. "We'll work through it all together."

"Since I'm laying everything out this morning, I should probably tell you something else. I've been talking to Carlisle a lot since you and I got together. And he's made some really good points about some stuff. So, um, I started seeing a therapist a few weeks ago. "

My eyes widened. I was a bit taken aback, and I had to try to not feel hurt. He'd just said he trusted me more than anyone, so why didn't he tell me? "You have?"

"Yeah, you're the first person I've told. I didn't want to say something and then fail miserably."

Tears once again welled up in my eyes, and I felt silly for thinking he'd kept anything from me. "Edward, I'm so fucking proud of you. No matter what. This is huge."

He shrugged sheepishly. "If we're going to get married and have a life together, I want to be present for it all." He swallowed, his gaze traveling the length of my body. "I want all the babies we make to have everything I never did. I want to be the father I never had. Without some sort of help, I can't do that."

Everything was going to change now. And truthfully, it all scared me a bit. Were we moving too fast? Was this going to be too much for him? What if we tried and we didn't make it? Would his therapist tell us we were insane?

But then I thought about how much I loved him. He was my best friend. I couldn't imagine my life without him. Besides, we'd already tried that route, and we all knew how that worked out. I needed to have faith that we'd figure out everything as we went. I owed it to both of us to be in the here and now. We both deserved happiness.

I reached up, my fingers brushing along his jaw. "You'll be such a good daddy one day."

His eyes locked with mine as he gripped my wrist, bringing my fingers to his lips, kissing the tip of each one. "How do you feel about going back to bed and practicing?"

"Lead the way," I murmured.

And just like last night, he hoisted me up and over his shoulder, dragging me willingly back to the bedroom.