IMPORTANT MESSAGE to Shimu-mu and Ragtop/Xela is Crazy: I've been trying to contact you about your b-days in September, but (as I write this) I haven't gotten an answer. I will try again if I don't hear from you in a week. If I can't contact you by middle/late your b-day booking will be forfeit… If you no longer want a present, that's okay, but please tell me.
A/N: Happy B-day The Ms Meep (August 6)!
This is the "Is there a…"-universe, which starts of, kinda, with the one-shot "Is there a Doctor in the House?", followed by "Is there a Vet in the House?" (drabble 38 in this collection) and
"Is There a Pet-Trainer in the House?" (Drabble 4 in Christmas Drabbles 2010), also included are the Titan's Tails comics on dA, as these two universes are really one, just mixed together and slightly different… ;) Confused? Don't worry, you don't have to really re-read anything… Just remember that Red and Robin have been turned into cat-boys by Slade (by mistake) and the man is now paying the prize for that… or reaping the rewards, whatever the case may be. Anyway, VERY OOC because these cat-boys are… umm… very much like real cats…
Is There a Hero in the House?
The bed smelled of sex and fried chicken and Slade was too tired to wonder about the last part. He knew perfectly well where the first smell came from, after all… He was just surprised they had ended up back in his bedroom instead of Robin's, but it was definitely his, larger, bed. His body ached, another strange sensation for the fast healer, but the romp with Robin had really worn him out. Oh, and the claw-marks crisscrossing his entire body didn't help, even though they were now mostly reduced to red lines.
Arms and legs were ensnaring him and he could feel soft breathing against his chest and… neck? Ah, Red X must be back. That explained the chicken.
Slade tried to move and two pairs of arms and legs instantly tightened around him, hint of claws digging into his skin. It wasn't hostile, it was the 'don't move, I'm comfy'-warning. It wouldn't turn bad if he just kept still. Slade sighed and relaxed. Five more minutes.
When he awoke next it was to quiet voices.
"And then he licked inside my mouth, and it was called kissing, and it was great!" Robin told Red X. "And then he put his thing… umm… oh, his cock, in my bottom and that felt even greater!"
"Huh… I might let the chicken-guy do that, then."
"The chicken guy? Slade? Because he's mine!" Robin hissed the last thing and Slade could imagine, even though he hadn't opened his eye yet, that the teen's tail was poofing out.
"Nah, the chicken guy I met last night. He had chicken, I stole it. He got angry."
"What happened next?" Robin gasped, as enthralled as only a cat could be.
"Well, that's so weird… he followed me! No one's ever done that before… and then he pointed this thing at me and then I discovered that he was really cute so I told him, and we talked and then…"
"Yes?" Robin breathed.
"Well, I had finished the chicken, so I left, didn't I? But I think I might want to do the kissing-stuff with him… maybe I should try to find him and tell him, huh?"
"Yeah! Yeah, you should! Do you know his name?"
"Yeah, well…. he told me, but I was eating chicken…" Red said, and Slade knew that there was no use trying to talk with the cat when chicken was in the room. "He was dressed all funny in red… oh, and his hair had almost the same color as mine!"
"Where his eyes green too?" Robin wanted to know.
"Dunno, 'cause of the mask."
Slade sat up straight in bed.
"Mask? Red hair? Did he have a bow?"
"Like around his neck?" Red asked.
"Oh, that would be so pretty!" Robin exclaimed.
"No, a bow as in the weapon. What did he point at you?"
"Ummm… might have been… something was glowing, but… well, I had chicken!" Red explained again. "A whole big bucket, just for me!"
"Yes, well… good for you, but I think you met Speedy. He's a Teen Titan. He's dangerous," Slade tried to explain. At the word 'dangerous', however, both cat's eyes lit up in a discouraging way.
"Exciting!" Robin squealed.
"Can we hunt him?" Red asked.
Slade sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. He had to present this in a way the cats would understand, but he didn't have any puppets.
"Listen to me; if he finds Robin, he's going to take him away. Which means no more sex." Slade clarified. "And he might lock you up, Red. Which means no more chicken."
"He's horrible!" Robin gasped.
"But… but, I LOVE him! He had chicken!" Red complained, his lower lip wobbling.
Robin pushed his head against the redhead's chest and made a little comforting sound.
"You… you can share Slade with me… until you find another chicken-guy… okay?"
"Okay…" Red mumbled and softly head butted the other cat back.
Slade felt like he had just been rented out. It turned out that he was right.
"You can have him right now, you can sit on him?" Robin suggested.
"But he's not hard, will that work?" Red, who had a rare bright moment, asked.
"I'll take care of it, I know how," the black-haired teen grinned and then Slade found his length inside a hot, wet mouth, which also contained a very eager, limber tongue.
"Robin, we should take a shower-" Slade began, but the sentence ended with a grunt of pleasure. Alright then. Five more minutes.
"Do you have to make it that big?" Red X asked worriedly a moment later.
"It's not me, it's Slade," the other cat explained. "But he can do a thing with his fingers if you want? I think that helps."
"It's called preparing you. Are you sure you want this?" Slade asked the red tabby, who seemed to think it over and then nodded eagerly. As he was naked, Slade could already see that he was interested, and the man has thrown his own morals out the window last night. "Very well. Get on all fours and stand over me so I can reach while Robin… works." Slade said and then slid his hand up a pale and lightly freckled thigh. As he reached the teen's buttocks Red mewled and raised his tail. Slade almost chuckled. Weren't cats supposed to be subtle and aloof creatures?
One finger slid in quite easily and it turned out that Red was self-lubricating just as Robin was. Very handy. He was also almost as vocal.
"That feels sooo good! More!" he demanded, but Slade was almost at the point of no return thanks to Robin's talented mouth and had to push the younger teen away first.
"Noooo!" Robin objected, claws digging into Slade's upper thighs as he tried to stay put.
"You have to, or I'll 'explode'," Slade explained, using the word the cat-boy was used to.
"But I want you to explode! In my mouth!" the teen pleaded.
"If I do, I will go soft again, and Red won't have any fun," the man pointed out.
"I want fun!" the tabby piped up.
"Okay… it's stupid. Why can't it just stay hard all the time?" Robin muttered and pulled away.
"You have one of your own. Practice, and if you find a way to make it do that; tell me," Slade suggested with a smirk. Cats didn't get irony, though, so Robin nodded happily and stretched out next to Slade before he started stroking himself.
"So I just sit on it?" Red then asked.
"Slowly. I'll help- I said slowly!" Slade exclaimed as Red pushed down on him and then yowled in a mix of pain, surprise and pleasure as he sank all the way down.
"I… I… wow…" the teen gasped.
"It's good, isn't it?" Robin snickered from his place on the bed. "Now go up and down!"
"Red might need a while to get used to- oh… no. Seems I was wrong," Slade admitted as the tabby started to bounce on top of him, his tight ass milking the man's shaft for all it was worth. The mercenary relaxed and just let it happen, merely focusing on lasting a bit longer.
"My hand is getting tired, you do it," Robin suddenly whined, and grabbed Slade's arm, guiding his fingers to his weeping member.
"Newbie," Slade smirked and gave the young man a hand job lesson until he was squealing and moaning as loudly as his red-haired friend.
Red suddenly tensed and cried out, ropes of cum hitting Slade's chest. The man had been so focused on not coming, that he wasn't ready.
"That was nice, thanks!" the redhead said and simply rolled off him.
"You didn't explode! It's all mine!" Robin discovered happily and took the other teen's place in a heartbeat. Luckily, for Slade's heart, they were both close now and didn't last more than half a minute.
"Now we really need to shower…" the man muttered as he was catching his breath.
"Awww… not yet?" Robin, sprawled on top of him, right in Red's puddle, begged while Red, it seemed, was busy licking himself.
Alright… Slade thought to himself. Five more minutes.
Slade had to work, which was difficult as he didn't really want to leave two cat-boys on their own for too long, but he still needed to keep the chicken coming. He had compromised by working online, digging up information for clients their mediocre computer skills couldn't provide, and it had turned out to be reasonable profitable. If he could get some work done. He was just about to contact a new client when four pair of hands began creeping up his legs. He glanced under the desk and wasn't surprised in the least by what he found.
"How did you two get there?"
"We're boooooored! Please fuck us?" Robin begged.
"No, I have to work. Go play," Slade told them firmly.
"But I used the 'please'-word!" the teen exclaimed, looking scandalized. "You said that if I really want something, I should use the 'please'-word!"
"And you remembered that?" Slade was impressed.
"Well… I really want something…?" Robin said, using his most pleading expressions, complete with huge baby-blue eyes. Red matched them with a pair of green.
"Yes, well, I'm very busy. It hasn't occurred to you that you can just fuck each other?" Slade asked, so desperate for some free time that he was willing to reveal this kind of information.
"We… can?" Robin asked.
"We're not as big as you!" Red objected, pouting.
"Size doesn't matter… or so I've heard smaller men claim…." Slade smirked, maybe a tad too smugly. Just a tad.
"Nah… I don't think it would be as good…" Red shrugged.
"Your mouths both work perfectly. Go suck each other off, then," the mercenary told them. "You can do it at the same time. It's called a sixty-nine."
The cats looked at each other as they were trying to work out the logistics and then grinned and nodded.
"Still love you!" Robin called out as they ran out the door.
"Yes, yes, that's nice," Slade muttered and looked forwards to at least half an hour of peace and quiet. When night came the boys still hadn't appeared.
He found them, as expected, in his bed, deeply asleep and with their faces still buried in each other's groin. Judging by the musk in the air they had literally worn themselves out. Slade remembered forbidding them to sleep in his bed, but, apparently, the cats considered that rule revoked… if they had ever considered it at all. He sighed, grabbed their necks and hauled a pair of meekly objecting teens to the shower. He went to change the sheets, because he couldn't possibly sleep in that mess, and then went into the bathroom again, where he found the cats sleeping under the spray of water.
Slade sighed, entertaining the thought of getting a big basket, put them inside with a note and just leave them on the doorstep of Titans Tower. He then took a deep breath, thought about the mind-shuttering sex they provided and washed them both off, dried them, and put them to bed. His bed. Why fight a war he couldn't possibly win?
"I want to have kittens with you, are you sure I can't?"
It was the next day, and it had started, it seemed, with Trivial Pursuit. The x-rated version. The question, asked by Robin of course, got a short "Yes" as an answer.
"But I want to!" the cat objected and stroked his rounded, very extended belly. He had stuffed a pillow under his shirt. He had apparently gotten dressed only to be able to do this.
"You are a boy, Robin. We've been over this."
"Being a boy is stupid! I'm a cat! I can do what I want!"
"Fine. Get pregnant then," Slade sighed.
"I can? YAAAY!"
"As long as you let me help." the man smirked.
"Help? How?"
Slade counted to ten and then proposed that they would go have breakfast.
"Wait, couldn't we do a fifty-two first?" Red asked.
"It's twenty-three," Robin snorted.
"Seventy-seven?" Red asked, looking unsure, and that made Robin unsure as well.
"Thirty-eight?" he suggested.
"Five?"
"One hundred thirty one?"
"Sixty-nine!" Slade eventually snapped.
"BINGO!" Red yelled happily for no apparent reason.
"I'm going to go make breakfast," the mercenary decided.
"No, you can't!" Robin told him. "Red got bingo, he has to get a prize!"
"And what would he want?" Slade asked piercing the tabby with a glare.
"Dunno…a fifty-six?"
Slade did find some moments to himself after introducing this new number-idea to the cats, but that didn't mean they didn't demand his attention. A lot. Red X had almost gone as far as claiming that sex was better than chicken, but only almost. They were both easy to get, however, so why bother with details?
Then disaster struck.
"I brought home chicken-guy!" Red announced happily after one of his food-runs. Slade looked up from his screen, for once almost frozen in shock, and, the one thought running through his mind as he met Speedy's wide, masked eyes was 'thank god I'm wearing pants!'. In fact he was fully dressed, and even Robin was wearing his favorite pair of cut-off jeans, which were about the size of small briefs, but at least covered the essentials.
"Hi! Do you have chicken?" the black cat asked the stunned hero.
"R… Robin? That's… that's ROBIN!" Speedy yelled, turning to Red X.
"Yeah, I told you! Robin and Slade!" the red tabby snorted.
"S… Slade?" the masked eyes moved back to the man and in an instant an arrow was pointing at his chest. Slade had yet to move at all. He was weighing his options, though, and he wondered if killing the hero should be one of them. He thought it would upset the cats, though, especially Red, and would make them even harder to handle.
"Wait… was chicken guy good or bad?" Red asked the room in general.
"He's mine!" Robin had jumbled into the line of fire and was trying to look fierce. "And a little bit Red's," he amended.
"Rob, what happened to you? You have a tail! And your ears… don't you recognize me?" the hero asked worriedly.
"Ummm… yeah…" Robin answered.
"Good, then-"
"You're chicken guy!"
"I'm not- Look, I've activated the alarm, and the other Titans will be here any minute, so just stay calm!" The teen sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than the others.
"You're boring, I wanted to have sex," Red pouted.
"Now we have one each!" Robin exclaimed happily. "I have Slade and you have the chicken-guy!"
"Can I have Slade sometimes anyway?" Red asked. "I mean, if chicken-guy's cock isn't as big?"
"I'm SPEEDY, and my- THE TITANS WILL BE HERE SOON!"
"Yeah, you can borrow him. Yours is very loud…" Robin grimaced and lowered his ears.
"Yeah, he's a bit strange…" Red shrugged. "But he's cute!"
Then the rest of the Titans arrived.
"More people!" Robin stated. "Slade is still mine. And Red's."
"Get away from them, Slade!" Cyborg yelled as soon as he had gotten the, almost impossible, facts straight, and fired up his sonic canon.
"I'm just sitting at my desk," the man droned. "It's not my fault that Robin is clinging to me." The cat-boy really did, having sensed the danger to his favorite sex-toy and meal-ticket.
"Robin. Come here. We're leaving," Raven said.
"What? Why?"
"We are rescuing you, dude!" Beast Boy yelled.
"Oh, thank you!" Robin gushed. "From what?" he added, a bit confused.
"From Slade of course!"
"What, Slade isn't coming?"
"No!" Cyborg barked.
"But who would I have sex with? You?" Robin asked and stared at the other teen's metal groin. "Do you even have a thingy?"
"Robin-" Raven started.
"Because Slade has a really big one and if none of you have a bigger one, I ain't coming!" the cat decided and crossed his arms.
"Man, what happened to you?" Speedy repeated.
"An experiment gone wrong. I've tried to find a cure since then," Slade lied. He had conveniently forgotten about the cure lately.
"We're taking him back," Cyborg said.
"I'm staying with my Slade!" Robin snorted and stuck out his tongue.
Then the alien opened her mouth.
"Here kitty-kitty-kitty!" she cooed, and two pairs of pointy ears perked up immediately. Another call and Robin was off Slade's lap, closing in on the girl curiously. Red tried to play it cool and, looking everywhere than at Starfire, idly began to walk in, what just happened to be, her general direction.
Slade was still weighing his options. He was busted, he knew, and fighting to keep Robin and Red, even if he had wanted to, would probably mean facing the whole hero-world. It wasn't worth it. Well. Not logically. As Raven's powers trapped two now very upset cat-boys, the others attacked Slade, who held his own until he reached a hidden door. A press of a button later, and he was on the other side of a thick stone wall, the last thing he saw being Robin's tear-filled eyes. The man felt bad for the young man, but his friends would probably find the antidote and then he would have two, or at least one, very pissed off former cat after him as well. He wasn't sure about Red X's standpoint there… he might not be pissed off at all.
A few days went by. Slade had moved to one of his back-up lairs. It wasn't the safest one, as he had brought the cats here once, but it was the one with the most equipment and he needed to pack that before he moved again. He was currently sleeping, his rest a rather uneasy one and, as he woke up slightly he couldn't help but think 'five more minutes'.
Then he was suddenly wide awake, because he realized that the reason for his disturbed rest were the bodies pressing into his from both sides, and the low but insistent purring he could hear. Slade couldn't help but smile a little as he closed his eye again. Cat's always found their way home.
The End
A/N: Awww! Kittens! And no, this is not an M-preg universe, but Robin will try his best anyway…