Dorcas was just as angry with Sirius Black as he was with her. She, however, chose not to show it. After that night, she just ignored him. She didn't pay attention to his angry stares or that look in his eyes. It didn't affect her. What she had with Sirius had always been an arrangement. He had the tool that got her back her reputation and she was close to Lily. It was like business. They weren't actually friends. She needed to remember that.
She tried to go back to the way she had been before Cade. She wished she could sit alone in her classes or next to some bloke she could attach herself to for a while, but that horrible agreement had forced her to create ties with Lily Evans – a girl with friends who weren't in most of their classes. Dorcas didn't have friends – especially female ones. She didn't know how to handle this new development. Lily continued to try to get her to talk. Dorcas continued to resist. Potions was especially painful. Once, Dorcas actually considered telling Lily that Sirius had hurt her. Luckily, she stopped herself. Not only was Dorcas not going to share things with Lily Evans, Sirius Black had not affected her. She was Dorcas Meadowes. She was impervious.
After Lily's conversation with Remus, she couldn't stop thinking about what he told her. What did this mean exactly? James Potter had actually saved Snape's life after all of that. He had protected Remus' secret. He had even saved Sirius from his own stupidity.
Lily remembered that night in the common room when he had spoken about fighting You-Know-Who. She saw him standing there in his black robes, those glorious hazel eyes shining. She admitted it. They were glorious, even if he couldn't see. She replayed the powerful things he had said in her head, filling with a strange sort of admiration. Then she saw him in the common room that morning. His hair mussed from sleep and in his underwear. Lily had a strange feeling in the bottom of her stomach. He saved us all. That was what Remus had said. And with the thought of this undoubtedly unselfish act, Lily Evans had begun to reevaluate her opinion of James Potter.
She watched him in class and realized that she really was impressed by his outstanding work in Transfiguration. She actually laughed a little one day when he messed up the back of his hair. She was a bit disappointed that Dorcas hadn't noticed her new interest in James Potter. Dorcas remained stuck in her determination not to notice Sirius. Lily had figured it out by now; Dorcas wasn't nearly as unreadable as she thought. But Lily was much happier to contemplate the true nature of one, James Potter. Sadly, she hadn't talked to him since the morning in the common room. James was still obviously distressed about Sirius and talking to Lily didn't seem to be something he had the energy to take at the moment. Still, Lily was quickly admitting that perhaps James Potter was the stand-up bloke Remus had said he was.
That was why when she found him in the Astronomy Tower during her prefect rounds two weeks later, she was so livid.
There he was with Lizzie Stimpson, his glasses askew, his hair messier than usual no doubt thanks to her bony hands. Lily thanked whatever divine being existed that they were still both fully clothed. The minute she saw them, Potter had burst away from Lizzie, seemingly aware that he was being caught. When he saw that it was Lily who had caught him, he completely froze. Lizzie had turned and when she saw Lily, her mouth opened slightly, then she bit her swollen lip nervously and looked back at James. He ignored her.
"Get out of here, Stimpson," she said, glaring dangerously at Potter. "10 points from Gryffindor."
The 4th year scurried away quickly, afraid of the fury in Lily Evans' eyes.
Lily was shaking so hard, she thought she might explode. Then, she did.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, POTTER?"
James looked awfully guilty. He had straightened his glasses, but his hair still betrayed his previous activity. "I…I…" he stammered.
"You are so predicable," she spat, her eyes narrowing. "I should have known you'd be doing something like this."
"Why do you care, Evans?" he said passionlessly. "You've never shown any interest in me."
Lily gaped. He would say something like that. "You… You…You're tarnishing Gryffindor's image. I can't keep making up for the points you and Black lose."
"If you haven't noticed," James said. "It's not really Sirius and I anymore, is it?"
"So is that what this is," she bellowed. "You're depressed about rowing with your friend, so you think its okay to come up here and snog 14-year-olds? Such a mature thought."
"Leave me alone, Evans," he said quietly; avoiding her gaze.
"Leave you alone, Potter?" she pursed her lips tight. "You're the one who should leave me alone."
James was silent. Lily was confused, why hadn't he asked her out again? That would have been the perfect place to do it. And why wasn't she happy that he hadn't?
"This is so typical," she threw her hands up. "You do one really good thing and I start rethinking you and then, then you just do something so unbelievable that I have no choice but to go back to my original opinion of you."
James looked at her and shrugged. He was obviously not in the mood to listen to her rail on him.
"You are just so completely caught up in what you want, Potter," she said, slowly losing steam without his smooth comments to fuel her. "You do whatever you want, you never think about anyone…"
"You know what Evans," he said firmly. "I'm tired of trying to prove myself to you. It's been bloody exhausting, and it's gotten me nowhere. So, I'm done. I won't bother you anymore."
Lily was so dumbfounded that for one of the only times in her life, she had absolutely no idea how to respond. He walked past her, avoiding her eyes.
She stood completely still for a few moments, frozen on the spot. Had he actually just given up?
Then she turned on her heel and yelled at his back. "I still have to take points!"
"Then take them," he said without turning around.
James hadn't meant to go to the Astronomy Tower with anyone. It was just, you know, something that had happened. The same way Evans had kissed Remus. He had had an awful day. Peter was now his seat partner in Transfiguration. Remus, it seemed, had many more friends than he had realized. He had immediately sat down with Gwendolyn Abercrombie and begun talking. He had been super aware of his separation from Sirius in that class; having to re-explain to Peter how to make yams out of yarn about fifty times. Lunch had been awful. Sirius had seen and completely ignored him. And to top it all off, he had had one of the worst Quidditch practices ever. Annabelle and Owen had to be called four times when they wanted to start. Evelyn Sloper, their chaser, had fallen off of her broom within 10 minutes. Then Jason and Norman, the 4th year beaters had run into one another going after the same bludger. James had called the practice early. As he walked in behind the rest of the team, he felt unbelievably depressed. Nothing was right. Lizzie, a 4th year chaser, had hung back and offered her sympathy. Suddenly something Sirius had said during their fight rang in his ears. At least I'm getting some. Then the anger and the sexual frustration had taken over and before James knew it, he was in the Astronomy Tower snogging Lizzie Stimpson. When Evans had caught him, he had every intention of standing there and taking in another tirade about why he was a git. However, as it started, he felt an unbelievable hurt bubbling up in his chest. She had definitely hurt him before, that was undoubted, but the day and the pain of losing his best friend had torn down that shell which normally kept any real pain from getting in. Then, he realized, he couldn't take this abuse anymore. It wasn't fair. And the words came tumbling out. When he was done, there was a weight lifted, but he also felt an indescribable sadness, as if he had lost something forever.
Reaching his dormitory, he found that Sirius was there. When Sirius saw James, he closed the curtains around his bed quickly.
James ignored him and sat down hard on his bed. He couldn't believe he'd given up on Lily. Strangely, the thought angered him. He glared at Sirius' closed curtains. This was supposed to be Sirius' department. He was supposed to be laughing at his blunders with Evans and telling him the latest information he had received from Dorcas. His anger grew and James had a strong urge to walk over to Sirius' bed, rip the curtains off and completely rail on his friend.
He seriously thought about doing it until Remus walked in.
"Alright?" he asked.
James shrugged; rather defeated. "Well Evans just caught me snogging Lizzie Stimpson in the Astronomy Tower. She totally exploded at me and then I told her that I was done, that I was giving up on her."
"Excuse me," Remus' eyes had grown even larger and he sat down on his own bed. "What?"
"I gave up." James lay back onto his bed. "I just can't do it anymore. I'm done."
"You can't be done," Remus protested. "You adore her."
James sighed. "But she doesn't even tolerate me. I can't do it. It's too hard. Sirius was right. I need to broaden my horizons."
"We both know that Sirius has no idea what it's like to give a damn about anyone but himself." Remus spat.
"He's in there, you know," James said, pointing at the bed next to his.
"He's probably put an Imperturbable Charm up," Remus exhaled. "And even if he doesn't, it needs to be said. Sirius is completely self-absorbed."
James knew that Remus was wrong. Sirius thought about his friends all the time. They were his life. But James was too angry at Sirius to say anything. He just stretched his arms above his head on the bed and sighed.
"I told her about what happened," Remus said. "She couldn't believe it, especially the part where you saved everyone. You should've seen her face. I swear she was thinking about you as a normal person."
"So that was the one really good thing I had done, huh?" he clicked his tongue softly.
"She mentioned it?"
"She told me it was typical to prove her right after she had found out something good about me," James closed his eyes.
"I'll talk to her," Remus said quickly.
"No," James shook his head. "Don't bother. I'm never going to be able to convince her I'm decent. It's over. There're other girls, right?"
Remus looked skeptical, but said. "Sure there are Prongs. We'll find you one."
James wasn't convinced either.
Suddenly Owen burst into the room. He was breathing heavily and his eyes were terror-filled. He also looked as if he had run all the way to the common room. James sat up quickly. Remus' head turned.
"What is it, Towler?" James asked.
He seemed speechless for a second. His lips parted and closed a few times in an attempt to say something. Then his closed his eyes and swallowed.
"It's Annabelle," he said. "Her whole family was killed. McGonagall just told her. Her great-aunt, who was on vacation in Luxembourg, is the only one left. She came to pick her up. They're gone now."
James and Remus stood straight up and Sirius' curtains burst open. They all gaped as Owen fell to the floor, overcome with tears