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When they are doing the radio interview, we obviously couldn't put the 'at' sign because of of this site, so we just wrote it out. Basically just think of it as Twitter handles.
Late May
"Knock, knock."
"Kurt, I'm very busy."
"We could make out instead?"
Blaine sighed. "Who's there?"
"Baby owl."
"Baby owl who?"
"Baby owl take you out anywhere you want to go!"
Blaine just continued to scribble on his paper at his desk. Kurt shifted in his chair with an exaggerated grin and his hands spread in a 'ta-da' gesture.
When Blaine still ignored him, Kurt dropped his hands and pouted. "Come on! You love lame knock-knock jokes."
"I have to get these forms done."
"And then we can go out?"
Blaine glanced over his glasses at Kurt. Blaine in glasses was irresistible. And Blaine in bow ties was irresistible.
Blaine was irresistible.
"You do realize I'm working on stuff for your band?"
"And I'm trying to get you under me, so why don't you shove all those papers aside and hop on the desk?"
Blaine continued to ignore him and write, but his mouth twitched. "Why don't you do something productive like, I don't know... Write a song?"
Kurt slumped in his seat with a groan. "I need inspiration. Everything I write sucks!" He peeked up at Blaine who didn't look very sympathetic.
It had been a week, a week since they made out but since then, nothing! Blaine was feeling better, especially since Sebastian had texted him a long apology and told him he wouldn't contact him unless it was an emergency. Since then, he had been very cute, smiling and being bashful, but he refused to define their relationship. He had mentioned the word boyfriend when they made out in his office, but there hadn't been any discussion since. Kurt was trying not to lose his patience.
He knew what he wanted now and that was the annoying man across from him doing his best to ignore him. He hadn't felt like this in so long and never thought it would happen to him again. Not after his last serious relationship.
But this was different and he could freely admit to himself that he had feelings for Blaine and he was not going to screw this up.
The problem was he underestimated how stubborn Blaine could be.
He asked Blaine out on dates and Blaine had excuses.
He tried to get him alone and Blaine made sure it didn't happen.
He suggested making out and Blaine practically fled from his presence! It was frustrating and he probably would have just accepted his fate if Blaine hadn't smiled at him the way he did or talked to him for hours on the phone like they were teenagers. He was scared. Kurt got that, but he wasn't letting this go until Blaine told him for a fact that there was no hope.
This was his last resort and he definitely had a few tricks up his sleeve.
"Blaine! I'm not kidding!" he whined. "I need help!"
Blaine sighed deeply and removed his glasses. Dropping them on the desk, he folded his hand and gave Kurt a placating smile. "Go ahead."
"I think you should wear the glasses. I need the visual for when I'm jerking off later."
"Kurt."
He worried his lip in between his teeth. "I need your help writing a song."
"You seem to be doing just fine on your own," Blaine said. "In fact, you probably don't need anymore for the album—"
"It's a specific kind of song," Kurt interjected.
Blaine gave him a go ahead nod and Kurt shrugged down into his seat.
"I want to write a song about Finn… And maybe my dad…"
Blaine's peeved expression faded into that wide-eyed Bambi one, complete with bottom lip poking out that Kurt wanted to bite.
"Is Finn your brother?"
Kurt had to look away from Blaine and his eyes landed on his diploma hanging on the wall. His middle name was Devon. Cute. "Yeah." He appreciated how Blaine said is and not was like he didn't exist anymore. Like he was just something in the past and not his brother.
He was holding his hand to his heart. Kurt's skin itched at the look of pity. "Of course I would be honored to. But you're sure it's not something you want to do alone? It seems so personal."
Kurt sat up and leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. He made sure to meet Blaine's eyes. "I don't want to do it alone."
It was something he had been turning over in his mind and now that he had given actual words to it, he knew what he wanted to do. Spending time with Blaine would just be a bonus.
Blaine was beaming at him and he tried not to smile. "What?" Kurt grumbled.
"That's just really sweet, Kurt. Of course I'll help you."
"I feel like I have to say something gross to counteract this feelings talk. It's giving me heartburn."
Blaine's grin only grew more fond. "Go ahead."
"Wanna fuck?"
"Feel better?"
Kurt scowled. "No. I'm off my game."
"Come on. Let's go get coffee."
"I don't know how to do this," Blaine said as he sipped from his paper cup. They had a notebook, two pens, and coffee as they sat together in the little coffee shop a few blocks away from the studio. Kurt was staring at the wall and rubbing the ball of his tongue piercing in circles on his top lip. He wasn't really thinking about it, but a glance at Blaine's transfixed stare had him chuckling.
"You know, you can have this if you want." He leaned forward, hand on his chin and winked. "All you have to do is ask nicely. Actually, you don't even have to ask. Just take your clothes off and I'll do the rest."
Blaine's cheeks and ears bloomed pink as he tore his eyes away and down to his coffee. "I told you I can't," he said quietly to his cup.
"Your choice," Kurt replied, not showing how much that stung. "But you have to make the next move. I will warn you, I'm going to make you fall in love with me."
Blaine's mouth fell open and Kurt reached forward to tip it closed. He looked terrified. Blaine sucked in a breath and spread his palms on the table, searching for anything to distract him.
"So the song," he croaked before clearing his throat. Kurt decided to have mercy on him.
"The song. Songs? Fuck if I know." Kurt picked up a pen and started doodling in the notebook. "I have a few lyrics in my head and a little melody, but I don't want to bring it to the guys until I let my family hear it. It's only right."
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Blaine asked carefully. "It might bring up some stuff you aren't ready to face."
"I've always worn my pain like a medal. It's how I've coped. The way I see it, I can drown in my angst or use it to fuel my creativity and hopefully share something with another person who might understand." Kurt looked up at Blaine, trying gauge what he thought. He hadn't quite meant to say all that. "That's dumb, right?"
Blaine shook his head vehemently. "No, that's amazing! You're so... You're stronger than me."
"You're strong too, Blaine. Just in different ways." Kurt looked up from his drawing and smiled at him. God, he wanted to kiss Blaine again, but he had to be the human equivalent of a mixed signal. Just as fast as it came, the moment was over and Blaine tapped the notebook.
"Well, why don't we write out your ideas and see if we can make them fit. Then once we get the lyrics down, we can add music?"
Kurt nodded, eyes not leaving the notebook. "Okay. Are you any good at— Hey! Give that back!"
"Kurt!" He was red as a fire engine now. It was all Kurt could do to keep from laughing. Blaine clutched the notebook to his chest, peeked at it, and flushed even redder. "What the hell is wrong with you? Why would you draw something pornographic in public! Is- is this US?"
Kurt gave him a pleased smile. "You can tell? See, I even drew your glasses and bow tie!" He pointed them out before Blaine snatched it away again. "It's one hundred percent accurate," Kurt said with a wink. "And I think we can definitely replicate that with a little bit of prayer and a lot of lube."
"This is obscene! I don't think I can even bend that way!"
"Then give it here so you don't have to look at it."
Blaine held it out of his reach and tore the page out. "I'm going to dispose of this where children, animals, and the elderly are safe from it."
Kurt gave him a devilish smirk. "Admit you want to take it home to get off to it. It's what I would do."
Blaine slapped the notebook down on the table and stuffed the paper into his pocket. "Write. Your. Song." He ground out.
"Yes, dear." He grabbed the pen and started writing.
"This is Kathy and Kyle with 102.7 The Wire! Your fix for the hottest new music! Today we are here with up-and-coming rock band The Lima Losers who are performing their new single live right here in a few minutes. Hello guys! How are you?"
Everyone answered they were doing well. Kurt tried not to show how nervous he was. He had tried to sneak to the bathroom to sip out of the little flask in his pocket, but Blaine had dutifully kept them all together like a teacher herding a group of small children on a field trip so they were on time.
They had been successful at songwriting these last few days and Kurt was not just enjoying Blaine's company, but also really impressed with how good at songwriting Blaine was. The more time he spent in the reserved man's presence, the deeper he felt. It probably wasn't good since Blaine couldn't even have a conversation about 'them' without turning into a flustered mess. But whatever. Kurt would bide his time.
Now they sat around a table next to the radio hosts, microphones in their faces. Blaine sat off to the side with his phone, making sure they stayed on task. It made Kurt want to laugh that he tried to make himself look as boring as possible with his slicked back hair and polite demeanor, but what he didn't realize was how captivating he was, charming everyone he met. You could dress a diamond up in a beige suit, but it was still a diamond.
"Now, we have a few questions that our listeners tweeted us for some of you. Let's start with Puck. At 'Puck_me_up' wants to know where your nipple ring went?"
Everyone laughed and Puck leaned forward. "Well, it got ripped out by some cougars in an accident, but if our song makes the top ten I'll get it redone just for her."
"You heard that here first guys!" Kyle said.
Kathy turned to Dani and Tina. "At 'Lima Losers 4life' asked, 'How much say do you two have in everything. Like do you get to help write songs and make decisions about apparel or is it a sausage fest?'"
The girls laughed. "We get equal say, just like the guys," Tina said. "Kurt is the leader, of course. He founded the band, but he always talks to us and we will all be credited with the songs we helped to write. It's very fair. We love our producer Blaine Anderson too! He found us! And now he's blushing, but he's the best!"
The others echoed her sentiment with claps, cheers, and a hoot in Puck's case. Blaine gave them the 'cut it out' motion with his fingers to his throat, but he was very pink and fighting a smile.
"Love you, Blaine! But seriously, do you really think Puck would have put together a look this good?" Dani chimed it, indicating her outfit. Puck gave her the finger discreetly, but it was good natured. "Seriously though, it's a great environment. We always feel seen and heard. I've been part of groups that weren't so great, but this is the one I feel most comfortable in. I mean, three-fifths of the band is queer so I think if anyone should be asked if they are okay, it's the straight ones."
"Blink if you are being held against your will," Kathy quipped.
As they all smiled and laughed, Kurt gave the girls an appreciative smile which they returned. He hadn't ever really thought of it that way, but he never would have treated anyone unfairly. It wasn't his style. In fact, he had refused a gig at this one bar because one of the managers there was a misogynistic jerk who had made gross comments about Dani and Tina. Kurt Hummel didn't put up with bullies.
"Speaking of the puppet master, this question is for Kurt Hummel." Kurt perked up at this. He had honestly been content with the rest of the guys answering the questions so he could stare at Blaine and not-so-innocently give fellatio to a straw in his soda they brought him.
At his name, Blaine's eyes went up from whatever email he had been answering to the interviewer. "At 'Jamie rocks out' asks, 'Does anyone else struggle with Kurt's girly demeanor? I love their music, but it's hard for me to go all in because I can't find him hot.'"
Every member of the band had a negative reaction to this, Elliott and Puck crying foul while Dani and Tina scowled. Blaine stood up to protest the question, but Kurt held up a hand.
"Thank you for coming to my rescue everyone, but no matter what Jamie says, I'm not a damsel in distress." He gave the interviewers an easy smile to show he wasn't mad and Blaine sat down with a frown. He was probably seething at the inappropriate question. These guys had to get their sound bytes somewhere though, so he'd give them one. "As for her question, if you could call it that, I would apologize for being effeminate if it were something to apologize for. I learned a long time ago that if I couldn't be myself, I would just be miserable. So here I am. I use the way I dress to get a message across, and that message is that people like me exist, so if you don't like it you can go fuck yourself. She can go to a sex shop and find something that does it for her because I assure you, she doesn't do it for me either."
Kurt let his eyes fall on Blaine who was taking in every word with a proud smile on his face.
"I personally find it attractive when a guy isn't afraid to show that side of himself. It's a big turn on." He threw a wink at Blaine for good measure and had to stifle a giggle at how he was blushing now.
"Wow, that's well said," Kyle replied and the others clapped. "Can I ask what type of guy you find attractive since you brought it up?"
After a soft laugh, Kurt pretended to think and watched Blaine squirm out of the corner of his eye. As if he didn't know how fucking attracted to him Kurt was. As if he didn't flirt with him all day every day. Dummy.
"Henry Cavil can hit it at any time. Am I right?" he said flippantly.
"Don't ask me," Dani said as the others mostly agreed. Puck obviously scrunched up his nose in disagreement. Blaine had looked down at his lap and was messing with a loose thread on his jacket. Kurt couldn't tell if he was upset, but he decided not to tease the poor guy any longer.
"Seriously though, I don't really have a type, but I have a thing for cute little shy guys who are sweet and shit."
"Yeah, he needs someone to balance out his unpleasant personality," Elliott joked.
Kurt smirked at him and stuck his middle finger up at the man. "Elliott just wishes people liked him as much as they do me. I also like curly hair and guys who tell me lame ass knock-knock jokes," Kurt finished with a nervous lick of his lips. He couldn't look at Blaine yet. He had no idea how he would react, but he definitely didn't want to see rejection. He didn't think he could take it.
"Sounds like there is someone specific," Kathy hinted.
Kurt shrugged. "Guess people will have to listen to the album to find out if I drop any hints."
The band cheered their agreement and Puck leaned into his mic. "Just for the record, if I were to go gay for anyone, it would be Kurt. He's a legend, trust me."
Kurt shook his head with a chuckle and finally caught eyes with Blaine as Elliott voiced his disappointment at not being Puck's crush. Blaine was still pink, but the way he was looking at Kurt like he had hung the moon. It filled the lead singer with such a warmth that he feared he was blushing too. Him, a man who cursed (and fucked) like a sailor reduced to this? He was definitely in trouble, especially if Blaine never reciprocated his feelings.
The interviewers had moved on to Elliott for a question and Kurt was glad. He needed a minute to process this.
He was pretty sure he had fallen in love. Fuck.
"I'm sorry, you want to go where?" Blaine asked as he looked up at Kurt from his desk. It was a few days after the radio interview that gave him butterflies. He and Kurt had been so busy they hadn't had a chance to talk about what Kurt had said, but he was hoping they could soon.
Not that he knew what the hell he was going to say. He might have been avoiding the conversation.
"I want to go to Ohio," Kurt announced. "To finish the album. Well, to finish writing the album." He smiled winningly, his hands behind his back as he bounced on the balls of his feet. "We can record the last few songs when we get back. This is just a weekend trip. This weekend, actually—"
"Hang on," Blaine rubbed his forehead. "Let me get this straight, you want to take the whole band to Ohio this weekend? What about recording? And interviews?"
Kurt's confidence ebbed a little and he pursed his lips. Blaine just knew that damn tongue piercing was circling his top lip the way it did when he was scheming. He was not thinking about it though.
"We could record extra these next few days and postpone interviews? This is really important to me."
Blaine let go of his breath. He scratched at his scalp and looked up at Kurt through his lashes. "I just don't know why you can't write them here."
Kurt traipsed around Blaine's office, touching his picture frames and nick-nacks throughout. He stopped at a picture of Blaine with his mom taken at his last visit to Ohio. Kurt reached out like he was going to stroke the picture, but only straightened the frame.
"I want to get back to my roots. That's where my band started after all." He turned back to Blaine. "When you and I wrote together, those songs meant so much to me. Not that my others don't, but they are special. You get what it was like to grow up there, to feel some of the same things. The hopelessness, the frustration, and the beauty of it." Kurt stared him down for a minute and then ran a hand through his hair. Pink strands mixed with the brown and fell onto his face. Blaine's fingers itched to brush them back to their place. "And I think my dad and stepmom should hear them. The songs we wrote. And I want you to come with me."
"I…" Blaine was at a loss. Wes drilled into them to keep the client happy, but he was pretty sure the man wouldn't go for this. Not with the album debut so close. Wes was understanding, but he had limits. Kurt was smiling at him with such excitement though and Blaine knew he would at least ask Wes. "I'll ask him." Kurt's grin widened. "But no promises! Prepare to be disappointed!"
Kurt hurried to the other side of the desk and smacked a kiss on Blaine's cheek. He was momentarily stunned at the feeling and watched Kurt run back to the door.
"Thank you!" He stopped and worried the door frame. "Blaine—" He opened his mouth to say something, but shut it and shook his head. "Did you want to talk about anything else?"
The hopeful but shy look knocked Blaine off guard. Kurt was here again asking for him to meet him halfway. Laying his heart on the ground for Blaine to stomp on it. But he didn't know how to pick it up and hold onto it, so he stalled.
"I can't talk right now… But later—"
Kurt's smile dimmed and he tapped a knuckle on the door frame. "Yeah, of course. No rush." He gave him one more weak smile and left, closing the door softly behind him.
Blaine groaned and let his head fall onto his arms on the desk. He had to talk to Kurt soon. It wasn't right to string him along like that. The poor guy deserved a solid yes or no. He had been so different these last few days. Kind, gentle, and sweet. Blaine had no idea what had happened to the crude man he slapped, but this Kurt was tame and not pushy. Well, not as pushy.
Blaine lifted his head. He wasn't sure what the hell to do about his love life, but he knew what he could do for Kurt. He picked up his phone.
"Hey, Jeff. Is Wes busy? I need to come talk to him a second."
"I'm sorry, but you want me to take them to Ohio? You're completely fine with this?" Blaine asked Wes in disbelief as they talked in his office. He couldn't believe his boss had agreed.
"Make the client happy, Blaine!" Wes said before taking a bite of the noodles he was eating for lunch. "Ohio isn't that far and it's a weekend trip. They can finish recording when they get back. Oh! Thad still lives there and he has that podcast. I'll set something up." Wes chuckled at how shocked Blaine looked. "Are you all right there? I once had to organize a birthday party for a client's iguana with a five hundred person guest list in three days. This is fine. It would be good for them."
Blaine nodded slowly. He couldn't believe this was happening. When was the last time he went to Ohio? He couldn't wait to tell Kurt though. He would be so excited.
"Well, I guess I'm going to Ohio."
Wes swallowed his current bite. "Bring me back some of your mom's bread! I ate a whole loaf just by myself and Emily almost made me sleep in the car."
Blaine smiled. Emily was Wes' very nice girlfriend. They had been dating for awhile now. "I will if she's in town. She's a travel nurse now and she keeps weird hours. I'll bake her some myself if she wants."
"She wants!"
As he left the office, it hit him all the work he would have to do. Well, he definitely wouldn't have time to talk to Kurt about anything personal then. Not his fault.
He told himself that anyway.
Friday-morning
They were seated together on the plane. Blaine had told Wes they would drive, but he made him fly instead.
"They will have enough of that if they get to go on tour," he had said. "Just fly. And don't squish my bread!"
So they flew and Blaine was trying to get work done on the flight, but Kurt would not stop pestering him. He was definitely not trying to avoid a conversation by burying his nose in his laptop. He had work to do. And this wasn't a good place to have a private conversation. They would talk later.
"Blaine, wanna join the mile high club?"
"No, thank you."
"Blaine, want a sip?"
"Where did you get alcohol?"
"The flight attendant is a nice person."
"Blaine, wanna watch porn?"
"You are not watching porn on the plane."
"Blaine, should I buy another leather jacket?"
"Don't you have one?"
"But this one's Gucci!"
"That's insane to spend that on a jacket."
"Blaine, knock-knock."
A long-suffering sigh. "Who's there?"
"Ice cream."
"Ice cream who?"
"Ice cream all night for you, daddy!"
Blaine massaged his temples. He was obviously not going to get any work done. Kurt was currently stacking some of the paper cups the flight attendant had given him on Blaine's arm, but they fell over when he moved to close his laptop. Blaine was pretty sure that she had a crush on Kurt because she kept bringing him every little thing he asked for and stopping by every five minutes.
Kurt huffed. "If you're not going to talk to me or screw me you can at least sit still and be a good foundation for my cup tower."
"Sorry. We need to go over your itinerary. I know you want to visit your dad."
"Yeah, yeah. We are seeing them tomorrow. I'm more excited about what you and I are going to do while we are here. Didn't you go to a fancy school? With uniforms? I need to see that for reasons. Did you have a uniform? Wasn't it all boys? God, what a gold mine that must have been. Dick as far as the eye can see."
Blaine let his head fall back and sorted through all Kurt's rapid fire questions. "Okay, first of all, we still need to discuss your schedule. Tonight when we get in, we need to do a social media post and the meet and greet and then tomorrow yes, you are seeing your dad and Carole. Then Sunday afternoon we have Thad's podcast and then we are flying out Monday morning. Early. And as for your other questions, yes I went to Dalton for a little while, but mostly it was North Westerville High. How did you know that?"
"Hmm. That's why we never met in high school. We faced Dalton a bunch of times for sectionals. North Westerville must have been in a different zone."
Blaine looked over at Kurt who was doing that thing with his tongue piercing. "They didn't have Glee club. And I pretty much kept to myself."
Kurt studied him before leaned back in his own seat so they were mirror images of each other. Blaine thought this must be what they would look like if they laid in a bed together. He pushed that insane thought away.
"High school tough for you?" Kurt asked.
"It wasn't for you?"
"It was. I just got tougher."
Blaine really didn't feel like rehashing his awful high school experience at the moment because that would mean talking about Lee and his hospital stay and the reason he couldn't stay at Dalton, so he changed the subject. "Does your dad and stepmom know you're coming? Are you nervous?"
Kurt looked up and fiddled with his armrest. They were so close to touching Blaine could feel his warmth through his cardigan. He wished he was brave enough to move his arm closer or weave his fingers with Kurt's. That wouldn't be fair though since they hadn't really talked.
"Yes, they know. I'm sure dad is probably annoyed as hell that I just told him I was too busy and now here I am, but Carole seemed thrilled. And I'm sure I'll be fine. You'll be with me." He grinned, showing lots of teeth.
"What do you mean?"
"I can't go by myself! Remember what Wes says? Keep the talent happy!"
Blaine scowled at him. "Who told you that?"
"I snoop in your office a lot. A bad habit I picked up from Santana. That's not important. What's important is that I am happy. And you coming with me makes me happy."
Blaine couldn't help his smile. Kurt wasn't playing fair here, but he didn't really mind he guessed.
Kurt suddenly frowned. "Wait, you weren't planning on seeing your parents were you? That would be shitty of me to ruin your plans."
Blaine looked away. "No, I wasn't. Mom is out of town working."
There was silence. Kurt shifted in his seat. "Is your dad dead? My mom is."
Blaine slowly looked back over to Kurt in disbelief. Sometimes he wondered if he said things just to see the shock on his face. Kurt shrugged. "What? Just curious."
"No. My dad is just the worst. I kind of wish he was dead."
"Wow. I didn't know you had it in you." He offered Blaine a fist bump which he reciprocated with a little laugh. He leaned closer to Blaine who's breath hitched as Kurt swiped a finger on his cheek. "Eyelash. Make a wish."
Blaine blew it away and had to rip his eyes away from Kurt's. He was too close. Everything felt too hot for a few moments. Kurt abruptly sat back and started messing with his tray this time, allowing Blaine to release his breath. "So what are we going to do tomorrow night? You and I are hanging out. I would like to go have a little fun around town. Will you go with me?"
"Maybe," Blaine replied warily. He was still trying to breathe after whatever had just passed between them and Kurt was smiling at him like he was the most adorable puppy he had ever seen. "Where do you want to go?"
"Where do you want to go? You grew up there too." Kurt asked as he scooted close again. Now they were definitely touching arms.
"Yeah, but this isn't about me, it's about you guys and your songs." Despite warning bells going off in his head, Blaine left his arm where it was.
"Well, you helped write two. And you're my muse, so it's kind of about you too," Kurt replied.
Blaine blushed as he stammered a reply. "You- It's- Well. I can't be your muse!" He gasped as he felt Kurt's pinkie wrap around his. Oh god, that was so cute.
Kurt smirked a little. "Yes you can. You are. It can be our little secret. The fans don't have to know. Let's be honest, a lot of them just want to see me anyway since I'm so hot." He posed in an exaggerated sexy way, making Blaine laugh which delighted Kurt to no end. Blaine decided to be brave and tightened his pinkie's grip. Kurt's smile grew at the action and he squeezed back.
A question hadn't left Blaine's mind from earlier and he decided to just go for it. Plus, he kind of need to know what he was walking into.
"So, about your dad. What's your problem with him? Does he disapprove of the music thing or is it just plain old homophobia?"
"No," Kurt sighed. "My dad is supportive, accepting, and pretty much the best dad you could hope for."
"Is it the drinking?" Blaine ventured. He hated to talk about it, he really did, but he couldn't go through what he had been through with Sebastian. Drinking brought out a cruelty in him that Blaine hadn't know he possessed and even though he had never physically hurt him, his words had almost been worse. Blaine had seen Kurt drink and maybe what had happened with Sebastian had been the reason he slapped him. To be fair, Kurt hadn't ever been belligerent.
"I don't have a problem with drinking," Kurt scoffed.
Blaine looked pointedly at Kurt's empty cup he had finished earlier.
Kurt rolled his eyes. "Okay, so I guess it started in high school when I got sick of being bullied constantly. I figured if I started dressing and acting scary, people would leave me alone. I asked Puck to show me some self-defense moves and he and Tina and a few other friends helped me with my look. It was pretty much an act at first. I was able to put a stop to most of it. Dad wasn't really a fan of the look or the attitude I developed to go along with it. He caught me drunk one too many times. He wanted me to be myself and not let others change me. I guess he didn't realize it had pretty much saved my life, but whatever." Kurt squinted out the window, his tongue piercing circling. "Anyway, he was relieved when I started to go back to my old aesthetic and then I went to college. A lot of shit happened, but to summarize: my best friend betrayed me, my boyfriend of two years betrayed me, I graduated from NYADA and couldn't land a role to save my life, and then my brother died. What's worse is we had this stupid fight right before… It wasn't a good time. But yeah, I was being rejected at every audition and it sucked. I had a fucking degree from NYADA and it didn't mean a goddamn thing to those people because I was such an anomaly they couldn't figure out what box to put me in. So they just skipped over me. Sure, I got a few roles here and there, but not the leads. Not what I wanted. I wanted to be the one everyone was looking at, that they could never take their eyes off of. The center of attention. If you had seen the way I dressed in high school, you would understand. I had this useless degree and all this ambition and bitterness that I used to start the band. Now, no one can look away from me because I'm right there. Staring into their souls." Kurt had a faraway look in his eyes that made Blaine wish Kurt could see himself the way he did. He was definitely that star he wanted to be, and so much more. Kurt blinked and he was back in the present. "Things with Dad didn't just get bad overnight. It was a slow decline and Dad really is just disappointed in me I think. He can't accept that this is me and what I want out of life. And he thinks I'm destroying myself with the drinking. Which is fair. But I don't do it all the time. Just sometimes when I need a little help." Kurt looked over to Blaine. "Kind of pathetic I guess."
"It's not pathetic to need a little help now and then," Blaine said, sincerity apparent in his voice. "Everyone does. There's just healthy ways and not so healthy ways to go about it. I just don't want to see you get hurt."
"Guess all the whoring around doesn't help either," Kurt said with a shrug. "I'm not ashamed of it though. I'm careful."
"You aren't a whore," Blaine replied. As much as he didn't like to think about Kurt with other guys, he needed him to understand. "As long as you you aren't leading anyone on, who you sleep with and how many people you sleep with isn't anyone's business."
Kurt looked down. In his earnestness, Blaine had clutched Kurt's hands in his. Once he realized this, he started to let go, but Kurt kept hold of one of his hands. They couldn't be more different, Blaine's neatly kept nails and sensible watch clashing with Kurt's callouses and chipped black nail polish. But they fit in ways he couldn't really explain.
"Tell me about your dad. Why do you hate him? Disagreements or plain old homophobia?" He echoed Blaine's earlier words. Blaine took the change of subject, glad Kurt wasn't making a big deal about holding hands.
He tried to focus on his reply instead of the flips his stomach was doing at Kurt's hand in his. "All of the above?" He said softly. Kurt had opened up to him, so he could talk about it a little. He felt comfortable enough.
"Uh, my dad left when I was eight. It was hard, not understanding why I was never good enough for him. The thing was, he wasn't even a terrible dad before. I had good memories. But he was just gone one day. I found out later he had gotten remarried and had two more sons. Just replaced me and my brother. But I've kind of made peace with it. I don't know." He rubbed the back of his neck and chanced a look at Kurt. A laugh bubbled up from his chest at the utter disbelief on Kurt's face.
"Goddam, that's fucked up! Wow, I'm sorry. I really am an asshole, bitching about my relationship with my dad when you went through that. Like, I won the father lottery and you have that piece of shit, but I'm the damaged one."
"Kurt, no one gets to tell you you have it easier or better. We all have our struggles. Yeah, it hurts, but it made me more compassionate and kinder."
"You really are the kindest person I know," Kurt said as he stroked Blaine's hand. Pleasurable shivers ran through his body at the gentle touch. "Screw him." He sat up and grinned in excitement. "Okay, this weekend isn't about all the bullies that tried to bring us down, it's about us and how we showed them. This weekend is about fun. Are you in?"
Blaine returned his smile and nodded. "Okay. Fun. And a little work too."
Kurt rolled his eyes, not unkindly. "A little work too." Then he kissed the back of Blaine's hand quickly, stirring up the butterflies once again.
Fun. He could do fun. He could totally do this.