A/N: Happy b-day Teania (October 29)!
This is a freestanding story and it's a light one. Because of this there will be some extra OOC moments, of course, but it's not crack, just within my lighter writing style. No warnings apart from that…
The next update will be on Halloween, a collaboration, of sorts, with Tinclay, and the next after that will be on November 2:nd. Both of them are on the dark category, the November one VERY dark, so if you like it lighter, enjoy this one!
Match Made in… Heaven?
"Bruce…" Robin began, looking uncomfortable. "I'm… I'm gay."
Bruce was not at all surprised. He was the world's greatest detective, after all, and when the boy had been fourteen he had had a crush on Superman which had been so painfully obvious that even the somewhat blue-eyed Man of Steel noticed.
"I know, Dick… and don't worry, Alfred and I don't mind."
"You… both know?!"
"There were clues."
"Oh." The young man didn't seem to want to know what those clues were, and that was good, because that would have made the whole thing even more embarrassing.
"What? Did you expect me to send you back to the circus or something? Disband the Teen Titans?"
"No… no I hoped you'd be fine with it but… well, you never know, and… we've never talked about things like this, so…"
"Ah… so that's why you waited until you were seventeen…" the man said dryly.
"Eighteen soon."
"Yes, yes, so why now?" Batman's eyes narrowed. "Don't tell me you've been… unprotected?"
"What? No!" the teen blushed so the tips of his ears seemed to glow. "I've not- you know."
"Oh? Well. Good." One less thing to worry about, the man supposed.
"But I want to… I mean I… I've decided to start dating," his ward told him firmly after a few false starts.
"You've what?"
"I'm eighteen-"
"Seventeen."
"Well, soon eighteen and I… I just think it's time. I mean, if I had lived a more normal life I would probably had started dating years ago!" the teen crossed his arms over his chest in the way that meant 'I'm not going to back down'.
"Fine."
"Really? I mean… yes. Good," the young hero looked relieved.
"I will help."
"Wait… what?" Robin gaped. "With what?!"
"Your dates."
"What… what do you mean? I… I can take care of-"
"Nonsense. I will pick out a few candidates and-"
"You will…? No!" Robin shook his head in disbelief. "Don't you dare!"
"Have you considered if you want to date as Richard or Robin?"
"I… what does that…? I … no, but…"
"I thought not. Leave it to me. You can't just go out clubbing, Dick, you have to do this responsibly. I'll let you know when I've made the first selection, why don't you go see Alfred? I think he just baked some cookies."
"And then he sent me to Alfred for some cookies and milk!" Robin exclaimed at the screen, all but pulling his hair. "Can you believe him, guys?"
"Dude, you've got crumbs all over your front," Beast Boy snickered.
"Well, they were really good cookies.." Robin muttered. "Anyway, I knew I shouldn't have come to Gotham! I should have just called!"
"But he was the O and K with you being the gay?" Starfire asked.
"Yes… yeah, he already knew too… so at least I didn't have to worry about that."
"Please, give me a moment. I am enjoying the wonderful feeling of the 'I told you so'." Starfire gloated.
"Guys! Focus! He's actually using the Batcave computer as a match-making site! Someone talk some sense into him? PLEASE?!"
"Um, won't that just set you up with a bunch of villains?" Cyborg wanted to know.
"What? No, no there's like a billion people in there from all over the world… everything from scientists and politicians to military and police… oh, and the villains and the snitches and so on too, but, you know… it's not like he won't use some filters or something… I hope. I don't want to go on a date with Two-Face."
"He's gay?" Raven asked.
"Part of him is," Robin grinned. "But seriously, I'm coming home right now…"
"Come on, you've already taken some time off, why not just see what that computer comes up with? Maybe you'll get lucky," Cyborg shrugged. "If you know what I mean…"
"An idiot would know what you mean…" Robin muttered.
"Please? What did you mean?" Starfire asked.
"It's not like he can make you go on any actual date or anything… you can just check out the pics! Maybe there are some nude ones!"
"Yeah. Right. The Bat-computer goes porn…" Robin snorted. "Well, I did want to take some time off and do some normal stuff… like going to the museums and so on…"
"Are you gonna go to Gotham Zoo?" Best Boy wanted to know.
"How's that any different from being in the Tower with you guys?" his leader chuckled. "But there's a new, enormous aquarium which has just opened, and I'm gonna check that out."
"Have fun with the fishes! Wave if you see Aqualad!" Cyborg grinned and then they signed off. Robin sighed and threw himself on his bed. Fine. He's stick around a bit. Just to see what his over-protective mentor would fish up.
Back in Jump City someone else just hung up as well. Slade had listened in on the Titan's conversation and was now typing so fast on his keyboard that his fingers seemed blurry. He had a grin on his unmasked face. This was what he had been waiting for… all he needed was the right bait.
Slade picked up his phone and dialed.
"Hello, this is Slade Wilson. Yes… I'm calling about that favor…"
"I've found you a couple of matches," Bruce announced the next day.
"What?" Robin mumbled with his mouth full of breakfast.
"Here. All appropriate candidates, I believe," Bruce said and sat a small pile of papers down in front of the teen.
"Forget it!" Robin snorted.
"Oh, Master Richard, why not at least go on one date?" Alfred suggested. "You know Master Bruce won't give up this endeavor until you do. How about this one?"
"Military man, rising quickly through the ranks, specializes in guerilla combat, has multiple honors," Bruce recited from memory after a glance at the paper.
"The photo is kinda blurry, isn't it?" Robin muttered, looking at the page Alfred had just handed to him.
"Taken in Iraq, but he's on leave here in Gotham right now."
"But… this is just… too weird!" the teen complained.
"Dating is seldom without awkwardness," the butler said wisely.
"Fine… I'll think about it," Robin muttered.
Half an hour later, Bruce walked into the library where the teen was currently curled up with a book. "Good news, you're meeting him at 'Under the Sea' at three."
"Wait, what? Who? The guy from the file? I don't even know his name!"
"It was right there; S. J. Wilson. Age twenty seven… is that too old?"
"No, but… I can't… he… you ASKED him?!"
"Of course. He sounded like a very responsible man on the phone, just as his records show. He's currently single and agreed to a blind date."
"And he didn't think it's strange that someone else set it up?"
"No, he told me he got set up by his own parents on a regular basis. Well… shouldn't you go get ready?"
"It's nine in the morning, what am I? A girl?"
"Fine… you're right… So what are you going to wear?"
That question made Robin panic and run to his room.
"So you're going on a date with this guy?" Cyborg said from the screen on the wall while Robin was busy tearing through his suitcase, trying to find something.
"Yeah? Where the hell are my black jeans? There they are!"
"Um… weren't you supposed to refuse?"
Robin hesitated and straightened up. "Damn… yeah… I kinda forgot…" He shook his head and went back to solving his clothing problem. "Too late now anyway…"
"Whatever you say, man… hey, yellow isn't really your color, go with the red."
"Thanks!" Robin said and pulled one the dark red long sleeved tight top instead. "Better?"
"Better. Now you just need a nice belt and- wait! Damn, is gay contagious? Since when do I care about accessories and crap?"
"I don't know, but you're really helping!" Robin grinned at his friend. "Now… what about my hair?"
Robin was sitting on a bench just inside the large 'underwater experience', looking at the Atlantic Ocean display wondering if you could die from stomach-butterflies. He had been told that the guy would be here at three, dressed in his army uniform. Bruce had left Robin's description as well: black jeans, dark red top, black hair, blue eyes… check. Dating as Robin would be much too complicated so Richard would have to do…
Suddenly a pair of legs dressed in kaki walked into his peripheral vision.
"Hello Robin."
… so how did this guy know his alias? And why did that voice sound like- The teen looked up.
"…Wilson?" he all but squeaked.
"Yes."
"S-Slade Wilson?"
"Yes."
Robin stood up.
"Let's take this outside."
"I thought you wanted to see the aquarium?" the man, his enemy, said.
"Yes. Not destroy it. So I'd rather fight you outside."
"And I'd rather not fight at all. Come on," the man took his arm, like he was from the seventeenth century or something. "Let's go see some wonders."
"But… But…" Robin's eyes darted around. There were people here, innocent people, and, so far, no one had noticed anything and no one was in any immediate danger, as long as the man didn't decide to blow anything up. Maybe going along quietly would be the safest thing to do.
"How did you… I mean… your profile…?"
"I hacked the system."
"You lied too. You're not twenty seven," the ten snorted. The man's looks, the white hair and the eye patch had been a surprise, but the rugged, manly face hadn't been… it fit the man's voice, after all. The short beard made his chin look even wider, and it really suited hi- Robin cut that train of thought off.
"That's right, I'm not," the man answered, not offering any number.
"Nothing on that thing was true, was it?"
"Everything, apart from the age… I just moved the timeline forward a bit… and didn't include any recent history. Even the clothes are mine, although I admit the fit isn't perfect. I must be getting fat," the man said and patted a perfectly flat stomach. The only bulges were muscles, even though they did make the military green t-shirt rather tight. Robin swallowed.
"That photo-"
"Was an old one. I can hardly believe I'm the first one guilty of that crime," the man chuckled.
"Well… no… guess not," the teen snorted, hiding a chuckle of his own. "Still, why would you pretend to be gay and go on a date with me?"
"I'm not pretending. And I wanted to go on a date with you. Is that so hard to believe?"
"Duh! Yes! Seriously, Slade, there are families here, kids… please…"
"No one is going to get hurt, Robin, this is a date."
"Fine… Fine, this is a date. Great. So… you are just back from Iraq, then?"
"Recently, yes."
"Really? You left Jump?"
"Didn't you miss me?"
"Things have been a bit boring, yes," Robin smirked. "So… what where you doing there?"
"Killed Bin Laden."
"Um… sorry, that happened ages ago…"
"Killed the real one."
"Ooo… kayyyy…." the teen said slowly and glanced up at the man, His eye, grey-blue he now noticed, looked completely serious. "Well… umm… good job?"
"Thank you. It was easy. They should have sent me from the beginning. Look. Jellyfish."
"Speaking about spineless creatures?" Robin grinned, watching the pretty things floating in the tank in front of him.
The man chuckled. "Something like that."
"We Titans need to upgrade our communication security… not to mention the Batcave's," the young hero suddenly realized.
"Don't bother. I'll find my way in."
"You sound sure of yourself," the teen muttered.
"I am. I always get what I want," the man smirked down at him. Robin chose not to comment, but wished he hadn't blushed.
They lingered at the South American rivers, watching the feeding of the piranhas, which wasn't quite as impressive as Robin had hoped.
"They feed them fish pieces? Why not half a cow or something?" he asked.
"That was pleasantly disturbing. I think fish is more part of their natural diet."
"Yeah, but it's not really as cool," the teen grinned.
"On the other hand, the kiddies around here might not get nightmares this way."
"Like you care about giving people nightmares…" Robin muttered. The man just chuckled in reply.
People seemed to rush past, kids dragging their parents in their haste to get to the next tank, and the next and the next. Both Robin and Slade seemed to like to take their time, really exploring the different areas, as they got deeper and deeper into the building.
"How about something to eat?" the man suggested as they reached a large dome where tropical fish were swimming all around them. The dome contained a small café, which most parents steered their kids away from, complaining about the prices. That meant there were free tables however, and Slade gestured for the teen to sit down.
"What can I get you?"
"Something without any poison?" the teen requested dryly.
"This is a café at an entertainment park, don't ask me for miracles," the man answered with a grin. "Let's see… they have salad. Chicken or tuna?"
"Chicken. I don't want these guys glaring at me," Robin answered and gestured to the surrounding fishes.
"Chicken it is." The man returned a little later with a tray with salad and water, as well as two pieces of chocolate cake.
"I thought you were watching your weight?" the teen smirked.
"Just salad seemed boring. I'm not a fan of boring," the man shrugged. "But if you don't want it-?"
"I want it!" Robin snapped and slapped the man's hand away from his plate.
"Hmmm…" the villain merely hummed, making Robin blush slightly again. Damn brain, hearing innuendoes everywhere!
They ate in silence at first and then Robin noticed a grey shadow moving towards them and looked up. He almost jumped out of his seat.
"Wow! Look at that!"
"A sand tiger shark, if I'm not mistaken…"
"I thought it was a grey nurse shark? I saw a Australian documentary-"
"Same fish, different names."
"Oh. Didn't know that," Robin admitted. "Wow, it's big! Must be eleven feet… at least… and those teeth…"
The fish lazily swam over the dome, making the people inside gasp and point. Robin couldn't help it, his heart sped up a little. He knew he was safe here, he might almost as well have watched the thing on a screen, but still… it awoke something almost primal in him, something about predator and prey which the modern man had all but forgotten. It was one thing fighting huge globs of goo, but this… this was, somehow, more real.
"Fascinating, isn't it?" Slade rumbled and Robin couldn't help giving the man a happy grin.
"Awesome."
The shark, and others, smaller ones, kept passing by.
"You like sharks, obviously. That's promising for me," the man suddenly said.
"Right," the Titan answered dryly. "You want to rip me to pieces too?"
"Not exactly where I was going," the man frowned. "Like I said, this is a date."
"Slade, please… you're not exactly the 'dream man' that your profile said you were… let's say I forget how I know about you; what about Ba- Bruce?" Robin blinked. "Fuck."
"You just realized I know about him, didn't you?"
"Yes. I did earlier, when you called me Robin, but then I looked up, and it was you and I… kinda forgot."
"Because of my dazzling good looks, I assume?"
"Yeah, sure. Because of those. Not because I was trying to figure out how to get everyone out of here safely…" Robin muttered. "Oh, god, I mentioned the Batcave and I still didn't realize…" the teen felt disgusted at his own brain. "Soo… is this going to turn out into a black mail thing?"
"No. Again: a date thing."
"I'm eighteen-"
"Not quite, but go on? Your point?"
"And I'm a hero."
"Something I'm willing to overlook."
"And- oh, hold on…" Robin's phone was ringing and he answered it.
"It's me, how are things?" he heard Bruce ask.
"Oh, just splendid," Robin tried not to sound too sarcastic. The last thing he needed was Batman blasting in here as well.
"There was something I forgot about, may I talk to Wilson, please?"
"Umm… okay, I'll… put you on speaker," the teen said and gave Slade a warning glare.
"Major Wilson?"
"Yes, Sir?" Slade answered, leaving Robin gaping a little.
"I hope you are having a nice time. I just wanted to let you know to have my ward home by seven."
"Seven?" the teen exclaimed, just instinctively objecting to such an early curfew, and then remembered himself.
"Of course, Sir, and thank you, we're having a lovely time."
"Well, good. I'm sorry for the interruption."
"Not at all, Sir, and I'm hoping to get to meet you some time soon. If Richard decides to bring me home, that is," he added with a smirk towards Robin.
"Bye, Bruce!" the young hero quickly said and ended the call. "You're lucky this was just an ordinary phone. I don't think he'd be happy to actually see you," the teen muttered.
"Wouldn't you love to see the look on his face, though?" the man asked innocently.
A grin broke out on Robin's face before he had a chance to reel it in and replace it with a frown. "No," he said firmly, but he knew it was too late by the smile which was playing on the man's lips. "Oh, screw you," the teen muttered, but that only made the smile grow into a leer.
Robin decided to ignore the man and focus on his cake until his blush went away. That plan worked out pretty well, and somehow they both spotted that there was a paper tray liner on the tray with different fish species which you were supposed to spot and check off, like a game, and suddenly they were both playing it, calling out and pointing.
"That's not a moray eel, it's like a rock or log or something…" Robin said and squinted his eyes.
"I'll bet you it is."
"Sure, ten bucks?" the teen grinned.
"You're that unsure of yourself?"
"As if. Fifty then?"
"How about a kiss?"
"What? No!"
"Coward."
"I'm not a… okay. Wait… so if I lose…?"
"I get to kiss you."
"And if I win?"
"You get to kiss me?" the man suggested hopefully.
"Ha, very funny! I'll take the fifty bucks. Which reminds me… what do I owe for the food?"
"Nothing, it's a date."
Robin opened his mouth to object but then shrugged. "Fine. When this is over at least I can say that I set you back some…"
"Let's hope you'll get a slightly better story than that. Come on, let's go take a closer look at the eel."
"The log you mean?" Robin grinned.
Unfortunately, the log grinned back. Well… it snapped its jaws.
"It's not fair, you obviously have some kind of super vision…" the teen objected as the man pulled him to the side to collect his prize. "I can't be expected to-mmmmppff!"
Slade is KISSING me. SLADE is kissing me. Slade is kissing ME. The thoughts were just rushing into his head, bouncing around in there like mad, because besides them, it was pretty empty in Robin's skull at the moment. There was practically an echo. The way the man's lips moved against his, the way his hands drew him closer… Robin found his own hands going around the man's waist. Just looking for weapons, just looking for weapons, he told himself. Or a bomb-vest or something… yeah… like that would fit under this t-shirt. Oh, god, those back muscles are just…
Fortunately the kiss ended before Robin had time to finish that thought.
"I'd like to bet you again…" the man let him know, a new, deeper, note in his voice now, which seemed to resonate in the teen's chest. But maybe it was because they were pressed so close together.
"Let's… let's go look at the reef!" Robin stuttered and hurried away, feeling a bit woozy. Maybe the man had poisoned him after all. He cursed himself as he stared at the colorful fishes. He had to keep it together. He had to get the man out of here, and then… then… Robin had no idea. Would Slade let Bruce's secret out if Robin fought him? What was the alternative, then? What did the man want? The apprentice-thing again? No, the man had actually admitted that that had been a mistake not long after Robin had been able to escape. The teen, even though it was now several years later, still remembered that conversation with disbelief. Slade had backed off a lot since then. There was still the occasional challenge but, thinking back, those had seemed more than games than actual threats. All that made it even harder for the young hero to try to figure out what the man really wanted, because if it wasn't to imprison him or kill him… what else could it be?"
"I always liked clown fish."
The voice made him jump and the arms embracing him from behind even more so.
"I… I… they are nice…" Robin stuttered.
"Living so close to something that could kill them in an instant, trusting its own protective skills so the sea anemones won't sting them…"
"The fish protects the anemones in turn too, you know…" Robin muttered.
"Yes. A perfect symbiosis. Isn't that what we all really want?"
"Is that what… you want?" the teen asked carefully.
"Yes."
"With… me?" just asking the question felt absolutely absurd.
"And nobody else."
"Really?"
The man chuckled. "Don't sound so shocked, Robin. I've long since realized that you and I belong together. No one can fascinate me as you can, or challenge me. I've just been waiting for you to be ready… it was nice of you to announce it so openly."
"I don't think a private call to my friends can be called 'openly'," the teen muttered.
"Well… not to anyone but me, at least."
"What makes you think I want you, then?" the teen demanded to know. "Have you imagined that I've sent you 'open' signals as well?"
"No, I don't think you've even considered dating me before today," the man admitted. "If I'm lucky, I've featured in a dream or two, though. Ah… I see I have. I hope I was good."
"Shut up."
"That good, huh?" the man chuckled. "Seems I have a lot to live up to then. Still, now when you know that I'm an option… does being with anyone else really appeal to you?"
Crap. As usual the man had hit the nail hard and straight on, ramming his point in. Robin desperately tried to imagine himself standing there with someone else… a hot teen, a handsome man… an artist, perhaps, or a police officer, a fire fighter, a business executive, a construction worker… and nothing even as much as tickled his interest. The thought of a tall, one eyed, rugged looking villain, however… whose hands were on his hips at the moment…
"It's not too late to become a monk, I guess…" the teen sighed.
"Poor Bruce."
"Huh?" the teen wasn't quite able to follow the man's line of thought there.
"He was so sure he would be able to find you the perfect date. He was sure he had, wasn't he? Well, he's going to be busy forcing you out on dates with the next fifty seven candidates as well, of course, before he, maybe, gives up."
"Fifty seven?!"
"You didn't think the system only found me, did you? I just made sure to be on the top of the pile… FYI, I like being on top."
"I'm not going to date fifty seven guys!" Robin exclaimed, loudly enough to make a mother drag her kid away a bit.
"Of course not. You have me."
"Sure… I'll date you," Robin said after some thought.
"You will?"
"Yes," the teen turned around and grinned up at the man. "As soon as Bruce approves of you, of course."
"…" the man just glared at him.
"Well, it wouldn't just feel right if he didn't, you know?" the teen continued innocently. "We've always been open and honest with each other, and I'm not going to date anyone behind his back."
"Fine."
"I thought s- what?"
"Fine. It's about time to take you home, anyway… no time like the present."
"But… you… can't…"
"Of course I can."
"But he will… and you will… and you are… and he is… and…"
"Come. Let's take a trip through the gift shop on our way out, shall we?" the man suggested.
Robin exited the shop with a large, stuffed moray eel around his neck.
"You really didn't have to," he muttered, fingering the eel's plastic teeth.
"What better, as a symbol for our first date?" the villain grinned next to him. "My car is just outside."
"You're really looking forward to dying, aren't you?" the hero asked. "It's not like Bruce will invite you in for dinner!"
"Well… at least we're not going behind his back. Just like you wanted," the man shrugged.
Robin half expected to be kidnapped as he climbed into the car next to his 'date', but a little while later they pulled up at the gates to Wayne Manor, where Alfred, after a word from Robin, pressed the button to let them through. The man parked in the drive way close to the impressive double doors, which, along with the stairs leading up with them, was lit up as it had already gotten quite dark. Robin had to fiddle a bit as the eel caught on his safety belt, so Slade had time to get out of the car first and open the passenger door for him.
"Thanks," the teen scoffed as he climbed out.
"Trying to be a gentleman here," Slade chuckled and gently caught the hero's arm as he headed for the door. "How about a kiss for good luck?"
Robin hesitated but then figured that this was the last time he'd ever see the man alive anyway, so why not? Okay, so Bruce wouldn't kill him, but he would put a very definite end to the villain's romantic ideas, that was for sure. So Robin let himself be pulled closer and tilted his head up. He might just as well indulge. Who knew, Bruce might actually really ship him off to a monastery…
The kiss was, if not as unexpected as the first, still just as… perfect? Overwhelming? Hot? Robin's brain supplied a lot of descriptions, but they all seemed to fall short. As they parted, the teen was out of breath, and his cheeks were a bright pink. Suddenly the door opened.
"I see you had a good time," they heard Bruce chuckle. "I'm sorry for interrupting, but I think an introduct-"
They had been standing just on the edge of the light from the porch, so Robin's mentor hadn't been able to see them properly until now, and he was… surprised.
"Mr. Wayne, glad to meet you," Slade said and walked up to him, shaking the shell shocked man's hand. "Well… we've met before, but I think these are much more pleasant circumstances."
"You… you're… Slade Wilson!" the Dark Knight said and Robin could see him tense up.
"Yes!" the teen snapped. "You set me up with a villain, Bruce. Thank you SO much."
"Yes, thank you," Slade smirked. "And I prefer 'mercenary', not 'villain'."
"I don't care what you prefer," the younger hero muttered sullenly.
"I had no idea… how could that profile be so wrong, how- you hacked it!" Bruce suddenly realized.
"Oh, I just changed my age, provided an old picture and left a few things out… nothing to be that upset about," Slade shrugged.
"Should I call the police, Sir?" Alfred, who suddenly appeared by Bruce's shoulder, asked.
"You could, but I'm not wanted for anything," the villain, or mercenary, answered.
"You hacked the-"
"The Batcave computer. Yes. You're right. I should confess to that. Call the cops," the man nodded.
No one, of course, wanted him to do that.
"Well, Sir, should I set another plate for dinner, then?" the butler asked.
"Alfred? Have you gone mad?" Bruce asked worriedly.
"No, Master Bruce, but a detail in this seems to have escaped your notice."
"What?" the billionaire asked.
"Well, Master Richard clearly knew who this man is…"
"Yes?"
"And didn't we, just now, discover the two of them being… friendly?"
The detective blinked and then turned his famous glare on his ward, who cringed.
"You were kissing him!"
"Well… yes, but… you see, there was this eel…"
"In Robin's defense it did look like a log," Slade cut in, even though that didn't help much in explaining what had happened.
"If I might offer an observation, Sir?" Alfred spoke up.
"Yes?"
"Well, no one seems to in any acute danger here, and the open door is letting the warmth out, so if we could take the discussion inside, perhaps?"
Without really knowing how it had happened, Robin found himself on the sofa in one of the smaller, cozier sitting rooms, next to Slade, while Alfred was pouring them some tea.
"Just a little something to warm you up, I'm afraid, I don't want you spoiling your appetite for dinner."
"That would be a pity, Alfred," Slade nodded, lifting his cup to take a sip.
"This is a hidden camera show… or the Twilights zone… right?" Robin asked Bruce, who was sitting in a chair across from them.
"You tell me, you were the one who kissed him," the Dark Knight muttered almost petulantly.
"It's really very simple," Slade told them. "You were looking for a perfect match for Robin, and you found him."
"You are in no way perfect for my ward!" Bruce snapped.
"Well, I know the family secret, I'm in the business myself, of sorts, I'm mature enough to counter his rashness and I'm very well off, meaning I'm not a gold digger."
"Yes, but-"
"If he is dating as Richard there will be gold-diggers aplenty, Bruce, you know this from experience."
"Yes, but-"
"And your secret? Who would be able to handle that apart from someone else in from that world?"
"Yes, but-" Bruce looked at Robin. "Why am I the one doing the arguing here?"
"You're not actually arguing that much." The teen couldn't help but chuckle a little.
"Besides, I'm trying to come up with arguments of my own, but it's not going so well…"
"It's easy enough; you can't possibly be attracted to him, can you?" the billionaire asked.
"Ummm…" Robin blushed.
"You are?" his mentor gaped.
"Well, how would you know, you like boobs!" the teen objected.
"Slade's attractive?" Bruce mumbled.
"Thank you," the older man smirked.
"It was a question!"
"Oh, In that case; 'yes'," the man nodded.
"I wasn't asking you!"
"Well, Robin has already answered, so that only leaves Alfred, doesn't it?" the mercenary said flippantly and looked over that the butler who was preparing to take the tea tray back to the kitchen.
"I'm hardly an expert, but I would say he's is handsome enough," Alfred answered airily.
"Then that's settled," Slade, grinning, leaned back in the sofa and Robin noticed the rather obvious gesture where one of the man's arms ended up on the backrest behind the teen's shoulders. He didn't do anything more, though, he didn't push Bruce any further, which was probably a wise move.
The room got pretty quiet for a while, filled with threatening glares. Well. Bruce provided them. Slade seemed to enjoy the moment, and, to be perfectly honest… so did Robin. It was solely because it was fun to see his mentor's plan backfire, for once. Well, without anyone's life being at stake. Bruce had set him up and been his usually controlling, overprotective self and the result was grinning him in the face right now. Robin just couldn't help but like it. He decided to just go along with things for the moment, He could kick Slade's ass back in line when they were back in Jump… watching Bruce being tormented was just plain fun. He understood the Joker better now.
It wasn't long before Alfred declared that diner was ready, and, as usual when it was just the family, the butler ate with them. Both Bruce and Richard insisted on this. This time it practically saved the meal, because even though the billionaire had been raised with too much manners to simply ignore his guest, he wasn't exactly chatty. Slade and Alfred, however, began conversing, first only politely but before long the mercenary was telling riveting, and often hilarious, stories from his time in the military and his 'cleaner' missions, making it one of the more enjoyable meals throughout Robin's visit.
After the dessert, however, Slade folded his napkin and put it aside.
"Well, I don't want to wear out my welcome," he said, ignoring a muttered 'too late' from Bruce. Instead the man leaned over and gave Robin a quick kiss on the cheek. "I'll call you when you get back to Jump. There's a new little French restaurant I want to take you to."
"Um… I…"
"You can call me too, of course," the man said and handed him a note with a number on it. "I won't fly back until the day after tomorrow, so if you want to do something tomorrow, a museum perhaps, just give me a call. Goodnight Alfred, Bruce," he added, giving the two men a nod. "It's been a very pleasant evening."
"Let me escort you out, Mr. Wilson," Alfred offered, which was accepted with another nod.
As soon as the men left the room, Robin could feel Bruce's glare on him, but he just tucked the note into his pocket and grabbed some plates. "I'll just… clear the table…" he said and fled.
"Well, Sir," Alfred said to Slade as the man was about to leave. "I didn't really expect that my nephew's military duty would have these sorts of consequences."
"Me neither, at the time," Slade smirked. "How is he, by the way? He was a hostage for quite some time, I understand?"
"Yes, the UK authorities had all but given up when I contacted my old friend… I always suspected he had certain… contacts, and he came thought. My nephew is alive thanks to him and you… the time was stressful for him, but he's much better now."
"Glad to hear it. Should I tell William you said hi?"
"Please do. And Mr. Wilson? I hope you understand that this is as far as my skills as matchmaker goes?"
"I won't ask you to interfere on my behalf again. You went above and beyond your duties… all I asked is that you made sure my file was picked."
"Yes, but William vouched for you, and I trust his word. And, more importantly, I couldn't help but think that Master Richard looked… quite happy with the choice, no matter how he tried to hide it."
"Funny, I got the same impression," Slade grinned.
"A word of advice, though; I wouldn't do anything that might hurt or upset the young man in question," the butler warned.
"Of course not."
"Good." The old man nodded, with a little smile. "Because it so happens that William Wintergreen owes me a favor as well…"
The End
A/N: No sex? No, they can't just meet and start banging each other like crazy from the beginning in EVERY story! Yes, I know that is the more believable scenario, but still… ;) I thought it be funny to involve Alfred for a bit… yes? No?
The prompt for this story was as follows: "How about Bruce is looking through potential candidates for Robin to date since he came out as gay? Cause after all Batman is controlling...and Slade puts his name in, or at least hacks the system so that his name keeps showing up and Robin has to meet him?" I think I followed it pretty closely, and I hope the b-day girl likes it!