Time To Face the Truth
Inspired by the last two lines of the James Blunt song, You're beautiful:
"Cos its time to face the truth,
I will never be with you."
John had no idea when it had started, or how. As far as he was concerned, Major Lorne had just been another member of the expedition to Teyla, someone to train with or take her to the mainland when he himself was busy. So when he had caught Lorne sneaking out of Teyla's room early one morning, John had been truly shocked.
In hindsight, he realised he should have known that Teyla would never choose to have a relationship with a member of her own team; they had grown to become a family and she saw each of them as a brother. Adversely, she had drifted apart from her own people, a natural consequence of the physical distance between Atlantis and the mainland, making it difficult for her to maintain a meaningful relationship with any Athosian male. Which just left every other male member of the Atlantis expedition, each of which wouldn't think twice given the opportunity.
As he watched the pair individually and together over the following days, he concluded that the relationship, meaningful or otherwise, was not in its infancy. They were too comfortable in each other's company, able to convey their thoughts and feelings to one another without verbalising them. John had forgotten the physical pang that he felt whenever he was jealous.
It was during a routine debriefing when he finally snapped. Lorne had been relaying the details of his team's latest mission, a follow-up to first contact made by John's team, hence the presence of all eight members. When he had finished addressing Dr. Weir, Lorne had glanced at Teyla and they shared a brief smile that was full of affection. John had groaned lightly and caught the attention of every occupant in the room. He rose quickly and stalked out of the room, calling out to Elizabeth as he left, "Not feeling so well, I'm gonna get some fresh air."
Teyla found him an hour later on a balcony near the gym. They lean on the rail side by side, both reluctant to start the conversation but knowing that it is necessary.
"I know about you and Lorne."
She sighs. "I am aware, Colonel..." He winces, knowing that he'll never hear her say his first name in the same manner as Lorne's. "...and as far as I am aware, we are breaking no rules by having a relationship."
"Is it serious?"
"Yes." The absence of any hesitation as well as the answer itself confirm his worst fear. This wasn't just about sex.
They stand together in silence for several minutes, both caught up in their thoughts as they watch the sun set. Finally, he decides to take the plunge and ask the question that's been playing on his mind since the encounter with Lorne outside her quarters.
"Why did you choose him? You could have any man you want, what does he have that nobody else does?" That I don't, he adds silently.
She stares at the sea for a moment longer before answering. "The practical answer to that question is that we are compatible. We have similar personalities, but with enough differences to make one interesting to the other. The more romantic answer is that he makes me feel like no other man has or ever will."
It was at that moment that John admitted defeat. Perhaps if he had tried harder when they had first met instead of keeping her at arm's length then things may have been different. But he hadn't, and this was the way it was.
"I'm glad you're happy Teyla. But if he hurts you in any way -"
"Rest assured Colonel, that in the unlikely event of Marc displeasing me I will not require any assistance in avenging that displeasure."
He smiles, knowing that she is perfectly capable of looking after herself. But he can't help wishing that it was him and not Lorne who had found the key to her heart.