Thanks for not being upset about the situation the boys found themselves in lol. Just… hold on to that feeling. 'Kay? :)
As always, thanks to MarciaChapter2, Iris7124, and onyx115 for their lovely reviews. You have no idea how much you make our day :)
One week later-June
I pulled away to face the pain
I close my eyes and drift away
Over the fear that I will never find a way to heal my soul
And I will wander till the end of time
Torn away from you
"Fuck!" Kurt cursed as he hit the wrong key. He was laying sideways on the couch, a portable keyboard propped up on the coffee table in front of him that was already littered with empty soda cans and tissues. He could probably play better if he was sitting up, but that would be too hard. Everything was too hard.
Things had been pretty much the same as when they left Ohio. The guys could tell something was up. Kurt had practically been a zombie and a sober one at that which sucked, but he was trying. Blaine had been perfectly professional, only speaking to him when it had to do with work. No calls, no texts, no contact. It was awful. He had been sleeping away his days when he wasn't working or wearing his air pods out listening to his Sad Bitch playlist that he would never let another living soul know about. Today's selection had been Mary, Stitches, and I Have Nothing that he scream-sang while sobbing.
At least he had talked to his dad on the phone once and it hadn't been the worst. They were finding their way back to each other.
He plunked away on the keyboard, ignoring the door opening.
"Jesus. Why are you still in the exact same place as when I left? Have you even gone to the bathroom?"
Santana wrinkled her nose in disgust and tossed her keys in the skull shaped bowl they kept by the door before dropping bags of takeout on the coffee table. The action caused some cans and bits of trash to roll into the floor with a clang.
"Hey, listen to this," Kurt said listlessly.
My heart is broken
Sweet sleep, my dark angel
Deliver us from sorrow's hold
Over my heart
He started hyperventilating and sobbing and let his head smack down onto the keyboard with a discordant noise.
Santana eyed him with her hands on her hips and nodded. "Okay, well that explains the note on our door telling us to stop making our child cry or they will call CPS."
Kurt rolled his head to the side as the keyboard protested.
"Anyway, I have food."
"I have no will to live."
"Get your dramatic ass up and eat," Santana ordered as she poked him with a fork. "I'll use a knife next."
Kurt finally agreed with a huff and sullenly took the utensil she kept trying to stab him with.
"So the new music is uh… something," she said with a mouthful of pasta. "Does it all sound like that?"
Kurt shrugged and picked at a piece of tomato.
"How was he today?" she tried. She knew she could get him to talk if she talked about him.
He let the fork slide from his hand. "Fine. He was perfectly fine. He treated me like a producer treats his talent. Nothing more." He looked up to see her watching him with something that looked like pity. He rolled his eyes. "Stop looking at me like that."
She just pressed his fork back into his hand. "Eat or I will take away your keyboard. Want me to go rough him up? Tell him to stop fucking with you?"
Kurt chewed a small bite that he barely tasted. Despite being kind of angry at Blaine, he didn't want anything to happen to him. "He's just scared. He has his own baggage." He twirled his fork over and over in his pasta. "He doesn't trust me enough. I just have to show him I'm not going anywhere."
"Did you at least talk to your dad?"
This he smiled at, if only a little. "Yeah I did. We actually talked for a whole hour and didn't yell at each other once. I haven't told him I'm sober yet. I want to see if it sticks first. No need to disappoint him prematurely."
She poked at him again with her fork and he broke it in half. Her red lips spread in a wide smile as she unwrapped another.
"Are you still doing that talk show?"
He nodded, eating a little more. "We are filming in a few days. Want to come?"
"Uh, a chance to look sexy as fuck and possibly get free shit? Of course. Any particular reason why other than being a lesbian buffer between you and the Sexy Hobbit?"
"I need my best friend," he said seriously. It was still hard for him to express himself, but he was doing better.
Her face softened and she tucked a strand of dark hair behind her ear. "Fine, just don't cry again."
Blaine was fine. Totally fine.
Maybe his mom was texting him several times a day just to 'check in' or to send him How To Quit Smoking articles. Maybe his roommate kept asking if he was sick or upset because he played the songs he danced with Kurt over and over again and cried. Maybe he couldn't sleep because he would replay the Lima date and Everything Else that happened over and over again. Maybe he was so buried in work he didn't really have time or energy for thinking about much else.
But he was fine.
He knew he had feelings for Kurt. He really wanted to be with him, but every time he tried to have the conversation with him, a lump grew in his throat and a voice inside told him it would be a disaster. He would hyperventilate and his heart would race. Then his mother's words echoed telling him to let the past go, but he just wasn't brave enough. All Blaine knew for sure was Kurt's sad face every day was killing him.
Then of course he got a phone call from Nick that made him feel even worse.
"So, Jeff and I were talking and we were thinking of going away for a weekend. At first we were like, maybe it's too soon, but I think it's fine. We are both happy where we are, so why not?"
"That's awesome," Blaine said as he shifted through his files in an effort to find a particular one. He was in his office late one evening, long after everyone else had gone. "I'm afraid I'm not the best one to get advice from though. My track record isn't great."
"I mean, it's not about that," Nick said. "I just wanted your opinion as my friend."
"Your friend?"
Nick laughed at Blaine's disbelieving tone. "Of course you're my friend! You're awesome! Should I be offended?"
"No! Sorry! No! I just… That's really nice." For a second he considered asking Nick for advice on what to do about Kurt, but it felt too raw still and he technically wasn't supposed to be dating him anyway, so he kept it to himself.
"Okay, so is everyone ready? Does anyone need some water?" Blaine asked the band as they prepared to do their song. They were filming the show and Blaine had accompanied them to make sure they were taken care of. An employee wearing a headset had given him the five minute warning.
Everyone shook their head except Kurt who wouldn't acknowledge him at all. He probably deserved that. Didn't make it hurt less though.
"Kurt?" His voice was gentle.
The man looked up at him, a blank expression on his face as he pulled up his fingerless gloves.
"What?"
Blaine blinked and wet his lips. What had he been meaning to ask? With one glance into Kurt's eyes, he was lost. Maybe he had just wanted Kurt to look at him.
"Uh…"
"Let's get to the stage please," the attendant said in a tone that said he had done this a million times. "You're gonna get your places and then be introduced."
Kurt didn't look away from Blaine, "Did you need something?"
"No. Go ahead! I'll talk with you later."
Kurt dipped his chin once in acknowledgment and followed the rest of the band to the stage. Blaine followed him with his eyes, his heart hammering in his chest.
"What I don't understand," someone said right behind him causing Blaine to nearly jump out of his skin, "is why you don't just do something about that."
Blaine had wheeled around and found himself looking at Santana Lopez, Kurt's best friend and roommate. She was dressed in a tight green dress that showed off her body and stilettos that matched, her dark hair in shiny waves. Her arms were crossed as she stared at him like he was a bug she would gladly crush with those very high heels.
"Santana! How nice to see you."
She rolled her eyes. "Oh, cut the bullshit, Eyebrows. You better count your lucky charms that there are witnesses around or I would let my alter ego Snixx loose and rock your shit."
As it happened, Blaine was glad they were in public as well. "Look, I don't know what Kurt has told you—"
"Not much," she said with her eyes narrowed. "But as his best friend, I know how miserable he is. That's your fault."
"I don't want to hurt him, but it's complicated…"
"Oh right," she laughed harshly. "Tell me, what did he do that was so awful to you? Take you on a nice date? Refuse to take advantage of you? Have sex with you? Tell you he loved you. Sounds super complicated."
Okay, maybe he deserved that. But still. "That's not fair. Kurt is wonderful and it kills me to have to keep him at a distance, but I have to be sure." He looked away from her to where everyone was doing the sound check. "It's not fair to either of us to enter into a relationship when I'm not one hundred percent positive. You don't know everything. I care about him so much."
Santana's sneer wavered at his passionate declaration as the band began to play. It was one of their slower songs that Blaine liked with Tina and Kurt singing lead. Of course they were doing great.
Releasing a deep breath, Santana let her hands drop to rest on her hips. "If you care about him, then stop leading him on. Tell him something."
It was Blaine's turn to get angry now. "Hey, he stood there and told me, promised me that I could have as much time as I needed. I can't help he's being impatient. I'm not trying to hurt him, Santana. Never. I'm trying to do what's right."
She nodded and turned to watch the performance. "Then tell him that. Tell him what you just told me."
Blaine didn't answer, but turned to stare at the band as well. Mostly at Kurt.
He must have redone his hair because it seemed to have a bit more red than pink in it now bringing out the natural red of his own hair beneath it and in its messy state as usual. He was wearing a different jacket tonight over a grey and white striped shirt that hugged his chest beautifully. The jacket wasn't his normal leather one, but it was some sort of shiny material that looked really good on him. His jeans had holes in the knees and he wore his same boots. The boots that Blaine knew exactly how to get off. The memory of that night flashed through his head uninvited and he found himself longing to be that close to Kurt again. Maybe Santana was right and he was being stupid. She was definitely right about one thing: he needed to talk to Kurt.
I know I'm not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning 'round me just the same
And I drive myself crazy
Thinking everything's about me
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Holding on
To so much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what's bringing me down
If I just let go, I'd be set free
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Applause punctuated the end of the song as the host approached holding one of their albums. Kurt smiled easily at the camera as did the rest of the guys who were waving at people in the audience. He announced the date of the album and the band one more time before everyone jogged off stage amidst cheering.
"Kurt!"
The lead singer stopped wiping sweat from his brow with a towel and turned to where Blaine was waiting.
"Hey," he said as he walked up. It killed Blaine that he looked so guarded, his expression blank and his tone careful. He wished he could just dive into a relationship like a normal person and not panic about all the what ifs. He cleared his throat.
"Can we talk?" Blaine asked. Kurt raised his eyebrows and opened his mouth, but Blaine shook his head. "I mean, not right now, of course, I know you have some other interviews and stuff. I'm busy too. Maybe tomorrow after recording we could have lunch together? In my office?"
Kurt nodded once, his face still giving nothing away. "Sure. Everything okay?"
"Yeah. I just owe you an explanation."
The tiniest quirk of a smile. "Okay." Someone called Kurt's name and another Blaine's name. "Duty calls." He waved two fingers in a mock salute and left Blaine standing there with a pounding heart.
Now he just needed to figure out what the hell he would say…
"I'm telling you, the drums need to be louder! The chorus needs to come in like, BAM!" Puck was telling everyone as they worked on their recording the next day.
Dani shook her head. "No way. I'm doing it fine. I think we need more back up vocals in the chorus."
"You're not loud enough!"
"You're not loud enough!"
Dani and Puck continued to argue while Tina chimed in here and there and Elliott just screwed around with his guitar occasionally adding his own opinions. They had been working on this damn song for the entire morning and couldn't come to an agreement. Kurt supposed it was good that they hadn't really fought this whole time they had been working with Blaine, but the stress and fatigue of all the interviews and traveling and recording were catching up with them, so they were bound to snap sometime. He could probably care less at the moment, however. He knew the song would come together. It always did. Right now his only concern was the man resting his forehead on his hand on the other side of the glass.
Yesterday at the taping, Blaine had said he wanted to talk. He didn't seem worried or like he was going to deliver bad news, so maybe this was a good thing. He was definitely feeling better since Santana had threatened to ruin an item of his clothing every time she found him moping. Now Blaine wanted to talk, but something was troubling him since he kept frowning at his phone with that kicked puppy look that Kurt felt like a stab to his own heart. It was driving him mad and he had to bite his tongue to keep from asking him what was going on.
Kurt leaned against the amp and twirled a mic, playing with his tongue stud as he watched Blaine pinch the bridge of his nose. Kurt just wanted to kiss that nose. God, he could never voice ninety percent of his sappy thoughts out loud or else Santana would never let him know peace. Blaine had given up trying to mediate between them about thirty minutes ago and let them duke it out. Catching the mic and replacing it in the stand, Kurt went to the window and rapped a knuckle against it. Blaine startled and looked up. He pushed a button.
"Did we figure it out?" he asked, his voice coming out a little tinny over the speaker. His patience had thinned and it showed in the set of his jaw.
Kurt stuck out his lip and his heart flipped at the way it distracted Blaine. "Hell no, but I'm dying. Save me?"
Blaine's face did that crinkly thing that made Kurt swoon inside. "Let's go ahead and break for lunch. Want to meet in my office in a few minutes? I just need to send a quick email." He consulted his watch.
Kurt agreed and went back to his arguing bandmates. "Hey, we are gonna break for lunch."
"Oh thank god," Tina said as she tossed aside her notebook she had been scribbling song notes in and began to gather her things.
Puck just sneered at a glowering Dani and stomped out. Dani rolled her eyes and followed.
"You are coming to eat with us and we are getting this worked out," Elliott said as he set his guitar aside.
Kurt shrugged his jacket on and grabbed his phone so he could have some food delivered. "Can't. I'm eating lunch with Blaine. This is kind of between Dani and Puck though. They have to come to an agreement."
Silence greeted this statement and Kurt looked up from his phone at Elliott who was giving him a sympathetic look. "Oh hon. Don't do this to yourself."
"Do what?"
"Kurt," Elliott rested a ringed hand on his shoulder. "With Blaine. You can't keep hurting yourself—"
"Ell, I'm good." He grinned at the searching look Elliott was giving him. "I promise I'm being careful. We are just talking."
Elliott sighed and patted his shoulder once more before letting his hand fall. He grabbed his jacket off of a chair. "You do that. Please call me if you need to talk. I'm right here."
"I will." He paused and nibbled his lip as Elliott walked away. "You're a good friend!"
Elliott waved without looking back. "And you're a brat!" he called back affectionately.
Kurt grinned and went outside to wait for his food.
Blaine hung up his phone with a sigh and loosened his tie. He had so much to do and so little time to do it. Unfortunately all he could think about was Kurt and how he was always there for him. He had basically rejected Kurt and treated him terribly after the man bared his soul and he still was there for him. He hadn't been acting out at work either. He had a focus Blaine didn't know he possessed this week and he admired it. However, it wasn't Kurt. He almost seemed muted and Blaine knew he was to blame. Now Kurt would be here any minute and he had to figure out how to put all these jumbled feelings into words.
His cell phone ringing pulled him back to reality and his stomach dropped. What if it was him? Since he hadn't responded to the email… but he wouldn't have his number. He had changed it since college. He licked dried lips and braced himself as he looked at the screen. Relief settled over him as familiar brown eyes smiled back at him. It was only his roommate.
"Hey!" He answered as he glanced at his clock. Maybe this wouldn't take too long. "What's up, Rach?"
"Hey," she replied and pots clanged in the background. Oh no. Was she cooking again? "Will you be home for dinner? I have a new recipe I wanted to try."
Blaine grimaced at the thought. She had been determined to become a better cook lately and unfortunately, he was usually her test subject. "Is it vegan?" He asked cautiously.
"Yes. But it's going to be good this time! And not burnt!"
He prayed to all the gods he could think of that she would produce something edible and he wouldn't have to discreetly scrape more food in the trash. "Okay. I should be home later tonight as long as I get all my work done."
"You work too hard, sweetie," she reproved gently. "How's the band?"
Rachel had been very interested in The Lima Losers. He thought it was very sweet that she cared so much about his work, but being that she was in entertainment as well, it made sense. "Oh, it's fine. We're almost done recording the album, but we are missing a few songs. Kurt wants to make sure it's perfect."
He had of course told her surface knowledge about Kurt, but he hadn't disclosed anything about their romantic relationship yet. All she knew was he had a bit of a crush on Kurt, but who wouldn't? He definitely hadn't told her about what happened in Lima yet and they had both been so busy with work she hadn't noticed how depressed he had been.
"Sure. Say, why don't you invite the band over sometime? We could have a little album wrap party at our place!"
Wow. She was so supportive! Blaine felt like he had really lucked out when she came to live with him after Sebastian left. She was a bit intense at first, but she was very sweet and best of all was a straight woman who picked up after herself and paid her half of the rent. It was perfect. He was even willing to put up with her early morning vocal runs and being her food guinea pig.
Blaine hesitated at her suggestion. Would that be weird? Would she get along with everyone? Would it be weird to have everyone (Kurt!!!!) over at his apartment?
"Let me think about it, but that actually sounds good. I'll see you later?"
"Yup! See you!"
He hung up and dropped the phone before running fingers through his hair, messing it up. At this point he didn't care. He was so tired, mentally and physically.
Someone rapping on his door frame caused him to look up and a smile spread across his face without his permission.
Kurt stood there with a lopsided grin and a brown bag full of something that smelled delicious in his hands. "Knock, knock."
"Who's there?" Blaine answered with a grin of his own.
"May I come in?" Kurt asked, his eyes glinting playfully.
"May I come in who?" As soon as he said it, he heard how that sounded and opened his mouth to apologize when Kurt chuckled and plopped down into the seat across from him.
"Oh, so you do want to top."
"You're ridiculous," Blaine laughed. It felt really good to just joke with him again. Although there was a tenseness they had never had running through every word they said, Blaine felt himself relax a little.
"Do you have lunch?" Kurt asked as he started to pull steaming containers out of his bag.
Blaine shook his head. "No, I need to order—" He had pulled out his phone to do just that when he saw another email.
"What? What's wrong?"
Kurt was staring at him. It reminded him of that first lunch they had when Blaine was trying to convince him to sign and Kurt just wanted to flirt.
"It's… I…" How did he explain this? Did he deserve to share something like this with Kurt and get his sympathy? Did he deserve Kurt's help? "It's not important," Blaine finally replied as he went to a food ordering app.
"Hey, don't bother," Kurt said as he passed a container. "I got enough for both of us."
Blaine looked down and saw it was from the Thai place they had gone to the first time he hung out with Kurt. It was exactly what he had ordered too. Kurt had planned this. "You remembered what I ordered?"
"Of course, dummy," Kurt said obviously with his mouth full of food. "And if something is bothering you, it is important. So explain."
His eyes burning, Blaine looked down at his food so Kurt couldn't see how touched he was. "Thank you."
"You're welcome. Now, tell me what's wrong."
Kurt pinned him with a stare as he chewed his bite, then he propped his boots up on Blaine's desk as if to let him know he wasn't going anywhere. He might as well tell him. Kurt was insufferable if he wanted something and he wouldn't leave him alone until he told.
"I got an email… two actually," Blaine started as he poked at his food with chopsticks. "They are from Lee. My old friend that kind of just ghosted me?"
Kurt nodded slowly.
Blaine continued. "I guess he heard about my success with you guys and he's wanting me to help him too. With a music career. I thought maybe he wanted to reconnect, but he just wants to use me."
Kurt's eyes narrowed as he bit a piece of chicken savagely. "I hope you told him to suck a big one."
Blaine laughed wryly. "I haven't answered, but he sent me another trying to guilt me. It kind of hurts, but I realized I have friends already and I don't need him. Just kind of sucks."
"He does fucking suck." Kurt's eyes blazed and he pulled his feet from the desk to lean over where he could get eye contact from Blaine. "You deserve the world, Blaine, and he is a giant asshole. Just tell him to fuck off and block him."
Kurt held his gaze for what felt like hours and then sat back and began to eat again, propping his boots back up. Blaine stared at them as Kurt ate silently, other than muttering about how stupid Lee was. Blaine had to tear his eyes away because he suddenly had the urge to grab Kurt's ankles and drag him across the desk. All kinds of images sped across his minds eye: Kurt underneath him. Him underneath Kurt. On the desk. On the floor… Blaine shook the thoughts from his head and tried to focus on his food. He didn't deserve to think those types of thoughts about Kurt. Not until they talked about things.
"Can I show you a new song after work?" Kurt asked suddenly. Blaine couldn't be sure, but it looked like Kurt was blushing a little.
"Sure. Here?"
"Yeah."
Blaine nodded. "I think it's a little late to go on the album—"
"Oh, yeah. I know." Kurt walked his chopsticks like feet across his food. "It's not for the album. I've been working on some other stuff." He bounced his shoulders and picked up another bite. "Just wanted to see what you thought."
"Sure. After we finish this afternoon?"
"If we finish this afternoon," Kurt replied morosely.
Blaine laughed. "We will." The smiles and laughter died down. Blaine shifted in his seat and pushed his food aside. "I'd like to say something."
Kurt took one last bite and then nodded, resigned. He set his own food aside and put his feet in the floor again. Blaine swallowed against his dry throat. "I wanted to apologize first. The way I ran off like that… I don't expect you to forgive me. I just got so scared."
"Blaine—"
"Let me just try to explain myself. Please."
Kurt nodded and sat back patiently.
"I don't want you to think it meant nothing to me. It meant a lot."
Finally gathering the courage to look up at Kurt, Blaine stared into blue-green eyes and tried to make sense of his thoughts. Kurt loved him. He could do this. He was safe.
"Kurt I—"
The door slammed open and Puck tumbled in followed by Dani, then Tina and finally Elliott.
"We figured it out," Puck cried before snatching a piece of Kurt's chicken. Kurt hissed and snatched his container away. "Let's go!" He gestured towards the recording studio.
"Sorry," Elliott said to Kurt, throwing him an apologetic look. "I tried to get them to wait, but they wouldn't listen."
"It's fine," Blaine said as he set his food aside. "We can finish this conversation after work." He directed it to Kurt who nodded. They would definitely be finishing this conversation.
The rest of the day went smoothly, but Kurt was nearly jumping out of his skin wanting to hear the rest of what Blaine had to say. Every time he looked up at the producer through the glass, his heart pounded in his ears and his stomach swooped. Could Blaine really be his? He really wanted to strangle his band mates for bursting in when they did.
Finally, finally they finished up and broke for the day, Blaine staying behind as the last of the staff left. He messed with some knobs and such as Kurt readied the keyboard. Maybe it wasn't the best time, but he felt like Blaine needed to hear this.
"So, that went better than I thought it would based on this morning," Blaine joked as he entered the booth, hands in the pockets of his suit pants. Kurt looked up from where he was tapping the keys. "I think it sounds great."
"Me too," Kurt replied as he wiped his palms on his jeans. He watched Blaine perch on a stool and cleared his throat. "Well, this is just something I've been working on. Um, well, I guess you will see what I'm talking about." Best to just go for it. He started playing a light, smooth melody and launched into the lyrics.
There is not a single word in the whole world
That could describe the hurt
The dullest knife just sawing back and forth
And rippin' through the softest skin there ever was
How were you to know?
Oh, how were you to know?
And I, I hate to see your heart break
I hate to see your eyes get darker as they close
But I've been there before
And I, I hate to see your heart break
I hate to see your eyes get darker as they close
Blaine watched him with a weird look on his face. Kurt felt like he could see straight through him, like when he had when he had sang the song for his dad and Carole. He played the last notes of the song and let the silence wash over him.
Kurt shuffled from one foot to the next, not exactly sure how to interpret that. Blaine was just staring at him.
"Let's go get some coffee," Blaine said suddenly and took off for the door. Kurt shut everything down and followed Blaine who was locking up. That had been an odd reaction. Maybe he didn't get that it was about him. Or maybe now he just felt bad because he was about to break Kurt's heart and he felt guilty. Kurt fidgeted with his tongue stud and followed a quiet Blaine to a coffee shop not far from the studio. They ordered and found a table off in the corner. It wasn't very busy being late afternoon and only a few other people were using tables so they pretty much had their pick.
Kurt could hear the clanging and whirring of the machines being used to make their drinks and this place smelled amazing. Blaine was staring at the shiny lacquer surface of the table between his hands with intense concentration.
Kurt cleared his throat. "So, what's going on in Blaine's world?"
Blaine looked up sharply. "Did you write that song about me?" he asked, staring intently.
"You mean that one where I describe your face when you come?" Kurt laughed, but at the serious look on Blaine's face, it died in his throat. "I guess you mean the one I just showed you."
Blaine nodded. "It was about me." It wasn't a question this time.
Kurt shifted in his seat and tried not to play with anything on the table. He couldn't gauge how Blaine felt about it and it was driving him crazy. "It's about you. I've been writing it for a while, just couldn't find the right words. The music though, the melody, is how I feel about you if that makes sense. Then what you told me about Lee… It kind of put the last pieces together. Blaine, I just want to beat the living shit out of anyone who hurts you. I want to protect you from everything bad in this world. And it hurts me to see you hurt."
Embarrassment flooded his cheeks and he toyed with a napkin. He just wished Blaine would say something, anything. Their names were called as their orders were finished and Blaine jumped up to go get them before Kurt could. He decided to just wait and let Blaine talk when he was ready even if he was dying inside.
Blaine sat down wordlessly across from him and handed him a cup.
"Thanks."
"Mhm."
Maybe Blaine was trying to let him down easily and just hadn't figured out how. That would hurt like a bitch, but he loved Blaine and if them being together wasn't what was best for him, he would bow out gracefully. He decided to say his piece and then leave Blaine alone to think or tell him to fuck off. Whatever.
"Look, I know you want space and time to figure all this out." Kurt twisted his paper cup in his hands. "If… if you don't feel the same for me, it's okay. I'll be okay." He smiled weakly across the table. "If you hate the song, I'm sorry. I just thought you might like it… It was a stupid idea. If it makes you uncomfortable, I'll try to change the lyrics, but I gotta say I don't know what the hell they would be—"
"Kurt, shut up!"
He did shut up, shocked.
Blaine was running his hands through his hair and then down the back of his neck before he looked up into Kurt's eyes with a look that dried his mouth. "You wrote that about me? For me? Like that other song you sang for Thad's podcast?"
Kurt nodded.
Blaine looked down at the table before bursting into tears. The tears quickly became sobs and Kurt's eyes flew wide. Did he enjoy comforting crying people in public places or anywhere for that matter? Hell no, but he hesitantly reached over and grabbed Blaine's hand no matter how uncomfortable or out of his element he felt. Blaine gripped the hand and cried for awhile, drawing a few stares that glares from Kurt scared away.
Once Blaine finally calmed down, he wiped his tears with a napkin from Kurt and sniffed. "I'm sorry. I'm just touched. That was just really nice and I've been so awful to you and I have wanted to talk to you about how I feel all week, but I've just been so scared… I... I…"
His face screwed up and tears filled his eyes again.
"Hey," Kurt soothed as he enveloped Blaine's warm hands in his own on the middle of the table. "It's okay." He pulled at the sleeve of his jacket until it covered his thumb and used the soft materiel to wipe Blaine's face. "I'm okay," he lied as he smiled at the tearful man across from him. "I was pretty disappointed, sure, because you are fucking amazing and only a complete idiot would walk away from you. But now I know that my chilly little heart can beat again and I have you to thank. You never have to be with someone just because they want to be with you."
Blaine searched Kurt's eyes, absorbing all this before frowning and stood slightly before catching the back of Kurt's neck and yanking him across the table. Caught completely off guard, Kurt went where Blaine pulled him, his chair scraping back and then Blaine kissed him. To say Kurt was shocked was an understatement, but he kissed Blaine back gladly like a man in the dessert being drenched in rain. He consumed it greedily, uncaring of who was watching or what they were thinking because Blaine was kissing him and holding him close. Maybe all hope wasn't lost. Maybe he even loved him back…
Blaine pulled back and let their foreheads knock together, eyes still closed. "I'm sorry its been so hard for you. It's been so hard for me too, but I just couldn't get over how afraid I was. I already care about you so much and I wanted to make sure that I returned your feelings. I do, Kurt. I'm still so fucking terrified that you will just walk away like the others, but I can't stand being away from you any more. I'm still scared and I can't promise I'm very good at this, but I want to try."
He kissed him again, softer this time, sweeter and Kurt tried to pour his resounding yes into the kiss. They broke apart, smiling and then looking around at the few people staring at them in the coffee shop.
"Want to leave?" Blaine asked, blushing and trying not to smile.
"Yeah," Kurt replied as he held Blaine's hand tightly in his own as they left the shop. As soon as they made it outside, Kurt kissed Blaine, tasting the coffee on his tongue and melting into the kiss. They pulled apart in the failing light and Kurt looked into honeyed eyes. "I'm completely in, by the way. If that wasn't completely obvious by the way I cant keep my hands and mouth off of you."
Blaine beamed and squeezed Kurt's hand. "Really?"
Kurt nodded and winked. "On one condition."
"Name it."
"You say fuck again."
Blaine laughed, really laughed and shoved Kurt with his shoulder as they strolled hand and hand down the street. Where to, Kurt didn't care. "I'm one hundred percent serious. It's so hot when you cuss. I feel like I'm corrupting you and I love it."
"Oh my god. Shut up."
"Make me," Kurt replied as he jerked Blaine to him until they were chest to chest. "Fill my mouth up with something else."
He was so used to Blaine rebuffing him that the man caught him off guard once again. He was shoved against a fence and kissed roughly, Blaine's hands running down his back to find his ass and squeeze. He knew Blaine loved his ass, he thought smugly. Kurt moaned around the tongue in his mouth and pulled Blaine even closer in encouragement. The fence dug into his back through his jacket, but the way Blaine was pressing into him he didn't even care.
"Come back to my place?" Blaine asked breathlessly as they broke apart. "It's not far."
Kurt kissed Blaine again hotly and mouthed his way to Blaine's ear where he knew he could make the man shiver. "Fuck yes. I'm yours, Blaine."
They raced to his apartment, Blaine having to lead the way since Kurt had never been there before. They only stopped to make out a few times along the way and giggled like children as they ran to Blaine's home.
Kurt couldn't resist teasing him as he fumbled with his keys, similar to the time from from the hotel. He drug a hand down Blaine's chest and wrapped his fingers around Blaine's hips, drawing a gasp from the man. He chuckled into the skin of Blaine's neck, kissing and sucking. "Everything okay?"
"Shut up, Kurt," Blaine muttered as he finally managed to unlock his door and yank a giggling Kurt inside.
The laughter died as they met again in desperate kisses in the entryway, Blaine's keys dropping to the floor as he clutched Kurt's jaw. Kurt shucked off his jacket with Blaine's eager help and he started to unbutton Blaine's pants when a squeal and something breaking caused Kurt to pull himself off of Blaine.
Shocked was not strong enough of a word to describe the feeling of seeing Rachel Berry in the flesh so unexpectedly, the remains of a bowl at her feet. Especially when he was half hard. He tried to catch his breath and formulate words as Blaine laughed and scratched the back of his head in embarrassment.
"Oh, my god. Sorry, Rachel. I thought you would still be at work."
"We wrapped early," she responded, but her big brown eyes stayed trained on Kurt.
"Wow, this is super awkward. Kurt, uh I'd like you to meet— Kurt? What's wrong?"
Blaine was staring at him in concern. White hot rage was coursing through Kurt's veins, turning his vision to red. He realized he was glaring daggers at Rachel who stepped back in alarm at the hostile expression.
"Where did she come from?" Kurt ground out through gritted teeth as he pulled away from Blaine. The other man blinked in shock at the venom dripping from each word. He didn't want to hurt Blaine's feelings, but he was pretty pissed that he had kept this from him, after he had told Blaine how much she had betrayed him. It was like the knife that had been stabbed in his back was twisted.
Blaine reached for him, but he jerked away. Taken aback and hurt flashing in his eyes, Blaine let his hand drop. Then realization dawned.
"Oh! Oh no, listen, she's my roommate!" He smiled like that explained why she was there.
Kurt only scowled. "Fuck this," he said and stepped back towards the door.
"Kurt…" Kurt ignored the sadness in Blaine's voice as he tried to get as far away from this whole situation as he could.
"Kurt, wait!" Rachel called out and he stopped, hand on the door.
Kurt wheeled around to Blaine who looked ready to cry again. It softened him slightly, but he was too upset to calm down. "Did you know?" He snapped at Blaine who flinched at the tone.
"Know? Know what?" Blaine looked completely confused, but Kurt just shook his head and ripped the door open.
"Fuck you, Rachel Berry," Kurt spat as he flipped her off and slammed the door. He had no idea if Blaine was aware of the extent of his anger towards her, but he was too blinded by anger and hurt to bother with worrying about the future of his relationship tonight. He was too raw and wounded to go back and try to explain anything to Blaine. All he wanted was a drink. Rachel could explain herself.
*songs used:
-My Heart Is Broken by Evanescence
-Mary by Vita and the Woolf
-Stitches by Shawn Mendes
-I Have Nothing by Whitney Houston
-Heavy by Linkin Park feat. Kiiara
-Unapologetic by Halestorm (song mentioned)
-Hate To See Your Heart Break by Paramore
We do not own songs used*