IMPORTANT: as people has began asking: sorry, but I'm not doing b-day drabbles/requests next year. (or take any new requests for this year) I MIGHT do something of the kind for next Christmas, but in that case I'll let you know… As of now, what I think next year will start off with is a new chaptered AU Master/Slade Sladin with a twist + I want to write more from "Kitty Litter" + an original story I want to write… Suggestions and ideas are always welcome, however, of course!
Also, I know I'm HORRIBLE at actually READING sladin, and this year, as it's been so crazy with all the writing, I've barely read at ALL… I'm sorry, because I do love the pairing (if someone doubted that) and there's a lot of good stories out there… I hope to be able to read more after New Years, though, and hopefully I will be more in the mood then as well… I have kinda forced myself to be in the writing-mood this year, because if I hadn't, none of you would have gotten any presents.. .;) So, anyway, if I'm not reading your story, or haven't continued reading it, don't take it personally, sometimes I feel like people do that, and it makes me sad… I'd hate it if people were angry with me just because I don't have time to read, especially as almost all of that time is spent writing sladin… ;)
Also: as I've gotten many anonymous reviews again, which is fine, but some asks questions/make wishes and if you're not logged in, I can't reply to you! Even if you write your actual user name, it's a pain to answer, so please, if you want a reply: log in.
Happy b-day dragonmistressDani (on dA) (November 9)!
This is a comedy story, almost crack because it breaks the fourth wall, to the horror of our favorite pairing… ;) but It's not as random as my crack usually is, so it should be readable… hopefully… ;)
How I Wonder Where The Hell We Are
Slade looked around the dark, empty warehouse. This did not seem to be a likely drop-off site for some very interesting cutting edge technology, as he had been promised by his informer. His informer might get himself fired tonight. From life.
"Don't move, Slade!"
The mercenary decided to disregard the order and calmly turned around. The voice had belonged to Robin, after all, and it wasn't like the young man would shoot him. He didn't. Such a good boy. He had, however, brought his team, which wasn't quite as fun, because that meant Slade had to behave himself. No innuendoes. No playing. No getting the hero all red in the face. Boring.
"What are you doing here, Robin?" Slade asked politely. There was no reason no to, especially as those star bolts from the alien had a nasty sting to them, and she seemed very fired up.
"We came to stop you from stealing the tech!" the leader of the group growled and, bold as ever, drew his staff and closed in.
"Ah. Yes. Do you see any?" the man asked.
"What?"
"Seems like we have gotten the same information, but the wrong address. There's nothing here."
At that moment a diabolical laughter echoed throughout the building, ending, a bit sadly, with a cough, as the one laughing must have choked on his own spit or something. A spotlight then lit up, outlining a… rather tiny, chubby man standing on a platform high above the floor.
Slade crouched slightly and saw Robin do it as well, as both had spotted a strange, contraption in the man's hands, which was most likely a weapon.
"Who are you? Why did you lure us here?" the black haired Titan yelled. Slade didn't like the admittance to being tricked but he had to admit that it had happened.
"I am Dimensio!" the man yelled.
"Demented?" Robin heard Beast boy ask behind him. Luckily the round man didn't seem to hear him, because he continued.
"This," he said and waved the gadget, which looked a bit like a megaphone, in the air, "is my instrument of power and justice!"
"This is getting good," Cy snickered.
"This will send you, the city's most powerful heroes and villain, out of this world and leave Jump City to me!"
"I've heard enough, this one needs to be taken down," Slade snorted, ran forward and drew his own staff.
"Slade, wait, don't hurt-" Robin began, running after the man. Suddenly the teen looked up at their new enemy and a yellow light came rushing towards him and Slade, engulfing them. The last thing he saw was that a green star bolt hit the platform and then everything disappeared for a few moments.
Robin blinked. Okay. He was still standing up, but now he was outside a large building complex, not inside. And he had no idea where he was. Standing just in front of him was Slade, however, looking around as well.
"Uh-oh," Robin muttered.
"I second that," the villain said, straightening up, but still not putting away his staff. "His little gizmo seemed to have worked."
"We're in another dimension?"
"Possibly."
They looked around and then at each other.
"I think protocol demands that we put our differences aside for now," the man finally said.
"There's protocol for unwilling inter-dimensional transportation?" Robin deadpanned. "But yeah. I'd rather not face this world alone if it turns out the rubber ducks has taken over or something."
Slade gave the young man a look. "I hope you're seeing someone about that. Never mind. I don't know where we are, if we're even on Earth, but we're not in Jump City."
"There seems to be something going on over there, lots of people milling around…" Robin said, pointing to the end of the street. "Although…" he narrowed his eyes. "People? Some of those creatures have wings!"
"Let's be careful. We'll go closer and watch them from a distance at first," Slade said, and Robin decided to let him take the lead. After all, he was a big guy. Great shield capability.
"They don't seem hostile, there's a lot of laughter," the teen observed a while later.
"Those two women seem to fight, though… I wonder what 'Team Jacob' and 'Team Edward' are…"
"Politicians, perhaps? There's seems to be a lot of aliens here," Robin went on, looking at someone with tentacles on his face.
"And scantily dressed women," Slade added.
"Wait… I think… I think that's a mask! And those wings are fake!" the teen exclaimed.
"Is this a masquerade? Is this Halloween? Have we moved in time as well?" the mercenary wanted to know.
"Yes, a bit, at least, as it's daytime now…" Robin pointed out.
"We could just be in another time-zone… although they seem to be mainly talking English with an American accent… I'm sorting this out right now. They are kids. How dangerous could they be?" Slade snorted and stalked up to a girl dressed in a lot of leaves. She reminded Robin of someone but he couldn't put his finger on it. "Excuse me-" Slade began, trying to be polite, but then the young woman turned around she let out a happy scream.
"Oh GOOOOOOD! You're Slade! WOW! You look amazing! And Robin too!"
Slade felt cornered. He worked in the shadows, and sure, people in certain circles knew who he was, but certainly no screaming teenage girls. Robin looked more at ease, though, being a hero he was used to having fans.
"This is great quality!" one of the teens and young adults exclaimed. Slade looked down. Now they were knocking on his chest plate. What the hell was going on here?
"How did you make the belt?" another one asked and fingered it. Slade caught the young woman's hand.
"Watch out or you might lose your fingers," he growled.
"You even sound like him! Ron Perlman has the sexiest voice EVER!"
"Who?" Slade asked.
"What do you mean wh- Oh. Sorry. You're in character," the woman grinned apologetically.
"Yes. I'm in… character," Slade muttered and looked over at Robin, who was demonstrating his bo-staff to another group of people.
"Your Robin outfit is great too… But you look a bit too old, I guess… I prefer Tim Drake as Robin, though… his outfit… but when Dick Grayson becomes Nightwing? Like wow! Sex bomb! Best ass ever!"
"I… I'm not Dick Grayson!" Robin gasped, blushing deeply because of the very inappropriate comment.
"What?! Are you an idiot!? Everyone knows that the Teen Titan Robin is Dick!" a guy shouted.
"The animated Teen Titans," another one cut in, sounding a bit snooty, "because later in the comic-"
"Yes, yes! But with Slade in that outfit it's clearly the animated version! I mean is the man wearing a blue scaly outfit and orange boots? No!"
"Oh, speaking about the comics, do you look like Slade under the mask too?" a woman in the crowd asked. "You know, with the white hair and beard and the eye patch?"
"White hair?" Robin asked curiously.
"Dick Grayson?" Slade growled back, reminding the young man that he had more on him.
"Can I take your picture?"
"Yeah! Me too! Please?"
"Both of you?"
The hero and the villain looked at each other and then nodded shortly. What could it hurt?
"Oh! OH! You know what would be really great? What if Slade had him on the ground with his arm behind his back? You know like in the part two of the apprentice episode?"
"How do you know all these things?!" Robin exclaimed at last.
The crowd gave him weird looks and Slade put a hand on his shoulder, making cameras flash.
"Episode?" he asked.
"Got a clip here! This position!" someone said and suddenly they were looking down on a screen of an smartphone, seeing something that was very familiar to them both, but still so-
"That's... a cartoon…." Robin said weakly. He looked down on himself, but in his own eyes he hadn't changed. The Robin on the screen, however, was clearly animated, and still… every word, every move, as exactly as he remembered it. "How is that…?"
"Alternative dimensions," Slade reminded him. No one around them reacted to those words; it seemed they weren't that uncommon around here.
"Excuse us a moment," Robin said and began dragging Slade away. The cameras flashed like crazy again. "Does this mean…?" he asked.
"Yes. In this dimension… we're cartoon characters."
"But we haven't changed! And shouldn't these people look strange to us or something, or-"
"Keep calm and act heroic," Slade snorted.
"Okay…" Robin mumbled and took a deep breath. "Good advice."
"I just didn't want you to act out of character… this mob might tear us apart."
"They are not crazy, murderous creatures, Slade," the teen muttered.
"Really? Look at them," the man hissed.
"Well… maybe the first part…" Robin hissed back. "So… and I'm only asking this for suggestions, but… what do we do?"
"For now… give them what they want," the man said. "Don't worry, I'll try not to hurt you too much." With that he grabbed the teen and kicked his feet from under him.
"Guys! They are doing a skit or something!" one in the crowd yelled and they were instantly surrounded.
Robin tried to fight back, but Slade's attack had taken him by surprise, and he found himself on the ground, arms wrenched behind his back, to the crowd's joy.
"Slade! What the- let me go!"
"Say 'uncle'."
"Never! I- AAAH! Uncle!" Robin groaned as his shoulder was nearly dislocated.
Then, as soon as it had started it was over, and Slade let him up.
"There. Now leave us. We wish to look around," the man ordered the group, which, respectfully although reluctantly, dispersed.
After a bit of glaring on Robin's part, the two decided to do what Slade said and looked around, The crowd had been flocking outside an big building, and now they could see the words "Comic Con" above the doors. They decided to see what else they could find out about this world and entered, getting the shock of their life. Even Slade seemed stunned.
"They… they are all comic book characters…? I mean… we… don't really exist here?" Robin said slowly, trying to melt it.
"You! With the hammer!" the villain snapped and got the attention of a young man who, perhaps, shouldn't have chosen to dress as he had without a few hours at the gym. "Are there any real super heroes?"
"Um… what?" the young man gaped.
Robin saw Slade hang his head for a second and draw a deep breath, It impressed the hero, in a way, because the big bad was obviously really trying to hold back from behaving like he would back home… where the guy with the hammer would be a wet spot on the ground by now.
"Let's pretend I'm from another reality, a reality where all these heroes are real," Slade said and gestured to a giant poster or the Justice League. "Now I suddenly find myself in your world and I just want you to answer the questions: are there heroes and villains like that here too?"
"Yeah… no. No, I mean powers and stuff, like being meta human or demi-gods or whatever, that's not real…"
"Hmmm…" the villain seemed to like that information. "Thank you. Go on and… build things…" he added.
"Hey, I'm Thor! From the Avengers!" the guy objected, brandishing his plastic hammer.
"Never heard of him," Slade said and walked away. Robin followed in his wake yet again. He felt like he had been doing a bit much following lately, but really, he didn't want to be left alone in this crowd! He actually found himself wishing he could climb the man's shoulders, just to get further away.
"I hope you didn't get any stupid ideas!" he hissed to his enemy.
"I could rule this place so easily…" Slade answered almost wistfully. "No one could oppose me."
"Don't count on it! I'd fight you!" Robin growled.
"Cute," Slade chuckled. "I'd let you live, though… you're a nice entertainment."
"That's it! You need to be taken down a few p-" the teen began, but then he got distracted and his jaw dropped. "You're wearing orange short-shorts. Or are those underwear?"
"Excuse me?" the man said and then looked the way Robin pointed. "Oh. Damn."
It was a really big cut out of Slade, and the booth had all kinds of thing related to the villain… or 'anti-hero' as Robin saw he was labeled as. There were new and old comics, and Robin snatched one of them, flipping through it. He wasn't in it, but an unmasked Slade was.
"This is what you look like?" he asked, holding up the picture of a snarling, white-haired man.
"You didn't see that."
"Sure I didn't."
"I'm sure there is a Batman and Robin table somewhere," the man growled.
At that moment a group of bright-eyed and rosy cheeked women, and one young man, sidled up to them, obviously wanting something, but all of them seemed too excited to speak. Slade crossed his arms.
"Yes?" he growled darkly. Two of the young women swooned and a few seemed to get a nosebleed.
"Oh, God…" the closest one gasped before straightening up. "Um… it's… it's like this, we… we're Sladin shippers and we wondered if you two would mind posing for us? It's just that your uniforms look so real, and if you don't like Yaoi and slash and that stuff we totally understand but pleeeease?"
Most of what the girl had said made no sense to Robin. Sladin? Yaoi? But she looked so cute, young and innocent that he couldn't imagine that letting them take a few photos would be that bad.
"Yeah, okay? Right Slade?"
"Do we get paid?" the man muttered.
The faces of the girls fell a little and Robin stepped in, shaking his head.
"He's kidding! Really. You don't have to pay us!"
"Well… we can buy you lunch!" the only guy offered with a grin.
"That sounds good, actually," the teen hero nodded. He was getting a little hungry, and he wasn't sure his money or cards would work here… why would they?
"Great! Come with us! We know a spot!"
The group pulled them along to a abandoned back corridor where they were told to stand against a wall.
"Closer! How about Robin nuzzling up to Slade a little, that would be so cute!"
"Wh-what? What do you mean 'nuzzling up'?" Robin stuttered.
"Just play along," Slade hummed. "We don't want them to suspect anything, do we?"
Robin wasn't sure that they would be in any danger if these 'fans' found out that they weren't really dressed up, but before he had time to argue his point, the man had pulled him against his chest.
"Aw! Yes!"
"I think I just peed myself a little!"
"That's so perfect!"
Flashes started going off again, like crazy.
"Oh, you never said if you were made up as Slade under the mask!" one of them asked, and Robin vaguely recognized the woman from outside.
"I guess I am," Slade answered.
"Oh, can you take the mask off then?! Please!?"
Slade, who knew that Robin had already seen his face, all be it drawn, sighed and did as the crazy horde asked. He still believed in keeping a fairly low profile until he could either one; take control of this world, or two; return to his own dimension. If that meant pretending to be someone who would dress up as their favorite villain, then so be it. At least he was someone of good taste.
"Woooow!" the collective sigh, even from the young man in the crown, echoed through the hallway. Even Robin stared at him, looking transfixed, even though the boy hadn't 'wow-ed'. Hs mouth was shaped into a little 'o', though, so he might not be far from it.
"I've seen some good cosplay but this is scary," a meek, adoring, voice said.
"Could… Could you two…?" a brave soul spoke up. "Could you… kiss?"
"Kiss?!" Robin exclaimed. "Why would we- We're enemies! Right? Please tell me we're enemies?!"
"Yeah, in canon-" one of their fans started.
"Although, come on… the was Slade spoke to Robin… 'it's always been about you' and so on… I don't know if it was reciprocated, but Slade so had the hots for him…"
Another one slammed her hands over her ears, "Please! I know Slade is a total pedo, I mean with Terra and everything but gaaah! I love Sladin, but Robin couldn't be more than like 14 in the show or something!"
"Terra?!" Robin gaped and looked as Slade, who shrugged.
"I have no idea. I never touched her."
"Oh, sorry… You're supposed to be the TT Slade, not the comic one, so… but hey, you got the comic one's face…" the young man said and frowned, thinking something through that Robin and Slade had no possibly way of understanding. "Nah, whatever," he shrugged. "I still think you should kiss!"
"We're not gay," Robin muttered and crossed his arms.
"Oh, come on, don't be all homophobic! Just do a pretend kiss or something, just for us sladin fans? Please? Pretty please with Slade on top?"
"With who on top?" Robin was gaping like a fish out of water by now.
"He might be dressed up like a hero, but he's not very brave," Slade chuckled.
"I'm brave! And I'm not a homophobe!" Robin snapped, tightening the snare without realizing it.
"Great! Thanks!" one fan girl, who had realized it, grinned, and held up her camera. "Slade, could you slid on your mask like almost all the way down? I want the mask in the picture!"
Most of the others agreed and suddenly Robin found himself pulled into his enemy's arms, staring up at his smirking mouth, before his eyes flitted up to the single eye, which had the same expression. The man was holding the front of his mask up like the visor on a welding helmet, and he didn't seem to have a problem with what they were about to do.
"Anything for the fans," the man grinned and swooped down.
Robin closed his eyes as the villain's lips met his. They had to get out of here! These people were insane and- oh… hmmm… the kiss wasn't half bad. Actually, it almost felt like the world around him was spinning, and-
"Dang, we must have tuned in to the wrong dimension!" the hero suddenly heard a familiar voice say.
"The very wrong dimension," an equally familiar, darker voice agreed.
Robin pulled away from his enemy instantly and slammed the mask down on his face so hard that he heard a muffled curse. Hopefully it had hit his nose or pulled at his beard or something.
"Guys!" the teen looked around wildly. They were still in the warehouse. "You managed to reverse the ray?"
"It IS you?! What… how the… why was…?" Beast Boy stuttered.
"It's... there's a good explanation!" Robin defended himself gesturing wildly. "You see we were all cartoon characters and… and there were these crazy girls… and they made us do it!"
"The girls made you do it?" Raven deadpanned.
"Yes! The crazy girls! And the boy! The boy was also crazy! And they had cameras!"
"Thank you for a lovely time," Slade suddenly said next to him, his tone a bit too full of humor to be his usual sarcastic one. "Goodnight Robin."
"Hey, we're here too!" the changeling scoffed.
"So you are. I didn't notice," the man chuckled and the next instant he had disappeared into the shadows. Robin refused to even consider chasing after him. He needed some space from certain kinds of people right now. Especially great kissers.
The End
A/N: the prompt for this was, obviously: "Ok what about both pairs gets teleported to our universe and walk into a cosplay contest?" because at first it was meant to be Slade/Robin and Red/Speedy, but that didn't really work out, as I wanted it to START canon, and it's a bit hard to get then all together in a way that seems natural.. .;) But I got the b-day girl's permission for the change, so it's all good… I hope… ;)
Also, I'd like to add that I've never been to anything like this, including cosplays, so… yeah… laugh at my shortcomings in this story…. laugh and pity me…