The joy over Owen and Annabelle's recent engagement tempered the news of more attacks as December began. They planned to get married right away; over Christmas actually. In this atmosphere of fear, more and more couples started to get rather serious: Isabelle and Myles, Veronica Smethley and Davy Gudgeon, Bertram Aubrey and Clementine Cauldwell. Lily hated it. All she saw around her was love: people comforting each other in the middle of a war. When she heard that Robert McMillan and Moira O'Neill had finally admitted their love for each other, she nearly vomited on her Transfiguration notes.
Winter exams came and went rather quickly and soon the 7th years were off on their last Christmas Holiday.
"Are you sure you can't come?" Sirius asked Dorcas for the fourth time as he and James were getting ready to leave for the Potter's. James was getting rather tired of this scene. He wished Sirius would just say goodbye.
"I'm going to be in Switzerland for two weeks," she shrugged.
He pouted. "Not even once."
She smiled a little. "Maybe once."
He grinned and pulled her into a bear hug. "Good," he let her go. Then, brushing a piece of hair from her forehead, "I'll see you then."
She nodded and wrapped her arms around his neck. His encircled her waist and they kissed. Then they kissed again. And again.
"OK," James finally said; scowling. "We really have to go."
"Alright," Sirius said, letting go of Dorcas. "Goodbye."
"Goodbye," she let go of him. "Goodbye James. Have a good holiday."
"You too," he said flatly; trying to smile at her.
Sirius turned from Dorcas and James handed him his suitcase. As they left the Great Hall, Sirius turned his head one last time, smiling at Dorcas.
"Oh just stop it, will you?" James said, exasperated.
"Sorry," Sirius said; taken aback.
It was if they had switched places. Sirius was now the one prattling on about a bird while James had to listen. Only James didn't offer dirty jokes and witty comments when Sirius slipped into his dream world with Dorcas. Instead, he offered scowls and angry rants. He hadn't been the same since he and Lily had ended things. He was snapping at everyone and never slept well. When they had first arrived at the house, Gringy had accidentally gotten in James' way as he sulked to the stairs. James had yelled at him so loudly that the house elf spent the next week hiding in the broom cupboard. When Dorcas had shown up five days into the holiday and Sirius had invited her for supper, he had spent the night in his bedroom. He had also scowled all through breakfast the next day when his parents told Sirius over and over what a lovely girl she was. When he awoke two nights later to the sounds of another surprise visit, he had marched straight into Sirius' room and told them, in no uncertain terms, to shut up. She hadn't returned.
When Christmas Eve came, James was still in his mood.
"Potatoes," his mother asked.
"No," he looked down at the roast beef on his plate and poked at it with his fork.
"Are you not hungry?" his father asked; looking at him over his glasses.
James shrugged. Sirius looked over at him and sighed.
"Would you like something else, James?" his mother looked rather worried. "I'm sure Gringy would be happy to whip something up."
"I'm fine," James said under his breath.
"Are you sure?"
"I'm fine Mum," he said firmly; scowling up at her.
"You will eventually get over her, son," his father said in a comforting tone. "I promise."
James' head shot up. "I haven't been able to get over her for four bloody years, Dad."
"These things take time."
"This will not take time," he pushed himself away from the table violently and stood. "I'm not going to get over this."
"Well of course you feel like that now, James," his mother was trying to calm him down. "But, honestly, this is for the best."
That infuriated James. "The best would be if Lily and I were still together."
"James…." Sirius tried.
"Shut up Sirius, I'm sure Dorcas will be here soon," he spat as he stormed from the room.
Sometime later that night, James heard a knock on the door. He opened it angrily, shouting "WHAT?" to a terrified-looking Sirius.
"It's your Dad," he said.
James was shocked. "What happened?"
Sirius exhaled. "Your mum just woke me. She had to rush him off to St. Mungo's. She said that they were getting ready for bed and he sort of froze up and then clutched his arm. Then he just collapsed."
James was already getting dressed. "We've got to go," he said quickly.
"I know," Sirius nodded.
Within five minutes, James was ready: the look of terror on his face mixed with determination. "Come on," he said.
Immediately James and Sirius apparated to the entrance of St. Mungo's. They rushed up to the window.
"We're here to see Douglas Potter," James said quickly. When the glass disappeared, Sirius and James scrambled in. Ignoring the large crowd with Christmas-related injuries, including one witch who seemed to have a goose stuck on her head, James and Sirius ran to the Inquiries desk.
"Can I help you?" the red-headed witch chomping on gum asked without looking up from her magazine.
"We're here to see Douglas Potter. We're his sons."
Slowly she put the magazine aside and pulled out a list. James and Sirius moved around impatiently.
"Here it is," she said; her face growing grave. "He's on the Second Floor. 3rd door to the left. The healers are still with him though."
James looked pale, but nodded. The two sprinted up the staircase and ran down the corridor. Mrs. Potter was sitting in a chair outside of a room; her head in her hands.
"What is it, Mum?" James asked, out of breath.
Abagail Potter looked up; tears resting in the wrinkles just under her eyes. "They think its Horklump Fever. Its gone after his heart and…" She sniffed. "They don't think they can heal the damage it's done.
"Is he going to…to..." James gasped for air.
She nodded; a hand covering her mouth. "I think so."
James leaned over his mother; embracing her. Sirius leaned against the wall; holding his breath.
After a few minutes, a middle-aged wizard with blonde hair and graying temples came out of Douglas Potter's room. His brow was furrowed.
"Mrs. Potter," he said. "I wish I had some other news to give you, but I'm afraid there's nothing we can do. It's only a matter of time."
She gasped violently, but responded strongly. "How long?"
The healer blinked. "A few hours."
Abagail Potter covered her face with her hands and began to sob. James continued to embrace her; rubbing her back, but beginning to tear up as well.
"Is he awake?" Sirius asked.
The healer nodded. "And completely coherent, though I don't know for how long. He's asking to see the three of you."
"The three of us?" Sirius asked.
"He'd want to see you as much as us, Sirius," Mrs. Potter said.
"He is very tired, though not in any pain," the healer continued. "We've seen to that."
"Thank you," Abagail said; standing slowly. "Come on boys, let's go in."
She led the way through the door into a room with a single bed. Douglas Potter had the money to pay for a private room. He looked very pale and awfully slight in the big bed. James saw for the first time the gray of his father's hair, the wrinkles around his eyes. When had he gotten old?
As they entered the room, he reached an arm toward them. They walked to the side of the bed and Douglas grabbed Abagail's hand; squeezing it weakly. He smiled at the boys.
"So I guess I'm going to die," he said, breaking the tension. Abagail made a noise, James looked away, and Sirius exhaled. "It's alright. I'm an old man. I've had a full life. I've had an amazing marriage, a wonderful son and, of course, you Sirius. I'm going out on top."
"Dad," "James said. "I'm sorry… about tonight."
Douglas laughed, but soon began to cough violently. When he had recovered, he smiled at his son. "Don't worry about it James. I know what its like to be in love. You should go after her, you know."
James nodded, his lips pursed in grief.
"And you Sirius," he looked at the taller boy. "You keep track of that Dorcas girl. Any girl that can hold your attention deserves it. And both of you be brave. I would be lying if I said that I wanted to stick around and watch things get worse. But you two could make the biggest difference in the world."
Tears were now streaming down Abagail's face. Douglas reached up to cup her cheek gently and she placed her hand on top of his. "Oh Abby," he smiled.
"I'm not going to be able to do this, Doug."
"You are the strongest woman I have ever met, Abagail Williams Potter," he said. "There is nothing you can't do."
"I love you," she gasped.
"I love you too," a tear fell from his hazel eyes.
"What about the company?" she finally asked.
"It's theirs," he said. "But, of course, you should run it until they finish school."
"Dad," James' jaw dropped. "You're giving us the station."
"Of course, James," he said. "You and Sirius will be perfect. I can't think of two people I would rather run the Wireless Wizarding Network."
Sirius felt a tear fell down his cheek. "Thank you so much, Mr. Potter."
"You know how much I hate it when you call me that, Sirius Black," he smirked at his surrogate son.
"Alright, Doug, thank you."
"It's nothing at all."
James smiled at Sirius.
"Boys, I'd like to say goodbye to my wife."
Sirius leaned down to embrace the man he thought of as a father so much more then his own. When James hugged his father, he feared that it might be the last time.
"Goodbye Dad," he said, sighing. "I love you."
"I love you too son."
James and Sirius left the room and climbed the three more floors to the waiting room and tea shop silently. When they got there, Sirius mentioned something about using a loo, and James collapsed on a sofa; trying to digest everything that had just happened. He replayed the way his father had held his mother's face in his hand and couldn't help but think that what he wanted more than anything in the world right now was Lily to wrap her arms around him.
Sirius returned and they looked at each other; having no idea what to say. Instead they sat there silently for what felt like hours. Sirius went to get a cup of tea at one point. He'd lied down on the sofa at some point. James was just about to fall asleep when there was a huge commotion in the corridor.
"Miss," someone called. "Miss, you can't just burst in here. Miss?"
James looked up and saw what he was sure was a hallucination. Lily was sprinting towards him. Still in her pajamas; her red hair streaming behind her, she was looking at him with fear, anxiety, and anticipation. As she ran to him, she called his name. He sat up and his mouth opened in surprise. Was she really there?
"James," she finally reached him, breathing heavily. "I came as soon as I got Sirius' letter. How is he? How are you?"
James was so overwhelmed that his eyes shut in exhaustion. Lily sat next to him.
"James?" she was so nervous. He could tell. "James?"
Before he knew what else to do, he collapsed into her lap, sobbing and clenching her hand to his face. She leaned over him; gently stroking his hair with her other hand and cooing gently. "its okay, James," she whispered in his ear. "I'm not going anywhere."
Abagail came up to get the boys at about 4 o'clock in the morning.
She had stopped crying, "He doesn't have much time left, boys."
Dorcas had shown up at some point during the night although James and Lily had been so involved with each other that neither had noticed. James and Sirius had both swallowed hard and released a few tears when she had given them the news. The boys followed Abagail back down to Doug's room. James' heart was beating so fast as his mother pushed open the door. His father was even paler than he had been a few hours before and so exhausted he didn't open his eyes or speak. Closing her eyes, Abagail walked to the side of her husband's bed and took hold of his hand. James walked to the other side, placing a hand on his father's shoulder. Sirius remained near the door, unable to approach the dying man.
"I love you Doug." Abagail whispered.
Doug took a deep weak breath in response and James felt the lump rising in his throat. Sirius crossed his arms tightly across his chest.
James felt his father's breathing weaken as the minutes passed by. When his shoulders stopped moving, he pulled his hand away in fear.
"Mum?" he whispered.
Abagail's eyes were closed, tears squeezing from them. Her grip on Douglas' limp hand had tightened.
"Doug…." She said quietly, squeezing his hand. When his body didn't respond, Abagail very reluctantly let go of his hand and began fingering her wedding ring. "Go get the healer, James" she managed to get out.
Abagail dealt with the all the paperwork and soon there was nothing left to do but head home. Dorcas had kissed Sirius hard; saying she had to go. He had taken it as well as he could have all things considered.
When they all arrived home, the huge house seemed cold. Abagail went almost immediately to bed since she hadn't slept at all. Sirius, James, and Lily sat in his room for awhile, but soon Sirius had left too; preferring to grieve alone if not with Dorcas.
"Why don't you go home, Lily?" James said. "It's Christmas." They were sitting on his bed facing each other.
She shook her head and took his hand in hers.
"You should be with your family," his sad eyes were boring into hers.
"Vermin's there," she chuckled. Then, more tenderly, "Besides, I am with my family, James."
His mouth suddenly opened. "Do you mean that, Lily?"
She nodded and suddenly smiled. "I love you James Potter. You are my family."
He looked as if he would cry again, but swallowed the tears instead. "I love you too Lily."
She kissed him gently on the mouth and he held her to him. He kept hold of her when the kiss had ended. They remained in the position for a long time, examining each other's faces. Then James pulled her in again and kissed her again. She smiled and, very slowly, began to place soft wet kisses along his jaw and down to his collarbone. He gasped, whispering her name over and over again. His hands tangled through her fiery hair. She continued downward at the same slow pace, pulling off his tee-shirt. He clung to her waist and stroked her as she worshipped his body with her lips. When she had finished with his torso, she returned to his face and kissed him on the lips again.
"I love you," she repeated. "I love you."
Eager to prove his own love, James watched her burning green eyes with the deepest adoration possible as she unbuttoned her pajama top. When she placed it next to her, he reached out and touched her gently; stroking and caressing her with his Quidditch-calloused fingers. She closed her eyes and moaned gently. Then, he pushed her hair back and gave her a long, sensuous kiss that seemed to last for hours. She took his glasses off for him and laid them on the table next to the bed.
"I love you Lily," he said. Then, something struck him: he'd never done this before. Neither had she. "Lily," he said; a question in his voice.
She nodded vigorously, although there was a twinge of nervousness in her voice. "I want to, James. More than anything, I want to."
Taking a deep breath, he climbed off of the bed. She did the same thing. Standing there on opposite sides of his bed, they undressed facing each other. Both were breathing quickly and nervously, but a deep love burned between their eyes and the sun streaming in from James' window lit them up brightly. Lily moved first; lying down on the bed and offering herself to him. He climbed on top of her; a hand on each side of her.
"You're beautiful," he gasped.
She smiled up at him and then nodded; her eyes fluttering. He entered her and she gasped; wrapping her arms and legs around him and saying his name breathily. He moaned her name back to her, but neither closed their eyes or ever let the other's slip away. When they had finished, James kissed her softly and she ran a hand along his cheek.
"I love you," they said; almost in unison. Then they both turned on their sides; Lily's back against James' front; his arm wrapped lovingly around her. She grasped his hand and held it close against her. Soon, they had fallen asleep.