This is a bit angsty, sorry! There is a specific scene inspired by something Iris7124 mentioned! Thanks for the idea!
Thank you to MarciaChapter2, onyx115, and Iris7124 for your reviews! Sorry we left y'all on a cliffhanger!
Also, so sorry about any confusion! This is not the last chapter! There will be 3 more and a short epilogue for a total of 18! We also have a couple of one shots that were edited out for one reason or another that we've been toying with posting after the story is finished, but y'all can let us know if you'd like to see them. Much love - A and K
January 2nd
Blaine stared in disbelief at the email in his office that morning.
A tour. They had gotten approval to go on tour! It was only a short one that would last a few months, but still! Apparently there was enough interest from fans that they were able to go to several cities in the states.
With a shaky hand, Blaine called Kurt.
After a tumultuous twenty minutes where Blaine paced and pumped his fist and almost threw up, Kurt and the others came rushing into his office. Kurt looked a little wild-eyed, like he was slightly terrified as to what this news was. The others looked cautiously optimistic except for Puck.
"I didn't know it was Jeff's sandwich in the fridge!"
Everyone turned to look at him with different levels of confusion.
"What?" Blaine asked, deflated.
"What?"
Blaine waved it away and took Kurt's hands in his.
Dani and Tina grabbed hands and squealed.
"Is this a proposal?"
"Oh my god! It's happening!"
Blaine blushed furiously. "What? No!"
The corner of Kurt's mouth tipped up and popped out his dimple. "Wow, I was hoping for something a little more extravagant than your office. I mean, at least have some sort of musical number."
Blaine heaved a deep sigh.
Elliott snort-laughed at his distraught expression and stepped in. "Guys, stop teasing him or he's going to pull his pretty hair out."
Blaine decided to just get this over with. "We got the tour!"
For five long seconds, no one breathed or even moved, but then Puck yelled, "What?" and that seemed to jolt everyone else and then they were all screaming and crying and jumping up and down. Elliott and Puck hugged and started crying while the girls danced around screaming. The color drained from Kurt's face, his eyes went wide, and his hands went limp in Blaine's. Blaine laughed at his face and squeezed his boyfriend's hands.
"Well? What do you think?"
Kurt was staring off into space. He blinked a few times and hugged Blaine so tight that he could practically hear his ribs cracking. The force of how hard he slammed his chest into Blaine's took his breath away, but Blaine didn't care. He was so happy and proud and excited that they had achieved this.
"Thank you, Blaine," Kurt whispered in his ear, his voice breaking. "We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you."
The room blurred as Blaine rubbed Kurt's back. "Hey, you guys worked hard to get here! I just gave you the chance, but you did this yourself. You should be proud of yourselves."
Kurt pulled back, his face blotchy and tears streaking down his face. Blaine had never wanted to kiss him more. He did, gently on his lips and rubbed the tears away with his thumbs as he held Kurt's face. "I need to… to call Dad and Carole. Oh my god, and Santana. Oh my god!"
It was hitting him now that the original shock had dissolved and Blaine could see the excitement trickling in. Blaine smacked a kiss to Kurt's cheek. "Go! Nick isn't in his office if you want some privacy."
Kurt turned to go, but stopped and grabbed Blaine's lapels before kissing his lips passionately. His legs decided to go limp and his stomach swooped. Abruptly, it was over and then Kurt was winking at him and pulling out his phone as he slipped from the office. The rest of the band surrounded Blaine and celebrated with hugs and happy dancing.
They went to their bar for celebratory drinks and dancing. No one gave Kurt shit when he ordered a soda to toast with. He was still sober of his own choice. They were all talking about set lists and who would be in charge of making sure Puck bathed when Wes called and told them they would be having a party at his fancy apartment. So they took the celebration there along with Nick and Jeff and several other of the employees. Santana came too, immediately kissing Kurt on the cheek with her eyes shining although she would deny it forever. They laughed and toasted and when Kurt danced with Blaine, he held him close like he needed something to ground him so he wouldn't float away like a balloon.
They had settled onto a couch, Blaine laying with his head in Kurt's lap as Kurt dragged his fingers through Blaine's hair and chatted happily with Nick about the tour.
"You sure you want to be stuck in a tour bus for months with that?" He tipped his cup towards where Puck was downing a beer as fast as he could and then belched long and loud. The others cheered and he bowed. Tina wrinkled her nose before going back to her conversation with Wes' girlfriend Emily and Elliott. Dani was chatting with Jeff and some of the other employees, sipping from her champagne glass. They had all toasted earlier, Kurt the only one to set his glass down without drinking.
Blaine had drank. In fact, he was feeling quite warm and fuzzy and perfectly content as Kurt played with his hair, sending pleasant shivers through his whole body.
"Eh. It won't be that bad. Just have to keep him away from burritos and he will be fine," Kurt said with a fond smile at the bass player. "The worst part will be doing long distance with this guy."
Nick gave Blaine a pitying tilt of the head. "Don't worry. We will keep him busy so the time goes by fast."
Kurt's fingers left Blaine's hair and he smoothed a thumb between his eyes. "You better."
It hit him then like a car crash, pressing the air from his lungs.
Kurt was leaving. He was staying here. And it hurt.
He had been so excited and proud and happy at the news that he hadn't really given much thought to the fact that Kurt was leaving. Maybe some small part of him hoped that he could go along. They had never really discussed what would happen if and when Kurt went on tour.
But now it was happening and all Blaine could think about was that Kurt was leaving.
It felt like Sebastian saying, "I don't want to get married anymore." and leaving him with a box of unwanted pictures and a broken heart.
It felt like his best friend drifting away from him after they promised to be best friends forever.
It felt like his dad telling him he would come to his play the day he left and never show up, then changing his phone number, then returning every letter back to him.
Blaine sat up, the champagne turning sour on his stomach.
"Blaine?" Kurt sounded mildly concerned.
"I'm fine." He tried for a smile, but wasn't sure if he quite made it. "Just need some air."
Nick smiled back, but Kurt watched him carefully. He hurried away as quick as he could to the elevator and then out to the sidewalk. He walked and walked, shivering in the cold since he forgot his jacket. The bracing cold served to sober him up and he rubbed his arms.
He was being ridiculous. Kurt wasn't breaking up with him! He wasn't actually leaving him for good, just a few months. How needy could he be? This was a good thing for them all. His email had been flooded with other bands and artists wanting to work with him. He would be busy. It would be fine.
"Hey."
He was torn out of his thoughts by a familiar voice.
Kurt was standing behind him, Blaine's coat in his hand. "You forgot this."
Blaine took the coat, mumbling his thanks and pulled it on as Kurt eyed him wordlessly.
"Is everything okay?" Kurt asked.
Blaine smiled and blew into his hands. "Of course. Just felt off. Probably too much to drink. Let's go back—"
Kurt's arm on his stopped him. He was staring Blaine down, an odd expression on his face. The neon from a sign in a nearby window played upon his pale skin and sparkled on his piercings. He was so gorgeous.
"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?"
Blaine swallowed. "Nothing's wrong." It wasn't actually a lie. He was being dramatic and he would deal with it. No need for him to let Kurt know how insecure he was being. He just kind of forgot he wasn't going with him. That he was being left behind. Yup, he was being dramatic.
Kurt didn't fall for it. "Blaine. Look at me."
"I am," he said with a soft laugh.
"No. Look at me."
Blaine finally let his eyes settle on Kurt's. He felt as vulnerable as if he were standing there naked.
"What's wrong?" Kurt asked.
"Nothing's wrong…"
"Don't lie to me. I know you. What's wrong?"
"I just… I realized you're leaving."
The thin line of Kurt's lips drooped and his eyes grew sad. "Oh, baby. I know. It sucks." He pulled Blaine to him. He wished it warmed him.
He needed to explain himself. Blaine tried for a smile and caught Kurt's eyes. "I want this for you. I'm so damn proud of you and what you guys accomplished. I want you to go…"
"Fine. I see how it is."
"Kurt."
"I know." He grabbed Blaine's shoulders. "But you and me? We are gonna be fine. I'm going to annoy the shit out of you with dirty texts and you are going to call me every time you see a cat that looks like me and before we know it, I'll be home."
He couldn't resist a smile at that. "I know. I just hate you're leaving." Without me. Ask me. Ask me to go. I'd go with you. Ask me. I'll say yes.
"And I'm going to come back to you. Because I love you."
Blaine's heart cracked a little. "I love you, too." He didn't need to ruin this moment for Kurt or make it all about him. That would be selfish.
Since words failed him, Blaine just hugged Kurt again, holding him tight.
"I promise I'm coming back." Kurt's breath was a warm tickle on his ear. Of course he knew about Blaine's insecurities and he would always reassure him. "Do you want to go home? I'll walk you."
And he would too. And he wouldn't make a big deal about it. Blaine decided to stop being a baby. He took Kurt's hand and tugged him back towards Wes' place. "No. This is your night. I want to spend it with our friends. Let's go back up."
January 9th
Nineteen. That's how many interviews he had that week. Nineteen. Kurt was so tired and he hadn't even gone on tour yet. They left that weekend and Kurt wasn't sure if he would be ready in time.
This was what he had wanted for the longest time. Ticket sales were doing great, the album was doing great, and the band was excited. But there was this nagging feeling that took root in his head that he couldn't pull out. He was nervous. Most of his bravado was just an act. Sure, he knew he was good, but there was always that voice that sounded a lot like his bullies that said he wasn't good enough.
A chime from his phone sounded and he tapped his emails.
Rachel Berry
Subject: You can't avoid me forever!
Preview: 35 Reasons we should be friends again. 1) If not for me, you might never have met Blaine…
Ugh. Delete. How the fuck did she get his email? Surely Blaine hadn't given it to her. Maybe it was really petty to not even hear her out, but he honestly didn't have the time to work on a relationship right now. He was already struggling with the ones he had and wanted.
His phone sounded again and he grumbled that Rachel better not be calling him or else he would start a riot. It wasn't though, it was his dad. He picked up the phone quickly, happy for some kind words from his father or a nice pep-talk.
"Dad! What's up—"
"Kurt. Your band's website is stupid! I can't figure out how the hell to buy a ticket!"
"Dad…"
"I click on the 'buy tickets' button and it redirects me to a different page! These are a bit expensive by the way."
"Dad."
"And then I accidentally click on the fan pages and if I have to see Noah shirtless one more time or that one with you and that Elliott boy being inappropriate, I'm going to lose my shit. You have a proper boyfriend now and I doubt he wants to see you half-naked and holding each other like that."
Kurt sighed. "It was a photo shoot, Dad. Blaine was there—"
Burt snarled. "And it did it again! Just how am I supposed to do this?"
"Dad! Would you please listen?"
"Well, there's no need to yell."
Kurt resisted the urge to bang his head against the wall of the bathroom he was currently hiding in. If he left, people would want things from him and he was just so tired…
"Dad. You don't need to buy tickets to my show."
"Look, it's not what I always envisioned for you and your songs straddle the line of obscene, but I'm coming to support you! I thought we were past this."
Kurt laughed. He couldn't help it. He loved his infuriating, frustrating, wonderful father, even when he was being stupid. "I have tickets for you. You are the father of the lead singer of the band. I will get you as many tickets as you want. For free."
"The only reason I'm saying yes is because this stupid website won't work and it's giving me a headache. I'll pay you for the tickets."
"You don't have to do that. I want you and Carole there for as many shows as you can tolerate. Backstage even. If you want."
Burt coughed a little. Kurt could picture him shuffling uncomfortably, scratching at his bald head. The thought made him smile. "We'll be there. Just try to cut down on the lewd jokes please."
Kurt made a mental note to work in the story about him giving Blaine a blow job in his office.
"Sure."
Burt grunted in reply. "You and Blaine doing okay? Been using the hedge trimmer he got me for Christmas. Works like a dream."
Blaine had agonized over the present, comparing one to the another and researching it until he was an expert on them. He could probably fix one if it broke. It was pretty endearing.
Watching his boyfriend had made Kurt's heart ache a little when he realized this was the first time he had bought something like this. And it was for his dad, not Blaine's. Burt had loved it and the way he beamed happily at Burt raving about his gift made Kurt want to wrap him up and never let him go. He recalled how careful Blaine had been in helping Kurt pick out a Father's Day gift as well. He hadn't gotten to select one in a while and he had been so excited. Apparently Blaine liked giving people presents and apparently his dad was becoming pretty important to Blaine. Kurt made sure to take a little extra time worshiping every inch of his skin that night, whispering declarations of love and adoration into every part.
"That's really good. Yeah, he's good. Busy. Tired. Like me. I swear I'm going to be exhausted before the tour even starts. Makes me want to go get wasted just for some relief."
Silence. A heavy one. Kurt winced. It was still too soon for a joke apparently. He had been doing so good not bringing up drinking in a long time, knowing how Burt would react.
"But you're not. I know you wanted to be a rock star, but no need to go that far. Right?"
The way he said it was cautious, the way he was with their delicate Christmas ornaments every year. His mother had bought them before she died. He always said he had big clumsy hands and would deliberately and slowly lift them from their boxes like he was holding a baby bird and hang them on the tree until Kurt was old enough to handle the task himself. That's how he was treating this newfound truce with his son and it broke Kurt's heart a little that he was so scared.
"I was just kidding, Dad. Still sober. Going on almost eight months now. I…" He hesitated. He wasn't sure how Burt would feel, but he knew they had to be honest. That's the only way this worked. "I might not be. Sober, that is. Forever. Just, right now it feels like the right call. Everything I'm doing feels really important and I don't want to fuck it up."
"That's admirable, kiddo." The old nickname had a warming affect on him, like he had stepped into a pool of sunlight. "Just as long as you take care of yourself. That's all I want." The relief in his voice was evident.
"About Blaine though… Like, I know he's stressed because of work. We both are, but I can't help feel like something else is bothering him. I know it's not the tour; he's excited for me. For us. But he won't tell me what's going on."
"Did you do something stupid?"
"Wow, Dad. Thanks for the confidence in me."
"I'm just saying. Maybe you hurt his feelings without meaning to. He's sensitive."
"I think I know my own boyfriend better than you."
"No need to get testy. Look, Blaine's a quiet guy. Maybe it has to do with you, maybe it doesn't. But he's not going to talk about it until he works it out on his own head first. He's a thinker. I'm sure he'll come to you when he's ready."
If only his father knew how accurate that was. He had done his waiting for Blaine Anderson.
"He probably is just going to miss you like crazy. You guys are practically joined at the hip working together and dating. It's going to be an adjustment."
Kurt let his head bump into the stall door as his throat tightened and his eyes burned. He had been so caught up in getting everything ready he hadn't stopped to think about that. This was going to suck.
"I'm gonna miss him so fucking bad," Kurt whispered.
"I know, but it's not forever." Burt's voice had softened. He must have heard the pain in his son's voice. "He will be waiting for you when you get back. He's a good kid."
Kurt heard the bathroom door open and someone shuffle in hesitantly. "Mr. Hummel? We need you for the photo shoot."
"Okay," he answered. "Be right out."
He waited until the attendant left and then wiped the moisture from his eyes. "I gotta go, Dad."
"Okay," he answered and his voice was gentle. Kurt kind of wished he was right there in from of him to hug him. "It's going to be okay, son. He loves you. This is a good thing. You don't get to the top without some sacrifices. You can do this."
"I know. I love you."
"I love you. See you soon."
He hung up and gathered himself together. This was what he wanted. He let his father's words wash over him and soothe him. He just wished Blaine would talk to him.
January 13th
Tap down those boots while I beat around
Let's funk downtown
Tap down those boots while I beat around
Funk me downtown
I fool myself
Swirl around as if I'm someone else
Your hands are mine
I do a trick
Pretend that I am you until it clicks
I come alive
Come alive
Lady Gaga played in the background as Kurt dug like a dog through his closet. Blaine tried to fold some of the shirts he was tossing out and place them neatly in his suitcase. When his boyfriend had invited him over to help him pack, he had readily agreed since this was the last night before Kurt was leaving for several months. The thought grew a lump in his throat. At least they had a planned meet up in a few weeks so that he had something he could look forward to. Kurt growled and ran his hands through his already messy hair as he scrambled to the other side of his closet. He mumbled something about a pair of pants and kept destroying the closet.
Blaine attempted to clear the pain out of his throat and perhaps take both their minds off the inevitable goodbye.
"You sure have a lot of leather." He held up some kind of garment that he wasn't sure was meant to be worn outside of clothes. He stuffed it into the suitcase before he got too distracted.
Kurt laughed from inside the closet as a boot covered in buckles came flying out. "You should see Elliott's closet. It looks like a tack room." His disheveled head popped out and he wiggled his eyebrows.
Blaine huffed a little laugh and began folding another shirt. "Have… Did you two ever…"
"Fuck?" Kurt asked with an amused grin.
Blaine choked. "Date. Did you guys ever date? You just seem close… I mean, I'm not jealous, just curious."
Kurt started to sort through some belts. "Nah. We've always just been friends. He started in my band shortly after we met and I was with my ex. He's hot and all, but we just work as friends. We all agreed not to date within the band anyway and he and I are too alike to really work. It's cute you're jealous though."
"I'm not jealous." He wasn't. He felt his face grow warm, memories from when they both kissed him at the bar that time flashed through his head and he shifted on the bed. If he met Elliott first, things might have been different, but he was Kurt's from the moment he saw him. "I was just curious."
"Mhm." Kurt didn't look like he believed him. He tossed the belts aside and started rummaging through his dresser. "Maybe they're in here."
And my boy like a queen
Unlike one you've ever seen
He knows how to love me better
A hit of dopamine
Higher than I've ever been
He knows how to love me better
'Cause you're safe like spring time
Short days, long nights, boy
Tell me all the ways to love you
'Cause you taste like Lucky Strikes
You drag, I light, boy
Tell me all the ways to love you
Tell me all the ways to love you
Tell me all the ways to love you
Blaine swayed to the new song and started working on the pile of pants Kurt had laid out. He had no idea if the man would be able to wear all this stuff, but he had learned awhile ago not to question Kurt's clothing habits.
There was a scuffling sound from inside the closet, a thump, and a muttered curse. Blaine narrowed his eyes at the closet before shrugging and returning back to his work.
"Blaine. Check this out!"
He looked up and gasped at what he saw. It was Kurt, but not. He had so many questions…
"What the hell are you wearing?"
Kurt threw his head back and laughed. He was wearing some strange leather cap on his head that had a braid wrapped around it and a weird sort of poncho that was grey and black and green and checked and… just odd. The cap covered his pink hair and he had removed his piercings causing him to look so much younger than he was. Blaine was reminded of the teenage pictures he had seen of Kurt before he adopted this harder style and persona.
"You like?" Kurt twirled in a circle, the top billowing out in an arc. "I have no idea why I still have this thing. I thought you would like to see one of vintage Kurt Hummel's outfits."
"But… Just… Why?" Blaine couldn't stop the giggle that bubbled up from his chest. It was a shock to see him like that.
Kurt shrugged, amusement sparkling in his eyes. "Think about what you know of me. I have to have all of the attention or I wither up and die. Unfortunately for teenage Kurt, all the attention meant negative attention too." He held up the ends and twisted his body again making them swirl. "Wearing shit like this I guess I deserved it."
Blaine's smile dimmed. "No. No you didn't."
Kurt barked a self-deprecating laugh. "You haven't even seen my half-sweater—"
"I don't care if you wore heels and a skirt to school-"
"Yeah, did that too."
"—you didn't deserve to be bullied! You should be allowed to be yourself without being afraid all the time!" He ran hands through his curls until they stuck up everywhere. His whole body felt hot. "You should be able to wear what you want!"
Kurt worried the edge of the ugly top. "I'm sorry if I upset you. I was just joking."
Blaine wasn't. "I was wearing a suit and bow tie. I had a carination pinned on my lapel. I wasn't wearing anything crazy. Did I deserve it? They held Lee back and beat the shit out of me."
Blaine was breathing heavy now and tears swam in his eyes. He didn't like to think about that time and he had told Kurt more about it in previous months, but he had to make Kurt understand. "I just wish we could have been there for each other back then when we were going through this stuff. Even if we were just friends, we could have given each other courage." He looked Kurt in his eyes and the other man was looking a bit misty-eyed as well. "I don't care if you dress like you usually do and get a million more piercings or shave your head. I don't care if you decide to dress in weird hats and ponchos like you used to. I don't care if you decide to exclusively wear sweatpants from now on. I love you for you and I just want you to dress in a way that makes you feel like you."
Kurt pulled off the cap, his hair springing back out and gave him a soft look. "I know and I love you for it. I like the way I dress. I guess I've kind of grown from the other stuff. Maybe I could branch out a little though." He pulled off the poncho. "I wish I had known you then too. We could have lost out virginities together in the back seat of my car like a total cliché."
That pulled a laugh out of Blaine. He nodded as he wiped his eyes. "Yeah. I was most definitely cool enough in high school to have dated you."
Kurt snorted. "I would have given you a makeover."
Blaine gave him a lopsided grin and they went back to packing, lapsing into comfortable silence. They both worked wordlessly for a few minutes, each with their own thoughts. Kurt finally growled in frustration as he prowled around his room.
"It's no use! I can't find them! Maybe Santana stole them from me. Now I have to find some other pants and I don't have time for this! I have a thousand other things to do today and I won't have time to tailor the pants!" He looked about ready to tear his hair out, his eyes wild as he paced. Blaine had had enough time to compose himself by now and he carefully set aside the clothes he had been folding to clear a spot for Kurt.
"Kurt. Come here."
"I have to pack Blaine I don't have time—"
"You're unraveling. I know a spiral when I see one. Come sit." He patted the empty spot and Kurt trudged over.
Blaine wrapped an arm around Kurt's shoulders. He didn't look at Blaine, but stared straight ahead.
"Now, let's talk about what's bothering you."
"Are you going to tell me what's bothering you too?" He pinned a searching look on him and Blaine heaved a sigh. "We are both so emotional."
"You first," Blaine replied.
Kurt shifted on the bed. He had put all his rings and studs back in and fixed his hair. He licked his lips and Blaine saw the shiny flash.
"Okay. I guess I'm just stressed about the tour. I don't want to let everyone down. The band. My dad and Carole. You. The label. Me. The fans. I just want it to be everything everyone wants it to be, you know?"
Blaine kissed his arm. "You will be. You guys have practiced and paid your dues and now you're ready. You are going to make everyone proud. Well, maybe not your dad when you sing all your dirty songs, but otherwise it's going to be amazing. You are amazing. And you are going to have the best tour. I'm more concerned you're going to kill Puck for leaving dirty socks out or something honestly."
Kurt smiled tiredly. "I just want to make everyone proud."
"You will." Blaine kissed him on the lips, not deepening it, but just pressing his mouth to Kurt's until he kissed him back.
"Okay you weirdo," Kurt giggled as Blaine continued to peck kisses all over his face. "Are you finally going to tell me what's been upsetting you so much lately? I can't help but feel… You just have been off since we found out we're going on tour."
Blaine shook his head at Kurt's guarded tone. "No, hey." He cupped Kurt's jaw in his hands and made him look in his eyes. "Hey. I'm proud of you and I want you to go on tour. I'm just having to come to terms with the fact that I the man I love won't be fifteen minutes away from me any more. I'm sorry I've been distant. I guess I'm just practicing for when you're gone. I'm going to miss you so freaking bad. You know that right?"
He hadn't meant to cry. Again. That wasn't everything that was upsetting him either, but Blaine had held it in for so long he couldn't stop it coming out.
Kurt responded by pulling Blaine tight to his chest where they stayed for several long moments.
"I'm going to miss you too. You'll be so busy with work and our friends that you won't even miss me." He laughed weakly. "It's going to be fine. Don't forget I'll see you in a few weeks."
"Yeah…" Blaine rested a cheek on top of Kurt's head when he buried his face in Blaine's neck.
"This sucks. It's awesome, but it sucks."
"Yeah," Blaine agreed again. The song changed again and he smiled. "Hey, come on."
Kurt scrunched his nose up as Blaine stood and attempted to pull him to his feet. "What?"
"Dance with me? Please?" Blaine held out his hand while the other was tucked behind his back and he did a little half-bow at the waist like a proper gentleman.
Kurt's mouth did that half-smile and he took Blaine's outstretched hand.
Something about the way that you walked
into my living room
Casually and confident lookin' at the mess I am
But still you, still you want me
Stress lines and cigarettes, politics and deficits
Late bills and overages, screamin' and hollerin'
But still you, still you want me
At first he seemed reluctant, but Blaine made him spin and he broke, giggling and twirling around. Then Kurt spun him which he played up and wiggled his butt a little. Kurt laughed again which delighted Blaine. He would do anything to make Kurt smile. Blaine took Kurt's shoulders and make him shimmy in time with the music until Kurt was breathless with laughter.
Oh, I always let you down
You're shattered on the ground
But still I find you there
Next to me
And oh, stupid things I do
I'm far from good, it's true
But still I find you
Next to me
Blaine was laughing too and he let his chin fall to Kurt's shoulder and Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine's back and pressed a kiss to his head. He buried his nose in Blaine's hair. They swayed like that without much rhythm besides the beat of their hearts.
Later, when they had finished packing and celebrated with pizza and loafing on the couch, Santana came in from work and joined them for a bit. Blaine let her get some snuggles in and they all lay in a pile on the couch, just chatting and laughing at her story of a rude customer she was sassy to. Eventually she got up to go to bed.
"I'm not doing the whole tearful goodbye," she remarked with suspiciously shiny eyes. "In fact, I can't wait for you to be gone for months where I won't have to take cold showers when you steal all the hot water or listen to you and Eyebrows get it on in your stupidly loud bed. Good riddance."
Kurt grinned up at her glare. "I love you too, bitch. I promise to call."
She blinked rapidly and flipped her hair over her shoulder, feigning indifference. "You better," she mumbled and then smacked a surprisingly gentle kiss to his forehead. "And don't forget to send me tickets."
"Of course."
She hurried away and Blaine graciously waited until she was gone before cooing. "Aww, she's being a brave little soldier."
Kurt wiped at his eyes. "God, I'm going to miss that pain in the ass."
"Don't worry. We will form a support group after you leave."
Kurt huffed a laugh and buried his face in Blaine's chest again. "It will be you, her, and the guy I buy my breakfast wraps from."
"And Rachel."
Kurt made a gagging sound and Blaine tugged on his ear, not hard enough to hurt but hard enough to get him to stop.
"You really should talk to her before you go."
"Then she would just pine away from missing me and I would be responsible. Do you want that on my conscience?"
Blaine rolled his eyes and shook his watch down so he could read it. It was late. He rubbed his face and tried to stave off the tears he felt building behind his eyes. The light joking helped, but he was just as upset as Santana was. More so.
"I should go. I have to work tomorrow." He was proud at how normal he sounded even as his throat ached.
"Stay?" Kurt's mouth had dropped the joking tilt. He was giving Blaine a big eyed stare that put Puss in Boots to shame. "Let's just stay here together. It's the last—" his breath hitched and he blinked. "Stay?"
"You need sleep." Blaine's voice wobbled and Kurt's face began to blur. "You have to be up in like, five hours for your flight—"
"I'll sleep on the plane," Kurt said thickly as he thumbed the moisture from Blaine's cheeks and then his own. "Stay with me. I just want to cuddle and talk and not think about what four months without you is going to be like. Please?"
Blaine nodded and pulled Kurt back to his chest.
They lay awake just listening to each other breathing and whispering quiet little promises into each other's skin. They fell asleep for a little while, but Blaine woke when his arm fell asleep because of the way Kurt was laying on it. He watched Kurt's sleep relaxed face for a few minutes. He looked younger when he was asleep and more vulnerable. Blaine's heart squeezed with love for the man as he stroked a strand of hair away from his face with a finger. This was going to be one of the hardest things he had ever done, but they would be fine. He would make sure of that. He gently kissed Kurt's temple and continued to stroke his hair.
Kurt stirred a little on top of him and he continued to press kisses into Kurt's face. He couldn't stop. Tears stung his eyes again and suddenly Kurt sat up looking very tired and sad.
"I have an hour."
Blaine nodded wordlessly. Kurt slammed his lips into Blaine's, pouring his own despair into it. Blaine kissed him back fiercely and desperately, allowing Kurt to consume his mouth. Blaine held a hand to the back of Kurt's head and tried to commit this moment to memory: the taste of Kurt's mouth, the feeling of his comforting weight settled on him, the scent of Kurt all around him.
They made love slowly and deeply, trying to stay connected at every second by mouths or hands and then finally, finally joined and Blaine pulled Kurt into him as far as he could as if he could just hold him there forever and they could wake up together and it would have been a dream. They panted, "I love you," against each other's lips and as they buried their faces in each other's necks and when they had run out of time, they climbed into the shower together and washed slowly but wordlessly. They had already said everything that needed to be said.
When they got dressed and had stacked all Kurt's luggage beside the door, Blaine told him he would take him to the airport.
Kurt shook his head. "You go on to work," he said lightly, his face still shiny from his moisturizer. "They are sending a car. I'll be fine."
Blaine licked his lips. "But you need help with all this."
"The guys will be there to help me."
"But—"
"Blaine," Kurt started gently. He held Blaine's hands in his. Shit, he was crying again. "You hate crying in front of people. If you go, you will cry."
"I won't," Blaine hiccuped wetly.
"Well, I will," Kurt said, kindly not mentioning how Blaine was already blubbering. "Go to work and let Nick hold you and Jeff fuss over you and Wes try to make you laugh and David show you cute animal videos until you can smile again." Now he was crying, the tears streaking down his pale cheeks. "And Rachel will bake you terrible vegan shit that will annoy you and make you forget me for awhile."
Blaine just fell into Kurt's arms and cried onto his shoulder. He held on tightly and Kurt held him just as tight. Although he couldn't really form words without choking, Kurt was stupid if he thought any amount of food or friends could make him forget him. Kurt sniffed into his shoulder and squeezed him once more. Kurt felt solid and sure against his chest and Blaine couldn't breathe when he moved away.
Kurt swiped another tear with his knuckle. "I have to go… Fuck, this is harder than I thought it would be."
Blaine just nodded. It was impossible.
"We aren't saying goodbye. I'm never saying goodbye to you," Kurt said. He kissed Blaine's lips once more and stepped back although it looked like he wanted nothing more than to stuff Blaine into his carry on. He hugged himself and looked so small and sad. Blaine sucked in an unsteady breath and gathered up his work bag he had left by the table yesterday.
"I love you," he said through the softball that had taken up residence in his throat. "Call me when you land?"
Kurt sucked in his bottom lip and nodded, more tears streaking silently down his face.
Blaine knew he had to leave then or he wouldn't.
He didn't look back, but he wanted to. He didn't say goodbye like Kurt insisted. He thought maybe Kurt had let him leave first so it would be easier on him and that thought made him cry even harder. People stared as he walked down the street, but he didn't really see them. They had faded into a grey background, a blurry wall of noise that he moved past on autopilot.
He had regained his composure by the time he got to his work. He smiled at the security guard whose eyebrows pinched in concern.
"I'm fine," he said with a wobbly voice.
The guard didn't seem convinced.
He got to his office without meeting anyone else and he almost had the door closed when Nick's head popped through.
"Hey Bla— Oh. Uh oh."
"I'm fine." He sounded like he was talking with jello in his mouth.
Nick looked pained. "Sure, buddy. How about you come in my office with me?"
"Where?" He couldn't see Nick's face through the tears.
"Just… Here."
Blaine was suddenly enveloped in a warm hug which he folded into.
"I'm fine… I'm fine…"
"I know. Let it out."
"Oh no! Nick! Don't have him halfway in the hall like this!" Jeff's voice reached him as he was buried in Nick's chest. Something soft was stuffed into his hand. A tissue. He would use it when Nick's shirt was too saturated in his tears.
"Come sit down, sweetie." Jeff was pulling him towards his chair, but he clung to Nick.
"Baby, leave him alone. He needs this."
"Should I get him some water?"
"Yup. He's gonna be dehydrated."
"On it!"
Jeff's footsteps clicked away and Nick started stroking his hair. "Shhh. It's gonna be okay."
"Wow. He made it all the way up here?" It was David's voice. Blaine felt Nick turn his head.
"Yeah. Joe called me and gave me a heads up."
"Should we try to get him in his office?"
Nick shook his head. "He's latched on and he's not letting go. Momma's got him now."
"You're going to creep him out, dude. Blaine, if you need less creepy hugs, I'm your guy."
"Go away. He's got me."
"Aw, Blaine…" Wes' voice. "You didn't have to come in today. I told you to stay home."
Blaine tried to say he didn't need this. That he was fine. He was going to be fine. Kurt wasn't leaving him forever. His brain knew that, but his heart was in tatters. Kurt would be back, but it still hurt.
He tried to tell Wes he didn't want to stay home. He wanted to be productive to keep his mind off the ache in his chest.
Blaine pulled back to say that to say something. He looked into all the sympathetic faces. Jeff was openly crying and cupping a glass of water. He swallowed and tried to regain his composure. He was at work for crying out loud. This was his boss and his coworkers. He was being unprofessional.
But they weren't just workplace acquaintances, were they? They were his friends and he needed them right now.
"I… I'm…" He sobbed again and everyone's eyes flew wide. "I'm not fine!"
Like a pack of mother hens, the others gathered around him as he collapsed into Nick's shoulder again. They patted and hugged him, a knot of compassion focused only on their friend.
"We know. It's going to be okay," Wes reassured him as he rubbed his back. "You'll see him in a few weeks."
"Hey, I found a TikTok account that only has baby duck videos," David said with a cheerful tone. "They are like little fluffy serotonin factories."
"I'll make you coffee. Or go get you coffee. Or anything else you want to eat," Jeff offered as he tried to wipe Blaine's face.
No, he wasn't fine and he didn't know when he would be fine again, but he knew he would be eventually. He could get through this with help from his friends.
*songs used:
-Dancin' In Circles by Lady Gaga
-Lucky Strike by Troy Sivan
-Next to Me by Imagine Dragons
We do not own music used*