Author's Note: Ooh, the awaited Chapter 2. Yeah, this chapter involves some intense cutting and violent material, so really—really don't read if you're uncomfortable. In my opinion, cutting is the stupidest philosophy that has ever been introduced to humankind, but it is also very widespread—so I decided to write about it. Ack. I don't own any of the characters still. Um, this chapter is sort of unrealistic, but please don't flame me or anything. It also moves sort of fast because I got a little impatient. Oh, I don't own the song Move Along by the All-American Rejects. I'd like to thank Mr. Sketchy Ghost for the song suggestion. Song suggestions are still welcome for the next chapter, but I'm probably using Incomplete by the Backstreet Boys.
Chapter 2: Move Along
Zack stood there, his feet rooted to the ground as if he was stuck there and could never move. Which he reminded himself, he sort of was.
My God, he thought to himself, feeling himself tremble slightly. Did I just do that?
He looked at his quivering hand, which was still reddened from the impact of the blow against Cody's face. It was only then, looking at his trembling fingers, when he realized the gravity of what he had done.
Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking,
When you fall everyone stands.
Another day and you've had your fill of sinking,
With the life held in your
Hands are shaking cold.
These hands are meant to hold.
Everybody always said that Zack was the protector. Zack was the older twin, the older brother who would look out for Cody. He would save Cody from everything that he faced—protect him from all those outside horrors. That's what they said. That's what everybody said.
What did everybody think now?
Maddie was staring at Zack with a disgusted and disappointed look on her face. Arwin was shaking his head, not believing that it had just happened. Even London the stupidest girl that Zack knew, was wide-eyed with horror. Tapeworm's eyes welled with shock, the one question reading, How could you?
How could I? Zack asked himself. How could I?
Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong,
Move along, move along like I know you do.
And even when your hope is gone,
Move along, move along just to make it through.
Move along
Move along
Cody had never, ever done anything to purposely hurt him, to ever cause Zack any pain. What had just happened back there? Why would he expose the twins' deepest secret and reveal it to the world, letting Zack suffer?
Zack thought hard to himself. He had thought he might have been going overboard with Cody's picture and he should have stopped there. But Cody didn't have to go and spill everything!
But Zack shouldn't have slapped him. Zack had no right to do that, and as he stood there, he felt the shame overwhelm him. He'd hurt the person he cared most about in the world. He'd hurt his baby brother. He'd hurt his twin. No matter what anybody would ever say, Cody was Zack's little brother, and that was the way it was always going to be. He was there to protect his twin from pain, from hardships, and look what he'd done.
So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your
Hands are shaking cold
Your hands are mine to hold
Look what he'd done now.
xxx
Cody shuddered, stumbling to the ground as he finally got out of the school, his body racked with sobs. He didn't want to think of what had just happened. He didn't want to remember.
He didn't want to feel his brother's fist striking his face, the burning sting of the blow as he fell to the ground. Cody didn't want to remember that.
He didn't want to remember the muffled voices full of pity and disgust. Why did he have to lose it right there? Why did he always have to break, fall apart, while Zack stood there strong and stable?
There had to be something wrong with him.
Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
Go on, go on, go on, go on
Maybe they were all right. Maybe Cody was a wimp. Maybe he was a crybaby. Maybe he was a dork. Maybe he was a nerdy loser that nobody wanted to be friends with. They were right. Cody had been wrong all along. He'd always tried to pull his mind away from that fact, but now it was more obvious than ever. They were right…
Zack had always been the more popular one. Zack had always had more friends, more girls, more chances at everything that Cody wanted. He hated it. He wanted it to all end right now.
xxx
It was all over now. Cody had avoided Zack's eyes for the last few days, looking anywhere but at his brother. Zack had attempted to talk to Cody several times, but Cody shied away, afraid to be hurt again. He didn't want to remember what had happened. Carey didn't seem to notice anything—the boys were just quieter than usual and she invited the silence.
One question kept on popping into his mind though. Did Zack hate him? Why would Zack do something like that—hurt Cody when he knew how much it hurt? As Cody thought harder about it, he realized that it had to be right. His brother did hate him.
He was sorry he'd hurt Zack now. Cody had never done something so instinctively, so impulsively as he had then, forgetting how much pain he could cause his brother. He'd just done it, and he was sorry now. He should just let go, and move on, but he couldn't. Cody had never been a person who could let things go so easily.
He knew what he should do, but he was afraid to do it.
When everything is wrong, we move along
Go on, go on, go on, go on
When everything is wrong, we move along
Along, along, along
Until he had the dream. In the dream, he'd been grabbing, grabbing hard at a rocky slope, almost falling down the edge of the cliff. Zack had appeared over him, and Cody had asked for help. He'd begged for help, asking his brother to save him. Zack had turned away, and Cody had let go. He'd fallen… and that's when he'd woken up screaming and he knew what he had to do.
It was a Saturday—Carey was downstairs getting ready to entertain the guests. Zack was still asleep—he always slept in late on weekends.
Cody crept quietly to the kitchen, looking through the drawers until he found a sharp knife. Hiding it under his shirt, he headed over to the bathroom.
He'd heard somewhere that cutting could help relieve the pain felt. He'd thought it was stupidest idea at the time, but he was hurting so much right now, he'd try anything to get rid of the pain. Closing the door of the bathroom, he pulled the knife out from under his shirt.
When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
He pulled it out and put it to his wrist, getting ready to pull the blade over his pale flesh. He gasped and pulled away. He couldn't do this.
Stop being such a coward, he told himself. Zack doesn't care about you. Just get rid of yourself and get it all over. Right now. Do it for Zack. You want him to be happy, right? Well, he'll be happier without you.
He felt tears fill his eyes, and he just let them fall, not bothering to wipe them away. He just wanted to do it and get it over with.
When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
He grasped the knife firmly in his hand and drew it over the flesh on the underside of his left wrist, cutting in a deep gash that looked sort of like a dark red ribbon draped across his arm. He gasped in shock as blood welled up in his arm and slowly slid down to hit the floor with a splatter.
Well, what had he expected? Marshmallows?
His head pounded, his ears humming dully. He'd never known that there was this much blood in people. The red pain kept sliding out—not pain, he reminded himself, blood, but it might as well have been pain. It hurt either way.
He stumbled slowly, falling to the ground. Come on, he needed to finish this. Taking the knife in his shaking left hand, he got ready to cut his right wrist as well.
But he was stopped.
When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
"Cody? What are you doing?" came a low, shaky voice. "Oh my God, Cody, what are you doing?"
Cody glanced up, almost passing out from a wave of dizziness. His vision blurred in and out of focus, but he recognized the voice. It was Zack.
Go on, go on, go on, go on
Right back what is wrong
We move along
Author's Note: Oh no! What's Zack going to do? Well, only I know, and I'm not going to tell you unless you review. Please? Song suggestions welcome.
-Finn