Chapter 11: The First Snow

Today was the Tenth of Winter, better known as the Thanksgiving festival, the day in which all the girls give a small gift to the ones they love, a sweet token to show how much we have to be thankful for. It is a day of chocolate cakes, and fudge, but more importantly it is a day of togetherness.

But I was feeling lonelier than ever. My mother had taken a trip to the city to do some winter shopping, and I was left all alone in the empty house. Throughout the day I found myself cooking, obviously for no reason since I had no one in this village to give my gifts. I sat in the kitchen watching the moist chocolate cakes rise in the oven, and then soon burn to a crisp as I realized I was a horrible baker. I didn't cake though. I made cookies, and fudge, and éclairs, each one seeming to fail miserably.

"I guess I'm lucky I don't have to make anything for anyone… I don't think they would enjoy it very much," I said to myself as I dropped a batch or mushy cookies into the garbage can. I couldn't stand being indoors anymore. I looked out the window, and saw the sun slowly setting over the trees. I figured this moment would be the perfect time for a walk.

I grabbed my coat and walked out the door, the winter breeze hitting my face like ice. It had not yet snowed, but you could tell it was winter by the way the frost clung to the dead leaves. All the stores were closed today, so my only choice was the beach, a place that I had gone many times as a girl. I walked past Jack's farm, cringing as I even thought of him. I continued past Green Ranch, and started my way down the dunes.

As I walked onto the beach, I saw someone that I had never expected to see. I walked down the steps cautiously, keeping my eyes only on him. He sat alone at the end of the dock, his bare feet swinging over the edge, staring sullenly into the waters. The sun had now completely set over the horizon, and all that was left was dark purple clouds.

As I tiptoed across the beach, he turned his head to look at me. He looked deep into my eyes it seemed, but then dropped his head, and turned again towards the dark waters.

"I'm sorry… I don't want to bother you," I said quietly, and turned back.

"No…" A soft voice replied. "Don't leave... I mean, you don't have to go." I walked back towards him slowly, watching him carefully in his movements. He was fiddling with something in-between his fingers, but still kept his gaze focused on the water. At times, I thought he was going to jump. I stayed standing, for I was sure he didn't want me here.

"What are you doing here?" I asked smoothly, crossing my arms for warmth. It was fairly warm for winter, but the sea breeze sent chills through my body. Kai moved over on the edge of the dock, so I sat down next to him, mirroring his ways as a dangled my feet over the sweeping waters.

"She just left… The ferry cast off about an hour ago," He mumbled. I sighed, I wanted to comfort him, I wanted to hold him and tell him that everything was going to be all right, because that's what the old Karen would have done. But I couldn't do that anymore, and I knew that there was nothing I could say that would help.

"I'm sorry…" was the best I could manage.

"You know..." he continued, "I've been coming here a lot, to think mostly. I guess I figured that maybe one day while I sat here on the beach, the ferry would come back, and you would be coming with it."

I wanted to cry, because of all the pain I had caused him. I wanted to defend my actions of leaving to the city, but I wanted to tell him that everything was all my fault at the same time. I didn't know what I could do, what I could say, all I knew is that I wanted to make things better… but I couldn't.

"I'm sorry…" Was that truly all I could manage? I weak I'm sorry. The silence between us killed, but I knew talking might hurt even worse. I looked down to the object he was twirling in his finger. It was a ring. A beautiful one at that, with a shimmering diamond entangled in a thin strand of gold.

"What is that?" I asked curiously.

"It was Popuri's engagement ring," he said.

"But what about the blue feather?" I asked. The blue feather was a tradition here in flowerbud village, a symbol of engagement just like the diamond ring was in the city. As a girl I had always dreamt of receiving one of my own, and as I grew older, I knew that I wanted it to be from Kai.

"Popuri didn't want an old feather," he half chuckled to himself, "she wanted a ring, a diamond that would last forever. So, I got her one, and look where it gets me. I went all the way to the city to buy this little thing, and here I am sitting on the dock…"

"You were in the city? Why… why didn't you come to find me?"

"I had let you go. I was there shopping for the girl I thought I loved; I wasn't there to find the girl I was once in love with. Plus, after all that time, I figured you just didn't want to be found. But I was there Karen. I was at your apartment, standing outside… but I just couldn't bring myself to walk inside. So instead, I found the most prestigious jewelry store I could find, to purchase this…" He squeezed the ring tightly between his fingers.

"This little ring…" he whispered, "containing so many feelings and so much meaning… and so much heartbreak…" I watched him carefully as he let the ring slip from his palm and land gracefully in the dark waters, it's golden shimmer slowly disappearing as it sank. I looked over to face him, only to see him crying.

Without thinking, I placed my hand on top of his. He picked up his head and looked at me, the tears seeming to stop, and then looked back down at the water.

"What about you?" he asked, "Why are you here?"

I questioned whether I was really going to spill out my entire problem, right here; to the boy I was in love with, when he himself was in so much pain.

"You wouldn't want to hear my story," I mumbled.

"Try me." And so I told him. I told him of how me and Jack started out, and of how I seemed to gain this false hope, only to have it crushed once again. I cried yes, I didn't want to, but I did.

"I'm sure I got what I deserved…" I said under my breath. Kai looked up at me, and wiped the tears from my face. His hand felt warm on my cheek.

"No one deserves that."

"I do. After what I did to my family and the vineyard. After what I did to you… I deserved exactly what I got. And what do I have left from it all… nothing."

"Karen, just because you hurt me, that doesn't mean I would ever want anything or anyone to hurt you. And you do have something, something you never lost in the first place." He picked up my chin and looked right into my eyes, and kissed me. Suddenly, all the cold winter air around me seemed to disappear, and all I could feel was warmth. He placed his hand on my cheek, and placed another soft deep kiss on my lips.

Before I knew it, we had left the dock, and moved onto the beach, his lips not once leaving mine. The sand was cold and smooth under my feet, but as he pulled me in closer to him, I could no longer feel the cold. Around us, small snow flakes began to fall. I collapsed onto the ground, laughing as the snow flakes melted on my face. Kai leaned over me, kissing my neck.

"Kai… I love you. I'm sorry, I never wanted to leave you, I shouldn't have, it was a bad idea. I should have stayed here with you and… and…I love you Kai, please don't leave me, please don't let me get hurt again," I cried, tears spilling from my eyes again.

"I won't ever leave you, I won't ever hurt you, and I will always love you."