The moment Sirius returned home the next morning, he owled James. The floor and walls of the living room sported bright scarlet swipes and drips. The doors and window were scarred badly by deep, vicious claw marks.
Remus was passed out in the corner. He was a terrifying shade of white and looked skeletal. The already scarred body was painted angrily with bleeding cuts and scratches. His face seemed to have aged ten years in that single night; worry and frown lines around his eyes and mouth were mirrored in three deep parallel red cuts across his right cheek.
"Remus," Sirius said; leaning down over his friend. "Remus. Wake up."
He didn't respond and Sirius felt the sick tingling of fear as he reached down to feel the side of Remus' neck with two fingers. After a second, he felt a pulse and released the breath he had been holding.
Sure Remus would be mortified at being found naked like this, Sirius unlocked his torn-up door and entered his bedroom. He had to climb over the extra furniture in the small room to the closet. He pulled out a bathrobe and heard an insistent rapping at his door.
"SIRIUS," he heard James' voice. "Sirius, is he alright?"
"Give me a second," Sirius yelled back, as he scrambled over the sleeper sofa. Throwing the robe over Remus, he burst the door open to see a terrified Lily and James.
"Is he alright?" Lily asked; her face white.
Sirius backed away from the door and let the two come in. Lily gasped when she saw the room and Remus' prostrate body on the floor. James' shoulders clenched tightly.
"He's alive," Sirius said quickly as Lily rushed to kneel next to Remus.
James walked to stand behind her and Sirius stood next to him. The three of them held their breath as Lily muttered a quick spell.
Breathing heavily and painfully, Remus' huge dark eyes shot open. He sat up immediately and grabbed Lily by the shoulders. "Who was it?" he demanded; shaking her. "Did you catch them?"
James took a step closer, but Lily motioned for him to stop. "What are you talking about Remus?" She looked at him with deep concerned eyes. "Did we catch who?"
He swallowed hard and Lily saw his bloody jaw tremble. "The person who killed Gwen.
His breathing grew louder as Lily felt her stomach drop. James and Sirius exchanged frightened glances. Lily put a hand to her mouth and Remus shook her again. He was so maniacal that he didn't even notice that the robe had fallen off of him and he was completely naked in front of Lily.
"Someone killed her last night," he screamed; tears falling from his face and his grief growing as he went on. "Right outside the building. I watched the whole thing. I tried to stop it. I couldn't…I couldn't."
He collapsed onto Lily's shoulder; sobbing hard and clutching the back of her blouse. She wrapped her arms around him; whispering softly, but frozen in shock herself. Her terrified face turned to look at James. His hazel eyes mirrored the fear and grief in her green ones. They both swallowed hard.
"Right outside the building…" Sirius repeated; his face frozen in incomprehension.
"It was my fault," Remus cried. "I couldn't stop it. I had locked myself in…"
"It was not your fault," Lily said firmly.
"It was," he nodded against her shoulder; gasping for air. "If I wasn't so…so…such a freak, I would have been able to save her." The violent tears rushed out hard at this point and his head slumped from Lily's shoulder to her lap. His hands fell from her shoulders to desperately clench the hardwood floor. She let him fall and began to stroke his blood-matted hair.
"It was not your fault Remus," she repeated. She suddenly found her strength and began issuing orders. "James, Sirius, go see what you can find out about what happened last night. See if you can't find a…a…a body." She swallowed hard. "I'll clean him up and calm him down."
"Are you sure?" James asked; eyeing Remus warily. "You sure you don't want me to stay?"
She shook her head furiously. "You two will figure out more if you go together."
"Lily," he said again; jerking his head to gesture at Remus' naked form.
"I will be fine, James." She said; her green eyes flashing dangerously.
"Come on James," Sirius muttered, moving towards the door. "Let's go."
Reluctantly and without taking his eyes from Remus and Lily, he backed out of the flat. Sirius shut the door behind them
"Come on Remus," Lily said; gently taking Remus' head in her hands and raising it from her lap. He held it up himself and closed his eyes in the grief.
"It was my fault…" he murmured, looking down. "If I had told her, she wouldn't have come…"
"Shh," Lily said as she stood and walked around to the back of Remus. She slipped her arms under his and lifted. He didn't budge. Lily groaned. "You have to help a little, Remus. Let's get you cleaned up, come on."
Too exhausted to argue, Remus slowly pushed himself up and with Lily's help he was soon standing. The robe fell off of his legs unnoticed. He leaned on her as they shuffled into the bathroom. Lily set him down on the toilet as she plugged up the bathtub and immediately filled it with hot water.
"Alright," she said softly; turning to face Remus. She helped him stand and eased him into the bathtub.
The hot water seemed to calm him and he immediately let out a huge breath when he was immersed in it. Lily took a washcloth from a shelf above the toilet and gently washed the scratches on Remus' shoulders.
"I killed her," he whispered. "It was me."
The tears had stopped. It was just pure sorrowful guilt that covered Remus' face.
"You didn't kill her Remus," Lily whispered; rubbing his back with the washcloth and letting the water run down his slight back. "None of this is your fault."
"I couldn't save her," he said, looking off into space. "I couldn't protect her."
"That doesn't make it your fault," she was now making circles with the washcloth on his chest. "Shh.."
Remus' head dropped and Lily saw tears falling again. She, maternally, placed a hand on his head and cooed softly. She continued to rub his back with the washcloth; watching as the water around him took on a reddish color. A few of his injuries were still bleeding and Lily murmured various healing charms over him.
She let him cry for a long time. It was the only thing to make the grief go away. Then she placed a hand under his chin and raised his head.
"It wasn't you fault," she said quietly; looking him straight in the eye.
"Yes it was," he said, the tears still falling. "She died because I'm a monster."
Lily's eyes flashed. "You are NOT a monster, Remus," she said firmly. "You are not a monster and none of this is your fault."
Remus' body shook as the sobs grew more violent.
"Shh…" Lily whispered; calming him with a hand on his shoulder. With the other, she washed his face; removing the smeared blood from his scratches and the salty tears that stung as they fell down his injured face. He looked into her kind green eyes and exhaled. He was coming back to his senses now.
"Thank you Lily," he whispered.
She just smiled. "How about some food?" she asked. "You must be starving."
"Why are you doing this?" he asked.
Her hand stopped moving on his cheek. "Because I care about you Remus. You're important to me." She stood. "Can you make it out to the kitchen when you're done?" she asked, pulling a towel from a shelf and placing it on the toilet. "Do you want me to stay?"
He shook his head without looking up. "I'll be alright."
"Alright," she smiled at him. "I'll get you some clothes."
Suddenly Remus turned bright red and struggled to hide himself. "I've been starkers this whole time…"
Lily chuckled lightly. "I'm a trainee healer, Remus. I deal with naked men all the time. Don't worry about it."
"James…"
"We're not exactly shagging, are we?" she asked with a cheeky smile. "I'll be right back."
She walked out of the bathroom and into Sirius' bedroom. When she accidentally kicked the coffee table, she couldn't stop the torrent of tears that fell down her face for Gwen. She allowed herself to cry for a few minutes, but pulled herself together for Remus. Wiping away the remnants of her grief, Lily grabbed a shirt, some trousers, and a pair of underpants.
She entered the bathroom again. Remus was staring mindlessly at the same spot on the tile, deep in thought. Silently, she placed the clean clothes next to the sink and left the room.
Sirius and James returned a few hours later, after Lily had fed Remus and given him a sleeping potion. He was now peacefully asleep in Sirius' bed.
She was making herself busy by scrubbing at a bloodstain on the floor when James and Sirius walked in; looking grief-stricken. She stood and walked over to them. James kissed her on the cheek and pulled her into a tight embrace; his face tightening in anger and fear.
"How is he?" he asked urgently.
"Asleep," she said. "I gave him a potion. He'll be out for awhile. What happened?"
"We found her," Sirius said quietly and looking at his feet. "She was under a bush a few store fronts down."
"Oh Merlin," Lily gasped; falling harder into James' chest. He clutched her to him as close as possible; letting his head fall on top of hers. Lily snuggled in as he kissed her head. Sirius slumped against the wall.
"So…it was…Avada Kedavra?" she whispered.
James nodded against her.
"Definitely," Sirius said. "We owled her parents. They came…" he struggled for breath. "Gods, it was awful."
"Why would they just kill her like that?" Lily asked. "She wasn't exactly a threat."
Sirius exhaled loudly and clenched his eyes shut. "They're after me. The blood-traitor," he laughed mirthlessly. "We should have moved after the Julia Connors thing. They've probably been planning something since then. Gwen was just in the wrong place at the wrong time."
Everyone was silent for a few minutes.
"Do you have any idea who it was?" Lily asked as she released herself from James' embrace. Their hands fell together and closed around each other tightly.
Both of them shook their heads.
"If they're after me," Sirius started. "It's probably Bellatrix or Regulus. Probably Regulus." He looked down with a sort of shame.
Lily let go of James' hand and embraced Sirius tightly.
"I'll bet you're both starving," she said quietly as she released him. She started walking towards the kitchen. "There's tons of food in there. I got a little excited, you see." She looked at the floor. "It kept me from crying." She felt the tears welling up again and looked up again with wet eyes. "See," she chuckled. "I guess I should have cooked more."
James rushed up to her side, tears in his eyes, and kissed her gently on the cheek. She smiled.
"Go on," she gestured with her hand. "I'm going to keep cleaning in here. Remus will feel guilty about this too if I don't."
James nodded and Sirius followed him into the kitchen. Lily walked back over to the spot she was scrubbing before they came in. She kneeled again and began cleaning. After a few seconds, she stopped. Biting her lip, she looked up and out the window. Immediately she felt the tears prickling, but she bit them back and began to scrub more furiously.