The order meeting was being held at Sturgis Podmore's home that day. Sirius, in his stubbornness, had insisted on coming despite the dramatic scenes it might cause. James and Lily had given him a ten-minute lecture about leaving Gideon Prewett alone. No one, however, expected Dorcas herself to show up.

It took James, Lily, and Remus to keep Sirius calm when the four of them entered Podmore's living room to see a stocky red-haired man with a tall brunette woman. With James tightly gripping one arm and Remus the other, Sirius observed the couple. Gideon Prewett was barely taller than Dorcas, but his sturdy, muscular frame still dwarfed her. His thick forearms were wrapped around her waist and her hands rested on the back of his neck. There was a look of contentment to Dorcas although her expression was otherwise unreadable and Prewett wore a lop-sided, smitten grin on his broad face. Dorcas' eyes flicked to the door and locked immediately with Sirius'. Unspoken words passed between them and suddenly Dorcas had to look away.

Gideon noticed the exchange, frowned a little, and turned to face the other four. He smiled at them, although the grin faded when it reached Sirius.

"How are you all?" he said in a polite voice.

James and Remus nodded awkwardly. They had dropped their grip on Sirius who was still staring daggers at Dorcas. She looked as if she was trying to come up with a good explanation.

"Alright, Gideon," Lily smiled, her eyes flickering from Prewett to Dorcas to Sirius and back again. "I see you've brought in a new member. How are you, Dorcas?"

It took Dorcas a minute to register that Lily had addressed her before she whipped her eyes away from Sirius' glare to look at the red-haired woman.

"I'm alright," she nodded slightly.

Gideon wrapped a veiny arm around Dorcas' waist and pulled her in tight. "Dorcas has been through so much in the last month. She's amazing." He smiled at her; his freckled face lighting up. She smiled back slightly; obviously a little overwhelmed by the affection Gideon was shooting at her. Her eyes flicked to the floor and her face grew hot. He pulled her even closer and kissed her on the cheek.

"Yeah," Sirius muttered. "Bloody amazing."

Dorcas' eyes shot to him and the smile vanished. Prewett glowered. James exhaled.

"A spy in the Ministry?" Peter's eyes grew wide as he looked over at James next to him. James' jaw tightened as he and Lily exchanged glances.

Moody nodded. "There has to be. Kevin Grady's whereabouts were top-secret. Only a high official in the Department would have been privy to that information." He scratched violently at a crater on his left cheek.

"Which department?" Dorcas asked; shifting in her seat and super aware of both Sirius' scowl and Gideon's arm around the back of her chair.

"Law Enforcement," he grumbled. He added in a determined voice, "I'll screen all the Aurors."

"It could be someone else, Alastor," Dumbledore said. "The Imperius curse has been a rather useful tool."

Moody shrugged. "Of course, Dumbledore."

"Dorcas," Dumbledore looked at the newest member of the order. "I know you have been through an awful ordeal and I hate to bring it up, but could you tell us who was at your parents' home that night."

Dorcas looked at her hands for a second before glancing at Sirius whose eyes had been fixed on her through the entire meeting. They were narrowed and seemed frozen in contempt. She swallowed and looked over at Dumbledore, who raised his eyebrows at the emotions flying across the room. She frowned slightly.

"Evan Rosier," she said. "I saw him for sure. He gave me the cut on my shoulder." Gideon sat up and took her hand. She smiled at him and ran the other hand through her hair. "I saw another man. A tall man with long platinum hair. I didn't recognize him."

"Tall man with platinum hair," Frank Longbottom leaned back in his chair.

"I wish I had more information," she offered, her eyes flicking back to Sirius. His lip twitched angrily and Dorcas felt her heart tighten at his cold expression. She clenched her jaw. "Is there a loo I can use?" she turned to Podmore.

Gideon squeezed her hand, his brown eyes gazing at her with love, support, and concern. She kissed him on the cheek and let go of his hand when Podmore mentioned that it was upstairs to the left. Trying to ignore the slight smiles offering her sympathy and especially Sirius' scowl, she stood. Pushing her shoulders back and her chin up defiantly against the tightness in her chest, she walked out of the room, up the stairs and into the small bathroom. She closed the door and leaned her back against it, taking huge breaths and closing her eyes. Roughly, she ran her hands over her face and hair, sighing loudly. After a few seconds; she walked to the sink, placed a hand on each side of it for balance, and surveyed herself in the mirror.

Her lips had forced themselves tight together and that stupid line she hated so much had appeared between her eyebrows. Her narrow eyes blinked as she ran a hand down her cheek and then held her chin in it.

Why was she doing this to herself? Gideon was the kind of man you settled down with. He was steady, stable, and sweet. And he cared about her. When she had gone to him after leaving Sirius, he hadn't even asked where she had been the night before. He had just held her hand and kissed her on the forehead and made her dinner and prepared a bath for her and tucked her into bed – sure to put the warming charm on her blankets so she wouldn't wake up cold. He had offered to lie next to her that night, but Dorcas had shaken her head and pulled the quilt up around her neck and he gave her one last kiss before leaving her alone. Dorcas had found him asleep outside her bedroom door in the morning. He would wait there every night if she wanted him to. The thought made her content. He was something that would be a constant. So many other things were chaotic and falling apart, especially now. Gideon could be counted on.

Sirius had held her that entire night. She had rested her head on his chest, felt his breath. It had warmed her. And the next morning, he was amazing. That was until he told her he loved her. Sure, he'd said it, but did he actually mean it? Could Sirius Black ever really love a woman the way Dorcas wanted to be loved? The way Gideon loved her? How long would it be before he fucked the whole thing up like he had before? Dorcas loved Sirius. She knew that. But she couldn't handle losing him again. She had been an unbelievable mess. And Dorcas knew that if she went back to him, it would only be a matter of time before he did something stupid or simply got bored. Gideon wouldn't get bored with her. The trouble was that Dorcas had a sneaking suspicion that she might just get bored with Gideon.

Dorcas' reverie was interrupted when the bathroom door burst open. She jumped away from the sink and saw an awfully worked-up Sirius standing in front of her. His breathing was quick and his eyes were storming with emotion.

"What are you doing here?" she sighed, not particularly surprised to see him.

"You're not really going to stay with Prewett, are you?" he fumed; stepping closer to her.

"I told you, Sirius, I…"

But Dorcas stopped when Sirius yanked her to him with a large hand on the small of her back. She caught her breath before his other hand cupped the back of her head and his electric eyes came closer. Her hands stayed plastered to her sides as she felt his wide lips press hard against hers. She moaned in protest, but he pulled her closer to silence her. Her eyes closed as the hand on her back moved downwards and she became aware of his broad chest against her. His tongue pressed against her lips as he tangled her hair. She kept them closed, but they puckered almost unconsciously against his. Dorcas felt her chest tighten even more and her fists clenched at her sides. Anger was overtaking her. But at the same time, she felt a different sort of heat running through her body. That same bloody feeling she always got when he kissed her.

When he released her, they were both breathing quickly. Their eyes locked and Dorcas knew that if he had his way, she would be up against the wall in a few minutes. The burning at the pit of her stomach was increasing by the second. Her conflicting thoughts kept her silent until Sirius smirked, wrapping his arm around her again. But before he could do anything else, Dorcas' hand made hard contact with the side of his face.

Sirius was so shocked that he didn't even bring a hand to his face. He simply dropped his grip on Dorcas.

"Dor…" he started.

"I told you," she spat, her breathing still heavy. "I'm with Gideon."

"Don't tell me you didn't feel anything," his eyes were wide with shock and finally a hand found its way to his face.

Dorcas sighed loudly. "It doesn't matter, Sirius,"

"That night…"

"…was the biggest mistake of my life," she said coldly.

She pushed past him, trying to ignore the shocked pain in his eyes. She pulled herself up as tall as possible as she walked down the stairs. With a sharp inhalation of breath through her nostrils, she willed herself not to cry and tried to ignore that part of her that was screaming to run back to Sirius.

"Would you like another biscuit?" Lily smiled at Sirius and offered him a large platter of Christmas treats. Sirius, Remus, Peter, James, Lily, and Abagail were celebrating Christmas Eve in James and Lily's London flat. Abagail, Remus, and Peter were chatting happily next to the glittering tree by the fireplace. James was standing next to his mother and occasionally adding a laugh or comment.

Sirius shook his head without looking up and took another large sip of the butterbeer in his hand. He was sitting away from the group, looking at the floor. Lily sighed and put the platter on the wooden table next to the armchair Sirius was sitting in.

"Sirius," she said quietly, sitting in the chair next to him. "Do you really want to be with someone who would do that kind of thing to you?"

His face tightened and he shrugged.

"You've been so depressed since May," Lily continued, a hand finding Sirius' shoulder. "She obviously doesn't deserve you if she pulls stunts like this."

He shrugged her off violently as James walked by.

"Let him be, Lily," he said quietly.

She looked up at him and a second later, her eyes narrowed. "Leaving him alone has sure done a whole lot of good, James. Don't you remember how he was when we got back from our honeymoon? You've been watching him drink himself into a stupor every night since then. You told me you were going to talk to him about it." She stood so she could scream a little closer to her husband's face. "You told me you were going to talk to him in September and here it is Christmas and your best friend is completely bloody comatose over this girl and you haven't said a damn word. Someone has to talk to him, James."

"Lily," he said gritting his teeth. "You don't understand…"

"WHAT DON'T I UNDERSTAND?" she bellowed. "Our friend is in pain and you've done nothing about it. What else is there to understand?"

"Did you notice the way he reacted when you tried to talk to him, Lily," he said sarcastically. "Maybe I know just a bit more about how to handle him than you."

Lily's mouth made forewarning movements and her face began to flush a deep scarlet. She grew taller and her eyes flashed dangerously. James held his breath as he readied himself for a reply that never came.

"I think I'll go so the two of you can discuss the best way to deal with me," Sirius said angrily as he stood.

"Oh no Sirius," Lily turned to him; her anger at James fading a little. "Stay, we're sorry. We're just worried…"

"No Lily," he shook his head and scowled. "I'm leaving."

"Look mate," James put a hand on Sirius' shoulder and his eyes pleaded with his friend. "Stay. Honestly, we won't talk about it anymore. Come on, it's Christmas."

Sirius sniffed angrily and ran a hand through his hair. He shook his head again.

"Sirius…"

"Happy Christmas," he said flatly and a second later, with a pop, he had disappeared.

James turned to Lily and glowered.

"What?" she spat. "That was your own fault James. If you had just talked to him…"

"Lily," he said dangerously.

"Well, it was," she was quickly returning to the angry Lily that terrified James.

"What was I supposed to do? Let him mope like that? You are so insensitive sometimes, James Potter."

He made a sort of growling noise as Lily turned on her heel and marched into the kitchen. He collapsed on the armchair Sirius had inhabited and took an angry swig of his friend's leftover butterbeer.

"Happy Christmas," his mother offered.

"Happy Christmas indeed," Remus said, sinking in his seat a little.