Chapter 5: The chaotic howler
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, J.K Rowling does! I just own the lame spells and characters I create to help the story along!
A/N: WOW. I was only expecting like 12 reviews and I got like 50! Thanks to:
Meg: LOL ^-^! I'm glad you found it that funny, cos at first I wasn't sure whether people would think it was funny or not, but I guess it was! Thanks!
DarknesswithinonesHeart: Yup! He hit on Hagrid and Snape and in this chapter, another person or two! I'll try to update, but I couldn't for like three days because of the massive black-out here in southern Ontario and north-eastern U.S. (I'm a Torontonian.), so sorry for the delay!
Sweetstar3: Yup! Smart, smart, Draccy-poo! ^-^ I like Good Charlotte too!
Xangel_luvx: ^-^ LOL! You're the second person to quote the "Wait for me, my dear Sevvie" line and I just realized that it rhymes! I'm such a genius aren't I? I must be really blunt not to realize that when I wrote it! LOL! Sorry the update took so long! You see, I kept writing, then re-writing this chapter because it sucked so much in my eyes!
Pencil_gal: I'm glad it brightened up your day! I hope you get better and here's chapter um, 5 I think! ^-^
SperryDee: Heehee! You were thinking along the same lines as me! He'll definitely flirt with Filch in this chapter! ^-~
Slytherinquidichcaptain: Thanks!
Leika_Senara: Thanks, but what does roflmao, stand for?? ^-^;;;;
Jenna: Thanks! Here's chapter 6!
Beeb: Lol! I thought this was a flame at first, but I was wrong! Yup! He'll kiss Snape, for sure!
Megan: Thanks!
Stella by Starlight: Did you get the e-mail? Hmm.Dumbledore's reaction ~looks thoughtful~ I never actually thought of that.Thanks!
Shadows_zhephyr: Eek! Please don't hunt me down! I.er live nowhere near North America and I live in er.um.Beijing! Just kidding. like I said to DarknesswithinonesHeart, I'm a Torontonian and couldn't update because of the annoyingly massive black-out.Well, here's chapter 5! ^-^
Little-lost-one: Thanks!
Tomsgurl: Glad you liked it! Enjoy!
The SimonCowel of Fanfiction: Thanks! I was expecting criticism, because I was thinking of American Idol when I saw your penname, but I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Cute-Kitty: Thanks for the review!
LiBlackDragon: Well, more gay (but OOC, sort of) Malfoy is comin up! Thanks! I usually consider myself a shitty writer, but I was so happy when I read your review and it said otherwise!
Stephanie: Hope I didn't get you in trouble with your Dad checking so much! ^-^;;; Sorry if I did! I'm glad you liked it!
Kendra1117: I like your penname! Enjoy chapter 5!
Alyshia: Yea, I will. Now that I've wrote more, I think I'd better keep it D/H too! It would be so annoying, writing all this stuff about Draco and Hermione, then have her run off with Snape, eh? Did you get the e-mail?
Mayday20: LOL! I'm not fond of sluts either! Thanks for the info! ~dances around chanting 'I know all! I know all!'~
~*jaz*~: Thanks for the nice review! Enjoy! ^.^
MirroredBeauty: Thanks so much for the review! Wow! ~blushes~ You think it's pure genius?! That's so cool! I personally think I'm a crappy writer and probably wouldn't post on fanfiction.net if everyone on ff knew me.I'm usually a really shy person.but I'm straying off topic.LOL! I'm glad you enjoyed my story so much so far.sorry for the delay. I kept writing and re- writing chapter 5 because I thought it was all crap! But I finally got a satisfactory chapter.Enjoy!
Plum Blossom: Thanks! ^-^
Atiannala: LOL! I agree. I found it slightly amusing with Snape humming, but I was even happier when I started to write the Snape's outburst scene! Sorry the update took so long! Enjoy!
DBZ_gal: I definitely agree! ^-^ Poor everyone involved.
TOM4EVA: Yup! I'll keep it Draco/Hermione for sure..if I want a Snape/Hermione, I'll just start another story! No sense in wasting this plot! ^-^ Thanks for the review and welcome to chapter 5!
PolishPrincess: Of course not before! They'll be seeking revenge and competing with each other during the stunts! Don't worry about them falling in love during the stunts! Maybe they might towards the last stunt, but I hate those mushy, fall-in-love after chapter 3 type romances and I like the way this story is turning out, so maybe towards the end. But I think there'll be Draco and Hermione snogging odd people etc. for my amusement and for their revenge plots! Thanks for the reviews!!
Diomind: Thanks! LOL! I loved writing the Sevvie in confusion as Draco clings to his robes a lot! I found it amusing! Your story's pretty good too!
Jan: Now!
Ktw: Don't worry! You're not going crazy. you should see some of the crazed, wacko reviews I write to humor stories! ^-^ they're very odd.Thanks for reviewing and here's chapter 5!
Ollivander: Thanks! I hope that I'm not using too much dialogue.tell me if I am, because on my last account, I didn't explain much.just wrote tons of dialogue and little description. Yup! First hate, then they seek revenge and somehow end up falling for each other in a hate-love relationship!
Juliana (if you're still reading): Yes I know it's juvenile! I'm a juvenile person though! I look 16 and act 9! Possibly more childish though at times! ^-^ But I have a lame sense of humor and I laugh at almost anything funny, so sue me!
Joanne: LOL! I'm glad you and your cousin liked it so far! Enjoy chapter 5!
Wakabuchi: I like your penname! LOL! Thanks! What does XDD stand for??
Airotci: Thanks!
Jessica_Haliwell_Potter: LOL! I like some that torture Draco too!
Anna70: Thanks!
Cornette: LOL! Yes, I found it funny too. "Er. I have an.er.a lesson ter attend to! Yeah, thas it!" ^^ Thanks for the review!
Charms: Cool Mom! LOL! COOL! YOU'RE ROOM IS CIRCULAR?? YOU'RE SO LUCKY! IT'S LIKE THE DEPARTMENT OF MYSTERIES!!! Sorry if you haven't read OotP yet! ^-^;;;
Stephanie: Yup! I get that too whenever I read humor! Once, my Mom checked me for a fever because I was constantly laughing at this story! Even randomly when there wasn't anything remotely funny! LOL!
Cecel: LOL! I did! Enjoy!
Garfield16: Thanks for the review! Enjoy Chapter 5!
Taintless: Yea, I get that from my Mum too. bla, bla, bla about you go on the computer too much! I only go on for two hours max! Thanks for the thanks for the thanks! Er. let's not continue this being over grateful thanking for thanks thing, k? ^-^;; I'm a softie too a lot of the time. but only when I want to be. Yup! Reviews are great, but it does wonders for my ego as well! I've been high for so long! Er.yea! Did I update soon enough?
Slytherin's snake: Thanks!
Someone: Hope you're stomach's feelin better!
Blue_eyes19: LOL! I'm glad you liked it so much! Have some more fun reading chapter 5!
Impatient: Okay, okay! ^-^;;; Really sorry for the delay!
Hayley: Here's chapter 5! I'll probably make them either a couple, or make them end up as good friends, but not until I'm through with the favours!
Jenna: Okay, I will.
Hermione31: Thanks!
Lee: Thanks for the review and enjoy!
J: Sorry the update took so long! I was at my Dad's house, I kept re- writing chapter 5 because it kept on sucking in my eyes and I had a bit of a writer's block! Sorry!
Calvin and Hobbes: ^-^ Thanks!
Painterchica: Yup! War will start.^-^ I guess you should still hide under a rock for this chapter then.Draco's still actin gay!
Fluer: Thanks! Enjoy!
Tessa: Sorry it took so long! Enjoy anyway!!
Wow! I'm so amazed! Thank you all for the reviews! I'll try to update sooner! I really appreciate the reviews, though I'm exhausted from writing thank yous. that took up like 3 pages! Well, enjoy chapter 5 and by all means, review!
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Draco emerged from the Slytherin common, to find himself facing none other than Hermione. "What do you want, Mudblood?" Draco spat.
"Nothing! Just congratulating you! That was definitely convincing!" Hermione giggled, "you're doing great!"
Draco rolled his eyes, "Obviously. Malfoys are perfect at everything. By the way, I've been meaning to ask you. why did you hug Snape?"
Hermione blushed and replied, "Well, you see, Harry, Ron, Ginny and I were feeling high so we were singing stuff like 'tomorrow it starts.lalalalala!' and Snape happened to cross our path and took off twenty points but we didn't care because we were so happy about seeing you do this task so we were sort of high! Then I dunno, I just hugged him!"
"Uhhuh." Draco replied, smirking, "I can't wait to announce that Granger and Snape are lovers!"
"I AM NOT SNAPE'S LOVER! I WOULDN'T BE CAUGHT SCREWING HIM (A/N: except in SS/HG stories!)! But perhaps you would.Wait for me my dear Sevvie!" Hermione retorted.
"That's because you put me up to it!" Draco hissed.
"But you actually did it with enthusiasm!" Hermione added.
"Only because I refuse to have to be doing it when I'm thirty! And mark my words. I'll definitely get revenge on you!" Draco spat, "now if you'll excuse me, I have to go stalk Filch and confess to him how much I love him."
Hermione started laughing. Draco glared, "What is it Granger?"
"I'm definitely coming." Hermione stated, "I've gotta see this!"
"I hate you." Draco muttered.
"Yes, I know!" Hermione smiled.
***
Meanwhile, Colin was telling Harry, Ron and Ginny how he had got the pictures they had requested from the gay Draco, Snape and Hagrid incident.
"That's great. Don't worry about film Colin. we'll supply it! It's worth it to have an entire humiliation of Draco Malfoy photo album." Ron replied to Colin.
"We each have cameras, so why don't we take turns filming every embarrassing thing Malfoy does!" Ginny suggested.
"Great idea Gin! That way, when three of us are laughing to death, the other can be snapping photos!" Harry replied, "but what if all four of us are laughing?"
"Well, we could always charm the cameras to be able to detect when Malfoy's doing something embarrassing. then we could just laugh freely." Colin answered, reminding Harry of Hermione.
"Good idea! Let's do it!" Harry agreed instantly. "Now let's go see what Hermione's doing!"
***
Draco placed the crying charm on himself again and put on a hurt look making Hermione giggle. The pair found Filch monitoring the halls with Mrs. Norris at his side. Draco winked at Hermione and dashed into Filch's arms and started sobbing uncontrollably. "Y-you l-let P-pot-potter d-d-dance with you b-b-but n-n-not m-me? D-does ev-every-w-w-one h-hate me?" Draco sobbed, making a mental note to bath for three hours.
"I don't hate you. Potter jumped into my arms. Damn kid." Filch replied, coldly near the end.
"Then, do y-you li-like m-me?" Draco asked sounding hopeful.
"Yes. I've always thought you were very handsome. Would you like to go for a butterbeer sometime Mr. Malfoy? May I call you Draco?" Filch replied.
Hermione's eyes widened in realization as she stifled a giggle.
Draco recoiled in horror and screamed, "AHHHGGGGGH! YOU ACTUALLY ARE A GAY!"
"Yup." Filch grinned proudly, "One hundred percent! So Draco.What do ya say to a date with yours truly?"
Luckily for Draco and unluckily for Snape, Snape was walking along the corridor. Draco quickly rushed to Snape and pressed his lips against Snape's. Snape's mouth opened in horror and Draco forced his tongue into his mouth adding another hour and a half to his shower time. Draco quickly pulled away and stated simply to Filch, "Sorry. I'm taken now. I just wanted to play with your pathetic mind. Sev, let's go."
Draco whispered, "Silencio" and "petrificus totalus" and dragged Snape with him, Hermione bringing up the rear.
Filch burst into sobs that only a girl would do after a major break-up. Draco dragged Snape to Snape's office before releasing him with the counter spells. "TWO HUNDRED POINTS FROM SLYTHERIN!" Snape bellowed at once, "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!"
Draco was about to confess, but Hermione shook her head and mimed adding more weeks and dares to the list. Draco gulped and replied lamely, "Nothing Severus. I just decided that it was time to show my true feelings about Hagrid and you. Wanna snog?"
"NO! FRANKLY, I'D.I'D SNOG MISS GRANGER BEFORE EVER CONSIDERING YOU!" Snape shouted, obviously in distressed confusion, "NOW GET THE HELL OUT! EVERYONE OUT! NOW!"
Draco and Hermione both hurried out of Snape's office. As soon as they were out, Hermione burst into giggles, "I can't believe you snogged Snape! Did you see how confused and distressed he was?"
"I'll have to bath forever if stuff like this keeps up. I really hate you Mudblood." Draco spat, "Though the confusion it caused Snape was amusing."
"I can't wait til classes start tomorrow!" Hermione squealed, "That'll be fun!"
"Whatever." Draco replied, walking away, "I have to spend the next four hours bathing now, if you don't mind."
"Yeah, yeah." Hermione stated, with a wave of her hand.
***
In his bath, Draco swore, "Hermione Granger, Mudblood.you'll pay.I can't wait til tomorrow either! Sure, I'll act gay, but you'll be in for a surprise too! Er.once I think of something to do to you."
Draco wasn't sure how to get revenge on Monday, but he knew he would embarrass Hermione.
~* Next Day *~
Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny walked to the Great Hall for breakfast. Hermione glanced at Snape when he entered. She nearly laughed. He was scanning the whole hall carefully, yet nervously, ready to curse Draco the moment he tried to touch him. He jumped when a first year girl tapped him from behind and whirled around furiously. Then, he power-walked to the Staff table and sat down.
Breakfast went normal.until the mail came. Draco's black eagle owl came soaring to the staff table, dropping a howler in front of Snape. Snape paled and slit open the howler. Draco's voice, magnified to the point where it sounded awful, filled the room, "HEY SEVVIE SNAPE!!! JUST TO LET THE WHOLE SCHOOL AND MORE HOW MUC I LIKE YOU I DECIDED TO GIVE YOU A HOWLER! LIKE, ALL I WANT TO SAY IS THAT LIKE, YOU'RE AN EXCELLENT SNOGGER SEVVIE BABY! I LOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVEEEEEE YOU SEVVIE AND WOULD LIKE TO SING YOU A SONG! IT TOOK ME HOURS OF SEARCHING THROUGH MUGGLE AND WITCH SONGS, BUT I FINALLY FOUND ONE! IT'S CALLED SLAVE 4 YOU BY BRITNEY SPEARS! WELL, AHEM.LIKE HERE GOES."
Snape was desperately trying to shut the howler up, uselessly trying all sorts of spells. He couldn't remember ever being so embarrassed since he had been a student. But it got worse. After, "AHEM, HERE GOES.".Draco suddenly came walking towards the staff table, with a huge uncharacteristic grin on his face. Snape's face paled then turned red again as Draco started singing with his howler.
"I KNOW I MAY BE YOUNG, BUT I GOT FEELINGS TOO.
AND I NEED TO DO.WHAT I FEEL LIKE DOING.
SO LET ME GO.AND JUST LISTEN."
Draco smirked, then started a sort of belly dance.
"ALL YOU PEOPLE LOOK AT ME LIKE I'M A LITTLE BOY.
WELL DID YOU EVER THINK IT'D BE OKAY FOR ME TO STEP INTO THIS WORLD?
ALWAYS SAYING LITTLE BOY, DON'T STEP INTO THE CLUB.
WELL I'M JUST TRYIN' TO FIND OUT WHY, COS DANCNG'S WHAT I LOVE."
Then Draco climbed onto the staff table to continue his belly-dance. He knew that Snape was wishing that he were invisible and everyone in the Great Hall was trying not to laugh so then they could catch everything.
Hermione was shaking with laughter, yet she was still watching Snape and Draco with as much focus as she could muster.
"GET IT GET IT, GET IT GET IT, WHOOA!
GET IT, GET IT, GET IT , GET IT, WHOOOOOOA!
GET IT GET IT, GET IT GET IT, OOHHH!"
Draco started panting down Snape's neck.
"I KNOW I MAY COME OFF QUIET, I MAY COME OFF SHY.
BUT I FEEL LIKE TALKING, FEEL LIKE DANCING WHEN I SEE THIS GUY!
WHAT'S PRACTICAL, WHAT'S LOGICAL. WHAT THE HELL, WHO CARES?
ALL I KNOW IS I'M SO HAPPY WHEN YOU'RE DANCING THERE."
At this, Draco took off his robes to reveal that he was only wearing black silk boxers. He began waggling his ass in Snape's face. Snape recoiled in horror.
"I'M A SLAVE FOR YOU! I CAN ONLY HOLD IT; I CAN NOT CONTROL IT!
I'M A SLAVE FOR YOU! I CAN NOT DENY IT; I'M NOT TRYING TO HIDE IT!"
Draco pulled the front of Snape's robes seductively, winking. By now, everyone in the Great Hall was laughing like maniacs.
"BABY, DON'T YOU WANNA, DANCE UPON ME.
TO ANOTHER TIME AND PLACE.
OH BABY, DON'T YOU WANNA, DANCE UPON ME.
LEAVING BEHIND MY NAME, MY AGE."
Draco noticed Snape's fists clenching and unclenching just in time and leapt away from the staff table as Snape tried to strangle him.
"GET IT GET IT, GET IT GET IT, WHOOA!
GET IT, GET IT, GET IT , GET IT, WHOOOOOOA!
GET IT GET IT, GET IT GET IT, OOHHH!"
Draco continued dancing in front of the staff table, knowing he was safe because Dumbledore was restraining Snape. Even teachers like McGonagall were amused.
"I REALLY WANNA DANCE, TONIGHT WITH YOU.
I REALLY WANNA DO, WHAT YOU WANNA DO
I REALLY WANNA DANCE, TONIGHT WITH YOU.
I REALLY WANNA DO, WHAT YOU WANNA DO"
By now, everyone was laughing like mad, except for a few people. Pansy was in tears, still not believing that her "Drakie-poo" was a gay and Snape was being restrained as he tried to strangle and curse Draco. Some people, of course had suffered a serious scarring for the rest of their lives, while others merely fainted and checked themselves for fevers.
"BABY, DON'T YOU WANNA, DANCE UPON ME.
TO ANOTHER TIME AND PLACE.
OH BABY, DON'T YOU WANNA, DANCE UPON ME.
LEAVING BEHIND MY NAME, MY AGE."
Draco had somehow seen the music video of 'Slave 4 you' the night before and was now doing the exact slut dance that Britney Spears had done.
"I'M A SLAVE FOR YOU! I CAN ONLY HOLD IT; I CAN NOT CONTROL IT!
I'M A SLAVE FOR YOU! I CAN NOT DENY IT; I'M NOT TRYING TO HIDE IT!"
Draco continued dancing, while everyone (except Snape, Pansy and the traumatized people) kept laughing. It would make many people sick, though it was humorous.
"GET IT GET IT, GET IT GET IT, WHOOA!
GET IT, GET IT, GET IT , GET IT, WHOOOOOOA!
GET IT GET IT, GET IT GET IT, OOHHH!
GET IT GET IT, GET IT GET IT, WHOOA!
GET IT, GET IT, GET IT , GET IT, WHOOOOOOA!
GET IT GET IT, GET IT GET IT, OOHHH!"
Draco went back top belly-dancing and added in some air humping. At that precise moment, Hagrid burst into the Great Hall, thinking that people were getting tortured. He was right.in a manner of speaking. Hagrid nearly fainted.
"I'M A SLAVE FOR YOU! I CAN ONLY HOLD IT; I CAN NOT CONTROL IT!
I'M A SLAVE FOR YOU! I CAN NOT DENY IT; I'M NOT TRYING TO HIDE IT!
LIKE THAT!"
Draco finished his dance. The howler finally came to a close.
"I HOPE YOU LIKED IT WHICH I KNOW YOU DID SEVVIE!!! I LOVE YOUUUUU! HUGS, KISSES AND PERHAPS EVEN MORE, DRACO MALFOY, YOUR LOVING PUREBLOOD LOVER."
As the howler burst into flames, Draco took a bow. The laughing continued. Snape stopped trying to curse Draco and relaxed, though still very red. Dumbledore released Snape, who immediately sprang up and started chasing Draco who started running up and down the halls.
"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! ALL THE REMAINING POINTS FROM SLYTHERIN!" Snape yelled, chasing after Draco.
"I know you really love me and all Sev, but this is no time to show your displays of affection!" Draco replied, pissing Snape off even more.
"I'M NOT GAY! I'D NEVER SHOW YOU ANY AFFECTION!" Snape screamed.
"Oh yeah? Then why'd you snog me yesterday?" Draco asked.
"DETENTION WITH FILCH! AND FOR THE RECORD,YOU ATTACKED ME! AS I SAID YESTERDAY, I'D RATHER SNOG MISS GRANGER BEFORE EVER CONSIDERING YOU!" Snape retorted.
"Then prove it Sev." Draco smirked, starting phase one of his revenge on Granger plan, "snog Granger right now in front of everyone. And make it a GOOD snog, not just a small peck."
"LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS!" Hermione suddenly shouted.
Draco snorted. "I don't think so Granger. I'm curious to see how much Severus would do to escape me. You see, if he'd really rather kiss you, he'll do it." Draco smirked, trying his best to sound jealous, "And to make sure that he either chooses me or you, I'm putting this charm on us. Deciduo betuo!"
Unfortunately for Snape and Hermione, neither had their wands out, so neither could say "Protego."
Hermione quickly whipped out her wand and pointed it at Draco. "Take the spell off." She demanded.
"Sorry, no cure except for Sevvie here to do one of these two. And here's the thing about this spell that makes it worse. The longer Sevvie takes to decide, the more he will feel the need for things worse than a simple snog, if you know what I mean. So if I were you, I'd decide now Sevvie, cos if you don't, by the end of today, you'll feel the need to pounce either Granger or me!" Draco smiled.
"You're lying, I'm not going to choose." Snape spat, storming off.
Draco fought the mad desire to laugh like a maniac as he saw Hermione groan. Either him or Hermione would be very unlucky, because what he had said about Snape pouncing.was true.
A/N: YES!YES!YES! YES! YES! YES!!! I FINALLY GOT A VERSION OF CHAPTER 5 THAT I LIKE! Only after re-writing it like six times. U_U;;; Well, I hope you people enjoyed it! Thank you for your reviews! I really appreciated them and I'm REALLY sorry for not updating so soon. These are the reasons why, even if you don't believe me, but trust me, they're true: ^-^ I had a writer's block.
^-^ My parents are divorced and at my Dad's, we don't have a computer so I can't type every other week.
^-^ I kept writing and re-writing this chapter because they all seemed crap when I read it over. I re-wrote it over like 6 times!
^-^ It took me a LONG time to reply to all those reviews * sighs *
Well anyway, review if you want to! Actually.please review! Critisism, compliments anything welcome!
DMSL~
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, J.K Rowling does! I just own the lame spells and characters I create to help the story along!
A/N: WOW. I was only expecting like 12 reviews and I got like 50! Thanks to:
Meg: LOL ^-^! I'm glad you found it that funny, cos at first I wasn't sure whether people would think it was funny or not, but I guess it was! Thanks!
DarknesswithinonesHeart: Yup! He hit on Hagrid and Snape and in this chapter, another person or two! I'll try to update, but I couldn't for like three days because of the massive black-out here in southern Ontario and north-eastern U.S. (I'm a Torontonian.), so sorry for the delay!
Sweetstar3: Yup! Smart, smart, Draccy-poo! ^-^ I like Good Charlotte too!
Xangel_luvx: ^-^ LOL! You're the second person to quote the "Wait for me, my dear Sevvie" line and I just realized that it rhymes! I'm such a genius aren't I? I must be really blunt not to realize that when I wrote it! LOL! Sorry the update took so long! You see, I kept writing, then re-writing this chapter because it sucked so much in my eyes!
Pencil_gal: I'm glad it brightened up your day! I hope you get better and here's chapter um, 5 I think! ^-^
SperryDee: Heehee! You were thinking along the same lines as me! He'll definitely flirt with Filch in this chapter! ^-~
Slytherinquidichcaptain: Thanks!
Leika_Senara: Thanks, but what does roflmao, stand for?? ^-^;;;;
Jenna: Thanks! Here's chapter 6!
Beeb: Lol! I thought this was a flame at first, but I was wrong! Yup! He'll kiss Snape, for sure!
Megan: Thanks!
Stella by Starlight: Did you get the e-mail? Hmm.Dumbledore's reaction ~looks thoughtful~ I never actually thought of that.Thanks!
Shadows_zhephyr: Eek! Please don't hunt me down! I.er live nowhere near North America and I live in er.um.Beijing! Just kidding. like I said to DarknesswithinonesHeart, I'm a Torontonian and couldn't update because of the annoyingly massive black-out.Well, here's chapter 5! ^-^
Little-lost-one: Thanks!
Tomsgurl: Glad you liked it! Enjoy!
The SimonCowel of Fanfiction: Thanks! I was expecting criticism, because I was thinking of American Idol when I saw your penname, but I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Cute-Kitty: Thanks for the review!
LiBlackDragon: Well, more gay (but OOC, sort of) Malfoy is comin up! Thanks! I usually consider myself a shitty writer, but I was so happy when I read your review and it said otherwise!
Stephanie: Hope I didn't get you in trouble with your Dad checking so much! ^-^;;; Sorry if I did! I'm glad you liked it!
Kendra1117: I like your penname! Enjoy chapter 5!
Alyshia: Yea, I will. Now that I've wrote more, I think I'd better keep it D/H too! It would be so annoying, writing all this stuff about Draco and Hermione, then have her run off with Snape, eh? Did you get the e-mail?
Mayday20: LOL! I'm not fond of sluts either! Thanks for the info! ~dances around chanting 'I know all! I know all!'~
~*jaz*~: Thanks for the nice review! Enjoy! ^.^
MirroredBeauty: Thanks so much for the review! Wow! ~blushes~ You think it's pure genius?! That's so cool! I personally think I'm a crappy writer and probably wouldn't post on fanfiction.net if everyone on ff knew me.I'm usually a really shy person.but I'm straying off topic.LOL! I'm glad you enjoyed my story so much so far.sorry for the delay. I kept writing and re- writing chapter 5 because I thought it was all crap! But I finally got a satisfactory chapter.Enjoy!
Plum Blossom: Thanks! ^-^
Atiannala: LOL! I agree. I found it slightly amusing with Snape humming, but I was even happier when I started to write the Snape's outburst scene! Sorry the update took so long! Enjoy!
DBZ_gal: I definitely agree! ^-^ Poor everyone involved.
TOM4EVA: Yup! I'll keep it Draco/Hermione for sure..if I want a Snape/Hermione, I'll just start another story! No sense in wasting this plot! ^-^ Thanks for the review and welcome to chapter 5!
PolishPrincess: Of course not before! They'll be seeking revenge and competing with each other during the stunts! Don't worry about them falling in love during the stunts! Maybe they might towards the last stunt, but I hate those mushy, fall-in-love after chapter 3 type romances and I like the way this story is turning out, so maybe towards the end. But I think there'll be Draco and Hermione snogging odd people etc. for my amusement and for their revenge plots! Thanks for the reviews!!
Diomind: Thanks! LOL! I loved writing the Sevvie in confusion as Draco clings to his robes a lot! I found it amusing! Your story's pretty good too!
Jan: Now!
Ktw: Don't worry! You're not going crazy. you should see some of the crazed, wacko reviews I write to humor stories! ^-^ they're very odd.Thanks for reviewing and here's chapter 5!
Ollivander: Thanks! I hope that I'm not using too much dialogue.tell me if I am, because on my last account, I didn't explain much.just wrote tons of dialogue and little description. Yup! First hate, then they seek revenge and somehow end up falling for each other in a hate-love relationship!
Juliana (if you're still reading): Yes I know it's juvenile! I'm a juvenile person though! I look 16 and act 9! Possibly more childish though at times! ^-^ But I have a lame sense of humor and I laugh at almost anything funny, so sue me!
Joanne: LOL! I'm glad you and your cousin liked it so far! Enjoy chapter 5!
Wakabuchi: I like your penname! LOL! Thanks! What does XDD stand for??
Airotci: Thanks!
Jessica_Haliwell_Potter: LOL! I like some that torture Draco too!
Anna70: Thanks!
Cornette: LOL! Yes, I found it funny too. "Er. I have an.er.a lesson ter attend to! Yeah, thas it!" ^^ Thanks for the review!
Charms: Cool Mom! LOL! COOL! YOU'RE ROOM IS CIRCULAR?? YOU'RE SO LUCKY! IT'S LIKE THE DEPARTMENT OF MYSTERIES!!! Sorry if you haven't read OotP yet! ^-^;;;
Stephanie: Yup! I get that too whenever I read humor! Once, my Mom checked me for a fever because I was constantly laughing at this story! Even randomly when there wasn't anything remotely funny! LOL!
Cecel: LOL! I did! Enjoy!
Garfield16: Thanks for the review! Enjoy Chapter 5!
Taintless: Yea, I get that from my Mum too. bla, bla, bla about you go on the computer too much! I only go on for two hours max! Thanks for the thanks for the thanks! Er. let's not continue this being over grateful thanking for thanks thing, k? ^-^;; I'm a softie too a lot of the time. but only when I want to be. Yup! Reviews are great, but it does wonders for my ego as well! I've been high for so long! Er.yea! Did I update soon enough?
Slytherin's snake: Thanks!
Someone: Hope you're stomach's feelin better!
Blue_eyes19: LOL! I'm glad you liked it so much! Have some more fun reading chapter 5!
Impatient: Okay, okay! ^-^;;; Really sorry for the delay!
Hayley: Here's chapter 5! I'll probably make them either a couple, or make them end up as good friends, but not until I'm through with the favours!
Jenna: Okay, I will.
Hermione31: Thanks!
Lee: Thanks for the review and enjoy!
J: Sorry the update took so long! I was at my Dad's house, I kept re- writing chapter 5 because it kept on sucking in my eyes and I had a bit of a writer's block! Sorry!
Calvin and Hobbes: ^-^ Thanks!
Painterchica: Yup! War will start.^-^ I guess you should still hide under a rock for this chapter then.Draco's still actin gay!
Fluer: Thanks! Enjoy!
Tessa: Sorry it took so long! Enjoy anyway!!
Wow! I'm so amazed! Thank you all for the reviews! I'll try to update sooner! I really appreciate the reviews, though I'm exhausted from writing thank yous. that took up like 3 pages! Well, enjoy chapter 5 and by all means, review!
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Draco emerged from the Slytherin common, to find himself facing none other than Hermione. "What do you want, Mudblood?" Draco spat.
"Nothing! Just congratulating you! That was definitely convincing!" Hermione giggled, "you're doing great!"
Draco rolled his eyes, "Obviously. Malfoys are perfect at everything. By the way, I've been meaning to ask you. why did you hug Snape?"
Hermione blushed and replied, "Well, you see, Harry, Ron, Ginny and I were feeling high so we were singing stuff like 'tomorrow it starts.lalalalala!' and Snape happened to cross our path and took off twenty points but we didn't care because we were so happy about seeing you do this task so we were sort of high! Then I dunno, I just hugged him!"
"Uhhuh." Draco replied, smirking, "I can't wait to announce that Granger and Snape are lovers!"
"I AM NOT SNAPE'S LOVER! I WOULDN'T BE CAUGHT SCREWING HIM (A/N: except in SS/HG stories!)! But perhaps you would.Wait for me my dear Sevvie!" Hermione retorted.
"That's because you put me up to it!" Draco hissed.
"But you actually did it with enthusiasm!" Hermione added.
"Only because I refuse to have to be doing it when I'm thirty! And mark my words. I'll definitely get revenge on you!" Draco spat, "now if you'll excuse me, I have to go stalk Filch and confess to him how much I love him."
Hermione started laughing. Draco glared, "What is it Granger?"
"I'm definitely coming." Hermione stated, "I've gotta see this!"
"I hate you." Draco muttered.
"Yes, I know!" Hermione smiled.
***
Meanwhile, Colin was telling Harry, Ron and Ginny how he had got the pictures they had requested from the gay Draco, Snape and Hagrid incident.
"That's great. Don't worry about film Colin. we'll supply it! It's worth it to have an entire humiliation of Draco Malfoy photo album." Ron replied to Colin.
"We each have cameras, so why don't we take turns filming every embarrassing thing Malfoy does!" Ginny suggested.
"Great idea Gin! That way, when three of us are laughing to death, the other can be snapping photos!" Harry replied, "but what if all four of us are laughing?"
"Well, we could always charm the cameras to be able to detect when Malfoy's doing something embarrassing. then we could just laugh freely." Colin answered, reminding Harry of Hermione.
"Good idea! Let's do it!" Harry agreed instantly. "Now let's go see what Hermione's doing!"
***
Draco placed the crying charm on himself again and put on a hurt look making Hermione giggle. The pair found Filch monitoring the halls with Mrs. Norris at his side. Draco winked at Hermione and dashed into Filch's arms and started sobbing uncontrollably. "Y-you l-let P-pot-potter d-d-dance with you b-b-but n-n-not m-me? D-does ev-every-w-w-one h-hate me?" Draco sobbed, making a mental note to bath for three hours.
"I don't hate you. Potter jumped into my arms. Damn kid." Filch replied, coldly near the end.
"Then, do y-you li-like m-me?" Draco asked sounding hopeful.
"Yes. I've always thought you were very handsome. Would you like to go for a butterbeer sometime Mr. Malfoy? May I call you Draco?" Filch replied.
Hermione's eyes widened in realization as she stifled a giggle.
Draco recoiled in horror and screamed, "AHHHGGGGGH! YOU ACTUALLY ARE A GAY!"
"Yup." Filch grinned proudly, "One hundred percent! So Draco.What do ya say to a date with yours truly?"
Luckily for Draco and unluckily for Snape, Snape was walking along the corridor. Draco quickly rushed to Snape and pressed his lips against Snape's. Snape's mouth opened in horror and Draco forced his tongue into his mouth adding another hour and a half to his shower time. Draco quickly pulled away and stated simply to Filch, "Sorry. I'm taken now. I just wanted to play with your pathetic mind. Sev, let's go."
Draco whispered, "Silencio" and "petrificus totalus" and dragged Snape with him, Hermione bringing up the rear.
Filch burst into sobs that only a girl would do after a major break-up. Draco dragged Snape to Snape's office before releasing him with the counter spells. "TWO HUNDRED POINTS FROM SLYTHERIN!" Snape bellowed at once, "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!"
Draco was about to confess, but Hermione shook her head and mimed adding more weeks and dares to the list. Draco gulped and replied lamely, "Nothing Severus. I just decided that it was time to show my true feelings about Hagrid and you. Wanna snog?"
"NO! FRANKLY, I'D.I'D SNOG MISS GRANGER BEFORE EVER CONSIDERING YOU!" Snape shouted, obviously in distressed confusion, "NOW GET THE HELL OUT! EVERYONE OUT! NOW!"
Draco and Hermione both hurried out of Snape's office. As soon as they were out, Hermione burst into giggles, "I can't believe you snogged Snape! Did you see how confused and distressed he was?"
"I'll have to bath forever if stuff like this keeps up. I really hate you Mudblood." Draco spat, "Though the confusion it caused Snape was amusing."
"I can't wait til classes start tomorrow!" Hermione squealed, "That'll be fun!"
"Whatever." Draco replied, walking away, "I have to spend the next four hours bathing now, if you don't mind."
"Yeah, yeah." Hermione stated, with a wave of her hand.
***
In his bath, Draco swore, "Hermione Granger, Mudblood.you'll pay.I can't wait til tomorrow either! Sure, I'll act gay, but you'll be in for a surprise too! Er.once I think of something to do to you."
Draco wasn't sure how to get revenge on Monday, but he knew he would embarrass Hermione.
~* Next Day *~
Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny walked to the Great Hall for breakfast. Hermione glanced at Snape when he entered. She nearly laughed. He was scanning the whole hall carefully, yet nervously, ready to curse Draco the moment he tried to touch him. He jumped when a first year girl tapped him from behind and whirled around furiously. Then, he power-walked to the Staff table and sat down.
Breakfast went normal.until the mail came. Draco's black eagle owl came soaring to the staff table, dropping a howler in front of Snape. Snape paled and slit open the howler. Draco's voice, magnified to the point where it sounded awful, filled the room, "HEY SEVVIE SNAPE!!! JUST TO LET THE WHOLE SCHOOL AND MORE HOW MUC I LIKE YOU I DECIDED TO GIVE YOU A HOWLER! LIKE, ALL I WANT TO SAY IS THAT LIKE, YOU'RE AN EXCELLENT SNOGGER SEVVIE BABY! I LOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVEEEEEE YOU SEVVIE AND WOULD LIKE TO SING YOU A SONG! IT TOOK ME HOURS OF SEARCHING THROUGH MUGGLE AND WITCH SONGS, BUT I FINALLY FOUND ONE! IT'S CALLED SLAVE 4 YOU BY BRITNEY SPEARS! WELL, AHEM.LIKE HERE GOES."
Snape was desperately trying to shut the howler up, uselessly trying all sorts of spells. He couldn't remember ever being so embarrassed since he had been a student. But it got worse. After, "AHEM, HERE GOES.".Draco suddenly came walking towards the staff table, with a huge uncharacteristic grin on his face. Snape's face paled then turned red again as Draco started singing with his howler.
"I KNOW I MAY BE YOUNG, BUT I GOT FEELINGS TOO.
AND I NEED TO DO.WHAT I FEEL LIKE DOING.
SO LET ME GO.AND JUST LISTEN."
Draco smirked, then started a sort of belly dance.
"ALL YOU PEOPLE LOOK AT ME LIKE I'M A LITTLE BOY.
WELL DID YOU EVER THINK IT'D BE OKAY FOR ME TO STEP INTO THIS WORLD?
ALWAYS SAYING LITTLE BOY, DON'T STEP INTO THE CLUB.
WELL I'M JUST TRYIN' TO FIND OUT WHY, COS DANCNG'S WHAT I LOVE."
Then Draco climbed onto the staff table to continue his belly-dance. He knew that Snape was wishing that he were invisible and everyone in the Great Hall was trying not to laugh so then they could catch everything.
Hermione was shaking with laughter, yet she was still watching Snape and Draco with as much focus as she could muster.
"GET IT GET IT, GET IT GET IT, WHOOA!
GET IT, GET IT, GET IT , GET IT, WHOOOOOOA!
GET IT GET IT, GET IT GET IT, OOHHH!"
Draco started panting down Snape's neck.
"I KNOW I MAY COME OFF QUIET, I MAY COME OFF SHY.
BUT I FEEL LIKE TALKING, FEEL LIKE DANCING WHEN I SEE THIS GUY!
WHAT'S PRACTICAL, WHAT'S LOGICAL. WHAT THE HELL, WHO CARES?
ALL I KNOW IS I'M SO HAPPY WHEN YOU'RE DANCING THERE."
At this, Draco took off his robes to reveal that he was only wearing black silk boxers. He began waggling his ass in Snape's face. Snape recoiled in horror.
"I'M A SLAVE FOR YOU! I CAN ONLY HOLD IT; I CAN NOT CONTROL IT!
I'M A SLAVE FOR YOU! I CAN NOT DENY IT; I'M NOT TRYING TO HIDE IT!"
Draco pulled the front of Snape's robes seductively, winking. By now, everyone in the Great Hall was laughing like maniacs.
"BABY, DON'T YOU WANNA, DANCE UPON ME.
TO ANOTHER TIME AND PLACE.
OH BABY, DON'T YOU WANNA, DANCE UPON ME.
LEAVING BEHIND MY NAME, MY AGE."
Draco noticed Snape's fists clenching and unclenching just in time and leapt away from the staff table as Snape tried to strangle him.
"GET IT GET IT, GET IT GET IT, WHOOA!
GET IT, GET IT, GET IT , GET IT, WHOOOOOOA!
GET IT GET IT, GET IT GET IT, OOHHH!"
Draco continued dancing in front of the staff table, knowing he was safe because Dumbledore was restraining Snape. Even teachers like McGonagall were amused.
"I REALLY WANNA DANCE, TONIGHT WITH YOU.
I REALLY WANNA DO, WHAT YOU WANNA DO
I REALLY WANNA DANCE, TONIGHT WITH YOU.
I REALLY WANNA DO, WHAT YOU WANNA DO"
By now, everyone was laughing like mad, except for a few people. Pansy was in tears, still not believing that her "Drakie-poo" was a gay and Snape was being restrained as he tried to strangle and curse Draco. Some people, of course had suffered a serious scarring for the rest of their lives, while others merely fainted and checked themselves for fevers.
"BABY, DON'T YOU WANNA, DANCE UPON ME.
TO ANOTHER TIME AND PLACE.
OH BABY, DON'T YOU WANNA, DANCE UPON ME.
LEAVING BEHIND MY NAME, MY AGE."
Draco had somehow seen the music video of 'Slave 4 you' the night before and was now doing the exact slut dance that Britney Spears had done.
"I'M A SLAVE FOR YOU! I CAN ONLY HOLD IT; I CAN NOT CONTROL IT!
I'M A SLAVE FOR YOU! I CAN NOT DENY IT; I'M NOT TRYING TO HIDE IT!"
Draco continued dancing, while everyone (except Snape, Pansy and the traumatized people) kept laughing. It would make many people sick, though it was humorous.
"GET IT GET IT, GET IT GET IT, WHOOA!
GET IT, GET IT, GET IT , GET IT, WHOOOOOOA!
GET IT GET IT, GET IT GET IT, OOHHH!
GET IT GET IT, GET IT GET IT, WHOOA!
GET IT, GET IT, GET IT , GET IT, WHOOOOOOA!
GET IT GET IT, GET IT GET IT, OOHHH!"
Draco went back top belly-dancing and added in some air humping. At that precise moment, Hagrid burst into the Great Hall, thinking that people were getting tortured. He was right.in a manner of speaking. Hagrid nearly fainted.
"I'M A SLAVE FOR YOU! I CAN ONLY HOLD IT; I CAN NOT CONTROL IT!
I'M A SLAVE FOR YOU! I CAN NOT DENY IT; I'M NOT TRYING TO HIDE IT!
LIKE THAT!"
Draco finished his dance. The howler finally came to a close.
"I HOPE YOU LIKED IT WHICH I KNOW YOU DID SEVVIE!!! I LOVE YOUUUUU! HUGS, KISSES AND PERHAPS EVEN MORE, DRACO MALFOY, YOUR LOVING PUREBLOOD LOVER."
As the howler burst into flames, Draco took a bow. The laughing continued. Snape stopped trying to curse Draco and relaxed, though still very red. Dumbledore released Snape, who immediately sprang up and started chasing Draco who started running up and down the halls.
"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! ALL THE REMAINING POINTS FROM SLYTHERIN!" Snape yelled, chasing after Draco.
"I know you really love me and all Sev, but this is no time to show your displays of affection!" Draco replied, pissing Snape off even more.
"I'M NOT GAY! I'D NEVER SHOW YOU ANY AFFECTION!" Snape screamed.
"Oh yeah? Then why'd you snog me yesterday?" Draco asked.
"DETENTION WITH FILCH! AND FOR THE RECORD,YOU ATTACKED ME! AS I SAID YESTERDAY, I'D RATHER SNOG MISS GRANGER BEFORE EVER CONSIDERING YOU!" Snape retorted.
"Then prove it Sev." Draco smirked, starting phase one of his revenge on Granger plan, "snog Granger right now in front of everyone. And make it a GOOD snog, not just a small peck."
"LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS!" Hermione suddenly shouted.
Draco snorted. "I don't think so Granger. I'm curious to see how much Severus would do to escape me. You see, if he'd really rather kiss you, he'll do it." Draco smirked, trying his best to sound jealous, "And to make sure that he either chooses me or you, I'm putting this charm on us. Deciduo betuo!"
Unfortunately for Snape and Hermione, neither had their wands out, so neither could say "Protego."
Hermione quickly whipped out her wand and pointed it at Draco. "Take the spell off." She demanded.
"Sorry, no cure except for Sevvie here to do one of these two. And here's the thing about this spell that makes it worse. The longer Sevvie takes to decide, the more he will feel the need for things worse than a simple snog, if you know what I mean. So if I were you, I'd decide now Sevvie, cos if you don't, by the end of today, you'll feel the need to pounce either Granger or me!" Draco smiled.
"You're lying, I'm not going to choose." Snape spat, storming off.
Draco fought the mad desire to laugh like a maniac as he saw Hermione groan. Either him or Hermione would be very unlucky, because what he had said about Snape pouncing.was true.
A/N: YES!YES!YES! YES! YES! YES!!! I FINALLY GOT A VERSION OF CHAPTER 5 THAT I LIKE! Only after re-writing it like six times. U_U;;; Well, I hope you people enjoyed it! Thank you for your reviews! I really appreciated them and I'm REALLY sorry for not updating so soon. These are the reasons why, even if you don't believe me, but trust me, they're true: ^-^ I had a writer's block.
^-^ My parents are divorced and at my Dad's, we don't have a computer so I can't type every other week.
^-^ I kept writing and re-writing this chapter because they all seemed crap when I read it over. I re-wrote it over like 6 times!
^-^ It took me a LONG time to reply to all those reviews * sighs *
Well anyway, review if you want to! Actually.please review! Critisism, compliments anything welcome!
DMSL~