Flaming Confusion
By daemon-in-white
A/N: This fic is dedicated to the real live Amykins, Meania, 'Alexa', and Skyla. You guys know who you are!
Warning: This fic contains minor heterosexual relationships, don't like, don't read.
Warning 2: FLUFF ALERT IS CURRENTLY ON.
A/N2: I don't own Harry Potter. Duh.
Lily Evans was confused.
It wasn't a feeling that she was particularly fond of, or familiar with either for that matter, but that's what she was.
Confused.
The reason of her confusion? Only recently had Lily admitted it to herself. The reason was the only boy to annoy her to within an inch of their life, the only one to ever get that much under her skin, the only one to ever irritate her in the way that only he could. The only one who was so … so … THEM!
Yes, Lily was very, very confused.
The only one to tease her that much, the only one who was such an arrogant, conceited, egotistical prat. Hell, look up 'conceited' in the dictionary and you'll find his name.
But, still, he was the only one that could fly like that, the only one who could smile like that, the only one who … who …
Who had ever looked at her like that.
With a sigh Lily dropped her head onto hands, letting her cherry-red hair float around her face, hiding her from the world. She was so very, very confused, tried, confused, annoyed, confused, and oh, did I mention confused? The normally brilliant emerald green eyes were faded and shadows of their former selves. Hearing a slight thump, she glanced up, but the tension leaked out of her muscles as she recognized one of her best friends, Amy.
"Lils, what are we gonna do with you?" Amy asked, her normally pretty, Italian face creased in concern.
Lily cracked a small grin in return, "Feed me to the Giant Squid, or rather, try to again?"
Amy giggled slightly at this, before becoming serious again, "No, Lily, I'm not mucking around. You've got to-"
"Face up to my problems and accept the fact that I am only human, and a female at that, and so therefore only had a limited time before I did what the rest of the Hogwarts female population has done and fallen for him." Lily recited along with Amy, sadly knowing the originally uplifting but now just plain depressing speech off by heart. Amy had said it to her that many times.
Amy smirked slightly, but it was replaced by a frown, which in turn was replaced by a worried look. "Listen, Lils, I know the way you usually work with these thing, so, please, just promise me you'll talk to him."
"Promise." Lily replied firmly, but with a slightly shaky and fake smile, "Now go and hunt down your boyfriend."
Amy smiled at this and jumped up, instantly becoming her normal, slightly hyper /ADD affected self. "That I will Lilykins. That I will."
Lily snorted softly as Amy quite literality bounced from the room, "Watch out Remus." She muttered quietly, settling back into the comfortable position she had been in before, returning to her original, stimulating actions, which involved staring quietly into the flames in the fireplace and silently complicating how her life had become such a tangled web of … well, for lack of better word … stuff.
And she was still as confused as hell.
When one really, really thought about it, Lily mused; the flames were really quite interesting. They were such a warm, flickering, light-giving object. And what was it about them that made people all over the world seek their silent, warm council? It wasn't like they would answer back, or that they even understood. They were just there; yet something about them compelled people to simply stare into the ever changing, never still depths. God, she was making herself even more confused!
Over the past two week since her talk with Amy, and subsequent talks with Gwyn, Erin and Bianca, her 'other halves' as she described them, she had decided that she would act on the confusion. The only problem was, how to approach him. Erin was all for sneaking into his dormitory, and tying him up and then dragging him over to her dorm, where they could 'talk' to him, but then Gwyn pointed out that he would love that, and Erin trailed off.
Lily sighed, and stared back at the flames. They always seemed so wild, and out-of-control, but they never were. It was just an optical illusion. It was actually quite a good way to describe her, when she thought about it…
"Stickle for your thoughts?"
A large, warm hand settled on her should, the deep voice completely startling her out of her admittedly rather scattered thoughts. Schooling her expression into one of absolute neutrality, she answered the teenager that had just sat next to her.
"How long have you been there?"
"Long enough to wonder why you're looking at the fire like it could single handedly answer all your problems and then some." He replied, his voice for once quiet and not raised in either a curse or a yell. Even though, Lily thought, drifting off the subject, he's been much better…
When what he had said finally sunk through her scattered head, she blushed a deep red, surpassing her hair and maybe even matching the fire in intensity. "Uhhhh…"
"You're such a stimulating conversationalist Evans."
Lily blushed harder, but instantly fired up in self-defense. "God, can you just lay off me for two minutes? Here I was, actually thinking maybe, just maybe there's a spark of humanity hidden beneath your prattish, egotistical, arrogant, self-centered exterior, you go and do stuff like that. God, this entire year so far has been one massive act hasn't it?" She didn't even realize that she was on her feet, shouting into his surprised, shocked, and yes, slightly hurt face. "God bloody think you can just waltz in here and-"
He slowly climbed to his feet, and glanced down at his feet before drawing an unnecessary, deep breath that she completely missed thanks to her ranting. "Evans, I'm sorry."
"-And then you go and-" She paused, his words stopping her in her tracks, shocking her, "You what?"
"I. Am. Sorry." He replied through clenched teeth. This time she didn't instantly jump to the possibly wrong conclusions, instead she settled for simply staring at his face, trying to find one trace, a single trace of lying or deceit. She didn't find any.
"Oh." She swallowed, her thought a swirling mess of confusion. What did he mean? "Why?"
"Pardon?"
"Why are you sorry?"
In reply he blushed slightly. She waited a couple of minutes, sitting back down on the couch, absently noticing that he followed suit. She simply stared back at the flames, every now and then sneaking looks at his face, eerily lit from the flickering light cast by the flames.
"Because what I did was wrong." She nodded slightly, accepting his words, but not yet interrupting him, "It was wrong, and I was too selfish, too wrapped up in myself to notice." Lily started at him in shock. Did he just admit to being self-absorbed?
"I wrongfully teased you, and for that I'm sorry. For that, and the fact that I would go out of my way to trip, curse, prank and just generally annoy, you, because I wanted you to-" He paused, and Lily consciously quieted her breathing, trying to catch the rest of his words, the words that, on some level, she knew would change the course of history. "-Just to notice me." He finished, his voice barely above a whisper, eyes firmly focused on the ground.
Lily smiled slightly, and impulsively reached out, laying a hand of his arm, "James," she spoke quietly, for the first time ever using his given name, and his head jerked around to face her, "James … on some level, I already did."
He smiled at her, flashing that shy, slightly pleased but thankful smile that she had only seen him give one other person – his mother. The smile that had haunted her dreams since the end of 6th year. He shyly put an arm around her, and she gratefully snuggled into his embrace, both of them returning their gaze to the flames that silently flickered their approval.
And Lily Evans was no longer confused.
FINSo, ladies and gentlemen, what did you think? Drop me a line in a review!
Amykins, Meania, 'Alexa' and Sky, you guys are the best friends a girl could wish for! Remember; do not feed the hamsters to the lions!
Love you all
DIW