I don't own any star wars characters or the places or stuff...or do I?...DUN DUN DUNNN!...no...I dont...sigh
STAR WARS:
ATTACK OF THE HICKS
It is the height of the Clone Wars, the confederacy and the republic are fiercely
fighting to control planets. One in particular, Southooine, is caught in the middle
of the war between the two forces, while its inhabitants still fight against their
long time enemies, the inhabitants of Yankonosis.
With the Southooinians siding with the Republic, and the Yankonosians siding
with the confederacy, their relations have grown even more tense,
Sensing how the conflict could become a problem, the Jedi Counsel has
dispatched Jedi Master Billybob-Joebob, a native of Southooine,
to end the conflict...
(the camera pans down from the star filled back round to reveal a planet much like Coruscant, suddenly a Republic cruiser goes past the camera, with the southern flag instead of the familiar republic logo, and a giant bumper sticker below the engines reading "GET 'ER DONE!" in auerbesh)
Clone Trooper: General Joebob, we've arrived at Yankonosis.
Billybob: Wells then, I reckon' we's gots to land now.
Clone Trooper: Yes Sir.
Captain of the Star Destroyer: Sir! Confederacy ships jumping out of hyperspace at .42!
Important Sounding guy over intercom: Attention! Attention! All pilots, prepare for battle!
Billybob: Wellp, I may as well go help fight...(goes to his Jedi Starfighter, also with a southern flag, and the same bumper sticker This is General Joebob, I'mma goin' in...goes and destroys several droid starfighters, all the while listening to country music.)
Clone Pilot: General Joebob, look out for-static
Billybob: What? (looks up) OH NO! NOT THAT! (is headed strait for a Confederacy Ship with a huge Starbucks Logo) NOO! NOT THE YANK'S COFFEE PLACE! NOOO!(swerves, barley missing it) Phew...that was- OH NO! NOT THAT!
(is now heading toward a CIS ship with a giant Microsoft Logo) AHH! (crashes into the hanger bay and jumps out of his ship, igniting his light saber.)
Droid: You there, drop your-Droid.exe has encountered a problem and must now close. We're sorry for the inconvenience. (all the droids drop to the ground, and Billybob puts away his saber.)
Billybob: Well that was convenient.
New Droid walking into the room: You there, drop your weapon!
Billybob: But I thought you all messed up!
Droid: we did! but we just installed the new update that protects us from-(suddenly a huge add appears in mid-air in front of the droid.) uh-oh.(a whole bunch more appear.)
Meanwhile in the Bridge...
(note: FORMAT CHANGE!)
"Sir! one of our droids got pop-ups!" A neomodian said, looking a large metallic figure, "I thought you installed pop-up blockers on the last update"
"Fool!" the large figure said in a deep raspy voice, "Everyone knows pop-up blockers never really block pop-ups!"
Back at the hanger...
Billybob was running through the maze of pop-ups, desperately looking for a way out."this is hopeless...wait a second!" He walked toward one of the pop-ups. "A FREE I-POD!"
Back at the bridge...
"Sir, one of their ships is heading toward us." The neomodian said, "They're sending a message!" the neomodian pressed a button and a message appeared on a large screen on the bridge.
RepublicRules5749: u dont stand a chance noob, surrender or be prepare to be pwned.
DroidFighter8456: lol, noob, we got lvl 53 shields!
RepublicRules5749: ROFL, we got lvl 60 weapons w/o using our level bonus
DroidFighter8456: wtf! yeah right!
RepublicRules5749: LMAO, XD
DroidFighter8456: w/e, noob
"Prepare for attack!" The large figure said, coming out of the shadows to reveal that is was General Gates.
"Yes sir!" the neomodian said. "All tauntaun cannons fire!"
On the republic ship...
"They're launching tauntauns!" A clone pilot said, "Take evasive-AHHH!...man...that's gonna be a pain to get of the windshield"
"Sir, should we use our spam cannon!" Another trooper asked.
"Yes, fire immediately!"
Back in the CIs ship...
"Sir they're launching spam!" a droid said.
Suddenly, there was loud, low beep, and the engines died out.
"We ran out of temporary memory!" The ship began plummeting toward the planets surface.
"Fire the emergency CPU!" Gates Said, there was a loud musical piano thing, and the ship leveled out.
"We're leveling out sir." Said a droid that spontaneously combusted for pointing out something I already said.
Meanwhile in a hallway somewhere in that same ship...
Billybob was running down the hallway when suddenly a huge rainbow colored shield constantly playing "Brokeback Mountain" surrounded him.
"Dangnammit...Gay Shields..." He stood there for a minute before a bunch of droids showed up and took him to the Bridge.
"General Joebob, I expected a Jedi of your reputation, to have died a LONG LONG LONG LONG time ago!" Gates said.
"In a galaxy far, far away?" Billybob asked.
"What?" Gates asked.
"nothing..." Billybob looked at gates, " General Gates...you much thinner in person, you know that"
"Well I have been working out late-" Billybob grabbed his lightsaber,"HEY! STOP HIM! MAKE HIM SUFFER!" Gates said, stepping back. Several Droids tried to attack Billybob, only to be cut in half.
Gates was mad, he looked back at the window of the bridge, and at staff lying at the ground, picking it up, "You loose, General Joebob!" He threw it at the window as hard as he could-only to have it bounce right off it and hit him in the face. "AH! SON OF A TAUNTAUN!" He ran off down the long hallways, the ship beginning to disintegrate in the upper atmosphere of Yankonosis. Billybob ran back to his ship in the hanger.
Thats is so far, R&R!
I will try VERY hard to FINISH this story, lol