Chapter 9: The Matchmaker
A/N: Hi everyone! I'm REALLY sorry that it took longer then the usual long time it takes for me to update! I had a field trip to Stratford to watch a Shakespearean play (which I found boring) and I got home late. I should have gone to the cross-country meet! City finals! FINALS! * goes nuts banging head on wall softly then beating up pillow * Now I won't get another chance to make it to the OFSAAs!!! NOOOOO! Aside from this.I had a LOT of homework and was just reading other fanfics and slacking off.Sorry! But this new (sort of short) chapter's finally out! Enjoy!
I'd like to thank these wonderful reviewers for their reviews! They are: ?, Taintless, rebecca89, Feltons_Gurl, Mellyna Trouvseai, neat-lil-lucky- angel666, ~the simon cowell of fanfiction.net, SperryDee, Unhealthily- Obsessed, natyslacks, preciousonee, Hatokirei, Sallymander, Tainted Love1, Princess of Darkness6, phoebe666, Red and Gold, Mystic Snow, australian gurl, MirroredBeauty, EvilWillow666, rwheezy-mm, Stella by Starlight, avivagirl, xangel_luvx, tom4eva, sweet-77-thang, Sick-Girl42, Some12, PolishPrincess, infatuation. and finally, IsisFireDancer (my first chapter 9 reviewer!)
And I'd like to reply to some of them too:
Infatuation: Hmmm, that's a pretty good suggestion.I don't know why I've never thought of it before!
Avivagirl: Yeah, I know.everyone is fairly OOC.
Natyslacks: Hmmm.where do I get inspiration to write chapters? Probably just from my insane brain and stuff I see which I twist and use to make a part of the story.very random ^-^
Taintless: ^-^ My favorite 'dark' author and favorite Draco/Hermione author! Lesse, news.hmmm.that's sort of tough.I don't have much interesting news for ya. Oh! Have you heard of the msn group, HP café? It's cool! It's a Harry Potter msn group! I've only been on it once so far ^-^;;;.but the picture galleries (some) are pretty good (I like the PoA set and cast pics) and so are some of the discussions (like updates on the GoF movie). Well, I guess that's pretty much, my news! You?
Well, on with the story now! ^-^ Finally, eh? -.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.- .-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
This shocked everyone, momentarily. Finally Madame Hooch broke the silence by calling Draco's bluff. "Alright Mr. Malfoy." Hooch smiled, licking her lips, "Come'ere."
Draco gulped quickly flashing Hermione a pleading look. Hermione, being the compassionate person that she was, took pity on Draco and decided to go to his rescue. Hermione quickly put her extremely angry face on, got up and stormed over to Draco. When she reached Draco, she slapped him. Thinking quickly, she yelled at Draco, "HOW COULD YOU?!"
"Me?" Draco asked innocently, "What did I do?"
"You know perfectly well what you did." Hermione snarled, pushing Draco to a wall, pinning him there.
"Hmm. This seems to have become a very constant position for me to be in." Draco said thoughtfully.
"Stop changing the subject!" Hermione shouted angrily, though inside she wasn't angry in the least.
"What did I do to anger you so much Granger?" Draco asked, smirking.
"You transfigured all of my homework into stupid pictures of you and Snape in thongs!" Hermione exploded, letting out the first thing that came to mind.
Draco nearly fell down at Hermione's stupid answer. Trust her to think of homework. But keeping his composure, Draco replied, "And man I look hot, don't I?"
Hermione flushed. "NO YOU DON'T!" She retorted, "Return my homework to the way it was!"
"But what if the change is irreversible?" Draco asked oh-so-innocently.
"Then I'm destroying all of your homework!" Hermione replied coldly, heading straight for the dungeons with Draco yelling after her.
"Don't you dare touch my homework!" Draco yelled, chasing after Hermione.
After they were out of hearing range, Draco and Hermione fell to the ground laughing. Hermione was clutching Draco for support and he had his arms around her as well. But it didn't help much, soon they were both lying on the ground, still holding onto each other, laughing like lunatics. For some unknown reason, they were unable to stop laughing.
***
What Draco and Hermione didn't realize was that when they stormed out, Snape had followed, outraged at the 'Snape in a thong' comment. After seeing that it was all made up, Snape decided to make Draco and Hermione unable to stop laughing until they eventually fainted from lack of oxygen.
Snape smirked. He knew that they'd eventually fall in love. It was inevitable. And he'd play matchmaker because it would be sort of revenge and it would make him feel better for the incident he'd been through when he was their age.
After Draco and Hermione fainted, both still clinging to each other, Snape went to find some witnesses.
***
Snape happened to have a talent at imitating voices and started imitating Draco, Hermione and Lucius.
"How dare you fall in love with a Mudblood, Draco! You'll pay for your disobedience!" Snape started then switching to Draco's voice, "Well I love her and there's nothing you can do to change that!" Snape paused for a second or so, then shrieked, "No Draco! Don't do it! You'll get yourself killed and I couldn't bear it!" Snape smirked then said, "Oh no you don't! Stupefy! Stupefy!" Then Snape, using his real voice yelled, "Expelliarmus! Don't you dare Lucius! Leave Hogwarts at once!" Snape switched voices again and hissed, "Fine, but I'll get back at all of you someday, when you least expect it."
Snape grinned at his work and went back to the Great Hall to find the teachers up and ready to aid him.
"How are Miss Granger and Mr. Malfoy?" Dumbledore asked, though he knew it was all Severus's plan.
"They are both unconscious in each other's arms. They were stunned and might require aid from Madame Pomfrey." Snape replied smoothly.
"And Lucius?" Dumbledore asked.
"He left by Floo Powder, the same way he came." Snape answered.
Dumbledore, wanting to cause more trouble stated, "Argus, Please carry Mr. Malfoy to the hospital wing and Severus, please carry Miss Granger.
Filch cried, "YOUPEE!!" and bolted toward Draco. Snape, on the other hand, looked appalled, but was blushing slightly at the same time. He obviously had enjoyed the snog more than he'd ever admit. "I won't." Snape replied with a final tone in his voice.
"Why not?" Dumbledore challenged.
"Because I don't want to. There are plenty of available people you can ask so ask one of them!" Snape replied, walking off quickly before Dumbledore could make him.
"Oh fine." Dumbledore sighed in slight disappointment, "Mr. Longbottom, please take Miss Granger to Madame Pomfrey."
Neville nodded and hurried off, tripping once.
***
Draco woke up to find himself being carried lovingly by.Filch! "AHHHHHGGGGGHHH!!! HELP ME!!! THE LUNATIC CARETAKER'S GOT ME IN HIS GRIP! HELP!!!" Draco yelled, punching Filch in the nose, "What happened to Granger?"
Filch didn't release Draco. Instead, he gripped him tighter and purred, "Feisty aren't you, Draco, dear? I still love you though."
"Who's so unkind that they instigated this torture?!" Draco cried in complete despair.
"Wha's that you're sayin honey? You feel tortured when you're away from me? I understand darling and trust me, the feeling is mutual." Filch replied, giving Draco a kiss on the cheek.
"Where are you taking me you disgusting bloody git?" Draco shouted.
"To the Hospital Wing Draco." Filch replied fondly.
"It's the other way, fifteen floors down!" Draco exploded.
"I'm taking a detour. A longer way so then we can get to know each other better." Filch smiled lovingly.
Filch's detour was circling the floor twice then going down a floor and circling that twice etc. Filch had a stupid grin on his face that was making Draco sick. For once, his self-pity was very fitting. "WHY ME???" Draco wailed in despair.
***
Hermione had a very painful awakening as her head collided into a wall. Hermione groaned loudly. "Oops! I'm so sorry Hermione! I'm a klutz if you haven't noticed yet." Came Neville's apologetic voice.
"It's alright Neville." Hermione smiled weakly, "I'm fine though, I'll walk on my own."
"But Dumbledore gave me orders to get you to the hospital wing! I have to!" Neville protested.
"Then I'll walk to the hospital wing, okay?" Hermione asked.
"Okay, but I'll walk you there." Neville replied.
***
Meanwhile, Snape was busy knocking out about twenty or so students. It was all part of his newly conceived plan to get Draco and Hermione together. After knocking out the twenty students (with the stunning spell), he erased their memories of him being the one who knocked them out. Then he carefully placed them all in a large circle then placed about six or seven of Fred and George's large fireworks in the centre. After doing this, he lit them and distanced himself and waited. They exploded, injuring the twenty people so they'd be out for at least two days. Snape smiled at his genius. "Perfect." He stated, conjuring up stretchers for each of the twenty students and bringing them to the Hospital Wing.
"Madame Pomfrey, please attend to these students. They were in an accident with some sort of fireworks, by some immature student, no doubt." Snape stated.
"Fireworks.what'll it be next? Bombs? Muggle guns?" Madame Pompfrey exclaimed menacingly.
"I don't have the slightest clue. I'll leave now." Snape said curtly, turning to the door and leaving.
His plan was working! All of the beds were now full, leaving only Pomfrey's bed and her guest bed open.Draco and Hermione would be stuck together.now where the hell were they?
Finally, he heard footsteps approaching. He heard a conversation that amused him a bit. "Sorry Hermione!" then "It's alright, my foot'll just be bruised, nothing more."
Snape quickly hid behind a statue and stunned Neville and Hermione. He quickly put Neville in a Broom closet. Then gave Hermione a series of cuts (using curses, not inappropriate ways of cutting) enough to make her have to stay in the Hospital Wing for a day. Wanting to add a few more days, he cast a spell that would make her cuts unhealable until he and only he reversed it. He kept Hermione unconscious until Draco arrived about forty- five minutes later yelling and trying the curse Filch and kill him.
"LET GO OF ME YOU SICK PERVERTED FREAK! WHEN I GET MY WAND BACK, I'LL LITERALLY KILL YOU OR DISFIGURE YOU AS FAR AS I'M ALLOWED TO WITHOUT BEING PUT IN AZKABAN! LET ME GO YOU GODDAMN ASSHOLE!" Draco bellowed, as Filch was trying to nuzzle his hair.
"But my sweet, you love it!" Filch cooed.
"HELP ME! SOMEBODY? ANYBODY? COME ON, THIS IS CRUEL!" Draco begged.
Snape chuckled quietly, then stunned Filch and Draco and performed the same spells he had on Hermione, but in slightly different spots. Then he conjured up stretchers and brought Draco and Hermione to Pomfrey like he had done so an hour ago.
"This is just great! The only free bed left is the guest one! But who will get it?" Pomfrey asked to herself.
"I think they should share a bed. no sense favouring one more. They can handle it, I'm sure. And I'm sure Albus would agree." Snape replied smoothly with an air of someone with logical sense.
".Yes, alright." Pomfrey agreed reluctantly, "I suppose it is the best solution."
Snape dropped Draco and Hermione off, close together and muttered a quick spell that would make their condition worsen when farther apart. Then he left.
***
Dumbledore, who pretty much knew exactly what went on at Hogwarts was amused at Snape's genius. Chuckling he spoke to himself, "Ah, so Severus is deciding to be the matchmaker.a rather odd job for him, seeing as how he never was a very romantic person. This'll be fun to watch and observe how Hermione and Draco progress."
A/N: Was it at all surprising how Snape turned out to be the matchmaker? He's OOC (out of character), isn't he? Well tell me what you think by reviewing and sorry again for the LONG delay!
A/N: Hi everyone! I'm REALLY sorry that it took longer then the usual long time it takes for me to update! I had a field trip to Stratford to watch a Shakespearean play (which I found boring) and I got home late. I should have gone to the cross-country meet! City finals! FINALS! * goes nuts banging head on wall softly then beating up pillow * Now I won't get another chance to make it to the OFSAAs!!! NOOOOO! Aside from this.I had a LOT of homework and was just reading other fanfics and slacking off.Sorry! But this new (sort of short) chapter's finally out! Enjoy!
I'd like to thank these wonderful reviewers for their reviews! They are: ?, Taintless, rebecca89, Feltons_Gurl, Mellyna Trouvseai, neat-lil-lucky- angel666, ~the simon cowell of fanfiction.net, SperryDee, Unhealthily- Obsessed, natyslacks, preciousonee, Hatokirei, Sallymander, Tainted Love1, Princess of Darkness6, phoebe666, Red and Gold, Mystic Snow, australian gurl, MirroredBeauty, EvilWillow666, rwheezy-mm, Stella by Starlight, avivagirl, xangel_luvx, tom4eva, sweet-77-thang, Sick-Girl42, Some12, PolishPrincess, infatuation. and finally, IsisFireDancer (my first chapter 9 reviewer!)
And I'd like to reply to some of them too:
Infatuation: Hmmm, that's a pretty good suggestion.I don't know why I've never thought of it before!
Avivagirl: Yeah, I know.everyone is fairly OOC.
Natyslacks: Hmmm.where do I get inspiration to write chapters? Probably just from my insane brain and stuff I see which I twist and use to make a part of the story.very random ^-^
Taintless: ^-^ My favorite 'dark' author and favorite Draco/Hermione author! Lesse, news.hmmm.that's sort of tough.I don't have much interesting news for ya. Oh! Have you heard of the msn group, HP café? It's cool! It's a Harry Potter msn group! I've only been on it once so far ^-^;;;.but the picture galleries (some) are pretty good (I like the PoA set and cast pics) and so are some of the discussions (like updates on the GoF movie). Well, I guess that's pretty much, my news! You?
Well, on with the story now! ^-^ Finally, eh? -.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.- .-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
This shocked everyone, momentarily. Finally Madame Hooch broke the silence by calling Draco's bluff. "Alright Mr. Malfoy." Hooch smiled, licking her lips, "Come'ere."
Draco gulped quickly flashing Hermione a pleading look. Hermione, being the compassionate person that she was, took pity on Draco and decided to go to his rescue. Hermione quickly put her extremely angry face on, got up and stormed over to Draco. When she reached Draco, she slapped him. Thinking quickly, she yelled at Draco, "HOW COULD YOU?!"
"Me?" Draco asked innocently, "What did I do?"
"You know perfectly well what you did." Hermione snarled, pushing Draco to a wall, pinning him there.
"Hmm. This seems to have become a very constant position for me to be in." Draco said thoughtfully.
"Stop changing the subject!" Hermione shouted angrily, though inside she wasn't angry in the least.
"What did I do to anger you so much Granger?" Draco asked, smirking.
"You transfigured all of my homework into stupid pictures of you and Snape in thongs!" Hermione exploded, letting out the first thing that came to mind.
Draco nearly fell down at Hermione's stupid answer. Trust her to think of homework. But keeping his composure, Draco replied, "And man I look hot, don't I?"
Hermione flushed. "NO YOU DON'T!" She retorted, "Return my homework to the way it was!"
"But what if the change is irreversible?" Draco asked oh-so-innocently.
"Then I'm destroying all of your homework!" Hermione replied coldly, heading straight for the dungeons with Draco yelling after her.
"Don't you dare touch my homework!" Draco yelled, chasing after Hermione.
After they were out of hearing range, Draco and Hermione fell to the ground laughing. Hermione was clutching Draco for support and he had his arms around her as well. But it didn't help much, soon they were both lying on the ground, still holding onto each other, laughing like lunatics. For some unknown reason, they were unable to stop laughing.
***
What Draco and Hermione didn't realize was that when they stormed out, Snape had followed, outraged at the 'Snape in a thong' comment. After seeing that it was all made up, Snape decided to make Draco and Hermione unable to stop laughing until they eventually fainted from lack of oxygen.
Snape smirked. He knew that they'd eventually fall in love. It was inevitable. And he'd play matchmaker because it would be sort of revenge and it would make him feel better for the incident he'd been through when he was their age.
After Draco and Hermione fainted, both still clinging to each other, Snape went to find some witnesses.
***
Snape happened to have a talent at imitating voices and started imitating Draco, Hermione and Lucius.
"How dare you fall in love with a Mudblood, Draco! You'll pay for your disobedience!" Snape started then switching to Draco's voice, "Well I love her and there's nothing you can do to change that!" Snape paused for a second or so, then shrieked, "No Draco! Don't do it! You'll get yourself killed and I couldn't bear it!" Snape smirked then said, "Oh no you don't! Stupefy! Stupefy!" Then Snape, using his real voice yelled, "Expelliarmus! Don't you dare Lucius! Leave Hogwarts at once!" Snape switched voices again and hissed, "Fine, but I'll get back at all of you someday, when you least expect it."
Snape grinned at his work and went back to the Great Hall to find the teachers up and ready to aid him.
"How are Miss Granger and Mr. Malfoy?" Dumbledore asked, though he knew it was all Severus's plan.
"They are both unconscious in each other's arms. They were stunned and might require aid from Madame Pomfrey." Snape replied smoothly.
"And Lucius?" Dumbledore asked.
"He left by Floo Powder, the same way he came." Snape answered.
Dumbledore, wanting to cause more trouble stated, "Argus, Please carry Mr. Malfoy to the hospital wing and Severus, please carry Miss Granger.
Filch cried, "YOUPEE!!" and bolted toward Draco. Snape, on the other hand, looked appalled, but was blushing slightly at the same time. He obviously had enjoyed the snog more than he'd ever admit. "I won't." Snape replied with a final tone in his voice.
"Why not?" Dumbledore challenged.
"Because I don't want to. There are plenty of available people you can ask so ask one of them!" Snape replied, walking off quickly before Dumbledore could make him.
"Oh fine." Dumbledore sighed in slight disappointment, "Mr. Longbottom, please take Miss Granger to Madame Pomfrey."
Neville nodded and hurried off, tripping once.
***
Draco woke up to find himself being carried lovingly by.Filch! "AHHHHHGGGGGHHH!!! HELP ME!!! THE LUNATIC CARETAKER'S GOT ME IN HIS GRIP! HELP!!!" Draco yelled, punching Filch in the nose, "What happened to Granger?"
Filch didn't release Draco. Instead, he gripped him tighter and purred, "Feisty aren't you, Draco, dear? I still love you though."
"Who's so unkind that they instigated this torture?!" Draco cried in complete despair.
"Wha's that you're sayin honey? You feel tortured when you're away from me? I understand darling and trust me, the feeling is mutual." Filch replied, giving Draco a kiss on the cheek.
"Where are you taking me you disgusting bloody git?" Draco shouted.
"To the Hospital Wing Draco." Filch replied fondly.
"It's the other way, fifteen floors down!" Draco exploded.
"I'm taking a detour. A longer way so then we can get to know each other better." Filch smiled lovingly.
Filch's detour was circling the floor twice then going down a floor and circling that twice etc. Filch had a stupid grin on his face that was making Draco sick. For once, his self-pity was very fitting. "WHY ME???" Draco wailed in despair.
***
Hermione had a very painful awakening as her head collided into a wall. Hermione groaned loudly. "Oops! I'm so sorry Hermione! I'm a klutz if you haven't noticed yet." Came Neville's apologetic voice.
"It's alright Neville." Hermione smiled weakly, "I'm fine though, I'll walk on my own."
"But Dumbledore gave me orders to get you to the hospital wing! I have to!" Neville protested.
"Then I'll walk to the hospital wing, okay?" Hermione asked.
"Okay, but I'll walk you there." Neville replied.
***
Meanwhile, Snape was busy knocking out about twenty or so students. It was all part of his newly conceived plan to get Draco and Hermione together. After knocking out the twenty students (with the stunning spell), he erased their memories of him being the one who knocked them out. Then he carefully placed them all in a large circle then placed about six or seven of Fred and George's large fireworks in the centre. After doing this, he lit them and distanced himself and waited. They exploded, injuring the twenty people so they'd be out for at least two days. Snape smiled at his genius. "Perfect." He stated, conjuring up stretchers for each of the twenty students and bringing them to the Hospital Wing.
"Madame Pomfrey, please attend to these students. They were in an accident with some sort of fireworks, by some immature student, no doubt." Snape stated.
"Fireworks.what'll it be next? Bombs? Muggle guns?" Madame Pompfrey exclaimed menacingly.
"I don't have the slightest clue. I'll leave now." Snape said curtly, turning to the door and leaving.
His plan was working! All of the beds were now full, leaving only Pomfrey's bed and her guest bed open.Draco and Hermione would be stuck together.now where the hell were they?
Finally, he heard footsteps approaching. He heard a conversation that amused him a bit. "Sorry Hermione!" then "It's alright, my foot'll just be bruised, nothing more."
Snape quickly hid behind a statue and stunned Neville and Hermione. He quickly put Neville in a Broom closet. Then gave Hermione a series of cuts (using curses, not inappropriate ways of cutting) enough to make her have to stay in the Hospital Wing for a day. Wanting to add a few more days, he cast a spell that would make her cuts unhealable until he and only he reversed it. He kept Hermione unconscious until Draco arrived about forty- five minutes later yelling and trying the curse Filch and kill him.
"LET GO OF ME YOU SICK PERVERTED FREAK! WHEN I GET MY WAND BACK, I'LL LITERALLY KILL YOU OR DISFIGURE YOU AS FAR AS I'M ALLOWED TO WITHOUT BEING PUT IN AZKABAN! LET ME GO YOU GODDAMN ASSHOLE!" Draco bellowed, as Filch was trying to nuzzle his hair.
"But my sweet, you love it!" Filch cooed.
"HELP ME! SOMEBODY? ANYBODY? COME ON, THIS IS CRUEL!" Draco begged.
Snape chuckled quietly, then stunned Filch and Draco and performed the same spells he had on Hermione, but in slightly different spots. Then he conjured up stretchers and brought Draco and Hermione to Pomfrey like he had done so an hour ago.
"This is just great! The only free bed left is the guest one! But who will get it?" Pomfrey asked to herself.
"I think they should share a bed. no sense favouring one more. They can handle it, I'm sure. And I'm sure Albus would agree." Snape replied smoothly with an air of someone with logical sense.
".Yes, alright." Pomfrey agreed reluctantly, "I suppose it is the best solution."
Snape dropped Draco and Hermione off, close together and muttered a quick spell that would make their condition worsen when farther apart. Then he left.
***
Dumbledore, who pretty much knew exactly what went on at Hogwarts was amused at Snape's genius. Chuckling he spoke to himself, "Ah, so Severus is deciding to be the matchmaker.a rather odd job for him, seeing as how he never was a very romantic person. This'll be fun to watch and observe how Hermione and Draco progress."
A/N: Was it at all surprising how Snape turned out to be the matchmaker? He's OOC (out of character), isn't he? Well tell me what you think by reviewing and sorry again for the LONG delay!